It seems like everything was just yesterday: the languid anticipation of the end of the day, the trembling from touch, and the sweet languor rising from within with the memory of the past night... Where did it all go? Why don’t thoughts about sex make you happy now, and you want to put it all off for later, and for later, and again...
According to statistics, more than 60% of middle-aged men and women who are married or simply living together make love no more than twice a month. Moreover, men refuse sex even more often than their life partners.
For young couples, these problems are usually not relevant. They don’t miss any opportunity to make love anyway. But even with age, one should not underestimate a rich sex life, as an important part of a happy marriage. Where did the desire go and how to live now?
Reason 1. Workaholics are not active in sex
This is only in early adolescence, when hormones are boiling, a busy life schedule is not an obstacle to vigorous sex. In middle age, everything is completely different. If in the morning you are already in the shower calculating the day minute by minute, and during the day you lose your appetite from nervous overload and psychological pressure from your superiors, then in the evening you will want nothing at all but to fall asleep in order to relieve yourself of all the stress of the working day. It’s even worse for those who are business owners or managers of large companies. Not only do they have more worries, but the risks are also higher, which means their stress levels are simply off the charts.
An intensive work schedule generally does not contribute to a full life in all its manifestations. If you don’t have enough time and energy for anything other than work, then it’s time to think about what you even live for?
Reason 2. Catch the hidden disease by the tail
If you are sick and are lying down with a fever, then it is clear that you will not want to have intimacy until you recover. But it also happens that you don’t yet know that something has gone wrong in your body, or you don’t want to think about possible problems and brush them aside. This is where sexual lethargy, lack of desire, comes on like a red light: something is wrong in the body!
Most hormonal disorders, heart disease, gastrointestinal tract, and in general failure of any system are inevitably reflected in a decrease in sexual activity and often lead to a complete loss of interest in the intimate sphere of life.
But not everyone knows that depression, including its light variants like seasonal blues, which are so common now, acts in exactly the same way! So you shouldn’t underestimate your ailments, even if you really don’t like being treated.
And it is no less important to realize that the reason for the loss of sexual interest is not that the relationship within the couple has gone wrong, but that one of the spouses has had a bad relationship with himself. A psychotherapist and an attentive, patient attitude on the part of your significant other can help you cope with this.
Reason 3. Looking for what is the problem: nutrition, movement, sleep?
To have successful sex you need to be healthy, we have already found that out. But sex can also be disrupted by many other factors related to the state of the body. At a minimum, for sexual desire to arise, you need to get enough sleep. After all, if you can’t think about anything other than sleep, then what kind of enchanting sex is there!
Less obvious is that your intimate life can be affected by your diet. Moreover, both extremes are harmful - both overeating and too strict a weight loss diet. In the latter case, there is less and less energy left for sex, and the constant denial of small sensual pleasures like chocolate or ice cream dulls emotionality.
But you can also regulate your intimate sphere with the help of nutrition. Food aphrodisiacs contribute to the activation of sexual energy: oysters, chili peppers, asparagus, celery, bananas, walnuts and dried fruits: figs, prunes, raisins.
A sedentary lifestyle is also harmful to the sexual sphere. Working at a computer, sitting behind the wheel, sitting in front of the TV... Muscle tightness gradually accumulates, congestion in the pelvic area accumulates. All this directly affects sexual constraint and lack of desire.
The advice here is obvious: move more, sit less. And it’s best to move together: walk, jog, rollerblade or bike. Sport enhances muscle tone, activates blood circulation, awakens sexual energy, and a slim, trained figure has never harmed anyone in bed!
Reason 4. Technology keeps us apart
It would be funny if it weren't so sad. Social networks and computer games entertain us adults so successfully that we often have no time left to communicate with our significant other. After work I sat down at the computer for 15 minutes - and for three hours nothing happened. Your beloved is already asleep, without waiting for you, and there’s not much time left before getting up.
The most important thing is that only you yourself can fight this situation. But those who are addicted to gadgets, as a rule, do not feel this, and are very angry when their “freedom” and the right to relax as they like are encroached upon.
