Many people suffering from depression do it in silence, without telling anyone. Just recently, the world was rocked by the deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, and so there has been renewed debate about suicide and mental illness, and how dangerous they can be. In particular, we are talking about depression, which is one of the most common and dangerous among all mental illnesses.
According to a 2012 study, only 35 percent of people diagnosed with depression seek professional help. Yes, no matter how compassionate and considerate you are, those close to you can be very successful at hiding their depression and its symptoms. Depression is more common than you might think.
To notice the disease quickly and effectively, you should pay attention to these symptoms. And remember: if you or someone you love is suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies, you should call a mental health hotline.
Depression is a condition that can be incredibly dangerous. It can lead to dire consequences, including death. Naturally, no one wants this for their loved ones and relatives. That is why you need to arm yourself with this useful information and carefully monitor the condition of those people who are dear to you. If you notice any of these symptoms, you need to make every effort to help your loved ones. You can do this yourself or try to convince loved ones suffering from this disease to turn to professionals.
Remember that a person suffering from depression is in most cases unable to help himself, so if this person is close to you, you need to understand that the responsibility for him rests on your shoulders. Determining whether you have depression is very difficult, and that's what you need this article for.
When you manage to determine the presence of depression in a person close to you, make every effort not to leave him to his fate, because, although he will never admit it, he needs help and support most of all. Depression is very dangerous, so you should never neglect it.
They are incredibly animated
This variant of the disease, which is also known as “smiling depression,” appears in people as a persistent mask to the outside world, even as they struggle with their inner demons. Someone close to you may not even be aware that they have depression. Or he may overcompensate to convince you that everything is fine.
They obsessively pursue their hobbies
A person who suffers from depression or any other mental illness very often turns to hobbies to feel some degree of control over their own emotions. Even though these hobbies may be healthy ones, such as tennis or running, the obsessive nature of how people engage in them is a clear sign that they are avoiding other emotions.
They always choose their words carefully
If someone close to you chooses their words more carefully than usual when they are around you, they may be trying to hide symptoms of depression from you. Therefore, if you notice that your friend or relative is more modest, reserved and thoughtful than usual, he may be battling inner demons that are invisible to you.
They keep you at arm's length
People who suffer silently from depression may push you away without even realizing it. They may also be protecting you from their own mood swings in this way. Many people suffering from depression lose their social appetite, meaning they have no energy left to laugh and interact with other people. Everything is extremely tiring for them, so they tend to distance themselves from those they love.
They don't show emotion around you
Another common symptom of depression is the inability to feel anything at all. This explains why your loved one may not laugh, cry, or show any emotion in front of you. He may look like a zombie to those looking at him from the outside.
They don't eat or drink in front of you
People suffering from mental illness have a decreased appetite, and although they may try their best to hide it from you, their sudden weight loss (or in some cases, sudden weight gain) is obvious to you. Moreover, you may notice that they try not to go on diets, as people suffering from depression find it difficult to follow a specific routine.
They often start talking about death
Even if your loved one has not considered suicide themselves, they may be inclined to bring up the topic of death in everyday conversations. Or, if he does not talk about death openly, he may obsessively read news and other materials that somehow deal with the topic of death, since he may be confronted with thoughts about death on a daily basis.
They open only to you
If your partner, friend or relative confides in you, it may be because they trust you the most and therefore feel the need to take some of the emotional burden off their shoulders. Luckily for your loved one, this is a good sign that they are actively seeking help. However, many others (for example, more than 40 percent of higher education students) never seek help.
They may ask for help and then take the request back
They may even ask you for help in a moment of clarity or panic, and then immediately withdraw their request, saying that they were simply overwhelmed by feelings. Or they can come up with any other reason. Many people suffering from depression do everything possible to hide from others what they consider to be their main weakness.
They try not to talk about past traumas
In any social setting, the last thing your loved one suffering from depression would want is to show their emotions. Because he feels so many things with incredible intensity, he often finds it best to bury all these feelings inside and maintain some kind of control over them, rather than letting them out.
Their physical attraction to their partner plummets
If your partner feels less and less attracted to the relationship in bed, this is a very common symptom of depression. On the other hand, your partner may be trying to overcompensate in this area, trying to pursue intimacy more aggressively, to a level that is not appropriate for your relationship.
