Some interesting statistics. The vast majority of readers of this site are women... When I first noticed this, I was slightly surprised, but then I thought that, however, there was nothing to be surprised about.
Indeed, women are more likely to seek solutions to their problems, discuss them and ask for advice. Men, on the other hand, are more often inclined to hush up their problems, because a man is strong and resilient and will sort out his problems himself, right?
Based on these statistics, I am increasingly beginning to write articles aimed specifically at a female audience. But resentment is a universal thing, and therefore it is impossible not to affect men’s feelings. Just because men don't like to talk about their problems openly doesn't mean that women experience resentment on average more often than men. In addition, the resentment experienced by men can often be stronger due to the fact that they do not often give it vent.
In what relationships does a man experience resentment? Of course, in loved ones. And naturally, one of such relationships is marriage. It often happens that a young man falls madly in love and, against the backdrop of sweet expectations of a happy future together, proposes to a woman. And of course, if the feelings are mutual, at first the relationship is truly a fairy tale.
But after a few years, the man suddenly begins to realize that the fairy tale he painted for himself in his imagination does not correspond to reality at all. And the reason for this is a lack of awareness, a lack of understanding of how women really work, and a lack of knowledge of what to expect from them. But instead of understanding the situation, he would prefer to withdraw into himself and endure, endure, endure. Until sooner or later a threshold is crossed and a quarrel occurs, varying in strength from moderate to catastrophic.
I note that we are talking about monogamous relationships. That is, the husband and wife are expected to sleep only with each other until the very end, that is, until death or divorce separates them. And no one cheats on anyone, has never cheated and will never cheat. It’s immediately clear that the initial premises are not the most realistic, but we’ll talk about resentment in open and “closed” relationships another time. In the meantime, here's how a wife can traumatize her husband without realizing it.
How a wife traumatizes her husband in 6 different ways
1. Refusal of sex. This is in first place for a reason, since this is almost the surest way to ruin a man’s married life. Dear women, every time you deny sex to your regular sexual partner, it is a painful blow.
You see what’s the matter... Let’s talk openly. Men are lustful animals. They always need sex. Whether married or not. Even if he is 20 years old, even if he is 50. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome, a young sexy male fucker-bachelor or a modest middle-aged fat man-loser-married. In sadness or joy, in grief or resentment, men always want sex.
Of course, the frequency of the question varies from man to man. Everyone's libido is different - some people want sex 5 times a week, for others, once will be enough. This doesn't change the essence. The bottom line is that regardless of his character, he expects that because he is with a woman and he has a relationship with her, this automatically implies regular sex with her Always.
Yes, yes, I know what you might say. “It is not my responsibility to satisfy him.” “I’m not a prostitute for him, I’m the wife and mother of his children,” “Sex is not the most important thing.” But here's the thing - if you marry him, if you want a happy relationship, and your relationship is monogamous, I have news for you. It is your responsibility to fuck your husband. And for your husband, sex is very important, even if it is not the most important thing in a marital relationship. Why is this so important to him? Because he is not only a caring father and a faithful husband, but also a lustful animal, as I mentioned above.
Does this mean that I blame or reproach women? In no case! . Therefore, you should go through the husbands.
Husbands, come to your senses! Did you really expect that the honeymoon you had at sea, when you fucked your newly minted wife several times a day, was the norm? Or is the first year of your relationship the way it will always be? I have news for you - women are biologically designed in such a way that they get tired of the same man in a long-term monogamous relationship over time.
Do you know why? Because the genetic code that people carry within themselves has not changed for millions of years. And this code programmed women to search for a suitable male who would provide them with offspring and protect these offspring (amusingly, these two roles can be performed separately by two different men). How long does it need to be protected before it gets back on its feet and can escape? 20 years? 15 years? 10 years? No, fewer years than you have fingers on one hand.
Therefore, from a biological point of view, a woman is “not interested” in sleeping with you for 20 years the way she was in the early years of your marriage. Because if you have been living together for a long time, then from a biological, sexual, animal point of view, you are no longer perceived by a woman as the man with whom she sleeps. At least not as much as it was before. Now you are more like a relative to her, and biology does not allow sleeping with relatives.
What about emotions? We are not animals, we are people, and not everything is controlled by biology. Yes, that’s true, not everything is decided by biology. But emotions are exactly the same biology, and they serve to ensure that you carry out your biological program. Your male biology has programmed you to have sex throughout your life. The point is not that we have more than just biology. The bottom line is that the biology of men and women when it comes to the sexual component of relationships is completely different. She needs to get offspring from a quality male from sex. And you, men, need sex to spread your biological material throughout planet Earth. And no social dressing from above will be able to drown out this fundamental difference between male and female biology, no matter how society denies it, trying to equalize men and women or reduce the importance of biology to nothing.
What does all this mean in terms of the subject matter of this site? After all, the site is not dedicated to evolutionary psychology, but to resentment. And this means the same thing as always. on his wife, man. If you don’t like that the frequency of sex is decreasing, write it down on paper. And then, when you clear out the resentment and see the situation as it is, you can decide what to do. And perhaps you will understand that from now on you can no longer count on the same woman to be the source of your male joy and satisfaction throughout your life. But more on that another time...
