In his book, Bruce Tulgan touches on the key problem of modern managers - the epidemic of “undermanagement” - and offers specific steps that will help you become a strong manager who: clearly voices his expectations to employees, regularly receives and analyzes feedback, corrects the mistakes of subordinates in a timely manner and even faster rewards them for their success.
Do you spend a lot of time talking with employees? You discuss hundreds of topics: “How was your weekend? Was your son's birthday a success? Have you seen this TV show? You may want to talk to employees about their personal business to build stronger connections with them. However, this approach interferes with managerial relationships. When the discussion turns to work-related issues, you may not always be able to take full advantage of your power. If you have a complex assignment, you sometimes have to put pressure on the employee. And in such a situation, you suddenly change your tone and begin to talk seriously, hastily, and sometimes too emotionally with him about work. And at this moment the employee may well say something like: “Hey, I thought we were friends?!” And you can forget about the previous mutual understanding.
I call it Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If you build relationships with employees by communicating with them about personal matters, like close friends, then in situations where the conversation turns serious, and this always happens, sooner or later, you must take on a completely different role. You go from Mr. Bosom Friend to Mr. Boss Jerk and stay in that role until the problem goes away and you get a chance to return to being Mr. Friend again. Only now Mr. Friend is already starting to seem like a fake, and Mr. Boss will have to fight for his rights.
Talk about work
If you want to be Mr. Friend to your employees, you can have a beer with them in the evening. However At work you have to be the boss. Your role is to maintain overall focus and help everyone perform at their best every day. The good news is that the best way to build rapport with your employees is to actually talk to them about work. This is what you have in common. In fact, work is the reason why you are in any relationship at all. When you build rapport by talking about joint activities, you reduce the likelihood of conflict and at the same time create a relationship that will survive conflict should it arise. So talk about the work that has already been done and the work that remains to be done. Talk about avoiding mistakes, finding workarounds and making sure all resources are available in sufficient quantities, talk about goals, deadlines, norms and specifications, talk about work. And everything will be much better.
How do the most effective manager-mentors talk?
Many managers tell me: “I’m not a natural leader. I...” (You can fill in the missing ones yourself, for example, accountant, engineer, doctor, and so on). They state: “I don’t really like the management process. It involves too many difficult conversations.” In fact, these managers make it clear that they don't know how to effectively talk to employees about work.
Only a few have a special type of charisma, an infectious passion and enthusiasm that inspires and motivates people. What about everyone else? You may not be able to develop charisma, but you can very well learn to talk about work directly and effectively. You can learn to say the right words to your employees at the right time and in the right way.
The most effective managers use a specific method of communication. They adopt special postures, demeanor and tone. They can be both authoritative and responsive, demanding and supportive, disciplined and patient. This is not Mr. Friend's or Mr. Boss's style, but rather something in between. This particular way of communicating is a lot like performance coaching.
“I’ve never been a particularly good mentor,” managers sometimes tell me, “so I don’t know what it’s like.” Well, I can describe the mentor speaking in a smooth and insistent voice. He is methodical and involved. He is full of enthusiasm and assertiveness. His behavior is constantly aimed at stimulating concentration and responsibility.
Try to think of the best boss, teacher, counselor, or spiritual guide you have ever encountered in your life. Try to hear the sound and tone of his voice, and think of examples of his honesty and openness. Reflect on the impact he had on you.
When I think of mentoring, I immediately think of Frank Gorman, the greatest teacher I have known and learned from. All those years that we knew each other, Frank was focused on one thing - karate. He was fortunate to have the special charisma, passion and enthusiasm that characterize strong leaders. He is a true master at helping people gain the right degree of concentration and work hard to achieve a single goal for many hours, without even thinking about rest. How does he do this?
“The only thing that matters is your thumbs,” Frank would repeat week after week, “clench them, press them hard into your palms, so hard that the tendons of your forearms rise.” I was covered in sweat, tense with physical exhaustion, trying to look straight ahead with my jaw dropped, shoulders back, elbows tucked, back straight, legs firmly pressed into the floor, and Frank Gorman alternately screamed and whispered in my ear, “Thumbs, squeeze thumbs, that’s the only thing that matters right now.”
Another day, the only thing that mattered became something else: my eyes, my jaw, my shoulders, and so on. Finally, a few years ago, I asked, “How can my thumbs be the only thing that matters in karate? How can you learn anything when the only thing that matters is constantly changing. Every time it’s something new!” Frank smiled and replied, “No one can learn karate in a day or a year. All we have is today. What can I teach you right now? What can you concentrate on at this very moment? What can you improve in this moment? The only thing that matters is that we do here and now.”