The only way out here is to agree on a fixed time for gadgets and strictly adhere to the agreements. Otherwise, technology will eat up all the free time that could be spent together. And all the emotions too!
Reason 5. Monotony and predictability of family life
A monotonous, joyless life can lead to alienation in a couple and, as a result, to loss of sexual interest. Work, all-consuming everyday worries, monotonous intimate life, endless TV for snacks - all this can kill the joy in any married couple and lead to mutual claims and conflicts.
Fuel your love with new wonderful moments all the time! Deliberately plan for overall positive experiences. The two of you should definitely have time that you give only to each other, and not to business, work or children. Moreover, at this time you should under no circumstances talk about business and worries, but completely give them to your loved ones.
Don't become predictable to each other! Have romantic evenings, watch explicit movies together, fool around and experiment in bed. Do everything to prevent your sex life from becoming boring!
Most men, or rather it should be said, probably everyone at least once in their lives was interested in this question: WHY doesn’t a girl/wife want to have sex?
There may be several reasons, but today I want to consider the issue of frigidity, when a girl does not enjoy sex, when, on the contrary, it is unpleasant for her, as the woman herself claims.
“Who doesn’t like sex?” many will be indignant. But it exists and it is a pressing problem. More and more often, acquaintances of women and men whose wives are “frigid” complain about this problem. Clients address this issue and ask
Let's first look at the concept of frigidity itself: Frigidity is female sexual coldness, lack of excitability.
There are 4 types of frigidity:
Constitutional form, this is when a woman lacks libido towards the opposite and her own sex, that is, there are no erotic dreams, fantasies and desires, erogenous zones do not respond to stimuli (caresses, etc.);
Retardation frigidity- this is a temporary disorder associated with the late maturation of sensuality, that is, sexual life began earlier, before all the sensory zones of the brain had matured, when the ability to experience orgasm is formed only by the age of 23-25;
Sympathetic frigidity occurs in painful conditions such as spinal cord disease, endocrine disorders, intoxication, drug addiction. Frigidity develops when a woman’s reproductive system is underdeveloped, when she seems to need it, but doesn’t want it yet. The mental state of a woman also influences here, therefore the presence of depression, and especially prolonged depression, as a rule, completely deprives a woman of the desire to make love.
And psychogenic frigidity, when sexual inhibition of sexuality occurs in the female psyche, due to aversion to a certain specific partner, hostility arises towards him, due to previously inept actions in sex that failed. In other words, complete disappointment in your partner.
Here you can also add a puritanical upbringing, girls who consider themselves unsexy, ugly and have problems with self-esteem.
As for me, with the exception of perhaps the only physical disorder described above, everything else is a consequence of psychological problems. And therefore everything is solvable. The main thing is the presence of desire and again desire.
If you are depressed and want to do nothing, what should you do?
-Consult a doctor who will prescribe a course of complex vitamins and necessary medications. After which, it is PROVEN, not only does the desire to love yourself and your partner appear, but also your mood in general, your daily routine and life itself improves.
BUT! There are girls/women who “like” to be frigid, or they seem to like it, in any case, many of us “hide behind” the concept itself. And all questions and inquiries are answered ambiguously and vaguely. No, they are not deliberate speculators, everything happens for a reason. For example, many of us are simply not used to discussing such things; it was not customary in the family. It was considered shameful, purely personal and closed.
And that’s all, that’s how we live. Joyless.
What to do?
-Discard stereotypes. Realizing and accepting the presence of a problem will serve as the first step towards solving it. Because there are no frigid women! There are people who don’t know something, who are incompetent, and that’s normal! It’s impossible to know everything, and there are also lazy ones (here I’ll compare that there are men like that too:), so that it won’t be offensive). Give joy to yourself and your loved ones. Nothing is impossible, because everything is possible!
Professional help from a psychologist will help you understand the reasons. Your individual situation will be considered. You will learn what to do, how to change the situation for the better, and receive recommendations.
