He calls you “on the carpet” and reprimands you for lateness or mistakes, he is endowed with the authority to deprive you of a bonus and can make a day off work. For some subordinates, their boss is Bruce Almighty, no less. They are truly afraid of him, they shudder when they see an incoming call from their boss on the phone screen, and they become covered in sweat if he calls them to his office. However, often such awe of higher management has no basis in itself, and management artificially creates such a tense atmosphere in the office, naively believing that if they are afraid, it means they respect you.
Do you remember the well-known Doctor Bykov and his subordinates from the comedy series “Interns”? That's where the fear of the authorities is, that's where the shaking knees and speech slurred from excitement are. The main character of the sitcom, superbly played by Ivan Okhlobystin, is a real tyrant who does not choose expressions, distributes night duties left and right and invents the most sophisticated tests and punishments for his “experimental subjects”. Not surprisingly, this approach to work frightens the poor interns. But the practice of real, not movie life shows that the boss does not have to be “the devil in the flesh” for his subordinates to be afraid to even breathe in his presence. Often we experience an incomprehensible awe of those who did not at all try to create the image of a celestial being. Let's figure out what exactly makes us afraid of the boss and how to cope with this fear.
Comes from childhood
Fear of the boss is a reflection of the feelings you experienced as a child.
Psychologists say: often the problem is not the boss at all, but the kind of relationship you had with your father or mother as a child. You look at your boss, but you see a parent in front of you - an overbearing one, capable of forbidding you something, not letting you go for a walk with friends, putting you under “house arrest,” etc. Fear of the boss is a reflection of the feelings you experienced as a child. If your father was strict, demanding and could hit the table with his fist, then you tried your best to hide any offense from him, and reported about bad grades in your diary only after being mentally prepared for the consequences. It is likely that, as an adult, you began to treat your boss the same way: to be afraid of him, to drink sedatives before planning meetings and to answer phone calls with a trembling voice.
What to do? To begin with, of course, it won’t hurt to figure out the problem that you have been “carrying” with you for decades - that crack that suddenly appeared in your relationship with your parents. Don’t neglect the help of a psychologist—the lucky few manage to cope on their own. Well, secondly, remember that you are no longer a child and you need to live here and now. You have become adults, you work in a serious company, you hold an important position, a lot depends on you, and no one else can fulfill your responsibilities, otherwise you would have been fired long ago. Treat your boss like a colleague, even though you must obey him. The father stayed at home, and only there it makes sense to sort things out. You have to work at work.
"Despicable Me"
Don’t feed some managers bread - let them misbehave and “ruin” their subordinates. Unfortunately, some people actually think that intimidation is the only way to gain respect, achieve high performance, and generally bring order to office chaos. We all know very well what this leads to: to whispers behind the tyrant’s back, to shaking knees, tears, hysterics and dozens of torn and re-written resignation letters. If your boss is exactly like that and you are terribly afraid of him, then do not rush to look for a new job: there are much more effective and less painful ways to solve the problem.
Unfortunately, some people actually think that intimidation is the only way to gain respect.
What to do? First, always remind yourself of one simple truth: your boss, just like you, is afraid of being incomprehensible and ridiculed. He gets hot from the thought that for his colleagues he has suddenly become a nobody - an empty place, so he tries to give significance to his own person. Now think about it: is it worth fearing someone who is shaking internally with fear? Hardly.
Secondly, use some simple techniques to help you cope with anxiety. For example, imagine a small child in the place of the boss - unprotected, wearing a multi-colored cap and short shorts. Would you be afraid of such a cutie? Well, if the boss calls you on the carpet, imagine how he, in turn, is called by his superiors. We are sure that he is no less worried than you. Believe me, these innocent fantasies help a lot.
Well, and finally, a few tips that will also help you cope with the fear of the boss that comes from nowhere:
1. Always stay confident, even if you have a lump in your throat, otherwise your boss will notice your excitement and before you know it, tension will appear in the relationship.
2. Have courage and at least once object to the boss. No one will fire you for this, but you will understand: the boss is not as scary as he is painted to be.
3. Do your job well. Knowing that you did your best will help you stay calm when you have to answer to your boss.
4. Allow yourself to joke. If the situation allows, do not miss the opportunity to say something funny. As soon as you see the smile of your “monster”, it will immediately become easier.
You are a sociable person, the life of the party, you easily find contact with other people and never feel afraid of communication, but as soon as you cross the threshold of the office where you work, everything changes.
If you recognize yourself in this description, then today’s article on the site is dedicated specifically to you.
Why? Yes, because there can only be one reason for a woman who is successful in all respects turning into a trembling office lamb: I’m afraid of the boss.
