Glad squirrel anger curb consciousness. Anatomy of emotions

There are situations and people that can provoke anger. Anger can develop into hostility and subsequently even aggression. In this case, VAG syndrome occurs.
The VAG syndrome consists of Anger + Hostility + Aggression. Let's look at the definitions.
Hostility- feeling of hostility. Enmity is relationships and actions imbued with hatred.
Aggression- a feeling of hostility, expressing sharp disagreement, a desire to object, to attack.
Anger- a feeling of strong indignation, indignation.
Anger(from Russian pus, fester) - an affect of rage, rage with a narrowing of the sphere of consciousness and insufficiently or not at all controlled aggressive actions, a tendency to anger reactions can be caused by psychopathic and toxic brain damage, a manic state, psychosis, epilepsy (V.A. Zhmurov , p. 130),

The feeling of anger and indignation was already described by Darwin, who considered anger as an adaptive reaction in both animals and humans (Darwin, 1896).
The first psychological interpretation of anger appears in the works of S. Freud, who considered anger in the context of aggression as a manifestation of the self-destructive death instinct. Anger is a stimulation that irritates a person, as a primary reaction to interference with the search for pleasure and avoidance of pain.
Find out how destructive and dangerous anger is, perhaps by assessing anger in a certain adequacy of the current situation.
D. Watson considered anger an innate reaction to obstacles and restrictions on the path to the realization of an impulse as a condition for the occurrence of provoking aggressive behavior.
“L. Berkwitz (Berkwitz, 1990) after many years of research on anger problems came to the conclusion that annoying stimulation itself is a source of anger. He proves that exposure to unpleasant events (high or low temperature, bad smells, constantly repeating dirty, obscene scenes) causes unpleasant sensations in a person, or negative affect, which is a direct activator of anger. Challenging cognitive theories of emotional activation, Berkowitz provides evidence that the emotion of anger can be activated directly, only through irritating stimulation and negative affect, without previous evaluative or attributional processes. Only then, once activated, is it reinforced by cognitive processes. So, for example, you are unlikely to plunge into the abyss of anger if you are irritated by the heat, but you will be told in time that you can take a dip in cool water. The promise of quick relief from pain can have the same effect. Berkowitz developed his theory of the cognitive associationist model, which suggests that anger is associated through a network of associations with specific thoughts and memories (for example, aggressive plans and fantasies), as well as with motor and physiological reactions. Activation of any of the components of this associative network, including a negative aspect, angry feelings, thoughts, memories, causes activation of all other components. It has also been noted that even non-cognitively activated (e.g., pain) anger can be moderated by subsequent processes of cognitive appraisal and attribution.” The source of anger can also be the thought of a mistake, injustice or undeserved insult. …Chronic pain can lead to fear and anxiety, as well as sadness and depression. But anger sometimes performs adaptive functions and weakens fear and gives strength and determination (“will”). Feelings of guilt sometimes soften the manifestation of negative emotions of anger and help overcome horror.
Anger, like any other emotion, can be activated by: 1) actions, 2) thoughts and 3) feelings. As preconditions for anger, people most often name stupid, thoughtless actions, socially unapproved actions that cause harm to others, as well as actions committed under the influence of other people. Note that some of these actions (for example, stupid actions) cause a person to feel anger towards himself, while others activate anger directed outward.
Thoughts that can cause anger in a person are most often thoughts about injustice, mistake, deception, bad luck, disappointment and thoughts that people do not like or condemn you (shame) [pp. 243-248., there same].
Anger is the emotional component of hostility and aggression.
Charles Spielberg and his colleagues consider it necessary to talk about the syndrome HAG (Hostility-Aggression-Anger), because hostility as a personality trait represents a set of tendencies that motivates aggressive behavior and serves as the basis and prerequisite for anger.
Psychologists distinguish between anger as a short-term state and anger as a tendency to anger. Anger as a state consists of subjective experiences varying in intensity from mild irritation to intense rage or rage, a state accompanied by excitation of the autonomic nervous system.
Anger is like hell temperament, defined in terms of the frequency of experiencing anger over time. People with anger perceive a wide range of situations as anger-provoking (irritating, annoying, frustrating). I often call such people “hot heads” and they experience anger-temperament. There are people who suppress their anger and it remains inside them (internal anger), this means that among people there are differences in angry reactions: i.e. “outwardly angry”, while others are “internally angry”. Outwardly angry (slamming doors and indirectly criticizing the flesh to the point of physical attacks). And people who are internally angry suppress their anger when faced with injustice or obstacles (in conscious suppressed anger). Such people can remain calm outwardly.
Many people can feel angry, feel like they are verbally expressing anger, feel like they are physically expressing anger [p. 167-173, G. Breslav. Psychology of emotions].

