Paulo Coelho
Have you ever been betrayed, dear readers? I'm sure they betrayed me. That's why you showed interest in this article, isn't it? And now you want to find out how you can live further, with the pain in your soul that you experience and which does not give you peace. However, it is quite possible that you yourself betrayed someone, and because of this you now have a heavy burden on your soul that you want to get rid of. You want to know what it’s like to be betrayed, you want to understand how the person who was betrayed feels, how severe his pain is. And you will definitely find out about this, because in this article I am going to tell you everything I know about betrayal. And believe me, I know a lot about him. Betrayal is something that I have repeatedly encountered in my life, not only as a specialist, but also as a person who was cruelly betrayed several times. Therefore, I will share with you not only my knowledge about betrayal, but also my feelings. Unfortunately, betrayal is an integral part of our lives. People have betrayed, are betraying and, apparently, will continue to betray each other. And if so, then it is absolutely obvious that you need to be able to live with betrayal, regardless of whether you were betrayed or betrayed by you. Betrayal should be treated with understanding so that it does not poison the soul and poison life. Let's find out, friends, what betrayal is and see how you can live with it.
For some people who have experienced the pain of betrayal in their own skin, it is very difficult to understand why people even betray each other, why they treat others in ways they would not want to be treated. On the other hand, those people who themselves betrayed someone sometimes look for an excuse for their treacherous act, and, as a rule, find it. It is possible to understand, and I believe that it is necessary, both of them. After all, we are all human, which means we are all not without sin. But in order to understand another person, even a devotee, even a betrayer, you need to try to see yourself in him. I tried to cover the topic of betrayal in as much detail as possible, given its importance, and I am confident that I managed to do this. So you will definitely benefit from reading this material, you can be sure of it. I want to tell you, friends, that I have had the opportunity to work both with those people who were betrayed, sometimes very cruelly, and with those who themselves once betrayed someone. And in most cases, both suffer from betrayal. After all, deep down in our souls, we all understand that some actions, regardless of our attitude towards them, are not entirely, let’s say, necessary in this life, that they do more harm than good. Just think how many problems we could have avoided if we had thought about the consequences of our actions. After all, traitors do not always benefit from their treacherous actions; on the contrary, they often suffer from them themselves, because the consequences of these actions can be terrible for everyone. And if these traitors had been a little more prudent, they would not have betrayed other people, especially people close and devoted to them. After all, by betraying others, we often betray ourselves!
Betrayal can lead to a lot of negative consequences, which then not always and not everyone can cope with. Therefore, I believe that when someone betrays someone, he commits great evil. I have seen this evil, I have worked with this evil, I have pulled devoted people out of the worst states they were in because of the pain they were experiencing. People suffer very, very much when they are betrayed, maybe not all, but many, that’s for sure. Therefore, my attitude towards betrayal is extremely negative. Well, what can I say, some devoted people even age for several years due to the stress they have experienced, while the traitor himself is often forced to live with a sense of guilt for the rest of his life. So, friends, by betraying other people, we can take away several years of their life, and for what, for what benefits, for what benefit? I don’t think that shitting on someone else’s soul is too profitable an activity; in any case, I have not met in my life happy traitors who built great happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Well, let's look at this issue in more detail.
What is betrayal?
Many of us know well about what severe pain, what incredible suffering and what damage someone’s betrayal can cause to a person, or, in any case, they guess. This is especially well known to those who have already been betrayed at least once in this life. But not many people know what betrayal is. Our experiences and our pain do not give us answers to simple and natural questions: “why?”, “for what?” and for what?" have we been betrayed? Do you know what's most interesting? Traitors often don’t know this themselves!
Betrayal is a violation of loyalty to someone or failure to fulfill a duty to someone. The moral laws of society condemn betrayal and traitors, just like most religions, they consider treacherous acts to be a sin, a violation of taboos. Traitors really do great evil when they betray someone, because with their treacherous actions they destroy the moral foundations on which our society is built. They destroy such a phenomenon as people's trust in each other. After all, in any society, we adhere to certain rules and norms for a reason, not because we just want to follow some rules that limit us in our actions, but so that this very society exists. If we do not follow certain rules, the entire order in our society will be disrupted and all-destructive chaos will ensue. Honesty and loyalty are the laws of maintaining order in society, and when a traitor violates these laws, he violates it, society, stability and sustainability. Traitors kill trust, not only in themselves, but also in everyone else. Having been betrayed once, we begin to see the catch in everything, we are already afraid to trust someone fully and reveal our soul to someone, our life becomes more closed, people in our society become more closed, more alien and hostile to each other. This is the evil that traitors commit, this is how much they harm our society. They, in fact, destroy it, thereby harming themselves.
You can betray in different ways, you can simply deceive a person, you know, over little things, for example, by shortchanging him in a store, and thus violating his trust in himself. Or you can completely trample a person’s soul, completely destroying his inner world, through, for example, the same betrayal. Be that as it may, both big and small betrayal is a stab in the back, a blow below the belt, this is without a doubt a vile and very cruel act, by deciding on which, the traitor crosses the line beyond which his human qualities slowly but surely degrade . We all know what the betrayal of Judas led to, and apparently, humanity will never change in this sense for the better; people betrayed each other, to their own detriment, and will continue to betray each other. So, you and I can consider the following actions to be betrayal:
- Adultery.
- Leaving a boyfriend/girlfriend in trouble.
- Treason.
- Parents abandoning their children.
- Apostasy (religious apostasy).
The meaning of all the above actions comes down to the fact that they all, one way or another, cause harm to someone or something. As a matter of fact, the word “betray” itself, according to dictionaries, means “violation of fidelity to someone or something, and this word also means to leave or betray someone.” That is, this phenomenon is associated with destruction. We destroy the outer world when we betray someone or something, and we destroy the inner world of the person we betray. Traitors undoubtedly worsen our lives and ruin the beauty of this world. But on the other hand, they make the people they betray stronger and smarter, but more on that later.
What we experience most painfully is the betrayal of loved ones, from whom we simply do not expect a stab in the back. And how can we expect it from them, because the people we love are the people we are used to trusting. These are people whom we trust unconditionally and for whom we are ready to do anything. These are people with a capital “P” for us. And we, of course, expect a similar attitude towards ourselves from them. We want to be reciprocated, we want to be confident in the reliability of those people who we ourselves are not indifferent to and whom we ourselves do not even plan to betray. But this is precisely the danger for us, it lies in the fact that we do not allow the possibility of betrayal by those close and loved by us. We ourselves leave our rear unprotected, and this cannot be done under any circumstances, no matter how much we would like to believe some people and not see them as a threat.
The cruelty with which our loved ones betray us is, of course, amazing. However, for some soulless people, treacherous acts are the norm, not savagery, and we must understand this in order to be prepared for such a scenario in our lives. After all, each of us can be betrayed at any moment. And it is our unpreparedness for betrayal that betrays us in the first place. Let’s say that for a decent, honest wife, the betrayal of her husband can be a real shock, because for her part she did everything for the family, for the house, for the children, if any, and of course for her husband, and then such a blow, such cruelty. And it seems that we all know that the more good you do to people, the more cruelly they can treat us later, not all of them, of course, a reasonable person will never spit on the soul that is open to him, but many people will do this, they will really betray someone who was kind to them. Do you know why? Because most people are unreasonable. They are driven by their own, including predatory, instincts, and not by common sense. This is why people have a hard time trusting. And yet, we do this good, we do it to those in whom we believe, whom we love, whom we hope for. We want to believe that the people around us are reasonable, we know very well that more than ninety percent of people are unreasonable, but we want the remaining percent to surround us, we believe in this because we want to believe. However, the traitors in us are killing this faith.