The main thing I learned from Frank is that the relentless power of your insistent voice simply leaves the person you mentored with no choice but to focus on what they are doing right now. For those who become mentees in such a situation, the demands can be very serious, but the return on effort will be enormous. When you set people up for success in this way, the only option for them is to immerse themselves in their work, because you, unlike most people in their lives, require them to be the best. You remind them to focus on every detail. As you help them improve one skill after another, by focusing on developing the skill, they learn to concentrate. They become black belts in everything they do. And perhaps many years after they stop working for you, they will still continue to hear your voice: “The only thing that matters is what we do right now.”
Obviously, some people have O greater talent for mentoring than others. However, any person can adopt the style of communication characteristic of a mentor, coach, teacher. Should you imitate someone from your own past? Yes Just try it. This is a great starting point and you will eventually develop your own style.
You shouldn't run around the office shouting "hurray."
Sometimes managers worry that if they talk to subordinates as mentors, they will seem insincere and their words will sound unnatural. As one senior executive at a software company put it, “I won't run around the office shouting 'Hurray.' I'm not a mentor."
However, mentoring has little to do with such cries. And here's the good news: truly effective mentoring simply cannot be unnatural. This is always a sincere process. And sometimes he turns out to be so sincere that you don’t even realize that you are mentoring.
This is roughly what I answered to this manager. I then asked him to recall the best examples of his own management communication throughout his career. As he began to describe his successes in management, a smile appeared on his face. And guess what? His stories were great examples of a mentor at work. He said:
“I thought of each person as an individual. Who is he, what does he think? I tried to concentrate on the work and its results, and not on the person. I chose my words very carefully. I wanted to understand as accurately as possible what I already knew and what I didn’t. I asked questions, but I also pushed the person toward specific next steps. We were right in the middle of the project, so I took extra time to share what went right and what went wrong. We then developed a detailed plan for the next steps, and I continued to monitor them until they were all completed.”
Here's how exactly the boss should talk:
- tune in to the person for whom you have become a mentor;
- focus on specific examples of his work;
- describe the employee’s work and results in a sincere and clear manner;
- formulate the next specific steps
Don't wait for problems to arise before mentoring.
Quite quickly at the very beginning of our work with managers, we realized that some bosses can be considered real masters of mentoring, but many are not particularly successful at it. However, we have learned that when it comes to managing people, it is talking in a coaching manner that can lead to real action.
The trouble is that most managers only start mentoring when they are faced with ongoing challenges such as missed deadlines and poor quality work, or poor behavior such as being unkind to clients or colleagues. Only when managers realize that the problem is not going away do they decide to invite the employee into their office and start teaching: “I see that your performance is not going well, and we need to work on fixing it for a while.”
By this point, the participants in the dialogue may already have unpleasant feelings. The manager starts asking the employee: “What’s the problem?!”, and the employee, listening to him, thinks: “Why didn’t he talk to me about this earlier?” Often the manager’s next step is limited to saying: “Don’t do that again.” And this works, but only until the problem arises again; do not forget that if the difficulties are constant, it is probably caused by the fact that the employee either does not know what needs to be done to correct the situation, or is under power one or more bad habits that cause the problem to return, and when the problem returns, it is too late to mentor. It’s best to do this in advance so that you have time to set your employee up for success. For example, if you have a subordinate who chronically misses deadlines, don't wait for the next time it happens. Start mentoring as soon as you set your first deadline. Help the employee set milestones, and then, every step of the way, help him create a plan to meet them. Communicate with your employee more often. Discuss in advance what and how will happen when the work is completed. If you do this, then in 99% of cases this person will submit his work on time.
Stop mentoring when problems have already appeared; do it when the employees are doing great or at least just fine. Be a mentor at every stage of your team's work and help them develop good habits to prevent them from developing bad ones.
Get extraordinary results from ordinary people
Over the years, I have been fortunate to work with many officers in the United States Armed Forces. One of the most amazing things about the military is its ability to turn huge numbers of young and relatively inexperienced people into incredibly effective leaders. Take the Marine Corps, for example. The force has an officer-to-enlisted ratio of one to nine, and the Marines are forced to rely heavily on temporary leaders from within their own ranks. At any moment, one of the eight must be ready to take responsibility and lead a fire team of three comrades. The Army successfully turns ordinary nineteen-year-old boys into effective leaders. How does this work?