2. Permanent commands. We are talking here about women with a more dominant character. Such women consider themselves “strong and independent,” and in practice this is expressed in attempts to constantly control the situation. If the situation does not correspond to the scenario of events, directives are issued to correct the vector. Such women have a vector for everything, including their husband. So it falls to him, the poor fellow.
Here again, men, wake up! A woman commands you only because you allow her. Yes, there are men who like to submit to a woman, but this is not about them. They do not feel offended by this type of communication with a woman. Therefore, if you are reading these lines, most likely you are not one of them. Clean your brains, remove all your fears and limiting beliefs that make you unable to resist a woman. And then it will be clear what to do.
3. Attempts to change it. Women get married expecting a man to change over time. Men get married hoping the woman will never change. Please, here's Venus and Mars, that's all. A man gets married, hoping that everything will be as it was at the very beginning. Stable relationships are those that do not change.
Give a man a beautiful, smart, cool woman with big breasts and/or a firm ass + a set of all the qualities he likes, and he will be happy. As long as it never changes, it always remains as it is.
But this is only from a male point of view. From a female point of view, stable relationships are those that have development. Women are more dynamic creatures than men.
Women, especially those with a dominant character, expect that a man will adapt to new circumstances and, as a result, change if necessary.
Amendment - change if necessary to her. Personally, he may have no intention of changing, because why? And so everything is fine. But the fact that his wife constantly criticizes him and hints that he shouldn’t do this, or that he needs to do better, over time begins to settle in him in the form of resentment.
4. Excessive use of phrases “You always...”, “You never...”, etc. Oh, women love it. “You never help my mom.” “You always leave the toilet seat up.” Well, are you really ready to swear that he Always is doing something there or never Is there something it doesn't do? You don't have to answer, I already know the answer.
Again, the trick is the difference between the communication styles of men and women. The fact is that for men and women these words mean different things. For a man, the words “always” and “never” are determined by their lexical meanings, which can be looked up in an explanatory dictionary. For a woman, these words are subordinated to the expression of the emotions that she experiences at one time or another. And if the emotions are strong enough, they bypass the linguistic filters in a woman’s head, and are ultimately displayed as the words “always” and “never.”
Men, don’t attach any importance to this - just get used to the fact that women work this way - there will be less resentment. Don’t cling to the words, you are taking them out of context - the context of her emotional state here and now. And the resentment that you have already accumulated - what do we do with it? We are working on it, of course. Without pity.
5. Making him responsible for his emotional well-being. A caveat should be made that not only women do this, everyone does it. And men, and old people, and children. And in relation to everything around. It’s not me who bears the grudge, it’s you who offended me. It’s not me who is a fool and a lazy person, it’s the state that is bad and steals. Etc.
But still, if we compare men and women in marital relationships, women more often behave with men in such a way that it is the husband’s fault that she is feeling bad at heart. There is an interesting apparent contradiction. On the one hand, women are more emotional, but on the other hand, they are less likely to realize what causes their emotions. And as a result, they do not realize that when they blame their husband for their emotions, nothing changes. He doesn't understand what he can do with you. Except to apologize for nothing automatically so that you calm down.
But men, again, the responsibility for the offense is on you. You, too, do not shine with awareness if you suffer from such situations. After all, what happened was that your wife directed her bad mood at you, and you already formed a feeling of guilt in yourself. Then you take responsibility for her bad mood and begin to accumulate resentment, slowly hating yourself more and more along the way. No problem, work it out.
6. Indifference to his efforts. Do you want to hurt your husband? Stop appreciating what he regularly does for you and your children.
A single man does not need so much money to maintain his existence at the same level. This means that a lot of his motivation to work harder is you and perhaps your children. Unfortunately, this is often not realized or forgotten over time.
A single man does not need to help your mother, fool himself by communicating with your relatives, or be faithful for decades. Unfortunately, this is often not realized or forgotten over time.
I by no means mean that men in marital relationships make greater efforts to preserve them than women. Not at all. Forgetfulness towards each other is a universal human flaw that affects both men and women. Fortunately, it is possible to fight it - after all, the elaborations were invented for a reason.
Work it out, husbands and wives!
What is the conclusion from all this? There are two of them. The first is mutual understanding between men and women and a conscious attitude towards how differently women and men perceive reality and communicate - this is the key to harmonious relationships. Second, if you have a grudge against your marriage partner, work through it! At the same time, in the process of clearing your brain, you will acquire the necessary transparency of awareness so that you will not have such problems in the future, regardless of your gender or marital status.
What happens in this case? The husband gradually becomes the way his wife sees him, or develops the qualities that his wife notices in him. But this does not happen immediately, but gradually. To change a loved one you need a lot of patience. It’s not like she wants to see a husband with certain qualities, and if she doesn’t find them, she’s disappointed. If a wife does not say anything bad to her husband, but is disappointed that she did not find something in him, then the husband will no longer be like that. Even if the husband does not have some qualities, the wife should try to find them in him. And if he begins to show them weakly, then she should be very happy about it. If the wife rejoices at any good deed of her husband, then the husband also receives satisfaction from his wife’s joy, and then he wants more and more to do something good that his wife wants.