Best regards, Maria G.
For most women, sex is one of the ways to express their feelings for a partner and a logical addition to a love relationship. At the same time, many men consider intimacy as a significant part of life, sometimes more important than communication and romance. Any representative of the stronger sex has wondered at least once in his life: why doesn’t a girl want sex? Let's try to understand this problem and find the most successful ways to solve it.
Starting a relationship: when is it time to move to the next level?
The first dates have passed, and perhaps you have even managed to announce yourself as a couple in front of friends and relatives. But there was still no “most important” thing between you. What's the matter, why doesn't a girl want to have sex? If you ask your significant other about this directly, the answer can be anything. She may simply laugh it off, seriously report that you don’t know each other well enough, or even reproach the guy for “just wanting one thing.” In fact, all girls (and especially those in love) want sex. The reasons for refusal usually lie in psychological barriers. These are fears of appearing easily accessible or of disappointing your loved one in bed. maybe, if you’re still not completely sure that you’ve made the right choice.
What to do if a girl does not agree to intimacy? Persuasion is not the best option, and you certainly should not lead to serious quarrels on this basis. A guy should try to earn the trust of his chosen one. But it’s better not to negotiate about first sex at all. Let everything happen in a “natural” way. Wait for the right moment to be alone. A calm romantic atmosphere, a glass of wine - and, most likely, she will not be able to say “no”.
Trivial secrets of bad dates
In the life of each of the men, there were unexpected refusals of intimacy. We are talking about situations when a girl demonstrates in every possible way her sympathy and consent to continue a pleasant evening, but at the last moment does not agree to sex. Due to inexperience, many guys are often unable to understand what happened, and sometimes begin to seriously doubt their abilities. Why doesn’t a young girl want sex if she agreed to kiss and communicate with a man?
Very often the explanation for this behavior sounds funny. Many girls try to avoid intimacy during menstrual periods or experiencing some temporary complexes about their own appearance. Especially when it comes to a new partner or the very beginning of a love affair. If the refusal is one-time, the most likely reasons why a girl does not want sex are what she thinks are ugly underwear or unshaven legs. There is no point in being persistent or pestering with questions in such a situation; it is better to postpone intimacy until a more appropriate time.
Psychological subtleties
Most girls have their own principles and stereotypes regarding sex. Women strive to enter into an intimate relationship only with a man they like if they have a high degree of trust in him. According to the majority of representatives of the fair sex, a certain amount of time must pass between acquaintance or the beginning of a relationship and the first sexual contact with a partner. Some girls have high morals. Even in our century, you can still meet young ladies who believe that sex can only be done after a wedding or official engagement. At the same time, many girls are not against intimacy in relationships, but are afraid of being abandoned after that. If this has already happened to a particular representative of the fair sex, there is a high probability that she will be afraid of getting burned again.
Problems with libido can also occur in individual special cases. A categorical dislike of sex may be a consequence of experienced sexual violence or moral trauma. What should a guy do in all these cases, and how to understand a particular girl? If your relationship with her means a lot to you, it makes sense to forget about sex for a while and, above all, become a true friend to her. Subsequently, she will most likely tell you about all her fears.
Where does passion go from a relationship?
Why doesn’t a girl want sex if the relationship lasts for some time and there were no problems with intimate life at the beginning? A gradual decrease in passion and mutual sexual desire is normal for most couples who have been dating for a long time. When a partner becomes well known and completely “one of our own,” interest in him decreases somewhat. New experiences will help correct the situation. Go on vacation together or rent a hotel room for the weekend. Separation will also help rekindle fading passion. Pleasant emotions greatly increase female libido. Amaze your loved one with an unexpected gift or arrange some kind of surprise for her. In a relationship that lasts for years, all this needs to be repeated from time to time.
Or maybe your chosen one is tired of sex as such? In this case, it will be useful to learn new techniques and poses, as well as visit a store for adults. If the gradual fading of passion can be explained by the routine of a long-term relationship, then what to think in the case when a girl suddenly no longer wants sex? Just a week ago, everything was fine in terms of intimacy, but now the beloved does nothing but refuse sex. This situation will surprise and alarm any man. What reasons are most likely in this case?