They constantly come up with excuses
When a person tries to hide his depression and is asked directly about his strange behavior, he very quickly becomes a pro at making excuses. As a result, their constant cancellation of plans and excuses for other strange behaviors takes a toll on them. And you need to try as soon as possible to notice these attempts to hide problems and understand what your loved one is really going through.
If you are suffering for the man who left you, you first need to understand and distinguish between natural suffering caused by encountering loss and betrayal, and prolonged suffering, which is already an unhealthy reaction to what happened.
Sometimes a woman, after a month of her experiences, begins to feel that the suffering has gone on for too long and that it is high time to forget the man and start living.
It is natural to suffer and experience the pain of loss. Cheating and leaving a man is a small death and must be survived.
This is always a tragic event, which is accompanied by pain, disappointment, loss of trust, a feeling that you have been betrayed, humiliated, acted unfairly, abandoned, rejected. And what can we say about hurt pride and pride!
It is especially difficult to experience all this when a woman is no longer so young.
For many women the question arises:
“How to live further?”,
“How to cope with loss?”,
“How to cope with pain?”,
“How not to run after him and ask him to come back?”
And, in the end, how can you believe that life is not over, that new meetings and new love are possible?
Very often, a woman lacks simple knowledge about the natural stages of experiencing loss. She doesn’t know how to continue living, how to behave.
There are 5 stages of experiencing the loss of a loved one.
Stage 1. Denial.
“This could have happened to anyone, but not to me!”
You've heard similar stories, but you find it hard to believe that this happened to you.
The fear of separation and impending loneliness is so frightening that you don’t understand how to live on.
Stage 2. Anger.
“How could he do this to me!
I don't deserve this kind of treatment! ”
Sadness turns to rage, and you yourself are sometimes frightened by the intensity of your hatred for him. From resentment and bitterness, injustice and humiliation, you feel helpless and strong anger.
Stage 3. Activity.
You start to think: “What if...?”
The possibility of getting rid of pain and changing a terrible situation causes a surge of energy. You become creative. And by any means you are looking for opportunities to restore the relationship.
Some at this moment come to a psychologist with a request to return their husband. Others begin to negotiate with God or the Universe, promising anything if the relationship is restored. Still others turn to all possible fortune tellers and clairvoyants.
But all actions are in vain. Nothing changed.
Stage 4. Depression, loneliness.
After a rise in energy and an emotional outburst, deeper disappointment and a strong energy decline occur.
A deep sense of loss, loneliness, sadness and general weariness with the world is what a woman feels at this stage. In the morning she has difficulty getting up to go to work or do household chores.
Classic signs of depression appear: lack of appetite, sometimes a reluctance to see or communicate with anyone, tears, insomnia or, conversely, constant drowsiness.
Stage 5. Acceptance and desire to get out of this state. A journey within yourself.
A strong desire to heal leads you to deep work on yourself.
You begin to analyze your relationships, your life, yourself. A natural question arises: “Why did all this happen to me?”
You begin to look for ways to heal emotional wounds, let go of the past and forgive everyone, reconnect with your self and find peace in your soul.
This is the final step that allows you to move on from divorce to a new happy life.
And I also want to tell you: do not pay attention to the words of your friends who advise you to shake yourself up and spit on everything.
It is very important for you to go through all the stages of your grief.
Remember: “the night is always dark before the dawn.”
At all these stages, it is very important to have people nearby who are ready to support and understand you. It is important that there is a person who will help you understand and realize everything that happened, and then go through all the difficulties of this period.
Who will it be? A close friend, mother, spiritual teacher, psychologist - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to feel that you are not alone with your suffering.
The experience of grief and acute condition usually lasts a year.
It takes about three years for complete recovery from pain.
If your suffering has been prolonged, then it’s time to think.
If you suffer for a LONG time over the man who left you, you cannot let him go, or accept the situation, this means only one thing - you have become too dependent on him. And getting out of any one is not easy.
Addiction condemns you to suffering, you don’t know how to be happy and live an easy life, you haven’t had a long experience of happy and deep relationships.
Deep down in your soul you feel that there is another life, that you can live differently... But for some reason you think that it is not for you.
