It’s a trick, of course, and now we’ll tell you exactly how.
In general, there will probably never come a “right” or “appropriate” time for a man when he is truly ready for a relationship. They are in no hurry to say goodbye to their freedom.
The only case when a man wants a relationship is when he thinks that he cannot lose this particular woman, and the very thought that she could be with someone else haunts him.
How is this possible? You can try to become such a woman for him. And, above all, you need to react correctly to what he says: “I’m not ready yet.”
1. Say, “I understand.”
If he says he doesn't want any serious relationship yet, simply tell him, "I understand." And that's it, nothing more. Don't argue, don't try to convince him.
Pause, wait, be silent, and then the man usually responds by making excuses and explaining his reasons.
He will feel relieved that you understand him, relax and open up to you (if, of course, he is a normal man and not just a womanizer).
2. Refrain from having sex with him.
Once he decides that you understand him and are not trying to change him, he will want to sleep with you. When this becomes obvious to you, tell him what you like about him and what you appreciate about him.
And then the magic words: “I promised myself not to have sex without a serious relationship. I understand your position, but you also understand mine.”
Here he should be captivated by your virtue, confidence and dignity, so that he will want to become your hero. These are the women that men marry.
3. And don't say anything more.
Now he may start to argue with you, but you just calmly answer: “I understand.” You sowed the seed and, believe me, he heard you.
You made it clear to him what you want from life in principle, and not specifically from him. And you gave him the opportunity, without unnecessary pressure, to think that the relationship with you was his idea. Because you know that if not him, then it will be with someone else, and he no longer wants that.
Of course, it takes patience to pull this off, but it usually works. Good luck!
When you're in the early stages of a relationship, everything is great. You are still getting to know each other, you have so many new impressions, emotions, so much love.
But sometimes, if you are in too much of a hurry to develop a relationship, it can end just as quickly. The honeymoon wears off and you just start to get annoyed by everything. Suddenly you realize that you are not as in love with this person as you thought. You were simply overwhelmed by passion, but not love, and you were too hasty in the relationship.
Isn’t it reasonable, then, for many men to “take their time”, which is very scary for most women? It's scary because they don't understand what men really mean by this.
And while it's true that some guys say this to just "get laid and quit", in most cases these words mean much more serious things. Here's what the men themselves say:
To distinguish feelings from infatuation
“I met a girl and really liked her, but my previous relationship moved too fast and got serious too early, but it ended up being just a short-term fling. So this time I decided not to rush. We talked and I told her why I thought it would be better. As a result, I was convinced that this was love, and now we have been married for two years.”
So she doesn't run away
“Unfortunately, I already had several girls who simply left me “in English” as soon as I showed that I was interested in a relationship. As one of them said later, she was simply afraid that I liked her more than she liked me. Now I'm in no hurry."
Lack of rush can make a relationship more serious
“There could be many reasons. Firstly, people have different life experiences, and if you didn’t have something that made you take your time now, it doesn’t mean others have the same.
Sometimes relationships can be just about sex, and if you've had enough of these empty relationships, then next time you want something more serious.
This does not mean that a person does not want sex with you, but an emotional connection is more important to him.
Just decide for yourself what kind of relationship you want, and then ask the person what kind of relationship he wants.”
In a hurry, you may miss warning signs
“I plunged into a relationship without really getting to know the person. And I managed to become very attached to her when suddenly I began to recognize moments that were not very acceptable to me. So now I don’t want to rush.”
Haste pushes girls away
“From my own experience, I know that when I say that I don’t want to rush, I do the opposite - I don’t push the girl away, but attract her, seem more serious and responsible.”
When you take your time, you can understand what is important in a relationship
“I’m 32, and recently I just told my girlfriend that I won’t rush. At this age, I have already seen a lot of things and I realized that if you really like each other, then there is no need to rush. At first, you can just communicate a lot and find out what is important to you and what you need in a relationship.”
Sometimes you want to build a friendship first, and then a relationship
“As you get older, you realize that relationships are not just about sex, and it’s not just about compatibility in bed. It’s more important to first understand how compatible you are as people, as friends.”
Don't rush, so as not to spoil the relationship
“All my past relationships developed quickly, and some ended quickly, because I did a lot of things thoughtlessly. Now I don’t want to rush, I want everything to be right.”
