Often the obstacles that prevent us from achieving a goal or becoming better are only in our heads. Consciousness determines how we behave in difficult situations, whether we cope with fear, achieve success or fail. Therefore it needs to be changed.
How to think positively
4. Be persistent and purposeful
If you give up, you will go back to square one and become a prisoner of a fixed mindset again. Think about what work has already been done.
How to get into an abundance mindset
People with a scarcity mindset think that there are not enough resources for everyone. Stephen Covey in his book “To Be, Not to Seem” makes an interesting analogy.
People with a scarcity mindset believe that there is only one pie in the world and that if someone takes a piece, they will get less. This attitude leads to a win/lose mindset: if you win, I lose, and I can't let that happen.
Stephen Covey, American business expert
People with an abundance mindset believe that there are many pies and no losers: everyone will win and get their piece (or more than one).
1. Think about what you have
Focus on this. Material or intangible things - it doesn't matter. You need to learn to think abundantly and be grateful for what you have.
2. Share
How to think proactively
Reactive thinkers are influenced by external factors. They do not play an active role in life, but simply go with the flow.
People with proactive thinking do not blame the situation or others if something goes wrong, but take responsibility for their lives. They know what they can change and what they can't, and they focus on the former.
1. Take action
Move from the passenger seat to the steering wheel and start taking control of your life. Instead of saying, “The weather is too bad to go for a run,” say, “It’s raining outside, but it’s dry at home. So I can make others.”
The point is to stop being a hostage to situations and act regardless of what is happening around you.
2. Get rid of reactive thinking phrases
Forget about:
- I can't because...
- If I could, I would.
- I had to…
- This is how the circumstances developed.
And try:
- I'll find an alternative.
- I can do it.
- This is my decision.
- I want this myself.
3. Take responsibility for your life.
Don't waste your time on trifles and don't get angry when things don't go according to plan. The bus didn't arrive on time? Leave early, take it with you so as not to waste time, get your license and save up for a car, but don’t become a victim of circumstances. Let them work for you.
Nobody promised that it would be easy and fast. But who, if not you, will help you become better and achieve success?\
Even in the recent past, ordinary people had a distorted understanding of the nature and essence of mental disorders. Thus, depressive states were attributed to indicators of the subject’s weakness of spirit. Intense phobic fears were considered far-fetched and ridiculous. Tormenting panic attacks were attributed to the person’s feigned demonstrative actions. Manic states with their characteristic euphoria were attributed to unhealthy carelessness and excessive cheerfulness of the person. And mentally ill people with symptoms of schizophrenic disorders were generally treated as people whose souls had been possessed by the devil.
However, as knowledge about human physiology developed, the characteristics of higher nervous activity were studied, and information about the unique world of the individual’s psyche was acquired, scientists put forward more realistic hypotheses about the causes of disorders. Along with genetic and biological theories of the origin of mental pathologies, an honorable niche is occupied by the versions proposed by various psychotherapeutic schools. Among the most reliable, practice-tested theories are the concepts developed by the creators and followers of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
From the point of view of the creators of this school, the real cause of all psychological problems, complexes, neuroses, psychotic disorders is the erroneous stereotypical dysfunctional system of thinking that exists in the individual. Such a destructive and unproductive model of thinking is a set of thoughts, ideas, perceptions, beliefs that are not an objective reflection of reality. This dysfunctional thought pattern is also not a consequence or reflection of the individual's personal experiences. Such a system of thinking that negatively affects life is the result of an incorrect interpretation of the existing state of affairs, an incorrect interpretation of the events of the present. Such a model of judgment may be the result of some personal misconceptions, but most often such a stereotypical construct is formed due to the intense influence of some external factors that were incorrectly interpreted by a person.
Based on the above, all processes and products of human thinking can be divided into two broad groups:
According to the authors of the school of cognitive behavioral therapy, it is the presence of unproductive elements in the subject’s thinking that distorts the objective perception of reality and rewards a person with destructive emotions and feelings. Such dysfunctional thinking prevents the formation of a constructive life position, deprives a person of a flexible worldview and initiates illogical human behavior.