It's like being at a table full of delicious dishes and not having the courage to touch any of them.
If you suffer for a long time over the man who left you, then for you love is associated with suffering, and while you, suffering, think about him, you maintain virtual love for the man, creating the illusion of his presence in your life. You continue to be in a relationship with him, although in reality you do not have one.
To stop suffering means to part with him forever, and this very thought is unbearable for you.
You'd rather suffer. Dependence makes it impossible to separate in the soul.
So, on a subtle level, you create the illusion of your relationship with him. You are not alone, you are alone with your suffering and pain. And if you suddenly stopped feeding your suffering and freed yourself from it, what would you be left with?
Nothing.
You are filled with fear when you think about it, because you don’t know how to live any other way. The thought of a real breakup threatens your sense of security. Complete emptiness and loneliness scares you to death.
One of my clients, who for years could not forget her husband, who had left for another woman, during our meetings remembered how, as a child, she every time hoped and waited for another man to leave her mother’s life.
He left, and my mother emotionally returned to her until the next affair. And with the man, she continued to hope that he would not be able to live with another woman, that he would realize how much he loved her and would return. The thought that he doesn’t love ANYMORE cannot be digested.
Hope dies very long and painfully in two cases. Either in childhood the emotional pain from deprivation was too strong, or, after all, emotional coldness was replaced by love. You can wait indefinitely, and only when you realize that you cannot influence the situation and a miracle will not happen, will you be able to get in touch with your real grief.
Hopelessness is when on the 40th day you stand at the grave of a loved one and realize that he is no longer there and will NEVER be.
At this moment, you discover a huge gaping emptiness and wound within yourself. After the death of a person, awareness of the loss comes on the 40th day. What if the person is alive? Hope will live for a very long time, hiding in a corner of your heart, gradually destroying you and depriving you of the opportunity to be happy.
Another client of mine described a similar situation with her father: her mother emotionally distanced herself from her when she reconciled with her father, and vice versa, she became closer to her daughter after another quarrel with him.
In the life of an adult woman, a similar scenario occurs: a man has left for another woman, but she cannot believe that this is forever, she is waiting for the moment when he will return to her again. The fact is that if you suffer for a long time, then perhaps for you love is associated with suffering.
Most likely, your relationship with a man was not joyful, in your heart you were unhappy and did not feel happy with him. You had many complaints against him, perhaps you considered him unworthy of yourself. Next to him, you had reasons to suffer; the man could not make you completely happy.
You have always lacked something in your relationship; it has always seemed to you that the man does not love you enough, does not pay enough attention to you.
You didn’t feel happy with him, you dreamed, perhaps, of life without him, and when he left, it didn’t bring you joy.
Strange paradox, isn't it?
If you suffer for too long over the man who left you, this means that according to your scenario, you cannot be happy.
You long for life in a palace, but once you get there, you will feel unworthy of living in such a beautiful place. Or, on the contrary, you will think that you deserve better.
If you suffer from the man who left you, if your condition has dragged on for a long time, this means only one thing - you are dependent on the presence of another person in your life, you do not love yourself, you are not interested in being alone with yourself, you only need Him to feel happy. This means it’s time to start searching for yourself. Realize yourself without a man.
You need to realize the full power of the influence of addiction on your real life.
The difficulty lies in the fact that the man continues to feed your hope with his behavior, or you yourself try to find food for it. Dependent relationships cause suffering to both, until one shows determination and makes a real break.
The heart of an addict is soft and it is difficult for him to cause pain by taking a firm position. In parting, pity does not play the best role. And very often a woman takes a good friendly attitude as a sign of love.
Many women spend countless years pursuing their fantasies and desires. Your feelings are similar to the feelings of children in an orphanage who spend their days standing at the window waiting for their mother. They see their mother in every woman; at night they do not let go of the soft toy, hugging it and talking to it, imagining that they are talking with their mother, who will always be with them.
Your reaction is similar to the reaction of a small child who cannot refuse and forget his mother, cannot believe that his mother left him because she does not need him.
The child feels abandoned and abandoned. Being alone, small, in such a big world is very scary.