Recruits are trained very harshly and aggressively. Every day from morning to evening for thirteen weeks in boot camp, recruits are told exactly what to do and how to do it, and their every move is monitored, evaluated and documented. Challenges are not ignored, and any reward, no matter how small, must be earned through hard work, but even after the first period of training is completed, this aggressive, thorough and thoughtful mentoring of Marines continues daily. When it comes to developing new leaders, the Marine Corps is, as always, incredibly methodical. Marines are learning mentoring techniques. They learn to tune into each soldier's wavelength, constantly discuss his activities with him and instruct him step-by-step so that tasks are performed better.
The new leader takes full responsibility for the team. He knows exactly who, where, why, when and how he is doing this or that business. He makes his expectations very clear. He tracks, measures and documents the results of his subordinates. He solves problems as they arise and the team leader takes care of his foot soldiers. As a result, the average nineteen-year-old is often a better manager than many managers with decades of professional experience.
“We have to get extraordinary results from ordinary people,” a Marine officer told me. “And the only way to do this is to squeeze these results out of every person every day through tireless and active leadership work at every level of the hierarchy.”
Marines call this tireless and proactive leadership. I call it mentoring - learn to talk like a boss-mentor and squeeze extraordinary results out of every ordinary employee.
© Bruce Tulgan. It's okay to be a boss. - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.© Published with permission from the publisher
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While most of the stresses we encounter in the office can be planned and prevented, the reactions of colleagues are an uncontrollable variable. This is especially true for such office problems as conflicts based on personal qualities and values. A few simple tips will help you survive in an atmosphere of bullying.
- Don’t let a person who systematically humiliates you “put together a coalition”: communicate with other employees as if nothing had happened.
- Some personalities hurt very deeply. If you cannot reduce the intensity of your reaction, then at least limit your contact with the offender.
- Focus on your opponent's strengths and remind yourself of his contribution to the common cause. This will relieve irritation.
3. Provocations of conflicting personalities
According to a study presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, 5-10% of workers may suffer from a personality disorder. There are 4 main types.
The most fanatical and unpleasant of these types is conventionally called a “star.” Such people fantasize about unlimited success, believe that they know everything better than anyone, love to command and do not tolerate objections. When communicating with them, you should remain calm and respect their opinion, but still stand your ground, otherwise they will no longer take you into account.
If you need to convince such a person of something, try to speak as cogently as possible, talk about the benefits that both this individual colleague and the entire team can receive.
4. Women's team
An office with an overwhelming number of female employees is a typical conflict-prone environment. At first glance, it may seem that the best solution is to keep to yourself. However, this, on the contrary, will turn your co-workers against you, and in the end may even lead to dismissal. Therefore, choose the golden mean. How to do it ?
- Do not share information about your personal life with anyone and do not talk about problems that are not related to solving work problems.
- Do they spread gossip and rumors around you, or do they just talk about someone behind their back? Show that you are not going to take part in such conversations. Just try to avoid unnecessary moralizing.
- Follow the dress code and do not wear too bright or provocative outfits, expensive wardrobe items, or accessories to work.
- Don’t strive to become “on the board.” This is always noticeable and only causes contempt.
- Be attentive, listen more and, in turn, do not make harsh statements about other colleagues.
- Do not disregard company rules and values. If it is customary for an organization to hold corporate parties and celebrate birthdays in the office, you should not ignore them.
5. Sloppy co-worker
Order contributes to inner peace and productivity for most people—but not all. Why is my colleague’s desk always a mess? There may be several reasons for this.
- Some people are inspired by clutter and find that it stimulates their ideas and pushes them to develop.
- Someone simply does not notice the disorder - it does not affect them in any way, they simply “don’t see it”.
Before you lash out at a colleague for being sloppy, remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way, and what one person likes may not be another's. In the end, this is his workplace, and only he can decide what it will be like.
If a colleague’s papers smoothly “crawl” onto your desk, a simple calm request not to violate boundaries will be enough.
6. Breaking friendships with a colleague
Friendships in the workplace have their pros and cons. One of the disadvantages is the feeling of awkwardness that arises when a close relationship collapses, and you have to see this person every day at work. To overcome it:
- Abstract from disagreements in the personal sphere and focus on how good your ex-comrade is in fulfilling his official duties.
