Poets called this state love at first sight, when a guy and a girl, having barely met, feel an unprecedented attraction. Scientists today are studying this phenomenon and putting forward several assumptions about the nature of such feelings.
The article discusses the most famous of them.
Why a man is attracted to a woman: biology
Smell
According to this theory, each person secretes special substances - pheromones. They have virtually no odor, but affect the olfactory receptors, which send a signal to the brain. He, in turn, unconsciously interprets them as an attractive aroma, and the person becomes interesting as a partner.
Women and men have different types of pheromones, the intensity of which increases during periods of abstinence, good mood, etc.
Eye contact
Another theory suggests that people are attracted to each other by staring at each other. In the animal world, the latter is a signal of danger, awakening a zone in the brain that decides to approach an object or move away. A person perceives this shake-up as a state of falling in love.
This assumption is supported by a study by American scientists, where they asked subjects to look into the eyes of their interlocutor. Upon closer inspection, many noted the emergence of pleasant feelings for their counterpart.
Why one is drawn to a person: psychology
At one time, the founder of modern psychology, S. Freud, tested in his own practice the assumption that a girl is subconsciously drawn to a man who resembles her own father, and boys are drawn to a girl who is similar (psychologically) to her mother.
At the same time, people are not able to see this similarity, but intuitively strive to find a partner who matches the parent’s psychotype. It is not without reason that acquaintances often note how much the bride resembles the groom’s mother in her youth.
Opposites Attract
Another idea explains attraction by the desire to compensate for one’s own shortcomings with the strengths of a partner. And having met an object that has the necessary qualities, a person experiences tender feelings for him, called the state of falling in love.
Love in return
Seeing special attention from a man to his person, a woman feels most desirable and perfect for this man. An unconscious desire arises to answer him in kind, the girl is drawn to the guy. The result is a mutual feeling. The same is true in the reverse situation: a man falls in love with a lady who adores him.
It is impossible to say that one or another theory is the most correct, therefore each of them has the right to exist.
Throughout their lives, everyone has experienced an irresistible attraction to another person at least once. Many people are concerned about the question of where this feeling comes from and how to react to it correctly? Attraction can arise at the wrong time or to a stranger, or even to someone who does not evoke much sympathy. To understand how to deal with this feeling, you need to know the reasons why you are attracted to a person and how the mechanisms of attraction work.
The subconscious is primarily responsible for the occurrence of attraction, so at first it is difficult for people to give an adequate answer as to why they are drawn to a certain person. Attraction is accompanied by a strong hormonal release, which puts the brain in a state of euphoria and love. Why does this outburst happen? The reasons can be roughly divided into physiological and psychological.
| Physiological reasons | Psychological reasons |
| Sexual hunger (prolonged absence of sexual intercourse). | The need for intimacy, emotionally close relationships. |
| Stress, need for relaxation. | Personal attitudes and values (upbringing, outlook on life, goals and needs that the brain reads instantly). |
| Procreation (the only goal is conception). | Defense mechanisms (what we most need, what we fear). |
| Pleasure (receiving physical pleasure). | Habit (constant repetition of sexual actions leads to their automatic, uncontrolled commission). |
If a girl is attracted to a powerful, dominant man, most likely, her parental family had a patriarchal system, so she is looking for a patron like a father.
If a man is attracted to a woman who is aggressive and disrespectful, then perhaps his mother was harsh and harsh. In this case, the man’s subconscious models the usual stereotype of building relationships between a man and a woman.
Attraction to a stranger is associated with a set of attitudes that are firmly entrenched in a person’s head. The brain selects the most suitable personality based on these criteria, then a chemical reaction occurs. At the level of consciousness, people decide whether a given person is really suitable for them; character, profession, goals, temperament, financial situation, etc. are taken into account.
When a person experiences stress for a long time or does not have sexual intimacy, then attraction can be formed on pure physiology, since sex is the simplest way to relieve tension and get a portion of the happiness hormone.
Important!