So the hardest and most cruel betrayal is betrayal in love, when the selfishness of one person kills the brightest, purest and most sincere feelings of another person. If you have been betrayed by a loved one, you know how painful it is, how difficult it is, how terrible it is. After such a betrayal, a person finds himself deeply knocked out, the world around him turns black, there is confusion in the head, heaviness in the soul, and an unbearable stabbing pain in the heart, from which you don’t know where to escape. Many have gone through this difficult test in their lives, and others have yet to go through it, because traitors have always been, are, and apparently will be among us. And therefore someone will always suffer from their callousness, cruelty and callousness. Unfortunately, and in my opinion, and fortunately, love and betrayal will always be inextricably linked with each other. Unfortunately, because someone will suffer from this, but fortunately, because being devoted, we become wiser, we become stronger, we no longer live in the illusions in which we lived before.
Thus, when traitors betray us, they inoculate us against weakness, and if we continue to live, and thank God, this is exactly what happens in most cases, then we become much stronger, smarter, wiser, and more protected from external aggression from traitors . If a young guy has experienced the betrayal of his girlfriend, he will no longer be the same; his views on the world, on people, and in particular on women, will change greatly. He won’t necessarily hate all women, he shouldn’t do that, he’ll just be much smarter from now on and won’t let just anyone into his heart. It’s the same with a girl, a woman who has been betrayed by a man; if she turns out to be smart and understands the lesson taught to her, she will no longer allow any random male who thinks only about sex to approach her. And even more so, she will not allow some “Don Juan” to settle in her heart and then break it. Life makes us wiser if we draw conclusions from the pain we have experienced, and traitors are our teachers, they teach us not to trust people. It is difficult, of course, to live without trust in people, and in principle it is impossible to do this; we have to trust someone. But we can be more prudent and more careful by trusting people, right? So in this sense, the betrayal of a loved one is even useful and necessary for us, and at least once in our lives, we need to go through this test in order to become wise.
We are betrayed not only by loved ones, but also by friends, who usually reflect ourselves to us, because as they say - tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are. Therefore, you need to choose your friends very carefully and not be friends with just anyone, because your friend or girlfriend may turn out to be a well-disguised enemy. The betrayal of friends is easier to survive; although it unsettles us, although it causes great damage to our inner world, it still does not completely devastate our soul, as is the case with devoted love. Traitor friends, after their betrayal of us, leave us with something, they leave us with faith in ourselves, depriving us of hope in them - in our friends and in people in general. In this world, a person must rely, first of all, on himself; all the other people who surround him can betray him at any moment, and sometimes very cruelly. But to understand this, some of us need to experience it. And when friends betray us, they confirm this truth with their, albeit vile, but very instructive act for us. Therefore, dear readers, try not to let your friends get too close to you. After all, if the betrayal of a friend or the betrayal of a friend came as a surprise to you, it means that you simply did not notice how you yourself exposed your back to the blow for your friends, which they, due to the callousness and insignificance of their sinful souls, finally decided to take.
Having experienced the betrayal of people close to you, you will understand that it does not matter what kind of person we are talking about, it does not matter who he is to you, because if this person is not reasonable, you can expect anything from him at any time. I have dealt many times with people who were betrayed by their own parents, children, wives and husbands, best friends and girlfriends, other very close and seemingly reliable people, from whom the last thing to be expected to do a treacherous act. But many, nevertheless, decide to take this action, regardless of any moral barriers. It's all about the weakness of people. Think for yourself, what kind of phenomenon is this - betrayal of people, why does it take place in our lives? Isn’t this a manifestation of weakness, not just her, of course, but also her? It’s easy to betray someone; you must admit, it’s much easier than not to betray someone. All that is needed for this is simply to renounce all our obligations to a person or people, to renounce everything spiritual and rational that is in us, to throw off all humanity, all responsibility, to renounce willpower and succumb to the influence of our primitive animals instincts.
The topic of betrayal itself will always be relevant. That's how long people live on this planet, that's how long they betray each other. Treason has always been, is, and will be a part of our life, no matter how conventionally civilized and developed this life may be. Because, for now, in any case, we cannot educate and train people according to one standard common to all of us, so that the behavior of each person, without exception, meets both the interests of society as a whole and the interests of each of us in particular. And people themselves, for the most part, are still, unfortunately, too weak and unreasonable to give an account of all their actions and bear full responsibility for all the actions they commit. The logic of most people is very simple - your own shirt is closer to the body. Therefore, if it is beneficial for a person to betray someone, for the sake of his own skin, he will betray.
And it doesn’t matter that none of us can survive in this world alone, and it doesn’t matter that one bad deed can give rise to a whole series of the same bad actions that will make life in society very difficult and dangerous for most people. Not everyone is able to understand these simple truths and not everyone wants to understand them. After all, understanding these truths is a responsibility that must be borne. And she is so heavy. As long as people feel good, they do as they want, but when they feel bad, they begin to do as they should. Well, now we’ll talk about why people generally betray each other. Read about it below.
Why do people betray each other?
Throughout its history, humanity has experienced quite a lot of suffering, which, ideally, should have become useful lessons for each of us; after all, we need to learn from the mistakes of others, and not from our own! History teaches us how to act and how not to, and it explains to us with its examples why we cannot act in a certain way. But, alas, none of the mistakes of our ancestors and the suffering they caused taught humanity as a whole to reason; it made these mistakes and continues to make them. And it turns out that many of our ancestors suffered in vain, because we are again stepping on the same rake that they stepped on. People have repeatedly been convinced that betrayal greatly harms any orderly society, that it is evil, it is a sin, and this is obvious. Otherwise, any normal society would not condemn this phenomenon. And almost everyone condemns him. And yet, people continue to betray each other, they do evil without thinking about the consequences, and they, these consequences, always come.
Well, in this case, let's try to figure out why people betray each other, why they commit treacherous acts that can harm, including themselves. There are several reasons that force people to commit this terrible, insidious, treacherous and disgusting act - betrayal.
1. Selfishness. Being a terrible egoist, a person can betray anyone at any moment. Moreover, note that we are far from talking about healthy egoism, in which people always calculate the consequences of their decisions, we are talking about stupid, reckless, irresponsible childish egoism, in which a person in his decisions proceeds exclusively from immediate and often dubious benefits.
2. Weakness. As I wrote above, people who are weak in every sense of the word are prone to betrayal. Lack of willpower, weak character, low level of intellectual development, spiritual and moral poverty, because of all this, a person can easily decide to betray in order to solve some of his problems and/or fulfill some of his desires at the expense of other people. Weak people look for easy solutions to complex problems, so betraying them is easier than not betraying them.
3. Unawareness. When a person does not understand what, why and why he is doing, he can do such things that he himself will not be happy about them later. Acting unconsciously, a person acts as if in a dream, he does not understand anything, does not control anything, his behavior is primitive, spontaneous, chaotic, and often does not correspond to common sense at all. It is clear that an unconscious person can easily betray anyone at any moment, even those closest and dearest to him, simply by simply reacting in a primitive way to some situation conducive to betrayal. And what’s interesting is that an unconscious person often doesn’t even understand the horror of his treacherous act.
Let us now, dear readers, consider in more detail the above reasons that push people onto the path of betrayal. There are, of course, other reasons why people betray each other, but these are the reasons that I indicated above - they are friends, the main ones.
Selfishness
Some people, in order to obtain their own benefit, even the most insignificant, are ready to do anything, they stop at nothing when they strive to satisfy their desires, and therefore they can betray anyone, even the people closest to them, for the sake of themselves and their interests. Egoists, it should be noted, are very unpleasant people, and usually normal people are not comfortable with them. We can meet egoists, and therefore potential traitors, everywhere, but first, it would be better to pay attention to ourselves. Remember how often have you personally neglected the interests of other people for your own benefit? You need to get something, you want something, and you do everything to fulfill your desire, without thinking at all about how it can affect the people around you. You don’t think about those people who, perhaps, your actions aimed at satisfying your desires could somehow harm, cause discomfort, cause inconvenience or even pain, because the main thing for you is your own interests, and other people come before them You have absolutely nothing to do with it. Has this ever happened to you in your life? Now, if you had something like this in your life, specifically with you, then you probably found an excuse for your selfish actions, and you were probably inclined to betray someone, at least in your thoughts, in order to get something for yourself or to avoid something, for example, some problems. So, other people do the same, selfish people, of course. And okay, if these problems, for the sake of which we betray someone, were serious, when it comes to life and death, and when the traitor has to choose - either he or someone else who can be betrayed must suffer. But no, egoists betray without any special, urgent need for them to do this, but only because of their whim or because of their immeasurable desires.