Sex prevents you from building healthy relationships
“I realized that after I sleep with a girl, I can no longer build the right relationship with her, the kind of connection that we wanted. Either I have some kind of barrier in relation to her, or she gets attached too quickly, and I’m not ready yet.”
Have you become a hostage to a situation where the relationship with a man has ceased to be friendly, but cannot become something more, since he does not dare to offer you to be together? Well, most likely, your man is not ready for a relationship of this kind, and you will have a very difficult time if you set out to get this person for yourself.
We find out the reason why a man is not ready for a relationship
Think about the fact that a man may have his own reasons why he cannot offer you anything more than just friendship. Perhaps he has sympathy for you and even serious feelings, but is there something stopping him?
Stop wandering around in the fog like a lost hedgehog and being at a loss. Try to find out what is the reason for his strange behavior. You can call him for a frank conversation, but in this case you risk completely frightening him off and losing him even as a friend. You can find out everything secretly through people you know. In any case, you should be prepared to hear facts that are not entirely pleasant for you.
- Do you know this person well? It is quite possible that he already has the woman with whom he is bound by marriage. It is possible that there are children. That is why he is in no hurry to invite you to be together, because he is simply not ready for a relationship between lovers and betrayal.
- Are you sure of his orientation? It sounds wild, of course, but it wouldn’t hurt to find out if he visits the “blue lights.”
- An unhealed wound from a past love relationship that ended in failure. As a rule, a man who has recently experienced a breakup with his beloved woman is not ready for a new relationship that requires seriousness and responsibility.
- If he is young, do not exclude the possibility that he simply has not had anyone before you, and he does not know how to approach you.
- And a man is also not ready for a relationship when he is not sure of your own feelings for him and is afraid of rejection. For male selfishness, this is a blow below the belt.
These are the most common reasons why a man can delay a flirting relationship indefinitely and not bring the matter to its logical conclusion - to an explanation. Also take into account complexes, some external circumstances (if, for example, you are his boss) and other factors that you should definitely find out about.
We bring a man “to readiness”
So, you know the reason. If she doesn’t interfere with your being together (he is of exactly the same orientation, and you agree to the rights of a mistress if he is married), then go for it.
- Open conversation
If you are a direct, open girl, challenge him to a frank conversation (but at the same time be a feminine lady, not a presumptuous tank). Tell him that you have tenderness and sympathy for him, but you don’t understand his attitude towards you. Perhaps he is just waiting for this, to throw himself at your feet and confess his love.
- Hints
Show him that you are interested in continuing your relationship with him. Flirtat with him, give him compliments, make it clear to him in every possible way that you want to be with him and have far from friendly feelings towards him. Perhaps your man just lacks confidence. An excellent and effective maneuver is to contact him with a request for friendly advice (you are friends with him, after all). Tell him that you love one person, you want to be with him, but you don’t understand how he treats you and why he hesitates to confess. As a rule, men cannot stand such a “knight’s move” and sort things out until the end.
- The Velvet season
If all else fails, there is a drastic, but very effective method that will allow you to rip off the mask from your boyfriend. However, keep in mind that this method is for strong ladies who are confident in themselves. Get out of your friend's sight: stop calling him and writing online, avoid meetings if possible, and if they are unavoidable, keep your distance. In psychology, such exhaustion is called the velvet season. If a man does not make any attempts at explanation, it is unlikely that he feels anything for you. If he has feelings for you, he will definitely talk to you about your behavior, and a showdown will lead to everything else.
We draw appropriate conclusions
While you are bringing your dear friend “to the point of readiness” in love, be extremely careful. Observe his behavior, words, gestures, intonation of voice. Analyze all this and draw appropriate conclusions:
- if you see that he is worried no less than you, but still does not take steps towards rapprochement, despite all your tricks, believe me: he has good reasons not to do this;
- if he is amused by these cat and mouse games, most likely he is simply not ready for a serious relationship and the depth of his feelings for you is unlikely to be measured in kilometers;
- if he is the living embodiment of tenderness, devotion, love, then he only needs your help, support and approval.
Remember that mountains bend before patience and perseverance, and if you really want to achieve this person, he will be yours. Try to follow our advice and draw the right conclusions in order to find true happiness in the face of a person worthy of you.
Does a man love you or is he just playing with you? To understand this, you need to carefully analyze his behavior. Read our article about the signals indicating that a man does not want a serious relationship.