Anger receives a negative emphasis in part because it is often mistakenly associated with violence. “In fact, many aggressive actions occur without any anger,” notes Howard Cassinove, Ph.D., co-author of R. Chip Taffret, PhD, Anger Management: A Complete Treatment Guide for the Practitioner (Impact, 2002).
But a number of studies show that in places where anger typically plays out - especially on the domestic front - it can often be beneficial. "When you look at everyday episodes of anger rather than more dramatic ones, the results are usually positive," says James Averill, Ph.D., is a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts Amherst whose research on everyday anger in the 1980s found that angry episodes helped strengthen relationships about half the time, according to a community sample.
Anger in this regard turns out to be an emotion of social conflict and serves as a component of all human states. It is interesting that the main destructive force in social relationships is not anger, but expressions of contempt, frequent complaints, defensiveness, withdrawal (detachment) and stubbornness. Anger can be an expression of personality and does not necessarily harm relationships.

What to do if anger destroys us?
Some psychologists believe that it is necessary to create a situation. which would help release this powerful energy. Any physical activity will help, while simultaneously speaking your feelings out loud (verbalization of the throat block). “Tear, scream, swear at your offender in a fictitious situation.” Because for our psyche it doesn’t matter whether everything happens in reality or in a fictitious situation.

There is nothing wrong with anger as such. Anger is part of our life; he comes and goes. But when you suppress it, it becomes a problem. You go on accumulating it. Then it is no longer a matter of coming and going; anger becomes your being; You're not just angry; you're ready to snap at any minute. You do things about which you will later say: “I was not like myself.” Suppressed anger turns into temporary insanity. You can't control yourself, you're overwhelmed with anger. It's beyond you - you feel helpless, you can't do anything, anger comes out. Although such a person may not be angry, he lives in anger. Humanity on Earth is divided into two species. The first one, the sad one, looks very downcast. The other, angry type is seething with anger. This guy is ready to explode for any reason. Anger is active sadness; sadness is passive anger. These are two aspects of the same thing (p.118).
Sad people, completely helpless. They can't find someone to take out their anger on. Higher up the ladder of life, people are angry. The further - the more. And vice versa. Down the stairs the people are sadder. Anger and sadness are two aspects of the same suppressed energy. People who get angry and forget about it the next moment are good people. They are energetic, loving, friendly, compassionate. People who constantly restrain their emotions and control themselves can hardly be called good. They try to show that they are better than they are. But in their eyes there is anger. He is in their faces, in their every gesture - in their conversations, their behavior, their gait. They are seething with anger. They are ready to explode at any moment. They are murderers, criminals, real villains.
A person who lives in the present moment is angry, happy, sad. He doesn't carry everything within himself. A person who controls himself and does not allow emotions to show. dangerous. He won't get angry if you insult him; he can restrain himself. Soon he will accumulate so much anger that he will do something really bad. Osho writes that he is not against anger, but he is against the accumulation of anger. A reaction that extends from the past is a disease.

How to deal with anger? What to do with outbursts of aggression and irritation? How to learn to control your emotions? How many times in our lives have we asked this question... “I feel rage throughout my body, I need to learn how to deal with this anger and anger, but I don’t know how.” “I physically feel how in certain situations everything seems to explode inside me.” This is what people say when they are asked what exactly is going on in their head (or body) during an attack of anger. In this article, a psychologist Mairena Vasquez will give you 11 practical tips for every day on how to cope with your anger.