But why are you afraid of him and how to overcome your panicky fear of your boss - read on the women's website “Beautiful and Successful”.
Where does fear “grow legs”?
Fear, like any phenomenon, always has reasons, and by understanding them, you can get rid of this oppressive feeling.
Low self-esteem and self-doubt
Low self-esteem is the main reason why you are afraid of your boss. If you lack self-confidence, any “nuance” at work seems to you like a tragedy on a cosmic scale, followed by dismissal. And then the imagination immediately begins to draw gloomy pictures of unemployment, lack of money, etc.
You understand that this does not contribute to the growth of self-confidence, but it perfectly feeds your fear of the boss.
Fear of disapproval or fear of perfectionism
Perfectionists are people who always strive to be the first in everything; other people’s praise is important to them, but they perceive criticism quite painfully. They tolerate their own shortcomings with great difficulty, and if their “blunders” are pointed out by their superior management, they become completely discouraged. Often such people are afraid not so much of their boss as of their inadequacy in this or that matter, and, as a rule, only someone who is one step higher on the career ladder can point it out.
How to curb the perfectionism that interferes with life - read on “Beautiful and Successful”.
Psychological pressure
There are bosses who endlessly “put pressure” on their subordinates, and the reason for this can be either a report submitted at the wrong time or a cup of tea drunk during working hours. But here we are talking about the characteristics of the leader’s personality, which you cannot change.
How not to be afraid of the boss in this case? Change your attitude to the current situation: for example, when the boss once again yells for no reason, do not tremble, but imagine him as a clown who makes the audience in the hall laugh with his behavior, and laugh at him inwardly.
Newbie fear
Such fear is always present in a new employee; it arises from ignorance of how the boss reacts to a particular work situation.
Everything is simple here: ask colleagues who have been working in the company for a long time whether you should be afraid of your new boss, and they will tell you all his ins and outs in vivid detail.
The boss is not as scary as he is portrayed
Realizing that your boss is a person just like you should help you overcome your fear.
Understand, he was appointed leader not because he is an extraterrestrial deity, but because he has a little more experience, or he simply managed to find the right approach to higher management. And, most likely, he behaves this way because, in his mind, all bosses behave this way.
And he himself is an ordinary person who was once afraid of his boss just like you. Therefore, while communicating with him, imagine that you are talking with a colleague, this will give you confidence, and over time the fear will disappear.
And you shouldn’t be afraid of your boss because he himself has a boss, he’s a hired worker just like you. Why should you be afraid of him?
I'm afraid of the boss: what should I do?
In order to stop flinching every time you see your boss, the site offers you some tips to help you with this.
- Work on increasing your own self-esteem, psychology books will help you.
- Just as diligently improve your professional level. Do your job at the proper level and soon, before you even notice, you will no longer be afraid of your boss.
- Portray independence. No matter how strong the trembling in your knees, always behave confidently in front of your boss. The boss, seeing the confidence and independence on your face, will perceive you as such and will talk to you as an equal. Over time, you will not feign confidence, but feel and radiate it, and you will forget about your fear.
- Behave with dignity, do not curry favor with the boss.
- Find the strength to argue with your boss when, in your opinion, he is wrong. This will require significant willpower on your part, but this way you will sooner stop being afraid of your boss.
- You don’t need to take all attacks from your superiors personally. Often such attacks are dictated not by a bad attitude towards you personally, but by his internal problems.
- It is imperative to demonstrate high-quality work done, and not to hush up your role in completing a particular task. It's good if you are praised in the presence of your boss.
- Write a letter to your boss, expressing everything you think about him. Psychologists say that this technique is quite effective in combating this kind of fear.
- To learn to control your condition, special breathing and meditative techniques can help with this. Having mastered them, you will be less afraid, and over time, your boss will completely stop making you feel afraid.
- Get enough sleep. Fears are more prevalent in those people who sleep little or poorly.
- Well, the most radical advice that may be useful to those whose boss believes that he has the right to insult his subordinates: the Civil Code has an article on causing moral damage - study it carefully.
For whatever reason you are afraid of your boss, you need to learn to fight this fear, otherwise over time it can turn into a phobia and significantly ruin your life. You may even need to change jobs or see a psychologist.
The main thing is not to drive yourself into a corner, but to always look for a way out of the current situation.
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Here we will talk about how to approach work correctly. The following tips will help you worry less about failures at work, learn to assert your rights as an employee, not be afraid of your bosses, and find a balance between life and work.
I was prompted to write this article by the negative experiences of many of my friends who take their work too seriously and are too emotionally involved in the events that happen in their office. And therefore, intrigues and incidents at work make them worry a lot, thinking about work even in their free time.