Nobody wants to waste time on an unpromising relationship. However, it is not always possible to understand from a man’s behavior whether he is serious or just spending time with you for his own pleasure. Many representatives of the stronger sex are not distinguished by their emotionality, and at the beginning of the novel it is quite difficult to determine their true intentions. To protect yourself from unnecessary disappointments, you need to carefully analyze his behavior, trying not to succumb to illusions and self-deception. How does your new partner feel about you? Here are 10 signs that indicate a man is not ready for a serious relationship.
Signs that a man is not ready for a serious relationship
1. You don't know anything about his life
A man who does not reveal any specific information about himself should make you wary. If several dates have passed and you still don’t know where he works and lives, it means your new friend is hiding something. Most likely, he views you only as a girlfriend for a pleasant pastime, who does not need to be allowed into his life too closely. In addition, the presence of a family may also explain male “mystery.”
2. He doesn't introduce you to friends and family.
Another manifestation of the distance between him and you. If a man does not consider a relationship with you something serious, he does not see the need to introduce you into his inner circle. Also, this fact may indicate that your partner is not free and he does not need extra witnesses to his affair on the side.
3. He doesn't tell you about his childhood.
Emotional intimacy creates trust and openness between people. Having true feelings for a person, we want to discuss with him the most hidden experiences and secrets. As a rule, the strongest emotions are caused by events that happened to us in childhood or adolescence. Therefore, one way or another, in conversations with a loved one, we share memories from childhood. If you don’t know anything about your partner’s “tender” age, perhaps he doesn’t feel close to you. However, do not rush to draw clear conclusions. It is possible that the man avoids talking about his childhood due to severe psychological trauma.
4. There is no consistency in your relationship.
You meet only when he has time for this and, as a rule, your meetings are intermittent. All this can be attributed to the man being too busy. But, if he is really interested in a relationship with you, he will try to see you as often as possible, regardless of how busy he is. At the very least, a serious man will plan and discuss upcoming dates. If he appears out of nowhere and goes nowhere, you should not hope for mutual love for the rest of your life.
5. Your relationship isn't growing.
All your meetings follow the same scenario. As a rule, this scenario comes down to intimacy. If you are connected only by passion, most likely that is all a man needs from you. If this state of affairs does not suit you, it is better to immediately break off the romance that, in fact, never began.
6. There is no “we” in his plans.
Listen to how your partner constructs sentences when talking about plans for the future. For example, when planning a vacation, a serious-minded man will probably use the pronoun “we”: “We will go to the sea,” “We will go hiking,” etc. If only “I” comes out of his mouth, you do not occupy an important place in his life.
7. He gives you corny gifts.
His gifts are similar to the standard gentleman's set - flowers, sweets, a funny souvenir. This gift can be given to absolutely any girl, for example, a work colleague or friend. Gifts from a man who is serious about you are always personal. If a man has sincere feelings, then with the help of a gift he will try to give you maximum pleasure by presenting something that will really make you happy.
8. He doesn't help you like a man.
Every man instinctively strives to make life easier for his companion. Depending on the circumstances, this instinct manifests itself in different ways. For example, he can help you with typical male household chores, take care of your gadgets, or provide financial support. If your life difficulties do not cause him anything but indifference, then this is exactly the feeling he experiences towards you.
The seriousness of his intentions can be determined by another indirect sign - the desire to consult with you. If you occupy an important place in a man’s life and heart, he will probably be interested in your opinion on this or that issue. We are talking not only about global problems, but also about everyday affairs. For example, an interested young man will ask you what suit he should buy, what haircut to choose, or what movie to watch after work. If he never consults with you, this indicates his emotional distance.
10. He tells you that a serious relationship is not for him.
Even if your relationship has just begun, and there can be no talk of any joint plans for the future, a serious-minded man will not throw around such loud phrases. Saying something like “I’m not cut out for a serious relationship!” or “I’m not ready for a family yet,” the man is letting you know that in his life he can only make room for you for an easy pastime. There is a chance that after N number of dates he will sincerely fall in love with you and reconsider his position in life, but this probability is negligible.
A relationship with a man who is not currently committed to serious feelings is futile. After some time, you will get tired of the monotonous “running in circles” and you will want something more. However, this person will not be able to satisfy your desire.