- Focus on completing your job tasks.
- Try to maintain a normal professional relationship with the person you were once friends with.
7. Consequences of an office party
Joint holidays are one of the team building techniques. Research has shown that managers believe that joint holidays and outings, games and participation in social events strengthen relationships in the team, which leads to more effective work, as if integrating personal and professional life into a single whole.
But there is also a downside - the undesirable consequences of corporate events. Usually this is expressed in the stupid behavior of colleagues. But you yourself can find yourself in an awkward situation.
The best option is to control your behavior. Well, if something seemingly irreparable happens, don’t be angry. If possible, try to make it a joke. If necessary, explain yourself to those you inadvertently offended.
8. Passive aggression
Try to bring such a colleague into an open conversation to find out the reasons for this behavior. As a rule, these are misunderstandings, omissions, hidden dissatisfaction, which a person, due to character or other circumstances, does not want to express openly.
If you yourself experience hidden aggression towards a colleague, try to see the good sides in him. There is no need to harbor anger or resentment.
9. Blurred behavioral boundaries
Regardless of what others do or say, everyone is ultimately responsible for themselves, so it's best to keep things moderately formal.
You shouldn't say and do whatever you want at work, and at the same time, you shouldn't let other people set moral and ethical boundaries for you. What is normal for one may be completely unacceptable for another.
An effective tool for combating familiarity at work is to give your colleagues direct and immediate feedback, but without making it personal. That is, without humiliating or attacking, politely communicate what you want and what you don’t. The wording could be: “Can I ask you not to do this to me / not to say this in my presence?”
Have you ever encountered conflict situations in the workplace? How did you solve them? Tell us about your experience in the comments.
Giving annual performance reviews can be a headache for managers. The process of giving feedback and writing reviews takes a lot of time, especially when you do it thoughtfully. And if there is a person on the team who is prone to a negative reaction to any criticism, the difficulties will only increase. How can you prepare to communicate with a person whose feedback causes tears, screaming and a desire to go into deep defense?
General advice for all difficult cases is to not lose sight of the goal. Focus on all the positive reasons that motivate you to give feedback. Remind yourself and the employee of them in terms like, “I want to discuss this with you because I want you to be as successful as possible at our company,” or “I want to help you grow.”
Kim Castelda, senior vice president at software company Bullhorn, oversees the development of 600 employees around the world. She conducts special training, teaching the ability to tell other people what they don’t want to hear. Those who prove their skills receive a certificate. In addition, Kim conducts a survey twice a year to find out what positive and constructive comments employees have received from their superiors. “I have rarely met people who do not want to succeed, and feedback is an essential part of this success. We want our employees to be the best, so we supervise them.”
Take a closer look and get ready. Start with introspection: how do you react to someone else's emotional reaction? How inclined are you to soften criticism, avoid direct confrontation, or, disappointed, respond blow to blow? Castelda warns: “We need to think about how to have this conversation. The leader must come to it focused, prepared and organized.” No need to improvise. You will feel more confident if you do your homework and base your assessment on specific comments, figures and examples. Take the time to prepare thoughtful communications.
Restrain your immediate reaction. No matter how much you prepare, the other person may still express negative emotions, but you will respond to them calmly and effectively.
Take the conversation in a productive direction. You need to stop the emotional reaction so that the criticism is productive and so that you and your interlocutor reach those ideas and solutions that will guarantee his success in the future. You may need a second meeting after your interlocutor has calmed down and collected his thoughts and you have also tuned in. Dealing with an emotional reaction does not replace all the other elements of an effective conversation: an explanation of the reasons for this conversation, a clear description of the problem, examples, as well as the responsibility to listen to the interlocutor and hear him and come to a common decision on further actions.
What to do if your interlocutor is crying
It's easy to feel anxious or frustrated if someone else bursts into tears or says something like, “I never get anything done.” In such situations, Castelda advises, first of all, to show that you are not nagging, but on the contrary, you want to help - and still move on to discussing the problem. “Yes, your interlocutor needs the most kind and sympathetic treatment, but you should not get away from the point, a message is a message. And even the most unpleasant things can be expressed in a calm and soft tone. Be careful and sensitive."
And a few more tips
Put off the unpleasant conversation until the end of the day so that the person can go home straight away.
Keep tissues handy. This can show empathy and give the other person time to calm down and gather their courage.