Attraction and falling in love are not love. Many people confuse these concepts, since attraction can be strong. But gradually the hormonal levels return to normal and people are no longer so attracted to each other. They begin to soberly assess the situation, and another question arises: why this particular person? Some people manage to make mistakes.
If you are attracted to the wrong person?
Why are you attracted to a certain man or woman if this is not the person you would like to be with? When attraction arises to a dishonest person, rude, insecure, broken, this means that unconscious mechanisms built on complexes, fears, and blocks are working inside you. To stop the action of these mechanisms, it is necessary to understand for what reason and for what purpose they were launched, and to reset the values.
If a person, more often a woman, is in a state of Victim, he will automatically look for a Tormentor. They become insecure and complex people who need to dominate someone in order to assert themselves. Sacrifice is the best option. To get out of this vicious circle, the Victim needs to enter the position of the Author. Then she will no longer need the Tormentor.
Advice!
Don't take attraction as a sign of fate. Attraction to another person is just a small push that may or may not begin a strong wonderful feeling and a strong relationship for years to come.
Wrong time
There are situations where people feel attracted to other people when they are already in a relationship with someone else. What to do if you are drawn to a person at such an inopportune time? First, find out the reason. They may be as follows:
- lack of love and emotional intimacy in existing relationships;
- lack of sexual intimacy, dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy;
- destructive relationships (collapsed to the ground; presence of inappropriate behavior on the part of the partner);
- crisis (grinding in, birth of a child, crisis at 3 years, 7 years, 12 and 25 years of marriage);
- intrapersonal crisis (age or life, turning points in life).
Based on the reason, you decide what to do. If you decide to maintain an existing relationship, then you need to work on it. You can do this alone or with a partner. The problem definitely needs to be solved before it increases tenfold.
Behavior strategy, problem solving options
Possible behavior when you are strongly attracted to a person can be divided into two categories: if you want intimacy with him, and if you do not want intimacy. When nothing is stopping you and you are ready to try to get closer, consider the following tips:
- get to know the person you like better, do not rush to draw conclusions about him;
- define for yourself the criteria for choosing a life partner, what kind of person he should be, what you will not tolerate;
- try to establish friendly relations.
If you have established a negative cause for the attraction that has arisen, then begin to work on eliminating this cause. Pay attention to the recommendations:
- try to distance yourself from the object of passion;
- don't focus on the feeling;
- engage in self-development.
Is it possible that the person you are magnetically attracted to is the love of your life? Yes, it's possible. Is this necessarily the case? No, not necessarily. Does the attraction go away? Yes, passion always subsides, hormones calm down, and if there is no love and acceptance in this place, then there will be emptiness there.
Any relationship has different options for the development of events. Much depends on people: whether they accept themselves and their partner, whether they work on problems. Unconscious impulses play an important role in human life, but with the help of reason, people can control their instincts and make informed decisions.
Greetings, my dear readers! Have you ever wondered what is the main principle by which you choose a person for a relationship? Is it just a hobby, strong feelings or a subconscious search for the image of a mother/father? Today I propose to talk about why one is drawn to a certain person. Is it worth giving in to this feeling or should you think about it so as not to destroy your existing happiness?
New emotions
What is attraction to a person? The desire to constantly be near, to hear a voice, to smell, a feeling of impossibility without him. Such feelings can be either momentary and quickly passing, or long-lasting, lasting several years.
Sometimes you just meet a stranger and all your thoughts are only about him. He seems so mysterious and interesting. Communication is filled with flirting and play. You immerse yourself in it completely and completely, and there is no other world. All the past is left behind.
Something new and unknown always attracts a person. Especially against the backdrop of everyday life and dullness. So, one of my clients, having been married for a long time, met a man at a party. They just talked, but he left a certain mark on her soul.
She described how wonderful he was, how very different he was from her husband, that he was completely different and she couldn’t live without him. As a result, she left her husband, and after some time the new gentleman turned out to be the same ordinary and worthless comrade.