My past work experience also provided the basis for this article. I once allowed my employer to exploit me, stayed late at work and saw it as a priority over my personal life. Now I have stopped making this mistake. And I want to tell you about the rules that help me protect my personal life from work, stop worrying about mistakes, about the attitude of my superiors, and consider my work activities as serving my own, and not the interests of others.
This post is mainly about . But I think my advice can help workers of any level.
Rule 1 – Work for money, not for an idea
This is an obvious statement, don't you think? But, as often happens, people forget the most banal things. And this is facilitated, among other things, by your employer. It is more profitable for the employer for the employee to work mainly for the idea, and only then for the money. Why?
A person who understands that the meaning of his work is his salary is very difficult to exploit.
He will not stay a whole month after work, forgetting about his family or personal life, when he is not paid for it. He will not miss the opportunity to move to another place of work with more favorable working conditions, because he works for money. He will not do a lot of work outside his field of activity unless he receives financial compensation for it.
He will appeal to the law that regulates labor relations in controversial situations, instead of silently agreeing with the most absurd demands of employers.
Therefore, many corporations strive to find employees with a desire to work “for the idea” and this desire is encouraged in every possible way during the work process.
Despite the fact that modern corporations are products of capitalist societies, they also contain many features of socialist formations. A “cult of the leader” and regulations on corporate values are being created. The purpose of the company and the collective good are elevated to the rank of the highest interest of each employee's work. An ideological atmosphere is created, surrounded by which the employee works not for the benefit of his own prosperity, but for the benefit of the company, team, society!
They are trying to convince people that, despite the fact that they earn money by working in the company, they are here for the sake of something more than just mercantile interests. And in order to maintain such conviction in people, organizations resort to many different means: trainings, speeches by managers, propaganda, awards, awarding regalia and titles (“employee of the year”), exploitation of the brand, imposing patriotism throughout the corporation, etc. and so on.
The absurdity to which the use of these funds reaches depends on the specific company. In large Western corporations (Western - not in geographical terms, but in relation to the business building model: Japanese and Korean firms can also be attributed to this model, like many domestic organizations), corporate patriotism is cultivated more strongly than in all other companies.
Is this bad? Not always. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with the company looking for dedicated employees, that it is trying to create incentives for them to work, in addition to monetary ones, thereby increasing their interest in the work process.
On the other hand, patriotism, loyalty, and corporate values can serve as justifications for the exploitation of personnel by unscrupulous employers. Many companies don't care about anything other than their profits. They don't care about your personal life or your personal interests; they want you to work as hard and as much as possible. And the more you work and the less you ask, the more profitable your work is for the managers and shareholders of the company, but the less profitable it is for yourself.
Working “for an idea” also gives rise to a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration. For a person who works for money, the worst possible scenario at work would be his dismissal. He may be afraid that he won't get paid, or won't get paid on time, or won't get a bonus. If he made a mistake at work, he will not lament this, because he will not necessarily be fired for this, will he?
A person working for an idea (or to satisfy his own ambitions) may be afraid that his efforts will not be paid attention to by his superiors, that his colleagues will not admire his professionalism. The employee is “for the idea” of treating his mistakes at work as a personal tragedy, as proof of his personal failure.
Workers for the idea come to work sick, stay in the office late, work on weekends, even if they are not paid. For the sake of work, they are ready to neglect their own health, their personal life and their family. Corporations look at this behavior as a virtue, although in my opinion it is only a form of morbid obsession, servility and addiction.
When you work for money, you have less emotional attachment to your work.
This leaves you with fewer strings tied to your job that the employer can pull for their own benefit rather than yours. And the less attached you are to it, the less frustration you feel and the more space you have to think about something other than work. As a result, you begin to relate to failures more easily, you forget about work when you come home, a reprimand from your superiors does not turn into a personal drama for you, and work intrigues pass you by.
So always remind yourself why you go to work. You are here to earn money, provide for your family. The worst thing that can happen here is that you get fired. For some, dismissal is a critical event, for others it is not, since work can always be found. But, in any case, dismissal does not mean that you will be anathematized, made a traitor to the Motherland. This means simply leaving your current job and looking for a new place and new opportunities.
Work is only a means to achieve goals! This is not a goal to which you should sacrifice your family, your health and your happiness.
Working for money means not only refusing to work primarily “for an idea.” This means not working to satisfy your passions and ambitions. If you work to command, to put pressure on people, to seem important to yourself, then you will perceive any failure at work as a challenge to your self-esteem and, as a result, you will take failures to heart.