The character of a husband naturally changes depending on the influence on him, or more precisely, the attitude of his wife towards him. Therefore, a woman should value his reputation more than herself, then her husband will value her more than himself. A man succumbs to the mood in the family that his wife dictates to him. If a wife is not very interested in her husband, his affairs, or considers him a weakling, then he will not be able to have warm feelings for her.
It turns out that the first urge for a relationship comes from the woman, and not from the man. If a woman gives good to a man and directs psychic energy towards him, then the man can no longer resist this and he begins to like the woman. Of course, a man can be attracted to a woman himself, but if she does not favor him, then he will not be able to win her hand in the normal way. Therefore, a woman, as it were, allows or does not allow a family or a good relationship. And the first and last word in a relationship with a man remains with her.
In family relationships, a woman must understand this thing: first, a man loves a woman more than she loves him. But then, when marriage occurs, the man’s feelings become colder. He has such a nature that he experiences more happiness when he wants to achieve something. When he achieves his goal, he often looks for a new goal in life. If a man has successfully become the head of a small enterprise, then he will soon have a desire to become the mayor of a city or the president of a country. But if the workers of his enterprise strongly respect their boss, then he will never leave this factory. A woman's psyche works differently. At first she doesn’t love him very much, but then the woman becomes attached to him and loves the man much more if the relationship is built correctly. Therefore, a woman should not demand that he have the same feelings for her as before. If she wants this, then she must fulfill all her duties. She must maintain a center of love in the house, a center of affection - this is her role. If she does not fulfill all her duties very zealously, then this will not make her feel much family happiness, because for a man family happiness comes in second place. For him, business or his work comes first. A woman should understand this and not scold him for being more attached to work than to her. Because a man is a man, and that's how he should be. But a woman should be a woman, and a man should not scold her for being a woman. If a man cannot put family first, then he is a man. And if a woman cannot put work first, then she is a woman.
Why does the husband spend more time at work than with his family? This means that the wife does not try very hard to fulfill all her responsibilities around the house and in her relationship with her husband, which is more important for her, so the husband is not very drawn to home. If a wife tries very hard to do everything for her husband in an ideal way, then even if for her husband work occupies the most important place in life, then he will still be better off in the family than at work.
Thus, a woman must understand this law that everything in the family depends to a greater extent on her. And if she values her husband in any circumstances, then her husband will definitely value and love her. This means that for children she will be the best person, because love for mom comes from dad, and respect for dad comes from mom. How parents treat each other is how children treat their parents.
That true wife who does not break the oath given to her husband.
Of course, a woman is not inclined to keep her word. If you say something to a woman and ask her not to tell anyone about it, then that's just crazy. But there are exceptions. It is a natural characteristic of a real wife to never tell what her husband told her, even if he does not want it. If a wife does not respect this natural quality of a woman, then she should not expect that her husband will not cheat on her. It is enough for a woman to cheat on her husband in her mind for him to start doing it for real. If the wife does not keep her word, then the husband will not keep his promises. If a wife begins to think that someone has better husbands than hers, then the husband will begin to look for a better woman than her. A woman is the initiator of all relationships in the family, and she must understand well what follows from what. This way she will be able to control family life.
A faithful wife is half of her husband.
A true wife is naturally attracted to what her husband does. This is her nature. It is not in a man's character to be happy when he does what his wife wants. A woman should be happy with what her husband does. If this does not happen, then the wife is not fulfilling her duties. Of course, this does not mean that if a husband drinks, then the wife should be happy about it, because the husband wants it. This refers to public affairs that benefit both the family and society. Those. a wife should not scold her husband for not doing what she wants. If this happens, it means the woman is not fulfilling her duties. But men should not blame women for not fulfilling their responsibilities. If the wife does not fulfill her duties, then the husband must understand that he himself does not fulfill his duties. If the wife does not respect him very much and is not afraid of not satisfying him, then the man must understand that he is behaving in such a way that it is difficult to respect him or that he himself allowed such a relationship. More often this happens due to the husband’s excessive attachment to the family and family comfort. A man should not only be the breadwinner of material wealth in the family, but also a source of moral strength and knowledge. First of all, he must understand who should do what and what everyone’s responsibilities are. Of course, a husband and wife can discuss each other’s responsibilities, but not for the edification of one another, but with the goal of helping to understand and understand. Because the husband’s responsibilities are better understood by the wife, and the wife’s responsibilities are better understood by the husband. And an indicator of the fulfillment of your duties is the attitude of your spouse towards you. If a husband or wife, having studied the duties of the other, puts a notebook on the table and says: “Look at what you should or should do,” then the result will only be a further deterioration of the relationship. The best thing to do is start fulfilling your responsibilities. If a wife does not listen to her husband, it means he does not have positive karma for this or he treats his wife poorly.