Accordingly, it is rigid and unconstructive thinking that leads to negative psycho-emotional and behavioral consequences. Irrational emotions go off scale in amplitude, and, reaching the strength of affect, they simply hang a veil over a person’s eyes and demonstrate reality in a distorted light. Such destructive thinking is the culprit of reckless actions, hasty actions, and unfair categorical verdicts. It is the distorted links in thinking that are the true cause of depression, anxiety disorders, obsessive thoughts and actions, eating behavior abnormalities, alcoholism and drug addiction, gaming and emotional addictions. Such non-adaptive components of thinking prevent the individual from fully functioning in society, do not allow the creation of a strong family and deprive a person of friendly relations. Destructive elements of thinking are the cause of low self-esteem and the existence of various inferiority complexes in individuals. They give rise to a sad mood and poor health, and are the culprit of painful thoughts and loneliness of a person.
How to change your thinking and improve your life? It is necessary to detect and identify these erroneous stereotypes, and subsequently eliminate them from the sphere of thinking, filling the “cleared space” with rational and realistic experiences. Having acquired useful ideas and constructive ideas, a person will take full control of the course of his thought process, thereby protecting himself from possible negative pressure in the future. By filling the mental space with functional feelings, a person will acquire a constructive worldview, which will allow him to behave adequately and harmlessly for himself in any life circumstances. As a result, a functional system of thinking will save a person from psycho-emotional problems, and a constructive line of behavior will ensure success in any endeavor.
CBT methods: relevance and authority
The techniques proposed by CBT supporters have gained wide popularity among doctors, psychologists and ordinary citizens. All techniques within the framework of cognitive behavioral therapy have been tested in clinical psychotherapeutic practice and are recognized in academic societies around the world. The success and demand for CBT techniques can be explained by a combination of various factors, among which I would like to highlight a number of particularly outstanding advantages.
The teaching of cognitive behavioral therapy names the obvious causes of various disorders of the psychotic and neurotic level in people from different segments of the population, without dividing citizens into any special categories. Proponents of CBT explain the causes of people's psychological problems in clear and simple language. To date, the introduction of cognitive behavioral therapy methods into clinical practice has helped tens of thousands of people around the globe. All techniques developed within this area are universal tools for solving various psychological problems and can be used in all abnormal conditions, excluding severe irreversible mental pathologies.
The concept of cognitive behavioral therapy is also distinguished by its humanistic attitude towards each person, which manifests itself in the unconditional acceptance of the individuality and characteristics of each person, and a positive attitude towards any representative of humanity. However, this method involves conducting impartial, healthy criticism regarding the subject’s negative experiences and negative actions. In simple terms, a person can be neither bad nor good, he is special with a unique personality, however, in his belief system there may be some destructive components that need to be identified and eliminated.
The benefits of cognitive behavioral therapy techniques also include:
How to change your thinking without wasting energy and time on expensive visits to psychotherapists? The only conditions for achieving results using the techniques described are:
How to change your thinking pattern: steps to eliminate erroneous stereotypes
It should be noted that the therapeutic process through these techniques also implies the inclusion in the program of components that are conducive to the transformation and development of the individual. Consultation with an experienced and certified doctor regarding the exact formulation of the existing problem and recommendations for treatment, careful study of educational literature on psychology, familiarity with authoritative sources of information on psychotherapy, regular contacts with wise and positive people will speed up the approach of a complete change in destructive thinking to a creative model.
It is worth remembering that the main enemy on the path to getting rid of problems is banal human laziness and the habit of letting everything take its course. That is why, in order to succeed in transforming thinking at the initial stage, it is necessary to make a certain amount of volitional effort in order to break the ingrained stereotypes about the “uselessness” of working on oneself.
How to change your thinking? Let's move on to the practical part of our article. The task of the first stage of working on yourself is to identify, track, analyze and understand your own thoughts.