So some people have always betrayed, are betraying and will betray each other. And they will do this not only in difficult, hopeless situations, when it comes to their life, which, of course, is worth fighting for, and when their betrayal can still somehow be justified. They will do this whenever they see fit. People can also become traitors because of various minor little things, they can become traitors in situations that are completely harmless to them, for the sake of insignificant and often very dubious benefits. These are “small”, one might even say that they are pathetic people, and sometimes complete insignificances, incapable of anything good or great, but only capable of harming other people. These are selfish people, not the most pleasant creatures in this world. We need to be very careful with such people, and not let them get too close to us, so as not to complain about their insignificance and wretchedness when they cynically betray us at the first opportunity. Therefore, take a close look at the people who surround you and with whom you intend to do business. If you see that they are terrible egoists, that their childish selfishness is right out of their ears, if they are capricious, arrogant, greedy, think only about themselves and spit on other people, even the people closest to them - in no way In case, don't trust these selfish people. You can’t trust anyone in this life, completely, but you can’t trust egoists even more, it’s comparable to suicide, or masochism.
Moreover, speaking about selfishness as a phenomenon that pushes people to betrayal, I am talking about unhealthy, childish egoism, and not about selfishness in general, which is characteristic of all healthy people. It’s just that people with healthy egoism understand how their personal interests are intertwined with the interests of other people, they understand that for a normal life, everyone, or at least most people, should live more or less well. Healthy egoists are much more reasonable, more prudent, more social and friendly in their lives than unreasonable egoists. They know that by thinking only about themselves, they will thereby alienate other people on whom they could count, if necessary, with whom they could build mutually beneficial relationships. Healthy egoists are smart egoists, and unhealthy egoists are children for whom treacherous actions are not only something immoral, but also harmful. So, in reality, we are all selfish, and this is normal, another matter is how healthy our egoism is, and as a result, how responsible we are for ourselves and our actions. If we are talking about an intelligent person who knows how to competently defend his personal interests, without significantly infringing on the interests of other people, then one can, if not completely, but to a significant extent, be confident in such a person, and such a person, if he betrays, then in the very as a last resort. But it is better to stay away from stupid egoists who, like children, think only about themselves, or, in any case, do not trust them.
And here’s what else is important to know about betrayal generated by selfishness. All people, to one degree or another, strive for pleasure, and each person, to the best of his ability and depending on the level of his intellectual development, receives pleasure from different things, different activities, and in different quantities. A normal person strives to derive pleasure from things and actions that improve his life, but a stupid person will gain pleasure by causing harm to himself, for example, by harming his health. Well, you understand, tobacco, alcohol, drugs, irresponsible sex with bad consequences, all this is pleasure for stupid, and, as a rule, poor people. In addition, an intelligent person knows in pleasures, as well as in his desires, the measure, adhering to which, he does not allow these pleasures to harm him and his life. And also, he does not allow his pleasures to harm those around him, the people dear to him. But a stupid person is ready to put everything on the altar of pleasure, and is ready to receive pleasure endlessly, until everything around him, including himself, is destroyed. As you probably already guessed, I’m telling you about those egoists who, for the sake of pleasure, are ready to betray anyone and anything. And the more selfish a person is by nature, the more importance he attaches to all kinds of pleasures, for which many selfish people live. Therefore, with those who passionately want to do very well for themselves, you need to keep your eyes open so that, for the sake of their own good, they do not do bad to you.
Weakness
Very often people betray each other because of their weakness. And first of all, we are talking about their spiritual weakness, because of which people simply cannot, and often do not want, to live up to the image of an honest, decent, responsible, strong person who can be relied upon and trusted. Being strong is not easy, but being a weakling, being a scum, a traitor is easy. Weak people, who are also often lazy and at the same time cowardly, are accustomed to looking for simple solutions to complex problems, and therefore, when it is easier for them to betray than to do something differently, they, not wanting to strain themselves, betray. A weak person will always find an excuse for his betrayal; he will say that he could not have acted differently. For example, he could not help but leave his young wife and child because he was not ready to become a father. A mother who abandoned her child can say that she was forced to do this because the circumstances in her life developed in such a way that it was more correct not even for herself, but for her child, if she left him. In general, you have probably met people in your life who always find justification for their disgusting actions, which they might not have committed if they had fortitude and willpower, but did, in the absence of them. So when a person is, first of all, morally, spiritually and intellectually weak, and secondly, physically weak, he can betray anyone, and in practically any emergency, or even simply stressful situation. And then he can justify himself and his action, in his own eyes, citing the necessity of this action, its obligatory nature. They say that, due to the prevailing circumstances, he had no choice but to betray someone. Of course, the man could not do otherwise, what else could he do, he did what he had to do - he betrayed. That's all the excuses. In life, often, such “weaklings” later pay for their treacherous actions, because any weakness in this world, in any case, is punishable. These are the laws of life. There is no place for weak people in it.
Weak people are very cowardly, which is natural for them, and we all shouldn’t forget about this either. Morally, spiritually and intellectually weak people are afraid of many things in this life, and often fear forces them to betray even those people whose betrayal they are not at all interested in. Fear, unconscious, animal fear, first of all, creates panic, hysteria, chaos in the head, because of which people slide into their animal state and begin to act exclusively instinctively, without any share of common sense. You understand that it is not difficult to betray in such a state, it is difficult not to betray, if not impossible. This is why people betray, they act solely on the basis of the momentary situation, without taking into account the consequences that their unconscious actions can lead to, because they are not aware of their actions. Thus, if you see that a person is a coward, be prepared for the fact that he may betray you, because he can do it.
Unawareness
Lack of awareness, friends, is another, quite large, but nevertheless a natural flaw for most people, which forces them to betray each other. An unconscious person is an egoist, a weakling, a scoundrel, and in general, he is an unreasonable person, the meaning of whose actions is often incomprehensible even to himself. So he commits such actions, the full meaning of which he is simply unable to understand. After all, it is not always the case that a person who betrays someone benefits from his act, especially if we take into account long-term perspectives, when after spitting in a well, we return to it after some time to get drunk. And in general, if we talk about the weakness and selfishness of a person, then these qualities of his are directly related to his unreasonableness, and a person’s unreasonableness is related to his lack of awareness. If a person does not realize what and why he is doing, if he does not take into account the possible consequences of his actions, both for himself and for other people, if his actions harm, including himself, then such a person simply cannot be called reasonable. How does such a person differ from, say, a cat? Nothing. It just has more functions, and it’s structure is more complicated than a cat, but there’s no difference. Well, what do we want from an unreasonable person who does not realize what and why he is doing? Is it not high spiritual and moral qualities? Come on, primitive creatures, which some people belong to, to their and our regret, are simply not capable of something high and worthy, for which a person can be called a human. For them, their primitive animal instincts are their inner voice and serve as the basis for them to make certain decisions in their lives; only these instincts prompt them to action, and not some kind of common sense.
In the same way, being either completely or partially unreasonable people, some people betray, let’s say, by mistake, which they later greatly regret. Human stupidity, unfortunately, as we know, knows no limits, and sometimes a person can betray us without any significant reason. This, of course, does not change the essence of the matter, but still, when a person was more mistaken and to a lesser extent consciously and purposefully betrayed someone, then, in principle, he can be forgiven. Although, of course, in the future you will have to be on guard with him, because there can no longer be complete trust in such a person. You and I cannot hope that this or that person who betrayed us because of his unconsciousness will suddenly, for no apparent reason, begin to see the light and we can begin to trust him. If this happens, it happens very rarely and only to a few people. Therefore, I do not recommend that you hope for this tiny miracle. Do you want to forgive the person who betrayed you? Great, goodbye. If only he deserves it. But I don’t recommend you trust him in the future, because by God, in this case you risk stepping on the same rake twice.