A faithful wife is her husband's best friend.
There are several types of friendship. The best friend is the one who is close to our heart. In Sanskrit in the Vedas such a friend is called suhrid. Su is the particle meaning strengthening and the word hridaya means heart. That is, the one who is closest to the heart. Such a person believes in the deepest experiences of his friend, that is, his friend never hides anything from him. There are friendships based on compassion or based on business relationships. If there is only business friendship in the family, this means that the wife does not understand anything about her responsibilities. A woman must act in such a way that she becomes a close friend to her husband, otherwise there is no chance of having a strong family.
How can you become a close friend to your husband? To do this, you need to open your heart to your husband every day. We have already said that the wife, by her behavior with her husband, determines what the relationship will be between all family members. A wife should talk about everything that worries her in life and should try to do it in such a way that her husband is happy to listen to her. It is very natural for a real wife to open her heart to her husband. This is not typical for a man, so a woman opens the lock of her husband’s heart with the key of her sincerity.
A faithful wife brings peace, goodness and prosperity to her home.
Peace is maintained in the family when a woman does not look at other men or strongly regrets that she did this.
Prosperity in the home also depends on the woman. This is a very subtle and subtle moment in life that you need to know. If you want there to be wealth and prosperity in the house, for this you need to make sure that the family does not live only for its own internal interests. This also depends on the woman, but not only. If a woman sets herself and her husband in such a way that the family does not live for itself, then such a family will have few problems in life. The very mentality of selflessness and not focusing on your desires will predispose people to you. There will be many friends, people will also want to help you. This mentality begins to develop from the table. If a family, without tension, simply invites someone to dinner, feeds someone, treats them, gives alms to the beggars, just right, this means that the family will prosper. If a family lives selfishly, then all good people turn away from it, only selfish well-wishers remain who want something from you for themselves, and not to bring you happiness. Thus, selflessness is the basis of family life for family prosperity.
Maintaining kindness in the family is also a woman's responsibility. A man is not capable of this. He often has to fight for the prosperity of his family or leave something behind at work. A man is more often angry or tired. A woman, even if she works hard, does not attach much importance to external relationships. Family life is of great importance to her. Even if she holds a leadership position, family life remains a much more important part of her life than work. She won’t worry much, compared to a man, if something goes wrong at work. Disorders in the family will cause her more tangible worries. Therefore, a woman must quickly react to mental changes in her husband and respond to his anger with condescension. It's easier for a woman not to get angry. As a last resort, she may cry to protect herself.
A woman has two weapons that are invincible to a man. The first is pitiful words of reproach, when a woman shows herself completely submissive and defenseless, and reproaches her husband for not protecting her. And secondly, tears are the last weapon. But if a woman does not use these two weapons correctly, then she undoubtedly loses the war because her husband begins to disrespect or hate her. If her words of reproach turn into words of insult, then she will arouse an even greater enemy in her husband. And if words of despair turn into words of hatred, then there is no chance of keeping your husband near you.
A faithful wife takes care of her husband until her last breath.
As soon as a man gets married, he immediately gives care of himself to his wife. He stops thinking about his health, what he is wearing, and stops thinking about what he should eat tomorrow. This happens naturally because it is not his responsibility. And if a wife arranges for her husband to have separate meals, then she will not feel happy. Separate nutrition means that one week she feeds the man only rice, and the second only borscht. I’ve prepared it for the week, I just need to tell you where it will be. Since the husband will not feel satisfaction from this, the wife will not have happiness in life. Although, if there are any inconveniences in life, a man is not inclined to complain even to his wife. It’s easier for him to endure than to think about it. But the amount of happiness of a woman is directly proportional to the satisfaction of a man in a good relationship. If a woman wants a man to take care of her, she should be the first to show concern for him.
The nature of a woman is such that she cannot live without protection. A man is by nature more independent in life. He strives for a woman only out of a desire to receive pleasure from her. But if a man has found some great goal in life and finds complete satisfaction in the activities to achieve his goal, then it becomes indifferent to him whether he lives with someone or lives alone. A woman receives satisfaction in life only by becoming attached to someone, and not by achieving some goal. Therefore, it is difficult for a woman to find satisfaction in life alone. It is so arranged by God that a woman, when she becomes attached to someone, receives happiness. This is how she gets happiness by becoming attached to her own children. If such qualities are not developed in a woman, if she is too independent and selfish, thinks that she can be happy alone and does not need anyone, then nature deprives her of the opportunity to have children, since her hormonal and physiological functions of the body are disrupted. And, having many fickle friends and acquaintances, a woman does not receive real happiness, she accumulates dissatisfaction, which, in the end, can result in severe depressive states, nervous breakdowns and hysteria, etc. Therefore, a woman’s real, natural interests lie in preserving her family, especially her relationship with her husband. Because adult children, having matured, will not always be able to maintain close relationships with their parents, and a husband and wife can remain faithful and care for each other until the end of their lives, which is very favorable for a woman.
Husbands who have good wives experience great happiness.