A person is drawn to mystery, to the unknown. But upon closer examination, everything seems different, not so fabulous and beautiful. Everything new captivates and pulls you along. And it’s very cool when something strong and eternal is born from this situation. I have a huge number of examples when a new and bright feeling appeared in a person’s life, developing into strong love for many years.
And sometimes you just like a person, have a good and fun time with him, don’t think about anything, and then you realize that you are very much attracted to him. You can no longer imagine your evening without a text message or a call; every moment you want to know what a person is doing.
If you can’t sort out your feelings, are unsure about something or have doubts, then I have an excellent article in store for you that will help you figure it out in just a few minutes: “”.
Together we will analyze the problem and find the most acceptable solution.
Drawn to the past
But we are drawn not only to something new and unknown. It happens that you just can’t get the image of your ex-lover out of your head. The relationship could have ended several years ago, but you still continue to be drawn to the person.
When the relationship was long-term, this turn of events is not surprising. You just have a lot in common, you have given each other so much that it seems impossible to live without him. You constantly communicated, had mutual friends and acquaintances, you had a common life, common plans. This is what haunts me even after several years.
A person can cling to the past because he does not see his future. Or afraid of the unknown. She doesn’t believe that she can trust another person; it seems that she can no longer build a new good relationship. Therefore, he clings tightly to the past and this notorious attraction appears.
If this is exactly the case for you and you still can’t break with your past, then read the article “”. Even if you are not attracted to your first love, the article will help you sort out your feelings for the past and you will definitely find the answer to the question - how to forget a person and move on?
What to do about it
If you are a free person, then calmly surrender to this wonderful feeling. Passion and love make a person inspired and inspired. It's a wonderful and liberating feeling. You should enjoy every moment and just be happy. Understand that life is too short to deny yourself feelings and emotions.
What if I don’t like you, but I’m attracted to you? Again, if you are free, then let yourself enjoy your health. Sex, for example, is very good for health. And good sex, in general, can even cure headaches.
Another question is if you are not free, you already have a relationship, but are drawn to a completely different person. It's worth stopping and thinking seriously here. Because a rash and quick decision can greatly change both your life and those of others.
Try to understand what this new attraction means. Maybe you are looking for something new and invigorating? If this is the case, then stop and think about how you can achieve similar emotions with your loved one.
If this is not the first time this has happened to you, and you often pay attention to other people while in a relationship, then you should think about why you are in a relationship at all. Understand what you are missing, what you are clinging to, what you are running away to. Maybe both you and your partner are struggling in your relationship, but are afraid to admit it to each other? After all, in a happy couple there is no third wheel.
If you want to build healthy and happy relationships, then Dean Delis' book " The paradox of passion" It covers the issue of relationships, faded passion and reciprocity in a rather extraordinary way. The author looks at many questions from a new angle, which will undoubtedly give you a lot of food for thought.
If you feel that you cannot cope and cannot find answers to important questions, sign up for a Skype consultation with me, together we will analyze the situation and find a solution.
Where do you think this attraction comes from and why towards certain people? Is it more like love or a slight crush? Or maybe it's just passion?
Enjoy life and be happy!
Throughout their lives, everyone has experienced an irresistible attraction to another person at least once. Many people are concerned about the question of where this feeling comes from and how to react to it correctly? Attraction can arise at the wrong time or to a stranger, or even to someone who does not evoke much sympathy. To understand how to deal with this feeling, you need to know the reasons why you are attracted to a person and how the mechanisms of attraction work.
The subconscious is primarily responsible for the occurrence of attraction, so at first it is difficult for people to give an adequate answer as to why they are drawn to a certain person. Attraction is accompanied by a strong hormonal release, which puts the brain in a state of euphoria and love. Why does this outburst happen? The reasons can be roughly divided into physiological and psychological.
| Physiological reasons | Psychological reasons |
| Sexual hunger (prolonged absence of sexual intercourse). | The need for intimacy, emotionally close relationships. |
| Stress, need for relaxation. | Personal attitudes and values (upbringing, outlook on life, goals and needs that the brain reads instantly). |
| Procreation (the only goal is conception). | Defense mechanisms (what we most need, what we fear). |
| Pleasure (receiving physical pleasure). | Habit (constant repetition of sexual actions leads to their automatic, uncontrolled commission). |
If a girl is attracted to a powerful, dominant man, most likely, her parental family had a patriarchal system, so she is looking for a patron like a father.
