You are a sociable person, the life of the party, you easily find contact with other people and never feel afraid of communication, but as soon as you cross the threshold of the office where you work, everything changes.
If you recognize yourself in this description, then today’s article on the site is dedicated specifically to you.
Why? Yes, because there can only be one reason for a woman who is successful in all respects turning into a trembling office lamb: I’m afraid of the boss.
But why are you afraid of him and how to overcome your panicky fear of your boss - read on the women's website “Beautiful and Successful”.
Where does fear “grow legs”?
Fear, like any phenomenon, always has reasons, and by understanding them, you can get rid of this oppressive feeling.
Low self-esteem and self-doubt
Low self-esteem is the main reason why you are afraid of your boss. If you lack self-confidence, any “nuance” at work seems to you like a tragedy on a cosmic scale, followed by dismissal. And then the imagination immediately begins to draw gloomy pictures of unemployment, lack of money, etc.
You understand that this does not contribute to the growth of self-confidence, but it perfectly feeds your fear of the boss.
Fear of disapproval or fear of perfectionism
Perfectionists are people who always strive to be the first in everything; other people’s praise is important to them, but they perceive criticism quite painfully. They tolerate their own shortcomings with great difficulty, and if their “blunders” are pointed out by their superior management, they become completely discouraged. Often such people are afraid not so much of their boss as of their inadequacy in this or that matter, and, as a rule, only someone who is one step higher on the career ladder can point it out.
How to curb the perfectionism that interferes with life - read on “Beautiful and Successful”.
Psychological pressure
There are bosses who endlessly put pressure on their subordinates, and the reason for this can be either a report submitted on time or a cup of tea drunk during working hours. But here we are talking about the characteristics of the leader’s personality, which you cannot change.
How not to be afraid of the boss in this case? Change your attitude to the current situation: for example, when the boss once again yells for no reason, do not tremble, but imagine him as a clown who makes the audience in the hall laugh with his behavior, and laugh at him inwardly.
Newbie fear
Such fear is always present in a new employee; it arises from ignorance of how the boss reacts to a particular work situation.
Everything is simple here: ask colleagues who have been working in the company for a long time whether you should be afraid of your new boss, and they will tell you all his ins and outs in vivid detail.
The boss is not as scary as he is portrayed
Realizing that your boss is a person just like you should help you overcome your fear.
Understand, he was appointed leader not because he is an extraterrestrial deity, but because he has a little more experience, or he simply managed to find the right approach to higher management. And, most likely, he behaves this way because, in his mind, all bosses behave this way.
And he himself is an ordinary person who was once afraid of his boss just like you. Therefore, while communicating with him, imagine that you are talking with a colleague, this will give you confidence, and over time the fear will disappear.
And you shouldn’t be afraid of your boss because he himself has a boss, he’s a hired worker just like you. Why should you be afraid of him?
I'm afraid of the boss: what should I do?
In order to stop flinching every time you see your boss, the site offers you some tips to help you with this.
- Work on increasing your own self-esteem, psychology books will help you.
- Just as diligently improve your professional level. Do your job at the proper level and soon, before you even notice, you will no longer be afraid of your boss.
- Portray independence. No matter how strong the trembling in your knees, always behave confidently in front of your boss. The boss, seeing the confidence and independence on your face, will perceive you as such and will talk to you as an equal. Over time, you will not feign confidence, but feel and radiate it, and you will forget about your fear.
- Behave with dignity, do not curry favor with the boss.
- Find the strength to argue with your boss when, in your opinion, he is wrong. This will require significant willpower on your part, but this way you will sooner stop being afraid of your boss.
- You don’t need to take all attacks from your superiors personally. Often such attacks are dictated not by a bad attitude towards you personally, but by his internal problems.
- It is imperative to demonstrate high-quality work done, and not to hush up your role in completing a particular task. It's good if you are praised in the presence of your boss.
- Write a letter to your boss, expressing everything you think about him. Psychologists say that this technique is quite effective in combating this kind of fear.
- To learn to control your condition, special breathing and meditative techniques can help with this. Having mastered them, you will be less afraid, and over time, your boss will completely stop making you feel afraid.
- Get enough sleep. Fears are more prevalent in those people who sleep little or poorly.