Family happiness is the wife's responsibility. If she strongly desires family happiness, then the family will be happy. If she doesn't care, she won't be happy. A woman makes the atmosphere in a family. A man brings optimism, joy, and enthusiasm. Happiness means the absence of conflicts. Therefore, the first duty of a woman is compliance. Any wife should know this arithmetic: if I give in to my husband, then I get what I wanted, if I don’t give in to him, then I lose everything. This is women's mathematics. Men's mathematics is exactly the opposite. If a man gives in, then he loses everything; if he does not give in, then he achieves his goal.
For example, a husband may make the following decision: “From today we will drink.” To prevent this from happening, the wife must say: “Well, we will, we will. Okay. Let's go to bed.” The man calms down and goes to sleep. This is, of course, a funny example, but in such cases the law always works that a woman wins in her own way, a man wins in his own way. When they win together, harmony reigns. It doesn’t matter to a man whether we drink or not, it’s more important to him that everyone agrees with him. Nature arranges it in such a way that the happiness of a man and a woman does not overlap. A man gets satisfaction from being respected, and a woman gets satisfaction from being cared for, loved, and having nice words spoken to her. Therefore, if relationships are built correctly, then there are practically no conflicts in the family. It depends on knowledge and attitude towards one’s responsibilities, and not on who gets how much and who says what to whom.
If a woman begins to contradict her husband, trying to get her way or, even worse, trying to show who is boss, then with her behavior she arouses a false ego or a beast in her husband. In this case, a man, even if he really wants to, cannot behave rationally. And in truth, such a man’s behavior is completely justified, because maintaining authority in the family is his duty. If a man does not want to behave as an authority and take responsibility, then no one will ever respect him, even if he is a very good, smart and caring person. Therefore, before trying to decide anything in such cases, the husband must ensure that everyone listens to him, no matter in what way and what it will look like. Otherwise, everything he tries to do will not be taken seriously by anyone. If no one in the family listens to the husband, then it is very difficult for him to accept responsibility for this family, he feels unable to realize himself and loses interest in caring for family members.
Therefore, a woman’s first duty is to obey her husband in everything and agree with him on any matter. Then, thanks to the mother’s mood, even the children will obey the father in everything, how he can help the mother in raising children, thanks to his authority. With such intelligent cooperation, not only the husband, but also all family members will experience great happiness.
Husbands who have good wives know how to run a household.
The ability to manage household chores and households depends on wives, not husbands. If the wife has properly arranged all the affairs in the house, then the husband automatically becomes the housekeeper. The inspiration to maintain the life of the family must come from the woman, and if the wife makes efforts to maintain order in the house, then a man who does not know what a hammer is still becomes a housekeeper. This happens naturally to him. If the wife is not serious about family matters, then the man comes home, lies down on the sofa and starts watching his “one-eyed mentor.” He has potency and will not have the urge to do anything. The wife directs her husband's desires in the right direction. If the wife does everything without joy, without interest, then the husband will have no interest in doing anything at home. A woman needs to understand all these things well. And if a man does something wrong, then the wife should look for the reason for this in herself. Then the husband will think why he cannot help his wife.
Husbands who have good wives are favored by God.
It turns out that it is much easier for a woman to turn to God than for a man. Just like it is easier for a man to fulfill his responsibilities at work. A man's sense of duty is much more developed than a woman's. But a woman’s sense of religiosity is much more developed than a man’s. An unbelieving woman means a very sinful woman. An unbelieving man means not so holy. But if a man does not fulfill his duties, even if he is a believer, this means that he is still sinful. If a woman cannot fulfill her external duties, this does not mean anything.
The Roman Empire achieved great development, but due to the imbalance of the spiritual and material aspects of life, it inevitably collapsed. The same principle applies not only to large empires, but also to small families.
So how can a wife harm her husband when she begins to serve God? I have often witnessed that, having begun to engage in spiritual practice, a husband, wife or even children begin to sharply contrast their new way of life, thinking and aspirations with the old way of life of the rest of the family members, doing this edifyingly and sometimes extremely harshly and fanatically. If a woman does this, then with such “good” intentions she can destroy relationships in the family and ruin it. As we have already said, a woman’s strength lies in humility and submission. If a woman, having begun to serve God, also improves her attitude towards her husband, then by doing so she attracts her husband to God. If she begins to teach her husband the “correct” life, then neither the husband nor God himself will be pleased with her behavior. Even if the husband is a convinced atheist and an opponent of religion, he will never dare to dissuade his wife from spiritual life if she fulfills her duties correctly. Because such a woman automatically gives blessings to progress in life, and he himself will be punished for doing bad and will receive a reward for doing good. The husband of such a wife is accompanied by progress and success in everything, even in spiritual life.
If a husband has a bad wife, then such a law no longer applies to him. But this does not mean that he should swear at such a wife. This means that he himself treats her incorrectly and does not fulfill his duties.
Wives who speak with love and affection to their husbands are their good friends in solitude.