Technique 1. Unbiased presentation of thoughts
This task assumes that we will each time write down on a piece of paper the thoughts that we have in the process of making a decision to perform this or that action. Our task is to record every thought as accurately as possible, write them down in the order of occurrence, not miss the slightest thesis, and not make our own assessments: “needed” or “not necessary.” Such actions will clearly demonstrate what considerations prevail in us, what motives guide us before making a decision.
Technique 2. Exploring your own thoughts
To do this, we start a special notebook - a diary of thoughts. At least three times a day we retire and write down on paper all the thoughts and ideas that we have had over the past hours. We try to write them down without judging, we present them succinctly and concisely, we try to express ourselves as accurately as possible. We keep a diary of thoughts for one month. At the end of this period, we carefully re-read the written theses and conduct a thorough analysis. Our goal is to establish what thoughts with what content most often “live” in our heads, and how long we think about them. This action will help determine what specifically worries us the most and most often.
Technique 3. Form an objective point of view on your own thinking
The purpose of this exercise is to eliminate biases in our own judgments and develop an objective view of the thoughts that arise in our minds. The primary action is the following: we must recognize that “harmful” thoughts do not arise in us of our own free will and are not a product of our own thinking, but arise automatically. We need to realize that the judgments that prevail in the present were formed earlier in the past. Such stereotypical ideas are the result formed due to some negative circumstances in personal history. Or these erroneous ideas are imposed on us from the outside by outsiders.
Technique 4. Moving away unconstructive thoughts from our consciousness
Our next action on the path to transforming thinking is to recognize and acknowledge the fact that stereotypical ideas and judgments are not useful and functional. Such erroneous components of thinking do not allow one to quickly adapt to real-life conditions. Since such elements do not correspond to the real state of affairs, they contradict reality, they are not true, but false. Therefore, developing your personal philosophy of life, guided by such misconceptions, is erroneous, illogical and non-functional. With these steps, we acknowledge the existence of harmful ideas in ourselves, and at the same time, we consciously remove them from our thinking.
Technique 5. Challenging stereotypical thoughts
We record our existing stereotypical idea on a piece of paper. After that, we write down the maximum number of arguments “for” and “against” in two columns. That is, on the left side of the sheet we write down the probable advantages, advantages, benefits that we can get from the development of such a stereotypical thought. In the right column we write down all the possible shortcomings, flaws, and damage that threatens us from the globalization of this stereotypical construct.
We re-read the arguments presented daily. Over time, our consciousness will instinctively weed out arguments that can harm us, leaving only a few “correct” arguments. Since neither their number nor their strength can counterbalance our entire life strategy, such a stereotypical construct will be excluded from consciousness due to its uselessness.
Technique 6. Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of our beliefs
This step involves carefully examining, analyzing and weighing the existing final results of our belief. Our task is to conduct a study of all possible options for resolving the problem, to consider all the expected consequences of the existence of a stereotypical judgment. After which we “put” on the balance the advantages of the existence of a stereotypical belief and the disadvantages of its presence. Since in the vast majority of cases, from the presence of prejudice, we are more likely to lose and lose than to win and gain, the idea that this stereotype is useless arises in our thinking. Accordingly, the conclusion suggests itself: since the idea is useless, then it is not worth storing and cherishing it.
Technique 7. Conduct an experiment
For this exercise, we will need the presence of a person who is able to maintain equanimity under any conditions and will not hold grudges in the future. The essence of this technique is to experimentally test from personal experience what sensations an open demonstration of some negative emotion gives us. By warning our partner on a task, we remove all barriers of censorship, eliminate cultural prohibitions, and express out loud what overwhelms us. We can scream, desperately gesticulate, sob loudly, break dishes, just to completely throw out the feeling that is corroding us. We must show our anger, resentment, anger, rage with all our might. After this, we take a break and impartially study how our well-being has changed. We ask our partner what exactly he was worried about, what he was thinking about when we showed ourselves “in all our glory.” Finally, let's weigh the benefits and damages of having such a stereotypical idea.