How to deal with anger. Tips for every day

We have all experienced anger in our lives as a result of something situations out of control, personal problems that upset us, due to fatigue, uncertainty, envy, unpleasant memories, because of situations that we cannot accept, and even because of some people whose behavior we do not like or irritate us... Sometimes failures and the collapse of life plans can also cause frustration, anger and aggression. What is anger?

Anger - This is a negative emotional reaction of a violent nature (emotion), which can be accompanied by both biological and psychological changes. The intensity of anger varies from a feeling of dissatisfaction to rage or rage.

When we experience anger, our cardiovascular system suffers, our blood pressure rises, we sweat, our heart rate and breathing become faster, our muscles tense, we blush, we experience problems with sleep and digestion, we cannot think and reason rationally...

How to control anger. Anger is an emotional reaction that can be accompanied by biological and psychological changes

How to get rid of anger and learn to control it? How to overcome irritation and attacks of aggression? The natural intuitive reaction to anger and anger is some kind of aggressive violent action - we can start screaming, breaking something or throwing something... However, this is NOT the best solution. Read on! 11 tips to calm your anger.

1. Be aware of the situation or circumstances that may trigger your anger.

You may experience feelings of anger or rage in some extreme situation, but it is important to learn how to manage it. To learn how to manage anger, you need to understand in general what problems/situations irritate you the most, how you can avoid them (i.e. these very specific circumstances), how to do it in the best way, etc. In other words, learn to work with your own reactions.

Carefully! When I talk about avoiding situations and people, I mean very specific examples. We cannot spend our entire lives avoiding absolutely all people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. If we completely avoid such moments, we will not be able to resist them.

How to deal with anger: It is vital to understand that violence and aggression will get you nowhere, in fact, it can make the situation worse and even make you feel worse. Pay special attention to your reactions (you begin to feel anxious, your heart feels like it's about to jump out of your chest and you are unable to control your breathing) so that you can take action in time.

2. Be careful with your words when you are angry. Eliminate the words “never” and “always” from your speech.

When we are angry, we can say things that would not have occurred to us in a normal state. Once you calm down, you won't feel the same way, so be careful what you say. Each of us is the master of our silence and the slave of our words.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn to reflect on the situation, look at it as objectively as possible. Try not to use these two words: "never" And "Always". When you become angry and start thinking, “I always get angry when this happens,” or “I never succeed,” you are making a mistake. Try by all means to be objective and look at things optimistically. Life is a mirror that reflects our thoughts. If you look at life with a smile, it will smile back at you.

3. When you feel like you're on edge, take a deep breath.

We all need to be aware of our limits. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Obviously, every day we can encounter situations, people, events that can throw us off track...

How to deal with anger: when you feel like you can’t take it anymore, that you’re on the edge, take a deep breath. Try to distance yourself from the situation. For example, if you are at work, go to the toilet, if at home, take a relaxing shower to calm your thoughts... Take the so-called "time-out". This really helps in stressful moments. If you can get out of town, allow yourself to do so, escape from the daily routine and try not to think about what makes you angry. Find a way to calm down. A great option is going out into nature. You will see how nature and fresh air affect your brain.

The most important thing is to distract yourself, abstract yourself from the situation until it calms down, in order to avoid aggressive reactions and not do something that you may later regret. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying pacifies anger and sadness. You'll understand why crying can be good for your mental health.

Maybe you are in a bad mood due to depression? Check it out with CogniFit!

If you still find it difficult to relax, imagine some pleasant, calm picture, landscape in your mind, or listen to music that relaxes you. How to stay calm?

Besides, try to get enough sleep at night (at least 7-8 hours), since rest and sleep contribute to better control of emotions, improve our mood and reduce irritability.

6. Social skills will help you deal with anger. You control your anger, not the other way around.

The daily situations we encounter require us to be able to behave appropriately with other people. It is important to be able not only to listen to others, but also to be able to carry on a conversation, to thank if they helped us, to help ourselves and to give others the opportunity to give us help and support when we need it, to be able to respond correctly to criticism, no matter how unpleasant it may be...