It is a woman's duty to always speak to her husband in an affectionate tone. Even if he does not behave appropriately, you still need to speak to him in a gentle tone; this is easier for a woman to do than for a man, so this is her responsibility. A woman should not use men's weapons. Swearing and speaking in a rude voice is a man’s weapon. If it is not possible for a woman to speak in a gentle voice, then it is better for her to remain silent altogether. And she can do it. She may cry or remain silent. A man is unlikely to succeed. Family relationships are most severely destroyed by the husband’s cruelty towards his wife and the wife’s rudeness towards her husband. A wife's rude words towards her husband will inevitably lead to divorce if he suddenly feels like a man.
Faithful wives even act as father figures for their husbands when the time comes for religious duties, and as tender, loving mothers for their husbands when they are in bitter torment.
A woman should know that every man needs a mother. Therefore, when a man enters a childish state, the wife should behave with him like a mother. This gives her the opportunity to also predispose her husband to herself, but if the husband experiences bitter torment or suffering, then the wife should behave with him with even greater maternal care. Then the husband will never give such a woman offense.
Even when traveling through the darkest and wildest places and during periods of life's difficulties, a husband finds peace and inspiration in such a wife.
Anyone who has a good wife is definitely trustworthy. The conclusion to be drawn is that someone who does not have a good wife may not always be trustworthy.
This means that if your husband is mistrusted, then you are a bad wife. Because the opportunity for a husband to have people’s trust comes entirely from his wife. If a wife does not trust her husband, then none of her colleagues and friends will trust such a husband.
When a woman feels danger towards her husband, then she must be faithful to her husband not only in behavior, but also in words. Then the husband will be protected from dangers and troubles in difficult times. The most interesting thing is that when a husband is in a difficult situation, his wife may have a desire to tell him something wrong, to gossip about him or cheat on him. But if a wife overcomes these desires within herself, then she overcomes the troubles that can happen to her husband.
Thus, a good and faithful wife is her husband’s best assistant; she is the one who shows him the right path in this world.
In 1620, Rabbi Isaac ben Elyakim of Poznań wrote a book for his daughter, The Good Heart, which, among other things, contained the “10 Commandments of a Good Wife”:
1. Be careful when your husband is angry. At this moment, be neither cheerful nor grumpy - smile and speak quietly.
2. Don't make your husband wait for food. Hunger is the father of anger.
3. Don't wake him up when he's sleeping.
4. Be careful with his money. Don't hide your money matters from him.
5. Keep his secrets. If he brags, keep it a secret too.
6. Do not approve of his enemies and do not hate his friends.
7. Do not contradict him and do not claim that your advice is better than his.
8. Don't expect the impossible from him.
9. If you are attentive to his requests, he will become your slave.
10. Don't say anything that would offend him. If you will
treat him like a king, he will treat you like
to the queen.
We ourselves have taught men to be weak and capricious creatures. There are few of them, so the roles in gender relations have changed dramatically. If earlier a man had to conquer a woman and show strength and courage, now the woman plays the role of the conqueror. Men no longer take the first step in relationships - now this is the prerogative of women, they do not look after their loved ones, but expect that they will look after them. They even stopped making money. Why, if the wife has a good salary? In many families, women earn more, do all the housework and solve all family problems. Men try not to interfere in anything; at best, they simply follow the instructions of their powerful wives. And not because they were made henpecked. They are simply very comfortable in this role - they don’t need to stress, think about the future, or worry. And if the wife gets tired and throws out such a husband, it’s okay - there will be a new young lady who will gladly put the man on her neck. But what can you do - an endangered species, so there is no need to choose gentlemen.
Svetlana, 27 years old, dispatcher
Women often lose out to men socially because women simply do not have enough time to pursue a career or earn money. We have to take care of the house, of raising children, and this is normal. Men make better money, so ideally they should be the ones doing it. Perhaps financial dependence on men, which women somehow fall into when they get married, is a manifestation of our weakness. But this weakness is the price to pay for our children to grow up happy. Well, a woman who works three jobs cannot also fully take care of her child! And a child is our main purpose, without him there is no happiness. So it turns out that you can’t do without a man. You need someone to support you financially. But, as they say, “he who pays the piper calls the tune,” therefore, in normal families where the man is the main breadwinner, he is the head of the family. Of course, things are often different now. The woman both works and drags the strap at home. But nothing good comes out of this, as a rule. She can’t keep up either at work or at home. And, whatever you say, we are dependent on men, which means we are weaker.
Irina, 40 years old, manager
Of course, men have long ceased to be the stronger sex. Perhaps this title was justified when a man defended his family, hunted a mammoth, and a woman only maintained the hearth. But now most men no longer need to be strong. You don't need force to buy groceries at the grocery store, most of them don't serve in the military, and their families, as a rule, don't need protection from external enemies. Therefore, gradually male power becomes something rudimentary. A woman can do any job just as well. All that remains is intellect. One can argue endlessly about women's logic, but nevertheless, the facts here also speak in favor of women - even at school, girls, as a rule, study better, at work they occupy leadership positions on an equal basis with men, in general, the female mind is in no way inferior male
And from the point of view of physical condition, we women are completely superior to men in all respects. We live longer, we are much more resilient, we commit suicide less often. In fact, men are prone to destruction, and if they have nothing to break, they take on their own lives. The percentage of alcoholics and drug addicts among them is much higher; they are more likely to end up in prison themselves or become victims of crime. So it turns out that a woman bears responsibility not only for herself and the child, but also for a man who needs to be protected from life’s adversities, treated, educated, protected.