Technique 8. Restoring objectivity in the past
Very often, an erroneous worldview is the result of an incorrect interpretation of past events, an incorrect interpretation of the actions of other people, and a distorted understanding of the motives for the actions of others. Therefore, in order to restore “justice”, we need to find our past “offenders” and have a frank dialogue with them. A heart-to-heart conversation involves not only expressing our emotions and interrogating, but also allowing the other person to express our point of view. We must allow the person to explain why he acted this way. This exercise will help you look at what happened with a different perspective, forgive grievances and “let go” of the past.
Technique 9. Connecting authoritative sources
Quite often, we ourselves exaggerate our fears and reinforce existing anxiety with wild fantasies. At the same time, most of us completely ignore objective information regarding the “danger” of our fears. We set ourselves the task of collecting as much data as possible regarding the objects of our fear. We study scientific literature, official reports, statistical data. We communicate with competent persons who directly encounter the objects of our fear. The more verified information we collect, the sooner our consciousness will convince itself of the absurdity of our anxiety and help us free ourselves from stereotypical thinking.
Technique 10. Socratic method
Although the Socratic dialogue technique involves two people talking, you can use this method yourself. We must have a conversation with ourselves and try to find “blunders” in our thoughts. Then we focus our attention on the existing contradictions. For example, if we are convinced that we are in danger of imminent death due to the bite of a stray dog, we present the argument that we were previously bitten by a dog, but nothing catastrophic happened.
Technique 11. Eliminating the catastrophic nature of events
How to change thinking and eliminate destructive links? We must develop our existing conviction to gigantic proportions. This action will minimize the scale of possible consequences from the occurrence of a frightening event. For example, if we are afraid to speak in public, we answer the questions: “What exactly will happen to us at the moment when we find ourselves in the public eye?”, “With what intensity will the experiences overcome us?”, “How long will the painful sensations debilitate us?” ?”, “What should happen next? Are we going to have a heart attack? Will we die on the spot? Will all of humanity die with us? Will there be an apocalypse? Will the earth leave its orbit and cease to exist?” As a result, we will have the idea that our experiences in a global sense are not worth a damn. By reducing the importance of the stereotype, we will improve our well-being and allow new constructive thinking to arise.
Technique 12. Reassessing the traumatic event
This exercise is aimed at weakening the power of the destructive feeling that exists in us. As a result, dysfunctional experiences will lose the intensity of affect, and psycho-emotional discomfort will disappear. For example, if we have become a victim of violence, and the fact that happened prevents us from living, we should repeat the phrases: “It is sad and painful that such an incident happened in my life. But I will not allow the tragedy that happened to affect my present and interfere with a happy future. “I consciously leave the drama that happened in the past and look forward to a happy future.”
Technique 13. “Becoming” a therapist
This step also involves having a partner we can trust. Our task is to convince our opponent of the fallacy and meaninglessness of our own stereotype through persuasion and bringing ironclad arguments. We must prove to our partner that the dysfunctional idea we have is devoid of any basis and does not carry any positive meaning. Thus, by discouraging another person from “preaching” this idea, we ourselves convince ourselves to abandon such unconstructive views.
Technique 14. Postponing the implementation of obsessive ideas until later
If we are overcome by an obsession to perform some stereotypical action, and at the same time we understand the absurdity and absurdity of such an idea, we can persuade ourselves to carry out such a process not now, but after a certain period of time. For example, if we desperately want to wash the kitchen dishes again and again, then we set an exact deadline for completing the action - from 19 to 19.30 pm. Before this hour arrives, we leave the apartment and walk in a well-kept park. Knowing that our obsessive desire will sooner or later be fulfilled will eliminate psychological discomfort and reward us with peace of mind.
Technique 15. Drawing up a specific action plan for a crisis
How to change your thinking and eliminate negative stereotypes? We should know that understanding that if a critical situation occurs, everything will be under our complete control will minimize the fear of this event. To do this, we draw up a step-by-step program of our actions when confronted with the object of our fear. We think about every little thing we do: what we will do, what words to say, which direction to move, how fast to run. This instruction will help eliminate anxiety about the unknown.