- Well, the most radical advice that may be useful to those whose boss believes that he has the right to insult his subordinates: the Civil Code has an article on causing moral damage - study it carefully.
For whatever reason you are afraid of your boss, you need to learn to fight this fear, otherwise over time it can turn into a phobia and significantly ruin your life. You may even need to change jobs or see a psychologist.
The main thing is not to drive yourself into a corner, but to always look for a way out of the current situation.
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How do you feel about your manager? Maybe you are afraid of him or cannot find contact with him? If you do not understand your boss or are speechless in front of him, then, of course, you need to pay attention to this, because it is unfair when someone is dissatisfied with you or you are dissatisfied with someone.
Psychologists say that fear of superiors is a mirror of the relationship with the father. An adult talks to his boss, but sees a parent in front of him. This transference is outside his consciousness. If a person was angry with his father, he will be angry with his superiors. If you trembled in front of your parent, your knees will shake in front of your boss (often even for no particular reason). And these feelings do not depend on whether the boss is good or bad.
What to do? Of course, it would be nice to improve your relationship with your father, or at least try to figure it out. It would be better if a psychologist helped with this: the specialist will determine what exactly you transfer from your emotional communication with your father to your business relationship with your boss.
But what can you do right now to change the situation and stop straining yourself in front of your superiors? First, remember that you are an adult; which means that both your father and your boss need your help. There is something that only you can do in a given industry or in a given situation. Do it! Who needs your complaints or irritation? You don't even need them yourself. Do the job, and respect will come to you - like an application for merit. And if you really can’t communicate with your boss, find another one. You just can’t escape yourself, and the phantom of your father in your subconscious will show you the path to the same interaction, even if the director is completely different from the previous one.
Try to relieve the tension you feel in front of your boss or authority figure in this way. Imagine that your formidable boss was once small. He lay wrapped in swaddling clothes and cried because he had no other way to get justice. Imagine that this is your director, so helpless and small. He is smaller than you, and you, as an adult, simply have to help him. So, when you enter your boss’s office, look carefully at him and imagine him in diapers. Just don’t play around, otherwise you’ll start lisping and they won’t understand you at all. After you have introduced your boss as a baby, start communicating with him. You'll see - your feelings for him will begin to change. You will be able to explain what you need, and you will be able to understand what the manager needs from you.
So, fear of superiors is a secret, hidden fear of father. This fear sits in the basements of the subconscious and does not allow you to grow up. You subconsciously want your boss to be “like a father” to you and help you solve your problems (and, most likely, not only material ones). And the boss has enough problems of his own. Solve your problems yourself.
Very often, a person begins to panic fear of his boss so much that the fear of the boss causes him not only psychological, but also physiological problems.
Fear of the boss can develop into a physiological problem
This phenomenon is not new. A similar incident was masterfully described in the story “The Death of an Official” by A.P. Chekhov. This happens often. This occurs in many developed countries, and is often observed in Russia.
History of appearance
Fear of management appeared a long time ago. The characteristic fear of superiors is called a phobia in this country. In 2008, a crisis began in America. Many businesses have closed. A large number of people began to lose their jobs. And therefore they were deprived of the opportunity to pay off loan debts. It was then that many small employees developed a paranoid fear of their superiors, because the management of companies or departments decided on the dismissal of employees. And ordinary employees, realizing that they could lose their jobs at any time, began to feel fear of their bosses. Over time, people became obsessed with the phobia, and it became impossible for them to overcome it.
During the crisis, the fear of management was so strong that junior employees were often ready to endure the outright tyranny of their superiors. Almost no one complained of harassment by a boss or supervisor, or of racial or ethnic harassment at work, although such cases did occur. There is nothing to say about the unfair nagging and rudeness of bosses. Ordinary employees tried not to enter into conflict, trying with all their might to stay at work. This is understandable: the loss of work for many meant the loss of their livelihood. And finding a new place was extremely difficult. Therefore, everyone tried to maintain good relations with senior management whenever possible.
In Russia, the problem of boss phobia is not so relevant today. Although we cannot talk about its complete absence. In some departments with a hierarchy and relationships between employees that have developed over a long time, a similar phenomenon can be encountered.