Please do not think that I want to force you to give up your love for what you love, replacing it with cold pragmatism. Love your job, but don’t turn this love into a painful addiction! In everything you need to observe moderation.
And I found a better job than the one I worked at before. The new place didn't live up to my expectations, and a month later I found an even better place. That’s where I still work (note: I was working there at the time of writing. I currently work for myself).
Maximum? Exactly. Who said that you should ask your employer for a salary that corresponds to the average salary in the market? Why not get paid above average?
Firstly, it is difficult to talk about the average salary if you do not know what is happening in the labor market. (The only way for an ordinary employee to find out about this is to go to interviews, as I wrote)
Secondly, the average salary is like the average temperature in a hospital. Why should you even focus on this number?
Go to interviews, don’t be afraid to ask for a higher salary than what you are currently paid and look at the reaction of the potential employer. Different companies pay differently. Somewhere they will laugh at your requests, but somewhere they will make you an offer and pay you as much as you ask. Be prepared for anything, visit many different companies, see how things are there.
Otherwise, you will continue to think that you cannot earn more than 50 thousand in your position while working in Moscow. Usually people don’t talk about their salary to anyone because “that’s the way it is.” But this unspoken rule sometimes works against us. We don’t know how much our colleagues earn, how much our friends earn, since no one tells anyone such information.
As a result, it becomes more difficult for us to adequately assess the size of our salary and therefore we put up with what is offered to us. What if you found out that your office colleague, who works the same hours as you work, earns 80 thousand? Would your 50 thousand still seem like worthy compensation then?
(I have actually come across situations more than once when different employees of the same class were paid differently in the same company! Not because they had different experience, but because one asked for more, the other less during the interview! You are unlikely will offer more than you ask, even if they are ready for it.)
Personally, I try to tell my friends how much I am paid if they ask me, and I try to get similar information from them in order to understand what the current situation is in the market and what my position is in this market. Do I need to change anything? Is there another possibility?
Of course, I don’t talk about my salary to just anyone, but this issue can be discussed with friends or close colleagues.
Rule 8 - Don't be afraid of losing your job
Your organization is most likely not unique. If you live in a large city, especially Moscow, then there are many places where you can work even under the best conditions.
Search, learn, explore, develop. And there is no need to be afraid that if you are fired from this company, your life will end. You may find something else. Don't be afraid to lose this place.
There's nothing wrong with that. Moreover, dismissal is not only grief, it is an opportunity. A chance to find something better!
Therefore, do not allow your superiors to blackmail you and intimidate you with dismissal. Moreover, problems in connection with your dismissal will not only be with you, but with the organization in which you work, since the company will have to look for a new employee and train him. So it is unknown who will have more problems.
At my first job, I did a poor job due to the same inattention and anxiety. They started to scare me with dismissal, so they probably wanted to.
I didn't like working for this organization anyway. So I said, “okay, I’ll quit myself.” I was not a genius, I was an ordinary, sluggish, green university graduate. But the company tried to keep even such a person! As soon as I said that I would quit myself, they began to dissuade me from this decision.
It was not profitable for the company to look for another person, despite the fact that I had only worked for a few months and still didn’t know much. Perhaps they thought that I couldn’t cope due to my inexperience and that I needed time to gather my strength and do the job well. They were not mistaken in this, time passed and I eliminated my shortcomings. Now I'm doing a good job with both my main job and my second job (this site).
But I still left this company and got a job for more money and under better conditions.
Conclusion: being fired is not only a loss for you, but also for the company. No one will fire you without the most compelling reasons for this.
If you want to resign of your own free will, but are afraid that you will let someone down, betray someone, then cast aside these stupid doubts! There is no need to perceive the company as a ship in which each employee moves towards a common goal together with other employees. Don't think that if you leave this ship, you are betraying the general idea.
In fact, the purpose of a company is solely the purpose of the owners of that company and shareholders. To achieve their goal on their "ship", they hire oarsmen who are paid for their work. If you want to transfer to another ship that pays you more, why not do it? Would you betray your fellow rowers? No, because they will still be paid no matter where the ship ends up (unless it gets caught in a storm). It may become harder for them to row after you leave, but the captain will find a replacement for you. Moreover, each of your colleagues, just like you, has the choice to leave the ship.
Your goal and the goal of your colleagues on this ship is to row and earn money for yourself and for your family.
The captain's goal is some distant island. But, having reached this island, will the captain share its treasures with you? No, he only pays you for rowing!
Therefore, there is no need to identify your goal with the goal of the corporation. You should not identify your colleagues to whom you have become attached with the heads of the organization. There is a captain, and the rowers are hired workers.
This understanding will help you become less attached to your office and, as a result, worry less about work. After all, there are always other possibilities! And at your current place of work, the light is not reduced by a wedge.