Say, “I see you are upset. I understand how difficult this conversation is for you. I know that you strive for success, and I want to help you with this. That's why we need to discuss this. Let's meet again tomorrow morning when you've thought about everything."
The tears of a person who is usually not inclined to express his emotions in this way should alert you: they may be a signal that a mistake has occurred.
What to do if your interlocutor shouts
When interacting with a person who is prone to shouting and other manifestations of anger, you risk getting scared and retreating or getting angry and yelling back. In Overcoming No, William Ury reminds us: “When you are attacked, the instinctive response is to attack, to fight fire with fire, to give them the same medicine... But this strategy usually results in a pointless and harmful confrontation. You yourself provide the interlocutor with an excuse for his unreasonable behavior. He thinks: “Yeah, I knew that you wished me harm. Here is the proof."
Try to remain calm and not give in. Castelda advises, “Be prepared to end the conversation if it turns out to be unproductive or unprofessional.” You can say in a calm, neutral tone, “I need to talk to you. Please, not so loud." Or another option: “Please take a deep breath and calm down, or we will have to reschedule the conversation. This is not constructive."
And let this employee assure that he is screaming in a fit of sincere passion. Tell him that you respect the strength of his conviction, but there is still no need to shout. Repeat again that you wish well and are ready to listen to everything he wants to say - but after he has caught his breath (you can postpone this conversation to the next day) and is ready for a calm conversation.
What to do if your interlocutor goes on the defensive
A person who has an explanation or justification for everything can drive you crazy. “He’s like Teflon – he doesn’t take responsibility for anything and always puts the blame on others,” explains Castelda. Such an employee is able to say: “You misunderstood. They got it all mixed up. You haven’t figured anything out.” This tactic helps him avoid constructive dialogue. Castelda advises directly convicting such an interlocutor of his unwillingness to listen and demanding his attention. You might say, for example, “I believe the responsibility lies with you. Let's discuss why you perceive the situation differently." Or: “By shifting the blame to others, you make yourself look like a victim. It won't help you."
What to do if you have to deal with a serious problem
If this type of behavior is common among your employee, you need to address this trend directly. You could say something like, “Every time we try to discuss your work, you get offended (angry or make excuses). I have your best interests in mind. How can I help you accept criticism more openly and constructively? This is what I need from you in such a conversation.” Break the cycle that encourages you to avoid difficult conversations. Castelda warns: “You don’t need to endlessly put off such a conversation or keep everything to yourself. Provide constructive criticism to subordinates as needed. Gradually the problems will subside.”
Emotional reactions can turn interlocutors on opposite sides of the table into enemies. But if you focus on good intentions, prepare conscientiously, and respond effectively to the situation, you have a chance to get on the same side of the table as your employee and help him grow.
All people are different from each other socially, psychologically and culturally. Each person has his own system of values and preferences. But what to do when an employee appears in the team with whom it is absolutely impossible to find a common language. There are many ways to interact with this category of people. We will talk about this in this article.
Fundamentals of Psychological Interaction
The effective operation of any company is based on productive communication with colleagues. The human factor plays a huge role in organizing business communication. In general, this depends on the psychological and professional characteristics of specific employees, as well as their teamwork and compatibility.
For communication, not only the positive qualities of employees play an important role; in achieving set goals, the negative aspects of colleagues are often decisive, influencing which you can achieve the desired result. The ability to see and exploit the strengths and weaknesses of any person's character provides basic knowledge of the fundamentals of optimal interaction.
As the English Prime Minister Disraeli once said: “A nice man is one who agrees with me.” This statement was later confirmed by scientific research, because we really feel sympathy for those people who are similar to us. On the other hand, we experience hostility towards those whose views on life or behavior are too clearly different from ours.
“The need for consensus”: features of psychological communication
It turns out that we strive to bring our own behavior and the behavior of the people around us to maximum coordination, for the most comfortable relationships in emotional and psychological terms. Moreover, people who sympathize with us are credited with a greater degree of agreement with our opinion than is actually the case.
Scientists call this phenomenon the “need for consensus.” For two people to find a common language, a coincidence of thoughts and feelings is required. The first means that we like those with whom we have common views on life and approximately the same position on significant issues. The second is consistency in experiences, feelings and emotions. If two people feel harmony and similarity of thoughts and feelings, then a feeling of comfort and ease when communicating involuntarily arises.
Therefore, it should be taken into account that everyone has hidden interests that require satisfaction when interacting with other people. By learning to deal with such people, you will be able to achieve greater results in your work than others. Remember that each person is unique in their own way and deserves special attention.