How to deal with anger: To manage anger and better control it, it is important to be able to correctly interpret the information around us, to be able to listen to other people, to act under different circumstances, to accept criticism and not to let frustration take over us. In addition, you need to be careful with unjustified accusations against others. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

7. How to control anger if it is caused by another person

Often our anger is provoked not by events, but by people. Avoid toxic people!

How to deal with anger: express your dissatisfaction quietly and calmly. The more convincing person is not the one who screams loudest, but the one who is able to express his feelings adequately, calmly and reasonably, outlining problems and possible ways to solve them. It is very important to behave like an adult and be able to listen to the other person’s opinion and even find a compromise (whenever possible).

8. Exercise will help you release negative energy and get rid of bad thoughts.

When we move or engage in some physical activity, we release endorphins that help us calm down. This is another way to manage anger. How to start playing sports?

How to control anger: Move, do any exercise... Go up and down the stairs, clean the house, go outside for a run, take a bike and ride around the city... anything that can somehow increase adrenaline.

There are people who, in a fit of anger, begin to rush and hit whatever they can get their hands on. If you feel an overwhelming urge to hit something to quickly release energy, try purchasing a punching bag or something similar.

9. A good way to “let go of your thoughts” is writing.

It would seem that, How can it help if you start writing things down? Especially if you just had a serious fight with your loved one?

How to deal with anger: at the moment of anger, our thoughts are chaotic, and we are not able to concentrate on the situation that irritates us. Perhaps keeping a diary will help you figure out what angers you the most, how exactly you feel it, in what situations you are most vulnerable, how you should and should not act in response, how you felt after... As time passes, you will be able compare your experiences and memories to understand what all these events have in common.

Example: “I can’t do this anymore. I just had a fight with my boyfriend because I can't stand it when he calls me rude. Now I feel very bad because I yelled at him and slammed the door and left the room. I am ashamed of my behavior." In this particular case, the girl, after reading her entry, will understand that she reacts incorrectly every time she is called "ill-mannered" and will eventually learn not to respond with anger and violence because she later regrets her behavior. she's ashamed.

You can even give yourself some encouragement or advice that may be helpful and reassuring. For example: “If I take a deep breath and count to 10, I will calm down and look at the situation differently.” “I know that I can control myself”, “I am strong, I value myself highly and will not do anything that I will regret later.”

You can also burn off your energy by drawing, solving puzzles and crosswords, etc. Doodling and zentangle are useful.

10. Laugh!

What better way to relieve stress and lift your spirits than with a good dose of laughter? It's true that when we're angry, the last thing we want to do is laugh. At this moment we think that the whole world and all the people in it are against us (which is far from reality).

How to deal with anger: although it’s not easy, problems still look different if you approach them humorous, positive. Therefore, laugh as much as possible and at absolutely everything that comes to mind! Once you calm down, look at the situation from the other side. Imagine the person you are angry with in some funny or amusing situation, remember the last time you laughed together. This will make it much easier for you to deal with anger. Don't forget, laughter is very useful. Laugh at life!

11. If you think you have serious anger management problems, see a professional.

If you replace other emotions with anger, if you notice that anger ruins your life, that you get irritated by even the most insignificant things, if you cannot stop screaming or the urge to hit something when you are angry, if you are unable to control yourself in your hands and no longer know what to do, how to act in certain situations, with people, etc. … O seek help from a specialist.

How to cope with anger: a psychologist specializing in this problem will study the problem from the very beginning and will determine how best to help you. He or she may suggest that you learn to control your anger through behaviors (such as social skills training) and techniques (such as relaxation techniques) so that you can cope with situations that irritate you. You can even attend a group therapy class where you can meet people experiencing the same difficulties. This can be very helpful as you will find understanding and support among similar people.

To summarize, I would like to note that we need to learn to control our emotions, especially anger. Remember that anger, in whatever form it is expressed, physical or verbal, can never be an excuse for bad behavior towards others.