If a man is attracted to a woman who is aggressive and disrespectful, then perhaps his mother was harsh and harsh. In this case, the man’s subconscious models the usual stereotype of building relationships between a man and a woman.
Attraction to a stranger is associated with a set of attitudes that are firmly entrenched in a person’s head. The brain selects the most suitable personality based on these criteria, then a chemical reaction occurs. At the level of consciousness, people decide whether a given person is really suitable for them; character, profession, goals, temperament, financial situation, etc. are taken into account.
When a person experiences stress for a long time or does not have sexual intimacy, then attraction can be formed on pure physiology, since sex is the simplest way to relieve tension and get a portion of the happiness hormone.
Important!
Attraction and falling in love are not love. Many people confuse these concepts, since attraction can be strong. But gradually the hormonal levels return to normal and people are no longer so attracted to each other. They begin to soberly assess the situation, and another question arises: why this particular person? Some people manage to make mistakes.
If you are attracted to the wrong person?
Why are you attracted to a certain man or woman if this is not the person you would like to be with? When attraction arises to a dishonest person, rude, insecure, broken, this means that unconscious mechanisms built on complexes, fears, and blocks are working inside you. To stop the action of these mechanisms, it is necessary to understand for what reason and for what purpose they were launched, and to reset the values.
If a person, more often a woman, is in a state of Victim, he will automatically look for a Tormentor. They become insecure and complex people who need to dominate someone in order to assert themselves. Sacrifice is the best option. To get out of this vicious circle, the Victim needs to enter the position of the Author. Then she will no longer need the Tormentor.
Advice!
Don't take attraction as a sign of fate. Attraction to another person is just a small push that may or may not begin a strong wonderful feeling and a strong relationship for years to come.
Wrong time
There are situations where people feel attracted to other people when they are already in a relationship with someone else. What to do if you are drawn to a person at such an inopportune time? First, find out the reason. They may be as follows:
- lack of love and emotional intimacy in existing relationships;
- lack of sexual intimacy, dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy;
- destructive relationships (collapsed to the ground; presence of inappropriate behavior on the part of the partner);
- crisis (grinding in, birth of a child, crisis at 3 years, 7 years, 12 and 25 years of marriage);
- intrapersonal crisis (age or life, turning points in life).
Based on the reason, you decide what to do. If you decide to maintain an existing relationship, then you need to work on it. You can do this alone or with a partner. The problem definitely needs to be solved before it increases tenfold.
Behavior strategy, problem solving options
Possible behavior when you are strongly attracted to a person can be divided into two categories: if you want intimacy with him, and if you do not want intimacy. When nothing is stopping you and you are ready to try to get closer, consider the following tips:
- get to know the person you like better, do not rush to draw conclusions about him;
- define for yourself the criteria for choosing a life partner, what kind of person he should be, what you will not tolerate;
- try to establish friendly relations.
If you have established a negative cause for the attraction that has arisen, then begin to work on eliminating this cause. Pay attention to the recommendations:
- try to distance yourself from the object of passion;
- don't focus on the feeling;
- engage in self-development.
Is it possible that the person you are magnetically attracted to is the love of your life? Yes, it's possible. Is this necessarily the case? No, not necessarily. Does the attraction go away? Yes, passion always subsides, hormones calm down, and if there is no love and acceptance in this place, then there will be emptiness there.
Any relationship has different options for the development of events. Much depends on people: whether they accept themselves and their partner, whether they work on problems. Unconscious impulses play an important role in human life, but with the help of reason, people can control their instincts and make informed decisions.