Mom gives not only love, but also a feeling of security. And with her departure, everything collapses, the most important thing suffers - the feeling of SECURITY.
If your suffering over the man who left you has been prolonged, you must understand that the man has nothing to do with it - with his departure, your childhood pain and childhood suffering awakens.
All the feelings you experience are not new to you. They are familiar to you.
You just don't remember them.
They were stored in the depths of your unconscious, and now parting with a man has awakened them. Sometimes the pain that comes into your life makes you wake up for the first time and feel that you are alive and not dead. By understanding the patterns and living through your pain drop by drop, you are able to begin to live differently.
Your life is in your hands, and only you decide how to live.
"
It is always important for a woman to determine whether a man really loves her. The further development of relationships and the woman’s behavior depends on this.
If she is confident in a man's love, she feels happy. If a woman is not sure of this, then she will inevitably experience constant stress.
How to understand the psychology of a man in love
Manifestations of love between men and women differ significantly. For example, to be sure that they are loved, women need to regularly hear confessions from their chosen one. Men often do not repeat the words they once said.
A man chooses his love object and proves his feelings with actions. Experts also distinguish five love languages: physical, auditory, gifts, time and service. Other experts emphasize that men do not tend to voice their feelings and emotions, but they will always listen to your wishes. In any case, a woman needs to learn to understand exactly how a man expresses his love.
How to understand a man's love through touch
Touching is the easiest way for a man to express his love. This method does not require effort or expense, but touch is a very “talking” sign of love in a woman’s eyes. A man who loves you will regularly touch your hands, hair, neck. These gestures are natural for a loving man. He will touch you not only when politeness or circumstances require it.
How to understand a man's love by hugs
The hugs of a loving man are never careless. Men hug their chosen one with trepidation and love. In the arms of a loving man you should feel comfortable and warm.
Through hugs, men sometimes convey feelings that they cannot express in words. Listen to how you feel when a man hugs you.
A hug is a manifestation of care for you, your feminine essence and a sense of security. A mature man takes relationships seriously and understands that hugging is a reason for a woman to assume that she is claiming to be the only one.
How to understand that a man is suffering from love
A man can suffer from love in two cases: when he resists it and when he feels that you are not revealing yourself to him.
In the first case, the man must decide on the further development of the relationship, and you can only behave befitting a self-respecting woman: always be irresistible and affectionate, but do not let the man get too close to you until he makes you understand that his decision to be with you.
In the second case, the man’s suffering will be noticeable at first glance: he will look after you and woo you, but with your cold attitude the man will be drooping and, perhaps, even irritated. Anger is another manifestation of suffering.
How to understand a man is experiencing love or passion
You can understand that a man is deeply devoted to you and feels love for you by two main signs.
His feelings are always reflected in his behavior. If a man assures you of his love, but at the same time you do not feel his help and care, then you should think about the veracity of his words.
A loving man will never allow you to doubt him. He will not give you reasons to be jealous, he will always be honest with you. Ask yourself the question “What does he do for me?”
A loving man will always share everything he has with you.
A man is always ready to share his resources with the woman he loves. Moreover, we are talking here not only about the material component. A man's resources are his time, energy, sense of humor, creativity, friends, social connections, achievements.
A loving man will regularly invite you to spend time with his friends, make you the main guest of his home and give you the right to dispose of everything that is in it.
At the same time, admiration for you is one of the signs of mature love. A loving man understands the value of your relationship. He doesn't forget to highlight your strengths and thank you for your attention and efforts.
Ask yourself questions: “How does he behave with me?”, “Does he come to the rescue when I need it?”, “Is he ready to invest effort and material resources in the development of our relationship?”
Love is a completely unpredictable feeling that is not regulated by any rules. Moreover, the behavior and actions of a man in love can sometimes be very difficult to explain.
Photo gallery: Behavior and actions of a man in love
What can be said for sure is that the behavior and actions of a man in love are significantly different from the behavior of men and boys who are indifferent to this bright feeling.
There are some behavioral indicators of a man in love. For example, trembling in the body when he sees his object of adoration. This trembling cannot be overcome. In addition, the lover’s “burning” eyes give him away. It is the sparkle in the eyes that indicates that a person is currently experiencing the happiest moments of his life. Sometimes the behavior and actions of a person in love is characterized by a running and downcast gaze. This is explained by the fact that a man suffers from unrequited love.