You already know that it is not the one who shouts the loudest who is brave, and the one who is silent is not the one who is cowardly and cowardly. Unreasonable words or stupid insults should not be listened to. Always remember that by harming others, you harm, first of all, yourself.

Anger as an emotion is perceived negatively by people. A person in anger rarely controls himself, as in principle with manifestations of other feelings. However, anger causes a person to act badly towards those with whom he is angry. The feeling in question has reasons for its appearance and ways to control it. How to cope with anger is the main topic of this article.

Many people confuse anger with aggression. However, these concepts have differences. The emotion that a person experiences is the same - there is indignation, indignation at what is happening. However, anger differs in how it manifests itself.

Anger can be defined as the internal state of a person who is offended, dissatisfied with something, or hates. Aggression is often associated with violence. If during anger a person tries to offend his offender, then during aggression he seeks to cause him physical or material harm.

These emotions themselves are similar, but there are differences. You can read all about aggression on the psychological help website psymedcare.com.

What is anger?

It is fairly easy to recognize anger, since it often occurs in people who are dissatisfied with something. What is anger? This is a negative emotion, which is expressed in a flash of indignation and indignation at what is happening. Anger is a precursor to aggression when a person directly begins to commit negative actions.

We can say that anger is an emotion, and aggression is a violent action.

During anger, a person turns off his rational thinking, decency and morality. Instinctive mechanisms are activated when a person directs destructive energy towards what has caused his anger. In rare cases, a person controls himself, because he often believes that he is doing the right thing in a state of anger. He is not the one who is wrong, but other people should be punished for the offense they caused him.

Anger is an emotion of an aggressive nature, directed towards an animate or inanimate object with the goal of destroying, suppressing or subjugating it. This negative emotion cannot last long. However, it completely covers a person’s consciousness, subordinating it to itself:

The muscles of the face and body tense.
Fists and teeth clenched.
The face is burning.
The body tenses like a string.
Everything is boiling inside.

At any moment a person can explode, and the sensations that he experiences are similar to a “boiling kettle” that is already whistling and ready to burst into flames.

Anger is one of the ways people communicate. Being dissatisfied with their own lives, people take it out on everyone who offends them in some way. Naturally, the response will be the same anger or even more, since the feelings of other people are already hurt. It turns out to be a vicious circle when some people splash out their anger because of their own dissatisfaction on those who respond with the same anger, thereby dissatisfying the former.

Anger has become the norm in modern society. However, this does not change the fact that anger emits negative energy and leads to various types of disorders. Despite all the dangers and undesirability of communicating through anger, people continue to express it at every opportunity. And in all this confusion, it is very important to skillfully use that feeling that usually destroys a person and his life. It is important to learn to understand the nature of anger and be able to manage it for your own good.

Reasons for anger

When you observe another person's angry behavior, the natural question to ask is, “Why are you angry?” What are the causes of anger that overwhelms a person so much that he stops reasoning, thinking and remaining calm?

Anger is classified as a negative emotion, since in the modern world this expression of feelings is unacceptable. However, anger is a natural, natural feeling that is aimed at the survival of a living being. If a person were not angry, then he could not protect himself, his property or his relatives.

However, over time, social foundations have changed, rules and frameworks have been invented that now restrain people in their natural manifestations. Anger cannot be eradicated from a person because it continues to preserve his life, integrity and rights. However, society does not accept the expression of anger, since it is often associated with committing bad actions that infringe on the rights and freedoms of others.

Psychologists identify the main cause of anger - it is aggression that occurs in response to an external stimulus. Sometimes anger can be triggered by fear and other negative emotions. The body begins to produce a large amount of energy, the pulse quickens, the skin turns pale or red. These are all natural manifestations of anger.

Anything can lead to a state of anger and rage:

Getting a bad grade in school.
Criticism of a loved one.
Rejection of feelings and refusal to create love relationships.
Delay of salary.
Dismissal.
Aggressive attitude of others.
Infringement of human freedom, etc.

People have a negative attitude towards anger, because under its influence a person rarely controls his actions. And in a state of anger, you can only do bad things - cause harm or commit violence. In a cultural society, this behavior infringes on the rights and freedoms of others, so there is constant propaganda that anger should be managed.