Rule 9 – Know the labor law
Did you know that working on weekends pays double? Do you know that if they want to fire you, then you are required to pay several salaries (Unless, of course, you are fired under an article)?
Now you know. Study the law, do not allow unscrupulous employers to exploit your ignorance of the law. The company is required by law to pay overtime. You have the right to be paid in full for your work.
Of course, domestic organizations often circumvent the law. For example, this happens in companies with the “gray” part of the salary. In such organizations, an employee has fewer rights: he may be fired without warning, he may not be paid or his salary may be reduced without warning. This does not mean that I do not recommend working in such companies. But still, I consider the absence of a “gray” salary to be an essential criterion for choosing a job. If a company operates “in white”, this is a big plus.
I’m writing about this because many people don’t think about it and consider tax evasion the most natural thing! When I went for interviews, I asked the question: “is your salary white?”
They looked at me in surprise and answered: “white?? Of course not! So what?"
And the fact is that I, as an employee, am at great risk when I work in such an organization. More often than not, everything can work out and if the organization is normal, you will be paid. But you are not insured against anything. If a company has problems, if it faces the need to lay off employees, you can simply be easily let go (or simply have your salary cut in half) with virtually no compensation.
Remember, breaking the law and denying you your legal rights is not the norm!
Knowing the law will help you defend your rights and approach your work more easily. After all, you have rights, which means you have guarantees, which means there are fewer reasons for fear.
Rule 10 – Home separate from work
After work, throw all thoughts about it out of your head. Think about something else. Leave all your worries about an unfulfilled plan, an unsubmitted report at your workplace. Work is not the most important thing in life. For many of us, it's just a way to make money. All the endless work intrigues, conflicts, unfulfilled obligations are all nonsense, trifles.
Many of us do not decide people's destinies at work, but are just links in a huge organism that works in the interests of shareholders and owners of the corporation. Is your role in this system really that important to you?
All activities of a corporation are the employment of some people, dividends for other people, and access to certain benefits of third people. All corporations together form a market, which has the function of distributing goods and services in society.
This is undoubtedly useful and helps organize social relations. Such a system is not an absolute evil. But is it really worth deifying this car? Deify the role of a cog in it? Relax! Take this role easier! Didn't get the job done? It's OK. Put it out of your mind if the workday is already over. Think about it tomorrow, as the heroine of one famous novel said.
Stop obsessing over your work. There are many things in life that need your attention and participation. Work is not your whole life.
Some people are proud that they devote themselves so selflessly to their work, they are ready to give up everything in order to please their superiors and help the development of the company. They see in this nobility, loyalty and a certain kind of heroism. I don’t see anything in this other than an escape from my problems, dependence (workaholism), selfishness, weakness, servility to authority, narrow-mindedness, lack of interests and hobbies.
Your family needs you more than your boss. Your health is more important than any money. Life is not designed to be a hero at work for 12 hours every day until retirement. If you spend your whole life focusing only on work, then what will you achieve in the end? Money? Confessions?
Why is all this necessary if you have wasted years of your life? This will make you a hero in the eyes of your boss, but is that all you want?
The endless pursuit of money, recognition, fulfillment of a plan, authority and prestige is a pursuit of emptiness! There will be nothing there in the end, despite what you may now think is the highest goal!
Work is only a means. A means to realize your life goals. Work should be subordinated to these goals, and not vice versa. If you view work as a means, you will be much less upset by failure. Your head will become much less clogged with work matters. You will be able to think about something other than work. And understand what you really want, what is the true purpose of your life...
Conclusion – there is no need to demonstrate knowledge of these rules at work.
As I already wrote, I used to be very worried about work and worried a lot about the result. I was ready to stay late, ignoring my wife’s desire to be with me at least in the evening. I did this because I thought that “this is how it should be”, that this is the most important thing, that work is “everything”.
But then my attitude towards life in general and work in particular began to change (I wrote about this in the article). I realized that there are many things in life that are more important than work and work should be subordinated to my life, and not vice versa.
Some people are so designed that when they suddenly understand something important, come to some new conviction, they surrender to this conviction with all the passion of a new discovery! Only after some time do they manage to find a balance between their discoveries and the demands of the outside world.
Therefore, when I got tired of worrying about failures, when I realized that work was not the main thing, I began to treat it with demonstrative indifference. When my colleagues again began to accuse me of having made a mistake, and because of me some client would not receive his goods today, instead of clutching my head, blaming myself and apologizing (as I did before), I calmly said: “so what? What's wrong? and turned to the monitor.
From one extreme to another. This of course was not entirely correct on my part. But what happened, happened. My new reaction was also understandable.
