Any car will last you for the rest of your life if you drive hard enough.
Mikhail Zhvanetsky
I'm sitting hunched over in the back seat - a place for dogs and nonentities.
Sergey Minaev
I... don't like cars. You see, I'm not interested. I'd rather get myself a horse, damn it. At least there is something human in horses. At least you can talk to the horse...
Jerome David Salinger. Catcher in the rye
The car can be any color as long as that color is black
Henry Ford
Buying a new car will make you rich, a star, an irresistible favorite of women. But only if she ruins you.
Richard Hammond
I hate exhaust tuning. These sounds are as fake as a prostitute's smile.
Jeremy Clarkson
... Bowing his head to the window, he looked at the parking lot. There was the white roof of a second-new white Mercedes he had bought a month ago, which was already starting to act up a little.
Sighing, he swapped the “c” and “d”. It turned out “merdeces”.
True,” his thought trailed further, “somewhere from the five hundredth or, perhaps, even the three hundred and eightieth turbodiesel, this no longer matters. Because by this moment you become such a piece of shit that nothing around you can get dirty anymore. That is, of course, you become shit not because you buy a six hundredth Mercedes. Vice versa. The opportunity to buy a 600th Mercedes appears precisely because you become a piece of shit...
Victor Pelevin. Generation P
It should be noted that the car was also invented by pedestrians. But motorists somehow immediately forgot about it. Meek and intelligent pedestrians began to be crushed. Streets created by pedestrians have passed into the hands of motorists.
The greatest danger on the roads is a car that drives faster than its driver can think.
Robert Lembke
There are many mechanical devices that enhance sexual pleasure, especially in women. The best of them is the Mercedes Benz 380SL with reclining seats.
Patrick O'Rourke
Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Mikhail Zhvanetsky
Nowadays there are two types of pedestrians: fast or dead.
Jean Rigaud
A car is not a luxury, but a means of transportation.
Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
Do auto yoga, relax in oil pump pose.
From the cartoon "Cars"
Sheldon: Statistically, police stop red cars more often than any other color. I don't want problems with the cops.
Howard: Okay, so what color do you want?
Sheldon: The pale blue of Luke SkyWalker's lightsaber. Well, before it was digitized, of course.
The Big Bang Theory
Accidents happen because today's drivers drive on yesterday's roads in tomorrow's cars at the speed of the day after tomorrow.
Vittorio de Sica
If his wife has been in an accident, nine out of ten men ask about the car first.
Helen Catchwood
Damn the day when I sat behind the wheel of this vacuum cleaner!
May his carburetor dry up forever and ever!
Captive of the Caucasus, or new adventures of Shurik
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot, but the guy who invented the other three was a genius.
Sid Caesar
A car license is accepted as a passport to eternity.
Mieczyslaw Shargan
If a man, for some unknown reason, keeps a garage full of cars, it means that the garage for him is an emotional substitute for a harem.
John Halliburton
If a man crashes into someone else's car, the first thing he looks at is his wallet, and the woman looks at her mirror.
Margaret Turnbull
Not a single pedestrian has ever been run over by a car, yet for some reason motorists are unhappy.
Ilya Ilf
***
Always keep your car in good working order - you need to regularly visit the service station, where they carry out preventive inspections and repairs of cars, and also sell
A lady who knows her worth must have several animals: a fast jaguar, a gorgeous arctic fox, a passionate tiger, a cute cat and a ram that will pay for it all.
Logic is shattered when the girl gets scared at the sight of a mouse, but without fear gets into a car driven by a wolf.
Men in conversations discuss girls as individuals who are absolutely unable to drive, and what’s more, some of the men are not destined to get behind the wheel at all.
I'm amazed at Russian drivers! How can you drive like that and treat the rules of the road like that? Even more shocked by the girls driving. In short, I’m driving in the opposite direction...
Best status:
Until recently, a guy driving a brand new foreign car was considered a cool guy, but now, dear girls, be careful, such macho guys have long-term loans hanging on them..
A woman driving is a person who stops for a long time in a traffic jam, which, most likely, could not have happened if this woman had not been there.
If a girl is driving a car and at the same time she turns left, this does not mean that the lady will turn to the right.
How I love this feeling when I am sitting behind the wheel of my car, and he is riding next to me in a minibus))
Love your neighbor...Turn off the one who is far away!
Well, he overtook, well, he didn’t turn on the turn, well, he cut off, but he didn’t look at WHAT I’M SHOWING HIM - now that’s impudence!
And I always have only one obstacle on the right - my husband in the passenger seat!
1st rule for a student while driving: DO NOT MAKE EYES AT THE INSTRUCTOR)))
Hurray, I got my license. Dear citizens, be more vigilant, because I may end up on the roads of your city!!!