A man in love is literally exploding from the inside with the most incredible feelings.
Some even experience real creative inspiration. If he had not previously been observed writing poetry or singing songs, now he literally gushes with love odes or plays the guitar for his beloved every day. And it’s not scary that most often his poems don’t rhyme or the song leaves much to be desired. The main thing is that a man does everything diligently and with soul.
In addition to behavior, the actions of a man in love change radically. Now he imitates his beloved in everything. If a girl loves watching TV series, then the guy forces himself to sit and watch these films with his girlfriend. If he loves cosmetics and often puts on makeup, then a man, in order to gain the favor of his beloved, gives her various cosmetic items.
How can a man in love behave? He may not sleep at night, dreaming of his beloved and reciprocity. Of course, falling in love is a pleasant feeling. However, persistent insomnia is the result of fatigue and sleepiness during the day. A lover is ready to do anything for his beloved girl. He wants to spend as much time as possible with his girlfriend, and not with friends. His friends start teasing him.
A man in love begins to call all women by only one name - his beloved.
Of course, women and girls will certainly be angry with him, but he doesn’t care about that. In the mornings you can see him “flying” on the wings of love to work or study. He enjoys every little thing and smiles at everyone. He tries to demonstrate all his positive qualities and show his abilities in order to surprise his beloved. A man in love does the most incredible things, for example, writes the name of his girlfriend and declarations of love on the asphalt in huge letters. If financial capabilities allow, a man in love can easily give his beloved the most expensive car or an amazing trip to Bali. You can get a tattoo on your chest with your loved one's name.
There are many signs that indicate a man is in love.
The first and main such sign is a man’s sexual attraction to a specific object. This is considered the first sign that shows a man’s sympathy for a girl. At first the man shows only sympathy, followed by love. In addition to sympathy, a man in love feels spiritual closeness with his partner. He likes to spend more time with his girlfriend. Loves to talk to her and touch her. Shows tenderness and does not hide his personal life. These signs indicate that this girl is not just his mistress, but a very dear person to him. By nature, men carefully protect their personal lives from strangers and do not allow interference. However, if he is in love, then he himself begins to talk about his love and gradually reveals the secrets of his own personal life.
If the beloved girl or woman asks, then a man in love can give up any of his habits, for example, give up playing poker with the guys every Friday.
Another sign that a man is in love is a manifestation of tenderness and desire to take care of his beloved. However, a man must be prepared for the fact that his tenderness and care will not be reciprocated. If a man really loves a woman, then he will not allow his beloved to suffer and cry because of his actions and deeds. A lover cannot intentionally offend his girlfriend. Although minor conflicts are not excluded in the relationship between the two. This is common to all people in love. Women should be careful, if a man is rude in a relationship or commits betrayal, this is proof that he is not at all in love, as he claims. In such cases, girls should think about how to build a future together. However, such relationships do not promise anything good.
You cannot constantly quarrel if people in love want to preserve their love. A man in love reacts only in the first stages of a relationship to a woman’s tears. Frequent hysterics tire men, he may even decide to leave his beloved woman. It is important to understand that you cannot evaluate a man in love in the first days of a love relationship. Love relationships develop and move from one stage to another. The lovers will get to know each other day after day and get used to the changes. Love relationships are not just about romance.
Is it possible to understand whether a man loves a woman or not? Men and women are built differently. It’s easier for a woman to say “I love you!” "than a man. Such recognition is a very serious act for a man. A man who openly admits this is already trying on the role of a dependent person. While women can calmly accept their addiction, men begin to panic. The more persistently his partner puts pressure on him, the more he begins to panic. That is why even the most loving man is in no hurry to confess his love and remains silent. To determine whether a man is in love, you just need to look closely at him.
Typical situations are considered by Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You,” psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships.
There is nothing good in love addiction, as in any other, says Kuznetsova. According to her, dependence on a partner is characterized by the fact that a person is not able to think about anything or anyone else except his loved one. At the same time, suspiciousness goes off scale: when the partner is not around, the “addict” imagines many different “horror stories” for himself, ranging from adultery to accidents.