You should not take my example in this case and sharply reconsider your line of behavior at work. Treat your work more simply, but do not show obvious indifference. If you make a mistake, calmly draw conclusions, try not to make mistakes in the future and openly admit your mistakes. Just don’t suffer about it, that’s all.
If you used to stay late at work all the time, allowed someone else’s work to fall on you, and suddenly you got tired of it, then you don’t need to immediately leave your workplace as soon as 18-00 hits, without having done your work (you can of course do this, if you don’t cherish this place). People don't expect this from you and expect the job to get done. Therefore, you should prepare everyone for the fact that you will no longer sit late into the night and do someone else's work. Warn people about this so they are prepared. Warn new employers right at the interview that you will not agree to free overtime.
I’m not trying to educate you to give a damn, I just want you to have a simpler attitude towards work, have other interests in life besides it, and not allow corporations to exploit your own labor!
I'm also not trying to develop bad employees. If you do not treat work with fanaticism, this does not mean that you will become a careless employee. On the contrary, you will perform many tasks better if you do not worry too much about possible failure.
The influence of human emotions on effective decision making can be seen in poker. This is a game that I really love for its versatility. Victory in it depends not only on luck, but also on the ability to play.
I think any poker professional will confirm the following thesis. If a player is very worried about the result, worried about the mistakes he has made, he will begin to play even worse, make the wrong decisions and make even more mistakes.
Calmness, control of emotions, a calm attitude towards losses are the key to success in poker. If a player is highly emotionally involved in the game, if his goal is to teach other players a lesson, to prove something to someone, to be the very first, and if he is mortally afraid of defeat, he will most likely suffer it.
Therefore, approach your work the same way a good player approaches the game: calmly and with a cool head. Don’t make work a field for realizing your ambitions and resolving your complexes. It is not your life or dignity that is at stake. Work is not the most important thing in life. Relax!
As a final piece of advice, I would advise you not to demonstrate knowledge of these rules during the interview. The employer expects you to work for the idea of the company's prosperity or for the idea of personal professional development, but not for money! Because it is difficult to exploit a worker for money!
If this is expected of you, then play by the employer’s rules and show with your appearance and answers that professional development and the opportunity to work in such a great company are more important to you than money.
I wrote about this in an article.
I hope you find these tips helpful. Some of them are more suitable for young people living in big cities, where there is a wide choice of work. But, I am sure that the advice to take a simpler approach to work will suit any employees, of any age and profession!
We are all afraid of something, and the palette of fears is wide and varied: from thunderstorms or spiders to some incurable disease. Fears, if they do not interfere with life too much, can be reconciled, they can be fought, they can be hidden, they can be ashamed or cultivated by manipulating loved ones - the choice is wide. But today we are not talking about fears at all.
There are situations when fear, it would seem, does not completely control us, but life is very poisonous, if only because we are unable to avoid these situations. For example, fear of a superior in the hierarchy of relationships. That is, in front of the authorities. The saying “fear means respect” in this situation sounds very controversial. Because a boss who instills fear in his subordinates (and sometimes specifically supports and cultivates it) is hardly worthy of respect. After all, people are respected for anything, but not for rudeness, for example, and not for authoritarianism. There are as many situations as you like when the work suits you in all respects and the team is good, but as soon as you imagine going to the carpet to see your boss today, your mood deteriorates. This is due to a negative emotion called fear.
Fear of your superiors, of those on whom, by the will of fate, your career and your well-being depend. And there is no need to consider this something shameful and complain about your own cowardice, shyness and incompetence. Even our distant and wild ancestor, who easily walked on a mammoth, being an ordinary member of the tribe was afraid of the leader until his knees trembled.
A few simple tips to help you feel more confident in your relationships with your superiors.
The first tip assumes that you have at least a minimally developed imagination. Quite often, a sign of a person with a high social status is the way they dress: a formal business suit, an expensive tie, and so on. Is your boss no exception? Now try to imagine him in some funny T-shirt and old jeans. Or in shorts. And even better - in a tutu. So how is it? You can be sure that fear has been replaced by a desire to laugh out loud. And where has the importance of your formidable boss gone!
This technique helps perfectly in a situation where the boss throws thunder and lightning at you (even deservedly so). If the image turns out successful, then you will immediately have no time for fear or resentment: you will try to gather your will into a fist with one single goal - not to laugh in the face of the formidable boss. This method has been tested by many, many and always works flawlessly. The fact is that a frightening, uncomfortable situation is relegated to the category of comic and immediately loses all the fervor of its significance.