The woman behind the wheel is just a star! You can see her, but she doesn’t notice you! =)))
- Honey, look, I parked the car not too far from the side of the road? - From the right or from the left?
Woman: the creature who notices a stranger's hair on your coat ten paces away and doesn't notice the fire hydrant when she parks.
In some situations, you want to become a supergirl, put on boxing gloves and professionally punch an impudent face!!!
A woman driving is like a star: you see her, but she doesn’t see you.
A double threat is a woman who teaches another woman to drive.
SMS: I can't talk. I'm driving…
And only a Russian person can come to the traffic police to get his license while driving his own car!
The art of swearing comes with the ability to drive a car...
- Hello, dear, I have two news: good and bad... - Well, start with the good. -The airbag deployed!
a woman driving will never splash a girl on the sidewalk).
Your wife will be much more attentive while driving if you remind her that the driver's age is always reported in the accident report.
Women driving. Women driving. It's scary, of course, but we'll booze! And women driving us will take us home =)
If a woman is driving and turns on the left turn signal, this does not mean that she will go to the right.
A woman driving is a car without a driver!
girls, see you tomorrow at the impound lot!
SMS: I can't talk. I'm driving…
A husband teaches his wife to drive a car: - Stop at a red light, go ahead at a green light. Don't pay attention to my frightened face.
What elongates when you take it in your hands, pass it between your breasts and insert it into the hole? Safety belt! And not what you thought!
A woman driving is like a star in the sky: you see her, but she doesn’t see you.
I feel like a goddess while driving... I’m driving, and my husband is praying.
A woman driving is like a fascist in a tank.
Beauty is a terrible force... especially when it's behind the wheel! – quotes and statuses about women driving
Every girl, at least once, when walking home from school, dreamed that HE was already standing at the entrance with a rose...) it happened, right?)
Have you ever noticed that when you are driving, the one who drives faster than you is a goat, and the one who drives slower is an idiot?
Girl driving a car without a driver
To become a beautiful, sweet, smart and charming girl, just go and say hello to the grandmothers near the entrance.
Girls! Be careful! Drivers of S-Class MERCEDES are mostly driven by chauffeurs :-)))
Today I drove for the first time... Statistics of men calling me: 1) bitch - 15 times; 2) fool - 27 times; 3) ah, woman... - everyone else is on the road.
What does a lady behind the wheel do in a moment of danger? - She's hiding behind him!
Do you want to evoke both feelings in a man at the same time - hatred and delight? – scrawl on the hood of his car “You are the best at sex!!!”
If a man opens the car door for his wife, it means it’s either a new car or a new wife.
If a woman wants to learn to drive a car, the most important thing is not to stand in her way.
A woman driving is like a star, you see her, but she doesn’t see you...=)))
A woman driving is like a star in the sky: you see her, but she doesn’t see you!
The woman behind the wheel is like a star. You see her, but she doesn’t see you.
Women driving usually do not feel the dimensions of their car until a characteristic sound appears.
“Being a woman is a great step, driving you crazy is heroism”
– Mom, which hand is better to show the fact while driving? – Um... The one who doesn’t hold a cell phone! (With)
Parallel parking is when you park and are completely parallel to where others will park.
A phrase that is usually said to women who do not drive at a green traffic light: “It won’t get any greener!”
– I think my girlfriend cheated on me! Is this really possible to check? What if I take her to a gynecologist? - And what will he see there? Incoming counter?
The woman behind the wheel is a driver whose left hand does not know what the right hand is doing.
A traffic cop stopped a blonde for speeding and said: “Why are you driving around the city at a speed of 80 kilometers per hour.” Pay the fine. - What time is it? I've only been driving for 15 minutes.
There are only two stages for girls driving: 1. frantically clutching the steering wheel and 2. serenely chatting on the phone
The daughter asks her father, who is sitting behind the wheel: “Dad, before you married your mother, who told you how to drive a car?!”
The woman behind the wheel is a stunning woman!
A woman is like a car, until you insert the key it won’t start. A man is like a helicopter, you can’t spin it until you start it.
And I always have only one obstacle on the right - my husband in the passenger seat!!!))
The woman behind the wheel is a creature who gets stuck in a traffic jam that wouldn't exist if she weren't there.
The wife is driving, the husband is nearby, they passed a traffic police ambush. Husband: - Warn oncoming drivers, blink at them. Stupid! Not with your eyes!
A woman driving only feels confident when she sees her reflection in all three mirrors.
The “shoe” sign on a car means that the driver is an infusorian :)
Could you drive slower, everything is flashing before my eyes.
SMS from his wife: “I washed the car!”... The husband, clutching his head: - Lord, let it be “Y”!
If your wife wants to learn to drive, the most important thing is to stay out of her way!
A woman driving is stunning...