In conclusion
Purposeful repetition
The last exercise from our course is persistent repeated targeted repetition of all the above techniques. Through daily training, we will consolidate the acquired skills and get rid of the destructive components of thinking. We will gain complete freedom from fears and anxieties, eliminate complexes and destructive ideas, and free ourselves from the blues and apathy.
In fact, our characteristics, even the functioning of cells in the brain, are the result of the genetic diversity of each person. A unique molecule (DNA) contains everything about who we are, what we will look like, how our brain will work and much more (which parts of the brain will be developed, which will work at half capacity, and some will experience problems). But genes can work (express) differently under different environmental conditions, so conditions can be changed to affect how certain genes work.
Neurogenesis - the creation of nervous tissue cells occurs differently depending on age. Its most active peaks occur in adolescence, as well as after 20, and ends differently for everyone, around 30. Then it still happens, but not so actively.
And naturally, the work of neurons and the connections between them affect how we think, make decisions and perform some actions.
Thinking is one of the human abilities. But different types of tasks affect different parts of the brain, so everyone performs them differently. Some people are better at analyzing financial markets, some are better at doing math in their heads, while others are good at explaining the material in detail. You can, of course, train these skills. Our brain is quite plastic, again, up to a certain age (later, of course, it occurs (neurogenesis), but not so actively and not in all areas), this means that we can develop some skills, learn something new . The skill of thinking is both a certain work of the brain and a set of certain skills.
The problem is that we have certain inclinations and abilities inherent in our genes, but they will work differently in different environmental conditions. We can learn something new, but it is not a fact that it is as effective as what we do best without much effort. While learning something new, we will lose the activity of some other neural connections, which will be eliminated as unnecessary, the brain throws out everything that we do not need, and this leads to the fact that a person may forget something. To prevent this from happening, neurons need to constantly transmit signals, interacting with each other + new connections are created. This will develop not only thinking, but also other skills.
What should you do to develop your thinking? Eat properly and nutritiously, get enough sleep, exercise. Read books (about thinking, for example), watch videos, go to lectures. Learn something, write, compose, make, research, play musical instruments, try yourself in different areas, walk new routes, try or smell something new and unusual, analyze your condition. Play games that make you think, analyze, compare. Count, solve problems, find unexpected solutions, etc. Do what you like best, developing the skills that specifically interest you. If you think that you can’t live life without logic, you take a textbook and tasks - study-use-voila.
Usually this question is asked by people for whom everything, if not very bad, is certainly not very good. For about 5 years I have been watching one guy who asks the same question year after year: what is an easy and quick way to succeed? Yeah, once and from pawn to queen. No, of course there are ways, for example, marrying the daughter of a corrupt official who stole millions - but we won’t talk about that.
I’ll say right away that I don’t consider poverty a vice and, unlike various “gurus,” I think it’s flawed to call poor people “ beggars". But at the same time, I consider the philosophy of life that leads to poverty and the inability to live in principle to be deeply flawed and vicious. To eradicate these wretched ideas from your head and help change your thinking - that is my task. Then everything depends on your own actions and decisions.
Compared to them, you are rich!
Many of those who have achieved success in life started from scratch. From the point of view of the arrogant "gurus" they were the real " beggars“, because they did not have a normal income and serious cash savings. The only thing they had was the desire to do what they liked without looking at anyone or listening to anyone.
Son of emigrants John Paul DeJoria was a poor man. To start his business, he took out a bank loan. He had no home and therefore lived in his car. And every day he went and sold his shampoo because he believed in it. Today, John Paul Mitchell Systems is a company with a turnover of $900 million a year.
He simply allowed himself to do what he liked.