How to deal with betrayal?
As for your attitude towards betrayal, I suggest you treat this phenomenon, and each specific treacherous act, no matter who committed it, calmly and indifferently. Yes, I understand that you can object to me by saying that this is not the case when you can remain calm and not pay attention to the treacherous act of a person because of which you suffered greatly, especially if we are talking about a very close and a person very dear to you. But, if you prepare for such a scenario and not only accept the possibility that anyone, even the most reliable person from your point of view, can betray you, but also imagine it, then you can make such a development of events for yourself the norm and accordingly prepare for him. You understand, friends, that it’s all about our expectations, which are either met or not. It is because of this that we suffer when someone betrays us. We expect one thing from them, but they surprise us with another, they betray us, and we are unprepared for this stab in the back. That's the problem.
People are imperfect, and this has long been known, and some people find it difficult to be human at all; it is much easier for them to be animals and behave accordingly. And therefore, people, due to their imperfection, for the most part, in principle, are naturally inclined to betrayal. And those people who are at a very low level of development are all the more prone to betrayal, and not only betrayal, but also to many other bad actions. Well, why expect anything good from them? It would be more correct to expect from any person, first of all, the worst, most vile and base act, and prepare to give a worthy answer to it, than to place too high hopes on, no matter what kind of person, and then be upset because he did not live up to them . We can only hope for good deeds on the part of other people, and rejoice in the fact that they do them, and, if possible, reciprocate them in order to maintain the unspoken rules of human behavior in society. But to demand from people a certain attitude towards themselves, compliance with some obligations, fidelity, devotion, honesty, responsibility, is too naive. After all, in fact, no one owes you anything in this life. And no matter what obligations this or that person binds himself and whatever he personally promises you, he can refuse all this at any time, at his own request. We deceive ourselves when we recklessly trust other people and completely unreasonably believe in other people, pinning our hopes on them, which is why we suffer from betrayal, for which in most cases we are simply not ready.
Of course, each of us can and, as a rule, has some of our own beliefs and, starting from these beliefs, we can evaluate certain actions of other people, and even our own actions. Actually, we all have the right to this, the right to our opinion. But it is beneficial for us ourselves to be more flexible in our views on life, so as not to try to squeeze everything that happens in it into the narrow framework of our limited worldview. Everything, including betrayal, has the right to exist in this world, everything has its own necessity, its own benefit, and everything has its own pattern. Therefore, we must understand that lies and betrayal are the same natural phenomena in our lives as their opposites - honesty, valor, responsibility, love. We must be able to get along with all people and all the actions they commit, both good and bad. Therefore, I repeat once again, you should treat betrayal calmly and indifferently, preparing yourself in advance for the fact that anyone, I repeat, any person can betray you. Accept this, and then no one will be able to shock you with their treacherous behavior.
How to survive betrayal?
Well, if you were not ready for betrayal, and it so happened that you were betrayed, then what to do next, how to survive the betrayal? First of all, friends, look at the pattern of what happened to you, do not accept what happened to you as something that falls out of your picture of the world. If you were betrayed, then this action had its own reason, I will not say that it has its own justification, but the fact that it has an explanation is for sure. People are selfish, cowardly, stupid, greedy, treacherous, and therefore they will always have reasons to commit one or another bad act, bad, for someone else, first of all, but not for themselves. We can be betrayed at any moment, no one is immune from this, so there is nothing to be surprised about, we just need to understand what and why we lost sight of what we allowed someone to betray us. We must learn from our defeats, from our misfortunes, from our pain, so that in the future we will no longer allow ourselves such stupidity as absolute trust in other people. Therefore, when we are betrayed, we are taught, we are made smarter, wiser, and therefore stronger, which means that traitors, sometimes without realizing it, do good for us.
Thus, someone's weakness and stupidity makes us stronger, and we, in fact, should rejoice at this, rejoice that someone betrayed us, no matter how absurd it may sound. After all, if life throws us difficult trials, it places great hopes on us, it believes in us. And if life itself believes in us, then why don’t we believe in ourselves, why should we perceive the betrayal of another person as some kind of defeat of ours, as damage caused to us by someone? It is better to look at it as a victory, and see in this bad act for us, from which we suffered, new opportunities for our development, because being devoted, we change our lives, changing our views on it. We become stronger if we do not die after betrayal, and we, as a rule, do not die from it. We break off our relationship with the traitor or take it to a qualitatively new level, and these are completely different opportunities, a completely different life. And we get experience that is very useful for us, without which it is quite difficult to survive in this harsh world. A devoted person is a person who is wise with experience, he is careful with people and does not trust them fully, he is a person whom life has made more mature. Thus, friends, the practicality of your thinking will relieve you of the destructive emotions that cloud your judgment and cause you the pain you experience from being betrayed by another person or other people.
You must also understand that around you and me there may often be not very smart people who themselves do not understand what and why they are doing. Such people betray by mistake, or better yet, by stupidity, succumbing to the influence of emotions generated by the instinctive urges I described above, and often their mistakes harm not only the people around them, but also themselves. Mistake or betrayal? How to distinguish one from the other? Very simply, you need to pay attention to how conscious the actions of this or that person are, to what extent the results he receives justify, first of all, his own expectations. And you must understand that a person who harms not only other people, but also himself, is not a very smart person. Well, if a person is just a fool, then he will first do something, and then think about what he did. So, by acting unconsciously, you can make an incredible number of mistakes in your life, you can betray everyone, including yourself, and then regret what you have done. I'm sure you've encountered such people in your life. And, as it were, to be offended by them is stupid on our part, because their stupidity is their misfortune, not their fault. But even if you should have any dealings with such stupid people, do it very carefully. Because, you yourself understand, an unreasonable person is an unpredictable, inconsistent, irresponsible person who does not deserve trust in himself, and with it, respect. Now, if it was just such a fool who betrayed you, or a fool, then taking this betrayal too close to your heart is unnecessary. You shouldn't do this. Don't give much importance to someone who doesn't deserve it. What to take from a fool, why be offended by him, because he is devoid of reason, which means he has already been punished by God. You just need to draw the appropriate conclusions for yourself and understand that you shouldn’t have any serious business with this person, that he or she will never change, and you shouldn’t expect anything good from a fool-traitor.
You see, dear readers, everyone makes mistakes. We are not perfect. But this is especially often done by stupid people, of whom, it must be said, there are many in our world. Therefore, the betrayal of these people is yet another stupidity of theirs. But only a few deliberately betray. These are not stupid, but truly vile people. There is no point in being offended by fools, as I already said, because their stupidity harms not only the people around them, but also themselves. Well, as for those scoundrels who betray us deliberately, for the sake of their own selfish and often base goals, what can we say about them, except that if we ran into them, then we were very unlucky. Some psychologists recommend learning to forgive your traitors, which certainly helps to survive betrayal, but is too simple a solution. Of course, it makes no sense to hate a traitor either, because with our hatred we poison our own soul, but as for forgiveness, before we forgive someone, we must first understand what exactly and whom we are forgiving. Well, let’s say, how can you forgive a fool who foolishly betrayed you if such a person, in principle, should not be taken seriously? If it so happens that you were betrayed by a fool, then you should forgive not him, but yourself, for believing in the fool, for not seeing the fool in the fool, for allowing the fool to betray you, you, an intelligent person. Do you understand what the logic should be here? Forgiving fools is, you know, too much of a favor for them, because first you need to see a piece of reason in them, believe in it, then be deceived, and only then forgive someone who turned out to be worse than you expected. And if you didn’t do all this, then you shouldn’t forgive the fool, you should just completely ignore him and his treacherous act.