A common cause of anger is frustration - when a person cannot achieve his goals due to external circumstances or interference caused by another individual. Frustration is failure, disappointment, lack of purpose. A person in this situation is angry at those people or circumstances that have become obstacles to achieving what he wants.

Often anger is directed towards removing these obstacles. This can be either verbal or physical influence.

Another reason for anger can be a situation when a person succumbs to moral pressure. This phenomenon is common in modern society. How else can you express your anger in a cultural society where any physical violence is punished? Only words in the form of criticism and dissatisfaction. People have already learned to skillfully use words and put pressure on others in such a way that they have a natural feeling of anger when their freedom, rights and self-dignity are suppressed.

In the emergence of anger, attachment to the person who offends often plays an important role. If a loved one refuses, insults, or demonstrates disrespect for the partner’s feelings, then internal indignation, resentment, and anger arise. The more that is expected of another person, the stronger the anger becomes when expectations are not met.

Intense anger leads to nervous exhaustion. Therefore, first of all, the person who experiences it should learn to cope with anger.

Anger management

Modern society is structured in such a way that acceptable manifestations of people are respect, good nature, calmness, etc. A feeling such as anger is one of those manifestations that should be suppressed. That is why the development of methods for managing one’s own anger is actively underway.

Unfortunately, people are still unable to manage anger, which is quite natural:

It is impossible to suppress what is given to a person by nature. Fighting anger is like fighting your own appetite. Sooner or later a person will not be able to stand it and will break down.
It is impossible to get rid of what subjugates a person. While an individual is in a state of anger, he is completely surrendered to his own feelings.
It is impossible to fight what seems right. No person will give up what seems right to him. Only after the anger ends can he see the negative sides of his actions.

Anger management is possible only when the person himself, in a state of anger, does not want to succumb to his own emotions and does not consider it right to commit bad deeds. In this case, you can use all the exercises that psychologists offer.

A negative emotion occurs in a situation where it seems that something wrong is happening and needs to be corrected. At the stage of the initial appearance of emotion, a person faces an unconscious choice: calm down and go into decline, or succumb to anger and reach a state of rage. It is at this moment that anger can be controlled before it consumes a person.

If an individual succumbs to his own anger, then he experiences and commits many actions:

The nerves are compressed, and there is a feeling of lack of air.
There is a desire to fight, destroy, break, jump, run, etc.
There is a surge of discontent and indignation.
The voice becomes hoarse and constricted.

Society condemns precisely the actions that a person commits in a state of passion. After all, under the influence of anger, he commits destructive acts. That is why it is recommended to move away from an aggressive or angry person until he expresses all his emotions.

Anger is sometimes divided according to gender:

Male aggression is perceived as a manifestation of strength.
Female aggression is considered a manifestation of weakness and irrationality.

Although we are talking about the same reasons and manifestations of anger. Only in society is one gender allowed to express it, while the other is prohibited.

Anger arises quickly and passes just as quickly. Society's attitude towards him is based solely on the actions that a person commits in a state of anger. If they bring destruction and pain to those around them, then anger was bad. If a person has done a noble deed, then people praise him.

Anger manifests itself in all people. However, in order to control his expression, various manipulative slogans are invented. For example, it is believed that a person matures when he learns to manage anger. In other words, it is beneficial for society that people strive to restrain their natural emotion, which disturbs the peace of citizens.

How to deal with anger?

Do you need to learn to manage your anger? Everyone must answer this question for themselves. It is worth noting just one advantage that a person receives when he learns to cope with anger - he can now control his actions in any situation.

To cope with anger, it is necessary to stop its development at any stage.

Firstly, you can stop anger at the stage of a situation that causes negative emotions. You can stop talking to a person who is annoying. You can briefly leave the room where unpleasant events are happening. As soon as you feel that you are starting to become aggressive, you should isolate yourself from the negative situation.
Secondly, you can stop anger at the stage when it either subsides or begins to rage. Tell yourself that you don't want to be angry, and start doing whatever you can to help you get there.