Mikhail, 34 years old, driver
Women will never become the stronger sex simply because they are weaker. You can talk as much as you like about who earns more and who more often becomes the boss. But, no matter how much a woman earns, no matter how smart and successful she is, if she needs to move a cabinet or bring a bag of potatoes, she cannot do without a man. Well, show me a woman who can change a tire on her own. There are no such people! She will still vote on the road or wait for her husband, no matter who she works - be it a cleaner or a general director. Any man can fix a faucet, but no woman can do it, and not because she is stupid, but simply because she does not have the strength to unscrew the nut or change the pipe. Women are physically weaker, which is why they are the weaker sex.
Ivan, 32 years old, administrator
I have to admit that women, for the most part, are much better adapted to life. I have seen a lot of single or divorced young ladies whose life does not seem bad at all to themselves or to those around them. A woman is a completely self-sufficient creature, and if she already has a child, then she may well be happy without a man. Of course, from time to time she will have some difficulties - fixing a faucet or nailing a baseboard. But, you see, all these are little things that, if you have a minimum amount of money or just a wide circle of acquaintances, can be easily dealt with. This, in essence, does not affect life in general and psychological comfort.
It's different for men. We just can't be alone. Firstly, we need regular sex. And in order to get it, we are ready to spend money and fulfill women's whims. Of course, you can change partners like gloves, but no matter what men say about their exploits, do not believe it: most of them find it just as difficult to make acquaintances and find the one and only one as it is for women.
Moreover, unlike a woman, a lonely man immediately begins to degrade. Let's take the appearance at least. A single woman, as a rule, is always in full dress. Makeup, manicure, beautiful clothes. A lonely man means stains on his shirt, wrinkled pants and dirty shoes. But it's not just about appearance. A single woman can easily cook herself a three-course lunch, and a man, even if he is an excellent cook, will eat only sandwiches. In general, whatever you say, women will live without us, but we are unlikely to live without them.
Fedor, 50 years old, engineer
There is not a single field of activity where women are more successful than men. Do you know many women scientists? Unless Sofya Kovalevskaya comes to mind. Off the top of your head, can you remember at least three women - great artists? Can you find at least five names of women - great writers? Even in traditionally “female” professions, the best specialists are still men. The chef in any decent restaurant is always a man, famous fashion designers and hairdressers are also entirely men, great teachers are again men. According to statistics, men earn more, and they also occupy all leadership positions. Well, what is the career peak for a woman? The maximum is some kind of chief accountant. But the general manager of her company is still a man. And if suddenly a woman becomes a big boss, she immediately ceases to be a woman. This is already a man in a skirt, and in its worst manifestation. Women are much more hot-tempered than men, more cruel and vindictive. So the situation in such a team immediately becomes unhealthy. And the “strong” woman herself suffers from her situation. If a lady becomes a big boss, she immediately begins to have hysterics, nervous breakdowns and health problems. Well, the female body is not designed for such loads!
The family union of any marriage begins with feelings called love. At the same time, not all partners remember that respect becomes a strong foundation of the family hearth. After all, feelings will change their strength of manifestation, go through global transformations, and respect will remain the unshakable basis for preserving love.
A frequent complaint from the female half of the audience to their companions is the question of what to do if the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, how to behave, what advice from a psychologist? Is this a fair assumption for every stated phrase: “he doesn’t respect me”? It’s worth lifting the curtain and seeing what the scenery of disrespect in .
A man usually loves women whom he respects; a woman usually respects only the men she loves.
Therefore, a man often loves women who are not worth loving, and a woman often respects men who are not worth respecting.
Vasily Osipovich Klyuchevsky
False sense of disrespect
Respect is the acceptance of another person's personality, character traits, values, opinions and actions as meaningful and important. Only in this case is it permissible to say that the partner values his other half.The origins of women's disappointment in men lie in their own unjustified expectations. Both partners expect specific behavior that will be in tune with their personal ideas about life together.
It’s good when these ideas are adequate and do not border on fantasy. When expectations are not realistic, then the problem is rooted in the girl’s inflated claims, rather than in the disrespectful attitude of the “offender.”
I want to feel special, but my husband doesn’t respect or appreciate me...
False female expectations entail a subjective feeling of disrespect, including:
- Utopian expectations of a fairy tale and an obsession with romance.
A man will not carry in his arms, serve breakfast in bed and cover the bed with rose petals. Not all male souls are so sensual; besides, the period of falling in love passes, and the production of endorphin and oxytocin (“love hormones”) decreases. - Expectation of constant time together.
It is inherent in male nature that the spouse is a predator and provider for his own. Becoming like an obedient pet goes against natural instincts. - Expectation of eloquent praise and compliments.