Without a loved one, a dependent person cannot exist normally, because he loses the meaning of life.
The psychologist notes that even the strongest people are susceptible to love addiction, given truly deep feelings, regardless of gender and age. Another thing is that the period of falling in love lasts a different time for everyone.
“Even the most self-sufficient, brutal man, if he falls in love, he loses his head. I had clients like this. They admitted that as soon as they feel that they are really “hooked” on a woman, they run away. Otherwise, the situation significantly affects work. Men, for example, lose their business because they can no longer fully conduct business,” says Elena Kuznetsova.
The main reason for love addiction is a strong feeling for a partner. The signs of addiction in men and women are approximately the same, Kuznetsova notes, but there are significant differences in how the love process proceeds.
The most common signs of love addiction in representatives of both sexes include the following: a reflection of changes in the partner’s mood on their well-being; biggest fear of being rejected forever; making every effort to prove that you are worthy (worthy) of love; painful jealousy; confidence that I have found my ideal; loss of ability to concentrate on work; acute perception of criticism from outsiders towards the partner; the certainty that it is impossible to live without a loved one.
Love addiction occurs differently in representatives of both sexes, the psychologist notes. According to her, men fall in love faster, but at the same time they “cool down” faster. For women it's the other way around. They do not fall in love right away, but later they let go of their partner harder and more painfully.
“For men, everything is more global and faster than for women. If a man (and all representatives of the stronger sex are tough visuals) sees his woman, he immediately understands that this is “mine” and begins to conquer the lady. A man “surrounds” his beloved with a “fence” so that no one steals it. The process is quite active,” explains Kuznetsova.
She also notes that women with a normal psyche “swing” more slowly and fall in love with a man not immediately, but gradually, because, first of all, they pay attention not to appearance (although this is also important), but to actions. And it takes time to see and evaluate these actions.
Then, according to the interpersonal relationship consultant, everything happens according to the following scheme. A man, having achieved a woman, calms down. Some time passes, he “gets drunk” with the lady and begins to pay attention to her shortcomings, which he had not even noticed before. A man, for example, understands that a woman has a bad character, or she is a bad housewife and does not know how to cook, and this is important to him, and so on. Gradually, the negative aspects “outweigh”, and there is a cooling towards the partner.
For women, everything happens differently. They fall in love with a ready-made “product”. That is, having fallen in love with a man, the lady has already managed to appreciate his appearance, character, business qualities, etc. At the same time, the young lady also somewhat idealized her beloved.
“A woman’s emotional decline turns out to be much longer, because she manages to fall in love with a man completely, since he suits her on all fronts. Women worry longer and move away longer, because they no longer love just their partner, but also their feelings for him,” Kuznetsova comments on the situation.
The psychologist recommends that ladies at the initial stage of a relationship learn more about the everyday preferences of their lover: what food he likes, shirts, what color he wears, etc. All this knowledge will help you keep a man near you in the future.
“If a woman is smart, she should take advantage of the moment while a man is in love with her. She must find out what a man likes and what he values. During this period, the partner gives the young lady the whole schedule, everything that is possible and impossible, he is “naked” in front of her. And when a man begins to cool down emotionally, a wise woman should offer the gentleman his complete favorite set: here are the pies, and here are the striped socks. And also dumplings - also from the list. A lady must do everything not to stray from the ideal,” states Elena Kuznetsova.
The stronger the dependence on a lover or beloved, the harder the breakup will be. It is impossible to say exactly how long it takes people to recover. The process is individual for everyone, but the general advice for everyone is as follows.
Immediately after breaking up with your loved one, try to leave for a while. A change of scenery is beneficial because in the new place nothing will remind you of the minutes spent together. In addition, new impressions and emotions will help crowd out sad thoughts.
Another option is to go completely to work. In this case, you also will not have time for tragic thoughts.
Don't forget about the gym. Work out until you sweat. Physical exercise will help relieve negative energy and relax.
It is important to organize your leisure time correctly. Try to keep your brain working all the time, so in your free time, read books (but reading should really captivate you) and watch movies. Just don’t opt for melodramas and romance novels where “everything is about me.” It is better to give preference to thrillers, action films, and films with “action”.