- And you do the same as me - close your eyes!
I don’t know what to think: either my wife really passed her driving test for the 65th time, or she’s having an affair with the instructor.
A woman should have four animals: 1 - a jaguar at the entrance, 2 - an arctic fox in the closet, 3 - a tiger in bed and 4 - a goat who pays for all this.
What does a woman behind the wheel do in a moment of danger?...She hides behind it 😉
On my way!!! Be careful!!! if a woman turns left!!! this does not mean at all that she will go to the right!!! She can go straight!
If you marry a good man, it doesn’t matter what color his Bentley is.
driving a star is not driving!!!
The woman behind the wheel is a stunning woman!
I feel like a goddess while driving... I’m driving, and my husband is praying.
Women driving usually do not feel the dimensions of their car until a characteristic sound appears.
Do you want to evoke both feelings in a man at the same time - hatred and delight? - scrawl on the hood of his car “You are the best in sex!!!”
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1973. Mileage 38. Light tan color. Height 160cm. The headlights are blue. Documents in hand. There is no tuning. The body is not damaged. The roof is in place. The brakes are fine. All options. I start with a half turn...
The art of swearing comes with the ability to drive a car...
SMS from his wife: “I washed the car!”... The husband, clutching his head: - Lord, let it be “Y”!
A phrase that is usually said to women who do not drive at a green traffic light: “It won’t get any greener!”
A woman driving is a car without a driver!
What does a lady behind the wheel do in a moment of danger? - She's hiding behind him!
A woman driving is like a star in the sky: you see her, but she doesn’t see you.
If a woman wants to learn to drive a car, the most important thing is not to stand in her way.
The woman behind the wheel is a creature who gets stuck in a traffic jam that wouldn't exist if she weren't there.
On the way!!!Be careful!!! if a woman turns left!!! this does not mean at all that she will go right!!! She can go straight!
Love your neighbor....Turn off the one who is far away!
- Honey, look, I parked the car not too far from the side of the road?
- From the right or from the left?
Could you drive slower, everything is flashing before my eyes.
- And you do the same as me - close your eyes!
- Hello, dear, I have two news: good and bad... - Well, start with the good. -The airbag deployed!
SMS: I can't talk. I'm driving…
And I always have only one obstacle on the right - my husband in the passenger seat!
The peculiarity of women's eyes is that they are able to see someone else's hair on your raincoat and do not notice a fire hydrant when parking.
The blonde drives into the back of another car. The driver gets out and asks: “Have you ever passed the driving test?” - Of course, you goat! And, unlike you, many times!!!
Parallel parking is when you park and are completely parallel to where others will park.
A woman is like a car; until you put the key in, it won’t start. A man is like a helicopter, you can’t spin it until you start it.
There are many mechanical devices that enhance sexual pleasure, especially in women. The best of them is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL with reclining seats.
Have you noticed that when you are driving, the one who drives faster than you is a goat, and the one who drives slower is an idiot?
If you marry a good man, it doesn’t matter what color his Bentley is.
Today I drove for the first time... Statistics of men contacting me:
1) female - 15 times; 2) fool - 27 times; 3) ah, woman... - everyone else is on the road.
A husband teaches his wife to drive a car: - At a red light - stop, at a green light - you can go. Don't pay attention to my frightened face.
If a man opens the car door for his wife, it means it’s either a new car or a new wife.
What elongates when you take it in your hands, pass it between your breasts and insert it into the hole? Safety belt! And not what you thought!
True love is when a man, sitting in the front passenger seat of his car, instead of the phrase “Brainless chicken! ! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? !!! ! “Restrainedly says: “My bird! Be more careful while driving! »
If before a guy driving a new foreign car was a real kid, now, girls, be careful, such guys have 5-year loans!
Well, he overtook, well, he didn’t turn on the turn, well, he cut off, but he didn’t look at WHAT I’M SHOWING HIM - now that’s impudence!
A girl is crying in the parking lot, Sitting in a brand new BMW, Covered in tears and lipstick. Three pedals, and two legs.
Do you have a car? - Eat. - Will you give it to me in the evening? - I'll give it. Why did you ask about the car?
I’m driving a car and I see the guy behind the wheel shaving! My lipstick almost fell into my coffee!
Cool statuses for motorists 2019
IN Everyone knows how to ride a car, but not everyone knows how to drive one...
E The only speed limiter in Russia is a car blinking its headlights in the oncoming lane.
***
T adjikistan announced a recall of 15,000 Gazelle drivers due to problems with the driver unit head.
E If you are stuck in a traffic jam, you can sell your car and buy a car closer to the traffic light.
X I dream of living to see the time when somewhere in Europe or America they will say: “But I got myself a three-year-old car from Russia.”
N that's all, beware gentlemen pedestrians - I received a driver's license...