Additional techniques for eliminating anger can be:

Listening to calm music.
Restoring breathing.
Solitude for the purpose of relaxation.
Relaxation of all muscles of the body.
Thinking through a situation in order to solve it, rather than find someone to blame.
Meditation.
Mentally moving to places where it is pleasant to be.
Switching attention.

Train yourself to see in anger not a personal insult, but the natural aggressiveness and savagery of people. People are not accustomed to managing their anger, so they use it like little children who are simply capricious because they didn’t like something.

If something annoys you, you shouldn’t keep it inside yourself - say it in a non-rude and humane way. Your task is not to swallow your own anger in order to be cultured outwardly. You must learn to get rid of the charge of negative energy through calm speaking.

How to make your anger noble?

Admit that you are angry.
Understand your anger. What are the reasons for its occurrence? What made you angry?
Use anger to your advantage. Focus on solving the problem and use anger as a source of energy for further action.

Make your anger an assistant that will accompany you until you solve the problem. After all, in the whole situation, when something annoys you, the important thing is that there is simply some kind of problem. And while you waste your energy and time expressing dissatisfaction with another person, you are not solving the problem. You are trying to offend, blame, humiliate someone, but this has nothing to do with the situation that angered you. It is better to direct your anger towards solving the problem, rather than simply insulting the other person.

Bottom line

When talking about anger management, people often point out that it is necessary to suppress it. However, scientists say the opposite: the result of suppressed emotions can be psychosomatic diseases associated with the cardiovascular system. Heart attacks and strokes are often associated with unexpressed negative emotions.

At the same time, there is an opinion that anger cannot be expressed every time it appears. Because a person develops the habit of not holding back his emotions, but freely pouring them out on others. In turn, an aggressive person begins to take pleasure in the suffering of others, which in the future forces him to provoke or look for situations where he can again be aggressive.

In any case, it is up to each person to decide what to do with their own emotions. However, it should be understood that the constant experience of negative emotions leads to serious illnesses that can affect life expectancy.

The topic of our article will be the emotion of anger. We will look at the stages of its manifestation, as well as methods of working with it in order to reduce its influence on your life. You must become the master of your life and emotional reactions, without allowing your emotions to control you.

How to deal with anger and how to control anger

Anger is a negative emotion that arises as a response to what a person considers unfair. According to Orthodox tradition, anger is not always condemned. Much depends on what the anger is directed against, while in Catholicism anger is clearly included in the list of mortal sins. In the Buddhist tradition, anger is understood as one of the five “poisons”, so there is no excuse for it, and only observing yourself will help you cope with it.

However, we will return to the modern tradition, not religious, and see what psychological science tells us about anger. Some psychologists believe that this emotion needs to be fought, sometimes they even teach how to suppress it correctly, but this does not make the patient feel better. Suppressing any emotions does not lead to their final elimination - rather, to repression (and not necessarily into the subconscious), but only temporary. Then the condition only gets worse. An unprocessed and unreflected emotion, as well as what causes it, manifests itself again with the same force, which can lead to serious deviations in the emotional sphere and, as a result, become a threat to the stability of a person’s mental state.

Therefore, in this article you will not find advice on how to control anger; We will look in more detail at the nature of emotions themselves, as well as how we perceive and experience them. A person is a subject experiencing an emotion, so it is very important for him to understand the mechanism of his reactions, to become aware of his emotion, then he will have a chance to notice it at the very moment of its inception and thereby stop its development at the very beginning.

This way of observing a feeling, and therefore oneself, is extremely useful, and it can be used by those people who are interested in the issue of mindfulness, since such observation also becomes an excellent mindfulness practice. You look at yourself from the outside - this is the key to everything. If we were asked to briefly outline the meaning of the method of working on the emotion of anger, as well as any other unwanted emotion, the above is the quintessence of this method.

There is a deep philosophical concept behind it about the observer and the observed, but we will focus more on the practical psychological aspect of the idea presented and will try to explain how this method works and how to apply it.