Another good way is to write your boss... a letter. When writing, the main thing is not to deny yourself anything and express in the strongest terms everything that you think about your boss in those moments when he looks at you menacingly or makes comments to you. Seal the letter in an envelope and carry it in your pocket, rereading your favorite passages from time to time. You can hold on to the envelope whenever you find yourself “on the carpet.” As soon as you feel that you have completely freed yourself from irritation and fear, you can solemnly burn the letter. In the serious language of psychology, verbalization of negative emotions is one of the main ways of coping with them.
A very effective way is to completely exaggerate an unpleasant situation. Take your fear of your boss to the point of absurdity. Here again it is necessary to call upon the imagination to help. For example, you can imagine that you are entering the office with small steps and on tiptoe. Or on all fours. And you crawl to the boss’s table with the only goal: to “fall” to his royal hand. If your imagination worked successfully, then you will either be seized by a fit of uncontrollable laughter, or, no less powerful, indignation at your own servility. Both are equally useful.
You can also try to look at your boss not through the eyes of a frightened and defenseless child, but from the position of an adult. And tell yourself: “the shortcomings of others are a problem only for themselves and have nothing to do with me. It may well be that your boss is rude and unrestrained due to a lack of basic culture. Or his always bad mood has its roots in family troubles. Or he “releases” on his subordinates the very “vapors” that he does not have the opportunity to “release” on his loved ones, for the simple reason that he is afraid of these very close ones. Maybe you shouldn’t be afraid of your boss, but rather feel sorry for him, because he is also a person with his own bunch of problems.
Well, okay, thanks to our rich imagination, we dealt with the strict boss. But you can get rid of fear not only by reducing the importance of another. There is an equally effective and worthy way - to increase your own importance in your own eyes, to strengthen self-confidence. True, this path is much more difficult for many due to the fact that it requires daily work on oneself, some kind of constant effort. You can’t get away with this with just imagination and a sense of humor – you need at least minimal willpower. It seems that it is precisely because of this circumstance that the number of people who “patch up” their own unstable self-esteem by lowering the self-esteem of others is so large. Working with self-confidence has many facets. Applicable to the topic of this article, we will touch only on some important parameters that will help you create in the eyes of others and in your own eyes the image of a confident person, free from fears of superiors.
Pay attention to your posture, movements and gait. Observe yourself from the outside in those moments when thoughts about the upcoming visit to your superiors begin to weigh on you. Straighten your shoulders and raise your head! A retracted neck and sluggishly lowered arms involuntarily evoke a desire to command you, since this is the pose of a low-status, insignificant person. If you find that this is how you look in the office, then it's time to do something about it.
We are also often let down by our voice, or rather its intonation. Give up whining, plaintive and ingratiating notes. Try recording your speech on a tape recorder and practice until your voice sounds clear, clear and emotionally positive. You will be surprised to discover how much the intonation of your own voice can influence our mood.
Fear, if it does not disappear completely, will certainly be reduced to a minimum, and self-confidence will increase many times over. You can also try it at home, talk to your boss several times in front of the mirror. At the same time, carefully watch (fortunately, you are the only spectator) so that your face does not take on a frightened expression. It is a scientifically proven fact: people always tense their jaws out of fear. At the same time, the lips “harden” and the teeth cling tightly. Try to keep your lower jaw slightly relaxed, your neck long and your shoulders down.
Interestingly, bodily clamps greatly affect our emotional manifestations. There is even a special direction in psychology - body-oriented psychotherapy - which works with these already familiar bodily clamps, thereby relieving a person of many problems. Why don't you do your own psychotherapy?
There is another bodily manifestation that is little under our control, due to the fact that it is closely related to physiology - the habit of blushing for every reason. It is impossible to overcome this phenomenon, but you can, for example, mentally and in all colors replay the unpleasant situation of communicating with your superiors in advance. Let off excess “emotional steam”. In this case, you will either not blush at all, or it will happen to a minimal extent. And remember: in combination with a confident voice, a high head and a straight back (provided that you manage to acquire the habit of behaving this way with your superiors), a flushed face does not look at all embarrassed and lost, but rather energetic, even aggressive.
It is entirely within our power to stop fussing and currying favor with the authorities, and to fear them. At work, outbursts of emotions, illogical actions dictated by fear, and even more so tears and hysterics after every conversation with the boss are completely unnecessary. Moreover, it is possible to cope with one, small, local, specific fear in relation to your superiors. And now you know how to do it.
The more afraid you are of something, the more likely it is that it will happen to you. Are you used to feeling your knees tremble as soon as you hear your boss’s voice? The Trud newspaper tells why you don’t need to panic when you see a leader.