As for scoundrels and scoundrels who deliberately and sometimes very cruelly betray people for the sake of their own interests, then, in fact, it is not that there is nothing to forgive them, but there is also no need. You see, he’s a scoundrel, he’s a scoundrel, and he’ll always be that way, because that’s his role. How can you forgive him, why forgive him? And then let him come closer to you again and let him sting you again? A scoundrel betrays because he is a scoundrel, therefore he is a traitor, and he should not be forgiven, but, so to speak, marked as a black sheep, so that in the future you will not contact him and in no case trust him in anything. That’s all we need to do in order to calmly, without unnecessary, negative emotions that take away a lot of our strength and nerves, survive the betrayal, and having received a useful life lesson, continue to live.
And only a few people who, indeed, due to inexperience, due to unreasonableness, due to, so to speak, temporary insanity, without any malicious intent, due to the prevailing circumstances for which they were not prepared and which forced them to betray us, in principle , deserve our forgiveness. In any case, I believe that such people can be forgiven. It happens that a simply morally weak person, due to his weakness and cowardice, without meaning to, can betray you, friends. And then he will wildly repent of his action, he will regret what he did, and he would be glad to fix everything, but he cannot, to his and your regret. As you know, you cannot change the past. Therefore, he wants only one thing - for you to forgive him. He does not expect a humane attitude from you, which he does not deserve, he does not expect anything other than forgiveness, because he understands that he hurt you, that he acted very, very badly by betraying you. He understands that now you will no longer see in him the person you saw before. And just think, he will carry this heavy moral burden with him all his life. He will really carry it within himself, friends, believe me. He, or she, will remember his treacherous act throughout his life, and these memories will cause this person the same intense pain that you experience when betrayed. And I believe that you and I should not burden the lives of such people, no matter how much they betray us, and torment their souls with our resentment towards them. Therefore, I suggest you forgive them, forgive them and let them go if you no longer want to deal with such people.
You, my dear reader, as a reasonable person, I am sure, understand perfectly well that it is better to turn to a psychologist for help to solve your problems than to pour alcohol on them, or try to intoxicate yourself in some other way in order to cope with your pain and suffering. There is no need to harm your health when there are normal ways to solve such problems. We need to work with problems, not drown them out. The main thing is to put things in order in your head, then there will be order in your life. It's hard to survive betrayal, I understand that. But it can always be done, believe me.
Physical betrayal is not the only danger that undermines the foundation of relationships and empties the vessel of trust. There are other forms of betrayal that are seemingly less terrible and therefore often less noticeable
List of betrayals dangerous to marriage and relationships
Physical betrayal is not the only danger that undermines the foundation of relationships and empties the vessel of trust. There are other forms of betrayal that are seemingly less terrible and therefore often less noticeable.
They are not always paid attention to as a significant or even the main cause of chronic discord. They hide behind simple stereotypical explanations: “he/she has changed”, “for some reason we have moved away from each other”, “we have no mutual understanding”, etc. At the same time, both may note growing discontent and complaints, constant quarrels from Nothing.
Disrespect for a partner, low loyalty to the relationship, negative comparison, not in favor of the partner and the relationship can be harbingers of betrayal. For example: “If I lived alone, I could have done a lot more or wasn’t so limited.”
Check out the list of types of betrayal that are dangerous to marriage and relationships. Is there anything that seems familiar and unsettling to you? If so, then maybe you are dealing with betrayal or deception and it is worth reconsidering your relationship and clarifying whether there is really something dangerous going on.
1. Imaginary responsibility.
“I’m with you until I meet someone (something) better”, “I’m with you because it’s convenient for me for now.” There is superficiality in such relationships, despite the apparent calm. The partner who turns out to be betrayed often prefers to deceive himself and come up with some acceptable excuses for why the other does not want to do this and that.
Nevertheless, feeling this instability, he may insist on marriage or the birth of a child, hoping in this way to save and strengthen the relationship. He reasons like this: “A career is very important to her, she can’t think about anything else, but I know for sure that she loves me!” She fantasizes: “He doesn’t want to have a child because he’s not ready to become a father (experiences fear, etc.), but that’s okay, little by little I’ll lead him to this.”
In such relationships there is no real intimacy; the spouses do not know each other’s true plans and desires.
When, intentionally or unconsciously, discussion of serious topics related to relationships is avoided, the responsibility that a man and woman bear for each other is superficial. In such families there is no desire to make commitments towards each other. This dangerous symptom indicates the conditional nature of the relationship and will most likely lead to a break.
2. Platonic relationships.
Platonic relationships often arise between people who spend a lot of time together: at work, in common companies or places of interest. Social networks and the Internet can also provide greater opportunities for emotional infidelity. There is no sex in such relationships, but despite this, friends can tell each other the most delicate questions about themselves and their family.
And when friendly communication develops beyond that of a couple, this is already an alarming signal. Having such a boyfriend or girlfriend is not in itself a betrayal.
But there is a rule: if you feel that it will be unpleasant for your spouse to find out that information about your family secrets has become known to someone else, the situation becomes explosive! Because you are undermining the support of the family foundation.
It looks like someone else has been in the house in your absence, intruding into a space that belongs only to the two of you. It can be as devastating as finding someone else's perfume on her/his clothes. Unintentional cheating most often starts with “friendship” and can then become emotional cheating.
At the same time, the partner who leads such a friendship tends to justify and defend it, accusing the other of groundless jealousy and inappropriate behavior. Usually, during a consultation, the client/client in such cases says: “I’m just talking to her/him, I don’t understand why you can be jealous, you’re acting stupid, you need to calm down and pull yourself together!” Such words make the other person feel less valuable.
Many people begin to hide their friendship by deceiving their spouse. Often, emotional cheating can pose a greater threat than “just sex,” since the emotional affair is more difficult to consummate.
3. Lie.
We are talking about the very lie that is “for salvation”, for the sake of maintaining peace in the family. She is the one who harms trust. When a couple has secrets from each other, knowledge of which they believe the partner will not like. Information is suppressed so as not to provoke a conflict.
But in the end, when after a while the truth is revealed, an unpleasant feeling arises that you were deceived, were not informed, and were deprived of the right to choose. Although such a lie undermines trust, it does not destroy the relationship, because in the end one can discuss the reasons for such a lie and look for solutions.
Unlike “rescue” lies, there is another type of lie - chronic. When one of the partners constantly lies, regardless of the danger of upsetting the other in some way. In this case, it turns out to be extremely difficult to trust and build open, honest relationships.
“I can’t understand why he’s lying, it makes me more and more disappointed and devastated! I have discussed this issue with him so many times, but it is useless!” - says the woman at the reception.
It is not easy to overcome such an ingrained habit of lying, but when there is a desire to preserve the relationship and become truly close, it is possible. You may need to seek help from a psychologist to cope with this kind of lie.
4. Friendship vs.
Often such coalitions are formed by one of the spouses with his mother (mother-in-law, mother-in-law), less often with children, girlfriends or other relatives. When such a couple comes for a consultation, then, out of habit, this spouse tries to join a coalition and makes attempts to unite with the psychologist. Starting to complain about your partner’s picky attitude and irritability, while justifying your behavior and presenting yourself as an absolutely innocent victim of blind injustice.
A common example of such a coalition is the friendship of a wife and her mother against her husband. Almost all issues of family life: raising and caring for children, budget planning, shopping, etc., are discussed with the mother. Naturally, the mother gives advice that must be followed. The wife and mother criticize the weaknesses or negative aspects of the spouse, discuss how he copes with work, whether his parents behave well or poorly, whether he eats, dresses, sleeps, walks, talks, etc. correctly.
Any disagreements with the spouse are, first of all, reported to the mother. There is a plausible excuse - he/she is very close to the mother, it has always been this way, the mother was aware of everything that was happening in the life of her daughter/son. Thus, a mother-in-law or mother-in-law, constantly interfering in the family life of a couple, has an extremely negative impact on it, causing discord, not allowing their children to build and develop full-fledged relationships.