What kind of person can be called “difficult”
If contact with a communication partner is not achieved, he can be classified as a “difficult” person. Often, you want to avoid communication with such a person if possible and minimize the time you interact with him. However, what if such a person is a member of a team and it is necessary to resort to close communication every day? First you need to understand what exactly makes a person “difficult” to communicate. From personal experience, everyone can remember that they have met people with whom it is almost impossible to find a common language. Such meetings cause discomfort, misunderstanding or breakdown of relationships. If you learn to understand the motives of other people, their psychological and emotional characteristics, you can maintain prudence and be more calm about the situation.
It is necessary to take into account the needs of the “difficult” person, and this is what will help facilitate business interactions.
Thus, “difficult” can be called a person whose views, thoughts and experiences are based on past disappointments and losses.
Strategies for dealing with “difficult” colleagues
When faced with a “difficult” person, you need to ask yourself very logical questions: “What will I gain?” or “What do I have to lose?” If you succumb to an unconscious strategy of behavior in a situation, communication will be filled with strong emotional conflicts and a spontaneous nature. At the same time, scandals and quarrels at work can have a detrimental effect on the work process.
Consider the five main styles of communicating with a difficult person:
- Rivalry;
- Device;
- Compromise;
- Cooperation;
- Evasion.
The choice of one style or another is determined by what exactly you want to get from the situation, what desires or interests you are pursuing at the moment.
Achieving one's own goals usually leads to a competitive strategy. To maintain good friendly relations, the choice of device is more suitable. Avoidance will be appropriate when you are not going to solve a problem because you do not have the desire, knowledge, strength or authority to overcome it. Compromise takes place to temporarily regulate the situation if, in exchange for your concessions, reciprocal steps are expected from the other side, while your desires and the aspirations of your opponent are partially satisfied. Of all of these, the most productive, without a doubt, is the cooperation strategy. It involves searching for ways out and alternatives in overcoming controversial situations. Solving a problem usually helps you solve your problems and maintain friendly relations with your partner.
Strategies are universal ways of communicating and interacting with different categories of people. It is worth remembering that there must be mutual understanding in a dispute. Do not allow mobbing in the team, and always try to defuse the situation. The optimal way to solve the problem is to choose several behavioral models to achieve the best result.
Secrets of effective interaction with problem employees
When dealing with problem people, you need to have a certain degree of flexibility. This will help not only overcome the situation, but also change your attitude towards the problem.
Let's look at the secrets of successful interaction with “difficult” people:
- Change the way you think and see the problem. Often, from a change in perspective on a problem situation, its essence also changes;
- Change your strategy. Take responsibility and find the most effective ways to resolve conflict issues;
- Don't put off solving the problem. The more you ignore a difficult situation, the more difficult it will be to resolve it. Understand the essence and begin to take active action;
- Communicate on the same level with the person. Determine how your communication style differs from the position of the “problem” employee and adapt your behavior accordingly to achieve mutual understanding;
- Don't reward bad behavior. Do not solve other people's problems and do not allow yourself to be drawn into useless disputes. All these situations waste precious time that could be spent on performing your duties;
- Be as clear as possible. Express your thoughts clearly. If you are not satisfied with something in the work or behavior of another person, do not be afraid to openly tell him about it;
- Focus on goals, not actions. Keep in mind the ideal image of the result you are trying to achieve. And then, choose ways to achieve it;
- People cannot be corrected. Remember that it is almost impossible to change a person, you can only change your attitude towards him or a problem.
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Thus, it is worth knowing that work is the sphere of a person’s professional fulfillment, and not a battlefield. Don't waste a lot of time on interpersonal conflicts and showdowns. If this interferes with the normal flow of the work process, the problem needs to be eliminated, but not much attention should be focused on it.
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The ability to communicate with subordinates and give feedback is traditionally considered to be the basic skills of a professional manager. Any manager should be able to talk to an employee at the right time. And it seems that what’s easier is to call and talk. Specific and to the point. Praised. Criticized. Set tasks. No problem!
However, in practice everything is far from so rosy. Surveys that I conducted in several dozen companies showed that feedback is most often perceived by employees as a problem area in their relationship with their manager.
“He called me and said that I had received a bonus. And he handed over a letter saying that the award was for excellent completion of the project. The money was very helpful, but I wanted to hear words of gratitude from my boss.”