On the contrary, they are “silent” because they are guided by the predominant left hemisphere, therefore they analyze and reflect more than they speak. - Expectation of the predominance of affection and tenderness over sexual interests.
Male sexuality is more intolerant due to physiological characteristics and the basic need for sex. - Expectation of attentiveness to personal family dates, little things and details.
Here the point is in the peculiarities of the functioning of higher nervous activity. Guys think concretely, practically, globally. If it’s your loved one’s birthday, it matters what month it is, and the date itself will get closer. - Expectation of sharing child-rearing responsibilities equally.
It seemed like a natural wish. But the father is focused on the financial and practical side of providing comfortable housing, decent education, leisure, recreation and other benefits.
Reasons for true manifestations of husband's disrespect for his wife
True manifestations, when it can be said with certainty that husband does not respect or value his wife, are considered:- Authoritarian behavior.
- Criticism, constant monitoring.
- Not accepting the wife's needs and desires.
- Lack of interest in the problems and life of the spouse in general.
- Lack of assistance, non-acceptance of the right to rest and free leisure.
- Infringement of material and financial resources.
- Insults, rude communication and the use of psychological, physical or sexual violence.
- Sexual betrayal ().
Reasons why a husband disrespects his wife:
- A model of behavior taken from the parental family.
- Imitating the style of communication in the family by someone who is an authority for him.
- Childhood psychological trauma.
- Pronounced accentuations of character (negative personality traits that are on the verge of normality and pathology), egocentrism.
- Depreciation and disrespectful attitude of the wife.
We will devote a separate paragraph to the last reason, the most common one.
If a husband does not value his wife: “show attention and respect to him,” psychologists recommend.
The psychologist's basic recommendations on what to do if the husband does not respect his wife may surprise the female audience. For a man to begin to value his wife, it is enough for him to demonstrate an alternative respectful attitude towards him. In this case, the mirror reflection technique works: “you shout at me - and I shout, you respect me - I respect you.”
How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect his wife: basic tips
- Accept the power of a man as the head of the family, his authority and leadership.
Both spouses can claim leadership status. But in men, the need to dominate is inherent historically, and if a man strives to be the leader, he will not give in and will resist his wife. - Communicate respectfully, without shouting or insults, from a position of equality.
An invaluable quality of a woman is calmness and self-control. Not every girl can be proud of her emotional restraint. This trait alone will attract male respect. - Accept his decisions without criticism, do not disparage his intellectual abilities.
A man needs approval of his ideas, actions and endeavors. Systematic counter-criticism labels: “the husband is stupid, the wife is smart.” After all, a woman’s trump card is beauty, and a man’s trump card is intelligence. - Appreciate his courage and sexual potential.
It is important to show feminine weakness, to give a man the opportunity to use his strength. Sex should be an accessible and natural privilege of family life, not an incentive carrot. - Share achievements and victories.
A small success, secured by the approval and praise of his wife, will motivate him to a big victory. - Acceptance of the environment (friends, relatives, colleagues), interests and personal space, leisure.
Spouses do not become one, their personalities do not merge into one. Therefore, these areas should be separated. Both partners have the right to personal leisure and freedom. By showing interest and approval in your personal space, you demonstrate not only respect for your husband, but also trust (this also applies to personal belongings: gadgets, notebooks, social network accounts). - Highlight and emphasize its advantages.
There is not a single ideal person in the world. The partner is also no exception, but there are things that he does especially well. The habit of regularly emphasizing such virtues will provide good fuel for maintaining self-esteem.
An image of a woman that commands respect
Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with unkempt hair does not inspire professional trust. Likewise, a wife who claims priority positions in her husband’s life list must maintain an appropriate image.
Let's talk about this in more detail:
1. Image and style
The inevitable fate of the fair half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of her status as a housewife or businesswoman. A lover always wants to see a stylish, attractive companion next to him.2. Exemplary mother and housewife
These archetypal ideas are still relevant in today's gender-equal times. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family hearth; it is pleasant for him to return after a hard day at work to a clean house, in which well-groomed children are running around, and a hot dinner is waiting on the table.3. Desired lover
The woman who is valued is the one who fills him with sexual energy, awakens desire, creates intrigue, and not just one who allows him to fulfill his marital duty in moments of good health.4. Professional self-realization of a woman
Not a single housewife, even the most efficient one, will command as much respect as a woman who has a specialty, position, and professional responsibilities. She needs a profession to develop and become a self-sufficient person, and men are attracted to women’s independence.5. The wife’s desire for self-development
The second half should be interesting to his partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop and improve herself. Few people will be interested in an overweight housewife, obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.Conclusion
Family life is not always smooth, beautiful rhythms. You have to play with four hands: if one starts to go wrong, the second one will go wrong, and you have to start playing the melody again. It is important to always start with yourself: accept your husband as a constant life partner, trust him, be in equality and show interest, respect to be respected.And what of this, dear women, have you done today? A psychologist's advice on what to do if a husband does not respect and value his wife is not enough. Start with personal changes.