Samuel Morse, despite the fact that he was born into a rich family, in his ordinary life he eked out a miserable existence, who almost died from malnutrition (a certain Stropher, who took painting lessons from him, literally saved his life by feeding him lunch and giving him 10 dollars). However, he did not give up and, having created an electromagnetic writing telegraph (“Morse apparatus”), he eventually received 400,000 francs from ten European countries. He bought a ranch and became involved in philanthropy.
Just because he allowed himself to do what he really wanted
Joanne Rowling, a 31-year-old single mother living on welfare, which was barely enough to afford cheap food and rent. She was depressed and periodically had thoughts of suicide. Her novel about Harry Potter, typed on an antediluvian typewriter, was rejected by publishers one after another, mockingly advising her to find a “normal job.” But she did not give up and continued to fight to get her book published. Today Joan is the world's first female writer to earn $1 billion from her work.
Simply because she did what she loved and believed in, without giving in to difficulties.
Slaves' daughter, black Sarah Walker, a 20-year-old poor widow with a daughter in her arms, who was paid a maximum of $1.5 a day. At the age of 25, she began to go bald; the available remedies did not help. But she did not give up and found a way out - with the help of her brothers, she invented her own remedy for baldness. She liked it so much that she started selling it. But what was it like for a black woman to peddle her product from door to door in a 19th century society steeped in racism and male chauvinism? Not only did she succeed, she founded her own network marketing company and became the first black female millionaire.
Simply because she allowed herself to be who she is and do what she wants.
Raymond Albert Kroc he was also a “rogue”. A dealer in paper cups and milk mixers who has not achieved material wealth by the age of 50. At one time he even worked for food and a roof over his head in one of the restaurants. But chance or providence confronted him with the McDonald brothers and their restaurant. Ray liked the idea of quick service so much that he bought from his brothers the right to open similar restaurants throughout the United States (now called franchisees). This eventually led to the creation of McDonald's Corporation. At the time of Raymond Kroc's death in 1984, his net worth was more than $500 million.
Simply because he was doing something that he liked and enjoyed.
Walt Disney Born into a large family of a carpenter. The family was so poor that they could not buy him a pencil and paper, although Disney really wanted to draw. Nevertheless, at the age of 7 he began selling his first comics, and at the age of 22, he and his brother founded The Walt Disney Company. Even the meanness of business partner Margaret Winkler, who fraudulently stole the copyrights to all the cartoon characters created at that time, did not stop Disney, and now his company is a world-famous multimedia empire.
Simply because he did what truly made him happy.
All in all, it's not about how much money you have now. What’s more important is what your dream, goal is, how large-scale it is, how promising and useful it is. What matters is whether you have a business to which you are ready to devote yourself wholeheartedly or whether you dream of becoming an “emelya” and ordering the stove to fulfill your desires. This is the mindset that helps you become successful.
Slave attitudes in the head
But some attitudes in the brain, received from parents, communication with those who got a “normal job” and reading stupid books, prevent you from starting to think like that. Let's fix it.
Stop thinking that someone owes you something. Do you think that the fact that you will sit and monotonously whine “The rich should help the poor, the government should make our lives better, God should help the unfortunate,” etc. will something change?! Do you want to live on handouts?! Or do you want to get what you really deserve? Then stop whining and complaining.
Stop saving on yourself. Unemployed homeless man Edison Miranda gave his last pesos to a boxing coach to learn techniques and techniques. He could have bought new clothes, a nice cell phone, or eaten delicious food, but he invested in himself. In yourself, and not in your clothes or food. Your problem is that you value yourself less than the things you buy. This unconscious position manifests itself very clearly throughout your life.
Stop chasing "quick money". Every day I receive dozens of letters in my spam with something like “money button”, “automatic earning program”, “excellent earnings on the Internet” and other bullshit. Who are they intended for? For those who are not ready to persistently and hardworkingly do something that they really enjoy, but want to quickly “make money” in order to pay for the false “pleasures of life.” You can succeed in this business... if you lie a lot and brazenly, but in such people both the brain and body are quickly destroyed due to the growth of neurotic zones (the famous liar and manipulator Dale Carnegie died of Hodgkin's disease).