Famous psychoanalysts and researchers of human nature, and great writers, and even mystics and psychics have spoken about love at first sight, but to this day there is no clear answer to the question of why one is drawn to a practically stranger. Most people at least once in their lives have experienced the so-called love at first sight - that feeling when you are drawn to a person, when there is a strong desire to start communication with him and get to know him as best as possible, and in the very first minutes of the conversation it seems as if you are with him people understand each other perfectly and have known each other for a very long time.
Craving for a person, the desire to communicate with him and be close to him is a very strong emotional experience that people often confuse with true love. However, this is more infatuation than love, since love, in addition to sympathy and attraction, presupposes trust, mutual understanding and respect. However, often true love grows from attraction, love at first sight. But why is one drawn to a person? Why do we almost instantly fall in love with some people, while other people leave us indifferent?
Hypotheses why one is drawn to a person
Psychology does not give a clear answer to the question of why one is attracted to a person, but there are several hypotheses that can explain the reason for attraction at first sight. These versions are:
- Psychoanalytic. The essence of this theory is that we are all looking for a person similar to our first unconscious love - father or mother. As the founder of psychoanalysis believed, it is the parent of the other sex (for women - father, for men - mother) who is the first love of a person, which he experiences in early childhood. Next, a person spends his whole life looking for those who have some of the traits of a parent, and noticing someone whose smile, facial expressions, manners, posture, etc. remind of the object of his first love, he experiences a strong attraction to him.
- Reply. A person may be attracted to someone who already feels love for them. Seeing sincere interest, tenderness and passion in the eyes of a friend, a person feels loved, significant and needed, and these feelings prompt him to fall in love in return.
- Topographical. The name of this theory was coined by the famous American sexologist John Money, who argued that people are drawn to those who somehow remind them of a person who once left a significant mark on their soul. This theory is in many ways similar to the psychoanalytic one, however, according to it, the “standard” is not a parent, but youthful love, the first sexual partner, and even a favorite film actor or musician in childhood.
Physiological.
Some psychologists and sexologists believe that attraction to a stranger or unfamiliar person arises due to pheromones - special substances that the human body secretes in order to attract people of the opposite sex. Pheromones have virtually no odor, but they are able to influence certain human receptors, causing a strong response to their “source”.- Hypnotic. Proponents of this theory believe that attraction to a stranger arises as a result of eye contact with an attractive person. In many animals, eye-to-eye gaze is interpreted as a challenge, and perhaps humans also subconsciously perceive gaze as a call to make contact or to look away and move away. If the beholder seems attractive, the person may subconsciously “obey his challenge,” and the brain perceives this unconscious decision as falling in love.
- Romantic. Romantic people suffering from loneliness often dream about their future chosen one, inventing for themselves the image of a “prince charming” or “dream girl” that is ideal for them. And when a romantic meets someone who seems like their dreamed-up ideal, they may feel a strong attraction.
- Mystical. Fans of magic, esotericism and are sure that those with whom we fall in love at first sight were our loved ones in past lives (reincarnations). According to this theory, if one is drawn to a person, it means that there is already a karmic connection (soul connection) with him, which must be restored in reality in order to bring to life what was not completed in a past life.
What to do if you are attracted to a person
Having felt a strong attraction to an unfamiliar person, you can either try to get closer to him or force yourself not to pay attention to the feeling that has arisen. Most people believe that you still need to give love at first sight a chance, because it is possible that it is “fate.” But if you decide that a guy is the object of a sudden attraction, you still don’t need to rush headlong into the pool, but when communicating, try to evaluate the person you are attracted to critically.
It’s not for nothing that falling in love at first sight is often called the illusion of love, because we fall in love not with another person, but with the feelings that we experience when communicating with him. We strive to be close to someone we are attracted to, because in his company we experience euphoria and happiness, and without him we experience an inability to concentrate and a strong desire to meet the object of passion. But even the strongest love does not last long - after a few weeks or months of communication, it either transforms into a deeper feeling or disappears without a trace.
It is not so important why you are drawn to a person - the main thing is not to place too many hopes on love at first sight and try to first get to know the object of your passion better, and then make a decision.