Sh LA SASHA WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND SUCKED A DRYER! THIS IS THE REASON FOR THE ACCIDENT - A DAMN BULLSHIT!
T If you go, you owe less...
I I constantly confuse the amount of alcohol that a driver is allowed to drink with the amount of alcohol that is allowed to be taken abroad.
WITH The secret to safe driving is to imagine that you forgot your license at home...
TO How does a bus driver swear with children when he gets cut off?
- “The chewy mole!”
TO As experience shows, there is only one normal driver on the roads - you yourself. All the rest are either reckless or slow.
P Why doesn’t a woman shake off the hose after refueling her car?!? Well, where does she get this reflex?
X A speed bump is a nice thing - it regulates the speed and makes it pleasant to drive over.
D The speed of a Russian driver is directly proportional to the engine power of his car.
R expected to crawl - get out of the left lane!
IN In Russia the only prohibitory sign is a concrete block across the road, the rest are warning signs.
N LOOK AT THE BUTTS, AND LOOK AT THE STOPS!!
X I decided to buy a six hundredth Mercedes, but I have enough money for a seven, and then for the Baltic!... / Super-Status.ru
T Only in Russia can laughter be heard from an overturned car. / Super-Status.ru
G Arazh is a favorite vacation spot for motorists.
N So what if I’m in a Zhiguli, but you’re in a pussie.
AND She got behind the wheel, I’ll be more careful when crossing the road...
A Accidents happen because today's drivers drive on yesterday's roads in tomorrow's cars at the speed of the day after tomorrow.
90% drivers believe they can drive better than most.
WITH Nowadays, having an expensive car does not show how cool you are, but most often it shows how much you owe..
E If you get behind the wheel, be prepared for any turns.
T Only in Russia does a person buy a car to stop drinking. / Super-Status.ru
ABOUT Very often there are drivers whom you just want to ask:
— You bought your license, but didn’t buy the “drive”?
ABOUT a charming blonde, getting behind the wheel, instantly turns into a “painted sheep”
P When driving around our city, it is clear that for drivers and pedestrians, traffic light signals are purely advisory.
G The main thing is not to cross the street into the next world.
H The worse the car, the louder the alarm.
WITH When you drive sober, you reach into the traffic police pocket.
N and when the traffic inspector asks me to give him his license, I answer: “I CAN’T, IT’S A GIFT.”
WITH JUDGING BY THE INCREASING NUMBER OF WOMEN DRIVING, MEN WILL SOON BE STANDING ALONG THE HIGHWAY...
IN father remember! There is Life outside your car too!
P A drunk driver usually speeds on a turn where there is no turn.
D little girls, see you tomorrow at the parking lot!
E then in foreign countries the drivers are “Schumachers”, but in our country they are “ALL NACHERS”.
A A car is not a luxury, a Zaporozhets is not a car, does that mean a Zaporozhets is a luxury?
T Now there is nowhere for normal people to buy a license...
IN Every traffic cop asks: “Did you drink?”......at least one asked: “Did you eat?”...
N The traffic cop, who yawned unsuccessfully at his post, felt the taste of an unstewed Marlboro bull.
T Only our people can laugh at a woman driving while sitting on a tram
N Don't drive your car faster than your guardian angel can fly!
IN everything should be fine in the car; especially the brand.
E If you carry a good piece of brick in your hand and show it to drivers, they will carefully avoid puddles and politely let you pass at crossings.
P The rule of three Ds - give way to the fool!
IN Drive your car not as if you own the street, but as if you own the car.
N and when the traffic cops ask me to give them their license, I answer: “I CAN’T, THIS IS A GIFT.”
E If you plot all cases of corruption of traffic police inspectors on a map of Russia, you will get an Atlas of Russian Roads.
IN minibus drivers are a separate category. Category of madmen!
M You have to drive the car as fast as if you were late for the dentist.
IN Have you noticed that when you are driving, the one who drives faster than you is an asshole, and the one who drives slower is an idiot?
E His driving style is approved by the World Association of Homosexuals, and his intelligence is approved by the World Association of Housewives
T If you go - less Russian
TO Race is a terrible force, especially if she's driving...
G dirty car: protection against corrosion
P omni: in another car there may be a cretin even worse than you.
H either the driver is happy, or the pedestrian is not funny...
IN There are two happy moments in the life of every car enthusiast: when he buys a car and when he sells it.
N A popular sign: if the road has just been repaired, then soon the pipes will be replaced here.
AND a woman driving - "the tights are going..."
T It’s only when you’re stuck in a traffic jam that you realize how fast transport trams are
U I can drive, start and breed.
P Dad, why don’t we have a car? Because, son, mom is warmer in a fur coat!
T Only a girl crossing the road thinks that if the driver let her pass, it means he wants her!