It’s better to forget about the “wedge by wedge” option. This method of forgetting your previous partner with the help of a new hobby is not very good, because psychologically people are often not immediately ready for a new relationship. We continue to love and remember one person and look for his traits in another. And when the comparison turns out to be not in favor of the new partner, we only become irritated, and no “recovery” occurs. The situation often only gets worse.
If you want to suggest your topics regarding interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected].
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How men understand love.
When a woman loves, it is impossible not to notice it. It seems that she is ready to move mountains for the sake of her beloved. But how does love change men? And is it always possible to say for sure whether he loves you or not?
He prefers to live for today.
That is why often in the process of establishing mutual understanding and developing relationships, the initiative comes mainly from the woman. Men treat these laces with disdain: they always complicate everything. I feel good with her, but she is trying to make a husband out of me. Why rush things so much? Why doesn't she like the way things are going now?
Men, as a rule, are in no hurry to analyze their feelings, just as they are not always interested in evaluating your feelings towards themselves. Very often they are guided by the principle that everything is fine, that’s great, that is, the development of feelings, building relationships are clearly not among their main concerns.
At the same time, a man may strive to see you quite often, communicate with you, feel your closeness, and have sex. However, instead of asking questions, is this true love? Is there something here on which you can build a long-term relationship? Am I wasting my time? A man says to himself: we feel good together, but whether it’s love or not is a secondary matter. In other words, a man much more often lives for today and wants to have fun, and not bother himself with any useless philosophy.
He doesn't have a burning need to see you every day.
And even when he is really in love with you - that’s just the way he’s designed. And yet, in two cases, a man wants you to always be there every day. Firstly, when he is afraid of losing you.
The second option is when you don’t give yourself enough to him. You don’t fly to him at the first call, sometimes you leave him earlier than he would like. You are busy and refuse to accept his invitation for this reason.
Help him, let him want to see you more often. Don't rush to him in the night at the first request. Agree, everything tastes much better on an empty stomach than when you've eaten too much.
What is love for him?
This is not about what a man thinks when he says I love you. It is quite possible that he uses these words for manipulation in order to achieve no matter what: desired sex, forgiveness for some mistake, or maybe so that you just don’t leave him now...
How does a man's true, sincere love manifest itself?
As a rule, its foundation is three senses.
The first is the fear of losing you. But here you need to understand that in itself, separately from other feelings, it is not love. For some, it may be caused by a fear of loneliness associated with self-doubt, or by materialistic considerations. To become love, it requires the support of the following two feelings.
The second component of love is pity and the desire to take care of you.
A man will never tell himself that he loves you if he does not feel sorry for you. For a man, love is closely connected with the desire to protect his beloved, worry about her, try in every possible way to make her life easier, and take care of her. Only if a man is simply glad that he did something good to a woman, and he doesn’t really need her gratitude and praise, then he most likely loves her.
And finally, the third feeling underlying male love is admiration for you. It, however, manifests itself most clearly at the initial stage of falling in love or in a situation of unrequited love. Sometimes a lack of admiration is not an indicator that love has passed: it can be associated with a bad mood, troubles, or depression. But in such cases, the man does not admire other women either. That is, either you (your devotion, your understanding, beauty, charm, etc.), or no one.
Don't let a man feel like he has conquered you once and for all. And on the contrary, even if you are very strong and independent, sometimes pretend to be weak and helpless or don’t be afraid to show yourself like that - let him feel strong, realize his protector complex. Try to remain worthy of admiration, even if you have been together for a long time. Moreover, in this case, you should know better than others what exactly is capable of delighting your man.
Sources:
Captured by a partner
Love addiction is a painful condition from which no one is immune, neither weak nor strong people. What are the causes of “disease” and how to overcome it?
http://www.vlad.aif.ru/health/psychology/v_plenu_u_partnera_priznaki_lyubovnoy_zavisimosti_u_muzhchin_i_zhenshchin
How men understand love
How men understand love. When a woman loves, it is impossible not to notice it. It seems that she is ready to move mountains for the sake of her beloved. But how does love change men? And is it always possible to say for sure
http://psihologiya.ru-land.com/stati/kak-ponimayut-lyubov-muzhchiny-0
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