When a husband unites with his mother, then, as a rule, the wife’s relationship with her mother-in-law does not work out. In such marriages, two women compete to take the main place in the man's life.
The husband, trying to settle relations between women, makes a choice in favor of the mother, protecting and justifying her. Usually it sounds like this: “She wishes us well!”, “She just wants to help,” “Mom has a lot of life experience and you could listen to her,” “You’re exaggerating too much, because nothing terrible is happening!”, “She older, so you need to give in!”
In this difficult situation, the responsibility for separating the parental family and one’s own lies on the shoulders of each spouse. They need to ensure their family safety and protection from invasion, and limit parental influence.
5. Emotional coldness.
Emotional coldness manifests itself when one of the partners in a relationship systematically does not provide psychological support, does not take into account the experiences of the other, brushes aside or devalues them. Most people at such moments will feel rejected, unwanted, and unvalued.
When we are nervous, unsure of the upcoming choice, or feel defenseless, we, of course, need emotional support. Truly close relationships imply that spouses will support each other in the trials that each person experiences in his life, in difficult stressful situations, as well as share joyful moments.
In close relationships, partners feel when the other needs help and support. When he needs to make it clear that he is loved, appreciated and ready to protect him from adversity.
Some people, for various reasons, do not know how or are even unable to give support to a loved one or do not want to express warm feelings based on special ideas and fear. Sooner or later this may lead to the destruction of the city of relationships.
I often hear that a wife is afraid to evaluate her husband positively and says: “If I tell him how good, smart, etc. he is, he may become arrogant, turn up his nose and think that I am worse.” And the husband says: “She constantly has some problems, if I support her, then she will sit on my head, let her deal with it herself.” Or again: “When I see that she is upset or irritated by something, I don’t want to interfere with it; in my parental family it was not customary to engage in consolation.”
6. Decay of sexual desire.
The disappearance of sexual interest can be due to various reasons. These may be physical changes that are associated with aging of the body. Some people begin to feel insecure, consider themselves unattractive and avoid sexual contact.
Critical remarks about appearance or some features of the partner often become a stumbling block that will be a barrier to self-disclosure, causing and perpetuating a feeling of insecurity and undesirability. In this case, the partner seems to receive a signal - they do not value the relationship with him. When one of the partners sexually rejects the other, it is always painful for the other, no matter what the reasons behind it.
Negative comparison and disrespect will cause alienation and increase sexual distance. Therefore, it is important to be careful when it comes to such delicate matters. Remember: an accidentally thrown word can sow tense doubts in your partner for a long time.
Here’s a compliment-toast listing the shortcomings, quite sincerely said by the client’s husband on her birthday: “Despite the fact that you have become fatter after the birth of a child and your breasts are no longer what they were and cellulite has appeared everywhere - this is all nonsense, I’m still I love you just the same!” It took her a long time to recover from such “packaged” criticism.
7. Disrespect.
Disrespect is a really serious problem that leaves no stone unturned in love over time. And it doesn’t matter that these are rude statements, like: “Is there anything you can do well?” or sophisticated expressions like: “Any sane person would agree that everything you are saying now is complete nonsense!” Because on a psychological level the meaning is absolutely clear: “you are a complete and hopeless fool.”
Negative thoughts about a partner can give rise to chronic dissatisfaction. Irritation grows, which breaks out in constant criticism, remarks or sarcasm. The desire to humiliate a partner is often the main goal in disrespectful dialogue, even if this is done unconsciously.
As a rule, one of the spouses habitually uses the position “from above”, reads the moral and explains to the other how and why he is wrong. “I know what kind of family you come from, so I don’t expect a different reaction from you,” “What you want to do is a completely empty idea, and besides, you don’t have the ability to cope with it!”, “You will never be able to earn money.” more than me, so stop doing nonsense and stay at home!”, “I think that you choose unworthy and stupid people as friends, how do you manage?” or “Your friends are all empty and narrow-minded people!”
Familiar phrases? Dominance, arrogance, and imposing a subordinate position on you always feels like an insult to feelings and indifference, regardless of whether this is expressed in the frequent use of offensive nicknames or in veiled disdain.
8. Injustice.
Many will agree that there is injustice in life. Almost everyone has encountered unfair punishments in their parents' family, school, and then at work. Judges make unfair decisions, they appoint someone who is not the most worthy to a higher position, etc.
A common manifestation of injustice in the family is when there is a large bias in the distribution of household responsibilities not in favor of one of the partners. Despite the fact that both spouses work, childcare, cooking and housekeeping fall on only one. As a rule, on a woman. Even if at first there was an agreement to deal with this together, gradually the husband's participation fades away, making the wife feel unfairly treated.
Financial issues are also an area of disagreement. After the spouses have agreed to equally distribute the necessary expenses, one of them eventually stops participating in this under various pretexts. For others it causes irritation.
9. Failure to keep promises
When a promise is broken, it is as dangerous for a relationship as an intentional lie. Unfulfilled promises replenish the stream of mistrust, turning it into a river day after day.
Various dependencies(alcohol, drugs, gaming and sexual) lead to serious problems in relationships. The promises that addicts make are never fulfilled. Another really wants to believe that this time something will definitely change, but every time everything repeats itself and the addiction manifests itself with renewed vigor.
It often happens that promises are made under the pressure of various factors: fear of not meeting the partner’s expectations, reluctance to defend one’s position (according to the principle “it’s easier to agree now, but we’ll see”), fear of conflict or punishment.
Some people practice making a promise and then canceling it unilaterally, without discussion. As a result of such behavior, conflict is inevitable, because an unfulfilled promise causes the other to feel deceived and disrespected.
To make fulfilling a promise possible for you, make real promises, those that you are able to fulfill. You need to honestly discuss with your partner what you are willing to do and what you are not. Most likely, this will not be an easy conversation, but it will save both of you from further disappointment.
What to do if you are faced with some type of betrayal?
The basic rules are:
Realize
Recognize
Be honest
Respect each other
When a relationship begins to crumble under the influence of any kind of betrayal, promises, apologies and romantic evenings are not enough to bring it back to its previous level.
Spouses need to realize that the basis of disagreements and misunderstandings is some form of infidelity, so in order to return to a good relationship, they will need to reconsider their expectations, find a way to respect each other's realities, discuss problems honestly, learn to adapt and compromise.
This is not at all easy and may require transforming your ingrained views on relationships, marital roles, what is “right” and “wrong”, “who has the right to what”, “how a man/woman should/should behave”, “who is in charge” /what is important in a relationship”, etc.
To become more careful towards each other, you will need to learn to recognize the psychological meaning of communications, to realize what we are actually saying to another when we give advice, assessments, directions, or try to convince that we are right. Answer yourself the question: “Why do I put my partner in a position where he/she feels stupid, wrong, incapable, unvalued?”
Remember: When both partners do not seek to gain advantages at the expense of the other, but care about mutual benefit, it gives the couple mutual joy and strengthens the foundation of the family. A true respect and affection in marriage serve as a strength and protect us from the injustices of life.published .
Elena Binkevich
Any questions left - ask them
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
For some reason, when people talk about betrayal in relationships, they only mean physical betrayal. Perhaps because it is physical betrayal that serves as a compelling reason for separation, while emotional coldness or, for example, disrespect towards a partner is a less significant reason for separation.
But does the issue of betrayal come down to just physical betrayal? Is betrayal limited to just the sexual side of the problem? In fact, betrayal in a relationship has many facets, and each type of betrayal in its own way undermines the foundation of the relationship, destroying mutual understanding and trust between partners. Most of these types of betrayal can be hidden behind the façade of an apparently prosperous relationship: betrayal remains unobvious until a certain moment, and destroys love quietly and imperceptibly, like a woodboring beetle. So what are the types? betrayal in relationships can you highlight?