Fear of leadership is considered to be an integral part of the Russian mentality. Reverence for rank, so characteristic of the domestic business environment, is to a much lesser extent characteristic of Americans and Europeans. Historically, in Western psychology, working relationships look more like an act of buying and selling, that is, the seller and buyer are equal. It is clear that it is not so easy to wean yourself from fear that has already become a habit. However, first, it is important to at least realize that just because someone holds a higher position does not mean that they are better than you. There is no need to ignore the requirements of management, but you should also not confuse respect and subordination with fear and unquestioning submission. You won't be promoted If you're afraid of your boss, it won't go unnoticed. Having noted the servile attitude towards his person, the boss, at best, simply will not see you as a professional, and at worst, he will feel that you are a victim. Emotionally unrestrained and aggressive people, as a rule, tend to take out aggression on those who are most afraid of it. Thus, by stewing in the hope of insuring yourself from the manager’s wrath, you only provoke him to aggression. Not only an authoritarian boss, but also a democrat will not like this behavior. He simply will not see you as a promising employee. It is known that in those companies where compromise is considered normal practice, degradation of the entire structure is inevitable. Any liberal-minded leader understands this perfectly well. “Excessive fear of leadership is a big problem,” comments Galina Filatova, deputy director of the Persona Center for Psychological Support and Modern Psychoanalysis. - The boss is perceived as an authoritative figure, but a punishing figure, not an encouraging one. This indicates that the employee has very low self-esteem. With such an attitude towards yourself and management, you can forget about career advancement. Of course, there are managers who like to be fawned over, but they will try to keep such employees to themselves. The career growth of a servile subordinate will only be possible along with the growth of the boss.” Remember: those who have the makings of a leader, not a coward, are promoted. Fear leads to mistakes Often, fear of superiors prevents you from asking an important question in time. “When I came to my first job after college, I was terribly afraid of my boss,” says event manager Irina Lavrentieva. “She was quite hot-tempered and generally seemed to me a very stern woman. Despite the fact that I was completely inexperienced, I was constantly embarrassed to ask an extra question, so as not to cause a new wave of irritation in my address. As a result, I started contacting the heads of related departments with all questions. When my boss found out about this, she gave me a real scandal for disgracing her in front of her colleagues.” It is important to understand that not asking a question in time can lead to very serious negative consequences both for you and for the entire company as a whole. the same goes for your thoughts and ideas that remain unspoken. Fearing that your proposals will be rejected, you risk not only ruining an interesting and innovative idea, but also missing the chance to distinguish yourself and achieve what you care so much about - the favor of your superiors. It turns out to be a vicious circle. They will stop respecting you Your relationships with colleagues may also suffer from your excessive timidity. “Our boss has a tough disposition,” says lawyer Evgenia Sirotina. “If he doesn’t like something, he’ll press you so hard that it’s hard to see.” But he quickly moves away and even apologizes if he was wrong. I’m already accustomed to his style of communication and I know: it’s better to express my point of view directly. However, not everyone behaves like me. For example, my colleague Svetlana is the head of the advertising department. Once I was present at a meeting where the boss, as usual, began to tear and throw: the advertisers were overdue for some project. Svetlana listened, nodded and muttered that she would fix everything. As it turned out, there was no fault of hers for what happened. It turns out that she actually set up her department. Subsequently, everything was revealed, and the boss admitted his guilt. This didn’t make Svetlana any better: her subordinates don’t like her, and her colleagues don’t respect her.” Fear is dangerous to health Don't forget that constant fears are dangerous to your health. If a person is under chronic stress, then his mental and emotional strength is spent fighting excessive anxiety. Sooner or later, all hidden fears will become a reality. “This is actually true,” explains Galina Filatova. - At some point, intense fear becomes very difficult to deal with. A person wants what he fears to happen as soon as possible. The trouble itself and its consequences are much easier to bear than the constant expectation of this trouble. When a failure occurs, a person experiences failure, but his fear decreases.” Fear of a leader can have different reasons. Perhaps the person didn’t have any problems before, but now he’s afraid of his boss only because he once made a mistake, was dealt a blow, and doesn’t want this to happen again. “In relation to tough managers, you need to develop certain tactics of behavior,” says Galina Filatova. - Look at your colleagues: how do they communicate with their boss? Try to imitate their interaction techniques. If you live with a constant feeling of anxiety, no matter what kind of manager you have or what kind of work you have, then you have serious psychological problems. It can be very difficult to solve them without the help of a specialist.” Career advice of the day: Feel free to ask your boss questions. By avoiding communication with management and fearing being branded incompetent, you risk making a serious mistake. It is better to prevent the problem in advance, otherwise you may cause what you are so afraid of - the wrath of your boss.