Manifestations
Research has shown that if a person has a boss phobia (that’s what this phobia is called), then it can begin to develop actively. A person may experience:
- sense of anxiety;
- sleep disturbances or insomnia;
- increased blood pressure;
- increased heart rate;
- digestive disorders;
- absentmindedness;
- irritability;
- inability to relax.
This is not a complete list of problems caused by the boss’s panicky fear.
An employee may fear not only the risk of losing his job. He feels real horror before the boss himself.
And because of this, they are simply unable to properly fulfill their duties, concentrate their attention and do everything that is necessary. As a result, work suffers, which the boss does not like.
Inability to concentrate or relax is a sign of a phobia
Risk group
Boss phobia is most common among middle-level employees. The reason for this is that they usually especially value their place, because their salary is rather large, but their position in the overall structure is not very strong. This is especially often manifested in large production associations, where management is excessively picky towards employees, escalating and straining the work environment. Junior employees don't hold on to their jobs as much because of low pay and don't feel too bad about losing their jobs.
Those suffering from boss phobia behave openly obsequiously towards their bosses, constantly flattering and ingratiating themselves.
According to psychologists, the more global corporations expand, the more often this phenomenon will be observed. And the number of employees susceptible to this phobia will increase, which will cause an increase in the number of depressions, cases of aggressive behavior, and even suicides.
Treatment
What should those who have become victims of such a condition do? You should answer the questions: “why am I so afraid of my boss?”, “Are my fears justified?” It is impossible to live and work normally while experiencing soul-consuming fear of your boss. You definitely need to get rid of this condition. What needs to be done?
Some practical tips:
- Needs to work on self-esteem. To do this, you can use special literature on psychology.
- It is very important to be confident in your own professionalism. By focusing on performing your professional duties at the proper level and thinking less about the fear of management, you simply do not have time for the negative emotions associated with it.
- Be independent. Even if just the sight of your boss makes your legs give way, you can’t show it. External calm and confidence must always be present when communicating with the boss. Then he will not speak derogatoryly, but as equals, or without pressure.
- Don't pander to your boss. No matter how hard it is, you need to force yourself to object to your boss when necessary. It will take some serious effort, but it will be worth it: it will help you get rid of your fear of the boss faster.
- Understand that sometimes the reasons for a boss’s angry attacks are not his dissatisfaction with the employee, but personal reasons.
- More often present your boss with impeccably done work, without false modesty.
- You can use a well-known and quite effective technique in psychology: write an unsent letter to your boss, where you will pour out everything that is boiling in your soul in relation to him. It really does bring relief.
- You need to learn to keep your emotional state under control. To do this, you can use various psychological trainings, conduct meditations, etc. They will help bring your state of mind into balance. And gradually the fear of the boss will decrease significantly.
- Be sure to monitor your sleep. Lack of sleep is a strong motivating factor for fear.
- Another extreme piece of advice: if the boss does not at all consider it necessary to restrain himself in relation to his subordinates or a specific employee, then you need to remember that he is breaking the law and causing moral damage. For this he can be held accountable, guided by the relevant article of the Civil Code.
It doesn't matter what the main cause of boss phobia is. We definitely need to fight it. Otherwise, you can drive yourself into a corner, which will lead to the emergence of a lot of new serious problems, including health ones.
Help from specialists
It is quite difficult to get rid of this condition on your own. To overcome a pathological fear of your boss, you will need the help of a specialist. In such a case, it is stupid to listen to the advice of loved ones and acquaintances, who usually recommend simply “ignoring”, “pull yourself together”, etc. And even more stupid is trying to relieve stress and tension with the help of alcohol. Not only will this not help, but it will also make the problem worse.
If the process has gone too far and a person begins to develop a depressive state, medical help cannot be avoided. There are special techniques that will help overcome the phobic state and allow you to live a normal and calm life.
The doctor will prescribe medications - sedatives, tonics, antidepressants, depending on the patient’s condition. They will not cause addiction or health problems; they will only help normalize the nervous system and enjoy life.
Alcohol doesn't solve problems
Conclusion
Anyone who has realized that they have a similar problem should not delay visiting a psychologist. The sooner you start treatment, the sooner you will be able to overcome your phobia of management. This fear poisons life and prevents us from adequately assessing reality. It is necessary to get rid of it. Sometimes even medication may be required. Each case is individual and specialists will certainly determine how to help a person facing a similar problem. They will conduct special sessions that will help change your thinking. With their help, you can correctly determine the causes of your anxiety. And this is the first necessary condition for its elimination.