Conscious frivolity
Where the problem of not taking the building of a strong partnership seriously appears, initially one of the partners (or both) did not expect a long relationship. That is, sympathy and attraction appeared, but there were no traces of any serious intentions when building relationships.
Most often, betrayal in such relationships manifests itself in the attitudes of one of the partners: “Anyway, there is no one better, so for now I’ll be with her/him,” or “okay, I won’t break off the relationship, anyway, she won’t mention a wedding yet.” Betrayal in this case exists in a latent form, it does not manifest itself, but only while the relationship remains convenient for the partner, who shows “conscious frivolity.” As soon as there is a “smell” of real responsibility, and the relationship ceases to be a comfortable environment, a break will occur.
The second partner, who remains devoted, has a different type of attitude: he tries to “drive” his other half into a framework of obligations (for example, some girls try to “chain” their partner to themselves through marriage and the birth of a child). Such actions may preserve the formal status of the relationship, but they will not lead to emotional intimacy.
Emotional cheating
Relationships are considered strong in which the partners unconditionally trust each other, in which there is genuine emotional intimacy, and there is no place for secrets and lies. However, what happens when a third person appears, with whom one of the partners develops an even more trusting and emotionally close relationship? The third, to whom one of the spouses is ready to entrust all family secrets, even those that are unknown to the second spouse? Well, this can be considered emotional cheating.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with friendship and camaraderie, because a person’s life should not be limited only to marital relationships. However, here we are not talking about simple friendship, but about a peculiar kind of platonic love, in which very warm, emotionally rich relationships are built, built on an absolute basis of trust. It would seem that there is no real fact of betrayal, because the relationship is exclusively platonic. But the danger of such relationships is that there is no place for secrets: any details of one’s own family life can be brought up for discussion. It's as if a stranger broke into your house and rummaged through your linen closet. Over time, the truth about such platonic relationships can come out and irrevocably undermine the trusting foundations of married life.
Creating coalitions against a partner
Relationships are a matter of two. Joy for two, happiness for two, and problems for two too. It's like a mechanism with two gears. What happens if a foreign object gets between two gears? The mechanism breaks down. It’s the same with relationships: when a third person appears who interferes in the relationship between two people, the relationship collapses. That is why the creation of coalitions and “friendship against” can be so dangerous, so they can be considered a separate type of unobvious betrayal.
Most often, one of the partners creates a coalition with his mother against the second partner. In this situation, the mother-in-law or mother-in-law serves as “additional fighting power” aimed at proving the rightness of her son/daughter in a number of family disagreements. But the members of such coalitions do not take into account one thing: each joint “attack” on the second partner causes the withering of intimacy between spouses and gradually leads to the destruction of the relationship.
Emotional coldness
“In sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health...” - this is the vow of loving spouses. It is noteworthy that the very first phrases of the oath draw attention to the importance of psychological support in any situation in life - this is a promise to be there and provide support when it is not easy for your significant other, when she needs the support of a loved one. Therefore, neglecting the emotions and feelings of a partner, not providing him with psychological support in a difficult situation, or showing emotional coldness is a particularly serious betrayal.
In close relationships, partners feel when their other half needs to be encouraged and provided with psychological support. But it also happens that a person is unable or, for various reasons, does not want to provide support. For example, a man may believe that if he constantly “follows” his wife and constantly feels sorry for her, then she will “sit on his head” with her complaints. Or a wife may try not to show excessive pity and sympathy towards her husband, so that he “doesn’t lose his temper at all.” Be that as it may, emotional coldness slowly but inevitably destroys relationships.
Lack of respect
As Alexander Dumas the son once accurately noted: “love without respect does not go far and does not rise high: it is an angel with one wing.” Disrespect can be the very destructive factor that will turn a relationship into ashes. Insults, rudeness, ignoring the partner’s opinion - all this turns love into hostility. At first, manifestations of disrespect on the part of a loved one may be discouraging, but over time, irritation and dissatisfaction will grow until one day the bubble of patience bursts and not a trace of the former disposition remains. In the end, the pleasant moments from living together will be erased from memory under the pressure of terrible disrespect.
Of course, experiencing any of these types of betrayal can undermine trust in a relationship and lead to a breakup. However, this betrayal in itself is not an unambiguous death sentence for love - you can try to overcome the crisis in the relationship and restore trust in your union with your partner. Having discovered the presence of some kind of non-obvious betrayal, it is necessary to: realize the existence of the problem and recognize its role in your relationship, honestly discuss the essence of the problem with your partner (and do this with respect, without insults). After overcoming the crisis, relationships must be built on a solid foundation of mutual trust and respect - only in this case there will be no room for betrayal in life together.
Direction " Loyalty and betrayal" is included in the list of topics for the final essay for the 2017/18 academic year.
Below you will find examples and additional materials for development. themes of fidelity and betrayal in the final essay.
Essay on the topic: Loyalty and betrayal
Loyalty and betrayal represent two opposite extremes of the moral and ethical image of a person. If we consider it from a literary point of view, then “loyalty” and “betrayal” in most works clearly and accurately characterize the actions of the heroes. Whether it’s “Anna Karenina” by L. Tolstoy, “Eugene Onegin” or “The Captain’s Daughter” by Pushkin, the problems of fidelity and betrayal are acute and multifaceted everywhere.
If we turn to modern reality, then, on the one hand, noble behavior takes its basics from early childhood in a family atmosphere, on the other hand, human moral character is a full reflection of a person’s thinking and nature.
Of course, you should not forget about loyalty to your family, relatives, loved ones and close people. Our immediate environment accepts us for who we really are. This circle includes the closest people who will support us at any moment of our lives, and will spiritually share the joys and troubles that have happened. They will certainly give advice and share their personal experience. We must respect the people close to us and value them very much, as well as their presence in our lives.
Therefore, relatives, like no one else, deserve a faithful and devoted relationship. We must always support them and never betray them. As various literary sources say, even our ancestors sang in folk art the importance, strength and indivisibility of the family circle. Every person who has people nearby who love, appreciate and respect him is considered rich. It’s as if he grows wings from the support he receives and wants to conquer new heights.
Every person with adequate consciousness must necessarily possess the qualities that are inherent in fidelity. This concept decorates and significantly exalts the appearance of a person. It is also worth noting that all these feelings cannot be forcibly instilled. Boring notations and moral teachings are not helpful in this matter. The concept of “loyalty” is born in the very depths of the soul when every person is born. And his loyalty can be judged by his actions, his train of thoughts and, in general, by his chosen course of life, discarding all eloquent sayings. But, one should not consider fidelity as some kind of starting point in one’s life position. In fact, fidelity is a generous tribute to sincere and genuine love.
Only love can revive in the human soul endless respect and complete readiness for self-sacrifice. Your own thought contributes to the formation of individuality. Thanks to the fact that you have your own position, you can stand out significantly from the crowd and not succumb to public opinion. In this case, no one will be able to impose other people’s thoughts on us. This is why it is very important to be true to yourself.
After betrayal, you no longer want to trust anyone; a betrayed person begins to look for a catch in everything. It is worth focusing on the behavior of the traitor, how he behaves. Does it tell why everything happened this way? Does he ask for forgiveness? Everything happens in this life and no one is immune from mistakes. It may even be that due to life circumstances or under the influence of someone else’s opinion, we do not intentionally set up another person. The most important thing is to come to your senses in time, sincerely repent and ask for forgiveness. If it is really possible to find an excuse for what was done, then you can forgive the person, giving him another chance to fix everything and return to an honest and trusting relationship.
There is no need to isolate yourself, life goes on, so you need to move on. First of all, we are all human and must be patient with each other. Our life, therefore, is filled with all sorts of difficulties of a different nature, so we need to treat loving and beloved people with reverence and great respect.