Moral and psychological fatigue
Sexual desire awakens very rarely in people who are exposed to significant physical activity every day. Sometimes men underestimate women's housework or child care. But believe me, in fact, tired representatives of the fair sex are always easy to spot in the crowd if you are a little more attentive. If your chosen one tries to passively spend her free time and strives to get enough sleep whenever possible, most likely she feels tired. At the same time, not only physical, but also mental strength can be depleted. Increased intellectual stress and stress negatively affect the well-being of any person.
Systematic overload on the mental and/or physical level is one of the reasons why a girl does not want sex. You can solve the problem by partially “unloading” your significant other. Try to help your loved one around the house more often and not bother her with additional requests and instructions. Organize a quality holiday together on the weekend - and very soon you will notice positive changes.
Is everything okay in your relationship?
Sex for a woman is one of the facets of a relationship with a man. Reluctance to be intimate may be caused by problems with your partner. A girl may be offended by something and pretend that “everything is fine,” or still not forget the last quarrel, after which a truce was concluded. One of the reasons why a girl doesn't want sex is her dissatisfaction with the relationship. Having complaints against her partner, any woman would rather think about breaking up with him than going to bed. If your relationship isn't perfect, it makes sense to work on it. And you need to start with a frank heart-to-heart conversation.
Loss of interest in a particular man
A popular reason for women losing interest in sex is disappointment in a particular man. In this case, there is a possibility that the partner does not satisfy the fair sex in terms of relationships or exclusively in bed. The problem is that not all girls are ready to talk honestly about this with their chosen one. Sometimes the reason for coldness in a relationship is the appearance of another man in a woman’s life. Interestingly, falling in love can be exclusively platonic. But at the same time, romantic feelings can turn out to be so strong that the person with whom the woman is in a relationship will almost completely cease to interest her.
What to do if a girl doesn't want sex?
We have examined the most common reasons for the fair sex’s refusal to have sex. If this problem is observed in your relationship, it makes sense to try to determine its cause. Not all men understand why girls don't want sex every day. In fact, for most women, intimate intimacy with a loved one every other day, or even a couple of times a week, is enough. But if problems with regular sex began suddenly, the problem needs to be solved. Romantic evenings with interesting continuations and frank conversations work equally well in such situations. What to do in a particular case is up to you to decide, since it’s unlikely that anyone else knows your beloved woman better.
And don’t even ask why a girl doesn’t want sex after orgasm. Usually at this moment a woman experiences the highest pleasure and satisfaction. Representatives of the fair sex often want to chat or just lie in bed with their loved one, but not to repeat everything from the very beginning.
An emotional, burning, sensual woman is the dream of every man! And this is not surprising, because sex occupies a very important place in the lives of men. Men perceive any problems in this area extremely painfully. And one of these problems is when the woman you love doesn’t want sex.
A man, having received a refusal, as a rule, experiences not only physiological discomfort, but also psychological discomfort; he immediately develops bad suspicions about the woman’s attitude towards him - she has fallen out of love or has taken a lover. Of course, this is also possible, but, in fact, a woman does not always refuse sex because she does not love a man or cheats on him with another. There may be other factors.