What to do if you are afraid of your boss? How not to be afraid of your boss and superiors. “As soon as I enter the boss’s office, my legs give way, I turn red, turn pale, a lump comes to my throat, I can’t utter a word!” - a situation familiar to many! The methods described below will help you become confident. After all, a successful business lady is, first of all, self-confident.
Of the many fears that humans are subject to, fear of those above us in the hierarchy is one of the most powerful and has its roots in our biological past. The average member of the pack was always afraid of the leader. At first it was fear of physical strength. Then, as society developed, the function of dominance and control performed by a certain person began to endow him with a symbolic meaning of superiority.
Quite often, a sign of a high-status person is the manner of dressing: a formal business suit, an expensive tie, expensive cufflinks, watches, etc. Therefore, in order to get rid of the fear of the importance of this person, imagine him in lower-status clothes - in a T-shirt and jeans, and better in shorts, and in extreme cases in clown clothes or any other funny look.
If your boss is overly strict, constantly reprimands you, and you cannot object to him in response, do not hold back your tension. Before the next round or meeting, make two or three energetic boxing punches, hitting your imaginary opponent, or kick something (but preferably not very hard).
Write a letter to your boss in which you tell him in the strongest terms what you think about him at those moments when he makes comments to you. Seal the letter in an envelope and carry it in your pocket, mentally reading your favorite places every time you find yourself in a critical situation. When you feel that you are completely freed from irritation and fear, burn the letter. If you are still afraid to carry such a letter with you, then burn it every time you write it.
A good way is to exaggerate the situation itself (bring your fear to the point of absurdity). Imagine that you enter the office on all fours and crawl to the boss’s desk as if to a throne, or that you have become a rabbit, and the boss has become a boa constrictor, etc.
And finally, look at your boss not through the eyes of a child, scared and defenseless, but from the position of an adult who perceives the shortcomings of others as their problems. Maybe the boss is rude and unrestrained due to lack of culture, and his constantly bad mood is due to problems in his personal life. In any case, try to be more independent and manage your own behavior, rather than depending on the mood and condition of others. After all, everyone has the right to their own mood, especially to independence.
If you yourself become or are a boss, keep in mind that the higher the level of a person’s psychological culture, the easier and more comfortable it is to communicate with him, regardless of his status.
But you can get rid of fear not only by reducing the status of another, but also by increasing one's own status and self-confidence.
Pay attention to your posture and gait, your movements should contain dignity: be energetic, light, inspiring self-confidence; straighten your shoulders and raise your head. A hunched back, retracted neck and sluggishly lowered arms involuntarily make others want to command you, since this is a subordinate posture of a low-status person.
Give up the whining, complaining and ingratiating notes in your voice. Record your voice on a tape recorder and practice until your voice sounds clear, clear and emotionally positive.
At home, in front of the mirror, mentally talk to your boss. Try not to let your face take on a frightened expression. A characteristic sign of fear on the face is tightly compressed lips and gritted teeth. By the way, those around you regard this expression on your face as a manifestation of hostility, not fear.
But it happens that anger and irritation with the leader are so strong that you are afraid that they will “splash out” against your desire. In this case, controlling your condition every time is simply unbearable torment. You control yourself all the time, and this super control makes you even more “stressed” and dependent. There is one very good way to help get rid of unspoken aggression - the method of ‘fighting in quotes’.
You can, upon entering the office, lightly touch a chair with your foot or drop something and say with anger, without looking at the boss: “What a stupid person,” “Oh, you rubbish,” etc.
Or: “I was just nearly knocked down by a visitor in the corridor, and at the same time said (looking at the boss): “You’re an idiot!” I was so confused that I didn’t know how to respond to his rudeness. What would you say if you were insulted and even called names in your own institution?!”
Using this method, you can tell him everything you think about him, and will not lose your reputation as a modest subordinate.
The quote-unquote wrestling method is a great technique for increasing your sense of personal freedom. Think of any of the business women you know who behave with their bosses the way you like. Imagine that you are him, try to behave similarly. If something doesn't work out, don't worry. It's not you, so why should you worry?