In the context of this open movement, it would be appropriate to think about fidelity and betrayal as radically opposed manifestations of human nature. It is recommended to analyze the categories of betrayal and fidelity from a moral, ethical, philosophical, psychological point of view, as well as referring to everyday realities and works of literature.
The categories “loyalty” and “betrayal” occupy a key role in the plots of many works of different eras and characterize the thoughts and deeds of heroes in situations of moral choice, both in personal relationships and in the social aspect.
Topics and questions that can be considered within the framework of the direction "Loyalty and betrayal"
What does loyalty mean?
What does cheating lead to?
How do you think the concepts of fidelity and love are related?
How do you think loyalty and friendship are related?
Why is treason dangerous?
Confirm or refute the statement of W. Churchill: “The man who never changes his opinion is a fool.”
Is it possible to forgive betrayal?
What are the reasons for betrayal and betrayal?
When does the choice between loyalty and betrayal arise?
How do you understand the word “fidelity”?
Is it important to be true to your word? What pushes a person to cheat?
Do you agree with the statement: “A traitor and a coward are two birds of a feather?”
What qualities should a true friend have?
How do you understand Plutarch’s statement: “Traitors betray themselves first of all”?
How does betrayal affect relationships?
“Is it possible to run away from yourself by leaving your homeland?” Horace What is the worst betrayal?
Do you agree with the statement: “Trust is a sign of courage, and loyalty is a sign of strength”?
Do you agree with the statement “Whoever has never sworn allegiance will never break it”? (August Platen)
Can a noble heart be unfaithful?
Is it possible to deal with a person who cannot be trusted?
Confirm or refute the words of F. Schiller: “True love helps to endure all hardships”?
How do you understand the words: “To preserve love, you must not change, but change”? (K. Melikhan)
Do you agree with N. Chernyshevsky’s statement: “Betrayal of the Motherland requires extreme baseness of the soul”?
Is it possible to be a hero while fighting against the Motherland?
Can you call a dog your most faithful friend?
Why is cheating on a friend so much more painful than cheating on your loved one?
Do you agree with Lope de Vega’s saying “Betrayal on a friend is a crime without justification, without forgiveness”?
Is it possible to say that a friend’s loyalty is “the most precious thing that can be given to a person”? (E. Telman)
How do you understand V. Hugo’s statement: “Half friend is half traitor”?
How do you understand the meaning of the saying: “An unfaithful friend is like a shadow that follows you while the sun shines.”
Do you need to be true to yourself? Is L. Sukhorukov’s statement true: “He who is faithful only to himself is always unfaithful with others”?
Do you agree with the statement: “He who never changes his views loves himself more than the truth”? (Joseph Joubert)
Why do you think traitors betray themselves first of all?
How do you understand the statement: “To be authentic is to be true to yourself”? (Osho)
Do you agree with A.P.’s statement? Chekhov: “Loyalty is a quality that people have lost, but dogs have retained”?
Do you agree with the popular wisdom: “A faithful friend is better than a hundred servants”?
Is it true to say: “Whoever has felt affection for a faithful and intelligent dog does not need to explain with what ardent gratitude she pays for it”?
Can loyalty bring disappointment to a person?
More topics:
Patriotism is loyalty to the Motherland.
Is it possible to be faithful to others while remaining true to yourself?
Loyalty as the basis of honesty and honor.
Is treason a betrayal or loyalty to one’s interests?
Is forgiveness of betrayal an admission that the traitor was right, one’s own weakness or love?
According to most psychologists, the betrayal of one of the spouses, regardless of whether this fact became known to the other half, one way or another entails certain consequences. In simple terms, nothing goes unnoticed. And before you hit your head against the wall in fits of remorse ortearing your hair outdesire to kill the traitor, let's try to figure out what really happened, why it happened, and how to survive it without breaking the bank.
Option one - it was you who cheated on your other half
If no one finds out about the fact of your fall, which is, of course, safer for you, then try to do internal work on your mistakes and promise not to do this again. After all, think about it: by succumbing to momentary weakness, you could have lost much more! Namely, the trust and love of a person close to you! What you have been building for years can crumble in one minute. If you are absolutely sure that the other half will never find out anything, which is of course unlikely, then remember the wise saying: “everything is secret, one day it becomes clear anyway.” Although this is not the main danger. Once you are confident in your impunity, you can simply get a taste for it. Cheating can easily become a habit and even become a kind of doping, a kind of source of adrenaline. This happens when the feeling of constant novelty outweighs the desire to improve what we have. In this case, you become dependent on your own feelings, called pathology, and you will have to eliminate it with psychological help. Not the best option for family happiness.
Option two - they cheated on you and you know about it
In this case, things are even worse. Because both will have to understand the situation and survive what happened. And as a rule, such an event will entail a scandal, tears, resentment, etc. After all, few people will clap their hands when they learn about the “left” adventures of their significant other. Unless, of course, these same adventures were specifically set up, say, as an argument for obtaining a divorce.
In most families, the discovery of adultery becomes severe psychological stress for the injured party. Stress, which can lead to long-held resentment, loss of self-esteem and even revenge. The one who has been cheated on may well begin to regularly cheat on himself, justifying himself by saying that he is only taking revenge for the insult caused.
Sex on the side, being for the other half a fact of not only physical contact, but also moral betrayal, can develop in the person who was cheated on an inferiority complex, which, even if it is not noticeable in everyday communication, can affect the quality of intimate life and even leave an imprint on the entire subsequent sexual life of the partners. At the most inopportune moment, the deceived spouse may imagine in his imagination the image of the lover or mistress with whom you cheated. Mentally compare situations and, as a rule, such invented comparisons occur precisely in favor of random partners. By the way, such behavior can be predicted even by shouts in a scandal, when, in a fit of rage, one of the spouses shouts: “So, which of us is better in bed”? Agree, the prospect is more than bleak.
Listing the possible negative psychological consequences of the behavior of a spouse who finds out the truth is as difficult as predicting how he will behave outwardly. Someone may fall into a deep depression and remain in a depressed state, someone will begin to remind the culprit of his offense at every slightest opportunity, and someone may even decide to divorce. In any case, reconciliation, even if possible, will probably not be very easy.
So, treason. What to do?
The answer is clear - do not change. If you have changed, try to hide this fact and understand that the action you committed devalued you as a person. And, if you find out about your spouse’s betrayal......first, calm down. The earth has not moved off its axis and no matter how hard it may be for you now, you will be able to survive it. Having calmed down, do not rush at the culprit with your fists. No matter how seditious and impossible this thought may seem to you, try to understand what exactly pushed your spouse to take this step. Perhaps a person who decides to commit such an unseemly act can find not only an excuse, but also an explanation? Try to stand in his place and look at your life together as if from the outside. Are you too busy with everyday life? Have habits and routines become too deeply ingrained in your life? Or maybe you were so carried away by work or children that you completely forgot about your other half? How much do you control the situation and manage not only the family budget, but also the intimate life of your couple? After all, in order to introduce an element of novelty and refresh life, you really don’t need much.
If you are a wife, dye your hair, add lace negligees and stockings to your wardrobe, change your jeans to mini ones! Change! If you are a husband, isn’t it time for you to change your eau de toilette, update your haircut, tighten your sagging belly and again start caring for your own wife, who once before chose you from the huge number of men living on the planet? Have a heart-to-heart talk, like once upon a time. Give your wife flowers, prepare your husband a romantic dinner. Change your sex location. Spend the evening together, excluding such attributes as TV, computer and beloved children. Candles, going to a cafe, cinema, frank conversation (without reproaches or accusations), a light dinner with aphrodisiac foods. Believe me, nothing is impossible in order to become family again, to return the former intensity of passions, or even to rekindle it with renewed vigor. Of course, it’s easier to pack your things and file for divorce, but this result is unlikely to please both of you. Therefore, try to treat your spouse’s betrayal from the most philosophical point of view, although, of course, this is not easy. But it’s not for nothing that the great classic said: “Grief is the teacher of the wise.” Happiness and love to you!
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