Reasons for a woman's refusal to have sex
The beginning of a relationship If we are talking about the very beginning of a relationship, then a woman may refuse sex because she does not want to seem easily available. It is also possible that the woman does not trust the man and suspects that he is not serious about her. In this case, if a man really likes a woman, he should not rush things, but try to prove to her the seriousness of his intentions and the depth of his feelings with the help of beautiful courtship. Resentment towards a man If a woman categorically does not want sex, although previously everything was fine with this, a man should think: has he offended his beloved in some way? For women, intimate life and emotions are very interconnected, therefore, if problems arise at the emotional level, this immediately affects the sexual sphere. If the resentment towards a man is strong and unexpressed, then a woman may completely lose all desire to make love to him. Some problems have arisen at work or in the family. It happens that the wife does not want sex against the backdrop of even minor worries. Women are very emotional creatures, and often what seems like absolute nonsense to a man, for example, a quarrel with a colleague or a child’s troubles at school, can cause her to become tearfully hysterical, or even depressed. Well, what kind of sex can we talk about if cats scratch your soul? Severe fatigue has accumulated. Sex requires strength and energy, and many women get so tired during the day that they no longer dream of love pleasures, but only of rest. Think about it: not only do women often have to work as hard as men at work, but they also have a lot of things to do at home! Many men, coming home from work, immediately collapse on the sofa to rest, while their wives fuss around with housework all evening. Therefore, at the end of a hard day, many women are only able to crawl to the bed and immediately fall asleep, while a rested man is full of strength and ready for exploits.
The problem is physical illness If a woman avoids intimacy, then she may have health problems and constantly feel unwell. In this state, a woman will definitely have no time for sex. A woman has a weak temperament (low libido) It often happens that at the beginning of a relationship, a woman, in order to make a man fall in love with her and tie him to her, pretends to be an African passion, although in reality she does not want to make love to him several times a day . For a woman with a weak temperament, sex once a week, or even less often, is enough. But then time passes, the relationship becomes stable, and the woman gets tired of pretending, and the man’s persistence begins to cause her annoyance and irritation. Unfortunately, it plays one of the main roles in relationships, and a large difference in temperament often turns out to be the reason for a couple’s breakup. A woman fell in love with someone else. Alas, this also happens... Often, when a man and a woman have been married for many years, romance - and both are to blame for this. Even if a wife does not dare to cheat on her husband with her beloved, her passion for marital sex, in any case, noticeably weakens. If a man loves a woman and values his relationship with her, he can try to treat the situation with understanding, find his fault in it, and try. True, it is not always possible to reanimate faded feelings...
In this case, the man should:
- Have a serious conversation with the woman, explaining to her how worried he is about her refusals, and ask her to explain her behavior. It may turn out that a woman is just waiting for such a question from a man in order to express to him her accumulated complaints or tell him about the problems that have arisen.
- Don’t be too lazy to take on at least some of the household responsibilities if your wife doesn’t want sex precisely because she’s very tired.
- Try not to offend a woman with rude words and reproaches, do not take out your anger and irritation on her, and do not forget to thank her for her love and care.
- Don't forget about the romantic side of relationships, which is so important for most women. So that everyday life does not kill love, a man should at least sometimes arrange romantic dates, do not forget to congratulate his beloved on the holidays and often tell her how beautiful she is and how much he loves her!
Sometimes, the desire for sex disappears, and many girls immediately begin to look for the reason within themselves. In fact, most likely, your body is not to blame for this situation. Something just needs to change.
These are the reasons sexologists call for the lack of sexual desire in girls.
Resentment discourages the desire for sex
You will never want sex with someone who hurt you. And it is resentment and anger that are the first enemies of passion in couples. Psychologists advise working through a grudge immediately after it appears, otherwise it will interfere with a normal sex life.
You idealize sex
Some girls believe that sex should be “only special,” period. And when this does not happen, they are disappointed. As a result of several such attempts, you will not want sex.
Remember, sex should just be enjoyed: no more, no less. He can't be perfect. He is simply who he is.
You have sex just for the sake of the process, without pleasure
Many girls just have sex because it’s the right thing to do. Or because that’s what their man wants. Stop. Just remove sex from your life for a couple of weeks and think about what you want? Do you want it under the covers? Or maybe you want passion? You need to figure out what it is that turns you on. Then, realize your desires.
You can't relax
Another common problem of lack of sexual desire is dissatisfaction with your body. If a girl doesn’t like herself and doesn’t feel confident, she will avoid sex in every possible way.
In addition, even if sex happens, instead of pleasure, such a girl will think about her shortcomings. Therefore, remember, a girl should always like herself. How to achieve this? There are two options: change your appearance or change your attitude towards the problem.