“Every morning starts with screaming. The door swings open, and the boss from his office begins to scold everyone one by one. We used to worry, but now we’ve gotten used to it. This does not affect the work in any way. He will relieve his soul, and we will continue to work.”
“She is not at all interested in how my work is going. Gives assignments, mostly via email. I am doing. It feels like I’m working in another city, although her office is ten meters from my desk.”
The value of feedback
The need for feedback is natural for any person, be it a top manager or an ordinary employee. Am I doing what the company needs? Right or wrong? Will my efforts be recognized? The lack of feedback, as well as gross violation of the rules for providing it, deprives a person of guidelines in the organization and reduces his desire to work. For a manager, feedback is a tool that allows you to:
- Express recognition to the employee and maintain his high motivation.
- Understand the reasons for an employee’s undesirable behavior.
- Correct employee behavior that deviates from standards.
- Target an employee for development in a specific direction.
Are you planning to talk to an employee? Do you want it to work? Then start with your goals! Understand what result you want to get from a conversation with an employee. Then it will be much easier to structure the conversation correctly. Regardless of the purpose of the conversation, it is useful to follow the following rules:
Talk about a specific event. “You showed up at work at 10:45 today. This is the second time in a week, let’s discuss.” There is an event, and there is a topic for discussion. What if it’s like this: “You always sleep until eleven and are always late”? Generalization is a favorite technique of manipulators and an eternal theme of conflicts. Not suitable for quality feedback.
Give feedback soon after the event you discuss with the employee. The road is a spoon for dinner. “You worked with this VIP client today. Let's see what we did this time." Compare: “Do you remember about two months ago you served one VIP client? Let’s figure out what mistake you made there.” What do they say? Who will remember the old...
Use proven, concrete facts.“I noticed that you did not use the new questionnaire when working with this client.” What does the employee hear? The manager carefully observed the work, noticed and remembered - this is important for him! And if so: “They say you’ve stopped using questionnaires altogether?” There will be no constructive conversation. There will be a game of attack and defense. And this is not what a leader needs.
Involve the employee in the discussion - let him speak.“What do you think a customer who wanted to place an urgent order but couldn’t get through to us at 9:30 would do? What can be done to prevent such situations from happening again?” Let him say it. Firstly, this is a good way to stimulate the employee’s independent thinking on the topic under discussion and his responsibility for the decisions that you agree on during the discussion. Secondly, by not giving the employee a chance to speak, you can deprive yourself of important information and even find yourself in an awkward position. I witnessed a situation where a boss reprimanded an employee for violating the deadlines for submitting a regular report - it turned out that he had missed that two days earlier a new procedure had been sent out throughout the organization, which changed not only the deadlines, but also the reporting format: the data was now entered into a centralized system. The employee began to act according to the new instructions. So there was no need to scold, but rather to praise.
Discuss events and activities. Not a person. Labeling a person is a matter of minutes. “You are selfish! You only think about yourself!" Say this to an employee a couple of times - and you can no longer expect help, mutual assistance and the desire for teamwork from him. After all, he is an egoist, and you elevated him to this rank with the power given to you. Someone will be offended and withdraw into themselves. Someone will turn into your opponent. And someone will begin to turn other team members against you. Personality is a delicate matter, don’t joke with it! Find other words. “I appreciate your desire to take advantage of every opportunity to work with a client. At the same time, there must be reasonable boundaries. Think about the image your actions can create for our company among clients.”
Talk about what you can change. This applies to situations where you target an employee to correct behavior and develop skills. It won’t work: “Yes, I see that we have a problem, with such a quiet voice it’s difficult to win over customers.” What were we thinking when we hired this employee? Uh, brother... Now I have to help her! “If you sit on this side, the customers will hear you better, let's try it. By the way, maybe we should think about a microphone?”
You can praise publicly, but it’s better to criticize privately.
There are several reasons. Public criticism is very demotivating. Once. We have a strong tradition of supporting the offended. So don’t be surprised if, after a public reprimand, your team of allies decreases. Two. If you are wrong (this may be the case, see point 4 above), you will be wrong for everyone. Do you need it? Three. Praising is another matter. And this is a whole art! “Of course, it’s good that you reassured the client so quickly, but why didn’t you tell us about the new product?” Is this praise or criticism? Not very clear. “You managed to calm the client down so quickly - share your secret, how do you do it?” But this is much better! They praised me, gave me a compliment, raised my self-esteem and motivation. That's what was required.