Feeling of anger. Stages of Anger

The feeling of anger is very strong. However, in accordance with the map of consciousness compiled by David Hawkins, for which he chose human awareness as the basis, in terms of the power of awareness, anger is superior to desire (lust), but inferior to pride. According to this scale, where the highest level - enlightenment - is 700, anger scores 150, while pride scores 175 and desire scores 125.

Anger is born when a person feels capable of doing something. An apathetic person does not have enough energy even for such a feeling. Therefore, if you experience it periodically, then you should not get too upset about it, because it also means that your energy level is at a high enough level to achieve this feeling.

In order to leave the level of anger, move to a higher level - pride or even pride - and then to courage, which is the watershed between the cluster of negative emotions and positive ones, you need to fully understand your feelings, as well as what causes them.

Before talking about the causes of anger, we must analyze its stages - in this way we will understand how this affect manifests itself:

discontent;
feeling of injustice;
anger;
rage.

The extreme form of anger is rage. Anger, which develops into rage, is a destructive emotion that negatively affects others. Anger arises unnoticed. Often this is accumulated dissatisfaction that can no longer be contained, and it develops into anger, and then into anger. Dissatisfaction because something is not going the way you would like it to. In order for anger to take its classic form, a sense of injustice must also take part in this process. What causes dissatisfaction should also be regarded by the subject himself as some kind of injustice. Only then can anger be classified as a true emotion of anger. When he goes into his highest form, anger becomes rage.

Anger and aggression: causes of anger and methods of working with it

Concepts such as anger and aggression must be distinguished. Aggression is an action that is supported by emotions, including anger, and anger is a pure affect, i.e. a state, but not an action. Aggression has a goal, a person consciously achieves something, while anger can manifest itself almost uncontrollably: a person is not aware of it. This happens quite often.

Now that we know the difference between anger and aggression, we need to understand the causes of anger.

An angry reaction to a situation or a person’s behavior can be either instantaneous, unprepared (an explosion of anger), or an accumulated release of negative energy. If a person has endured for a long time, put up with something unpleasant, then someday the tension must find a way out, and often it is expressed in the form of the emotion of anger.

This type of anger is much easier to monitor and prevent than the kind that arises spontaneously. Spontaneous anger is difficult to control or prevent. In this case, a person is required to have a very high degree of internal awareness, when under almost any circumstances he is able to look at what is happening detachedly, that is, not to react, but to consciously observe both himself and the situation.

This is a very effective recommendation. Anyone who has been able to achieve such a high level of control over their emotions is unlikely to be interested in any other methods of working on their psychological state. The man really learned to control himself. For people who are still at the stage of learning to observe their emotions, we should advise them to do the following:

Before a negative emotion arises, try to pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings as often as possible during the day, because this way you record them and become more aware.
When you feel that you are accumulating rejection of something, then write down on paper everything that you feel - this again helps to look at emotions from the outside.
If the moment of the origin of an emotion is missed, then you need to try to “catch” yourself already during its manifestation. Of course, this is much more difficult to do, but if one day you succeed, you can congratulate yourself, because you were able to become aware of your feelings directly at the time of their manifestation, and this is a big victory.

A few more words about anger: connection with the Muladhara chakra

If above we examined the psychological reasons for the appearance of the emotion of anger, then in this part of the article I would like to look at anger from the point of view of the yogic tradition, where one or another chakra corresponds to certain psychophysical states.

A chakra is an energy center through which energy is exchanged between a person and the outside world. Each chakra has its own spectrum of action. Muladhara chakra is the root energy center, so it is responsible for basic emotions, including negative ones - phobias, anxiety, sadness and depression and, of course, anger. Usually such emotions appear when the chakra is imbalanced. If Muladhara works harmoniously, then this is expressed in the person’s general calmness, a state of stability and concentration.

It turns out that instead of controlling anger by developing awareness, you can do something almost the opposite - pay attention to the harmonization of the chakras through ancient practices and special exercises. This will not be slow to manifest itself by increasing the level of self-awareness - then you will be able to control yourself at the mental level and prevent the very generation of negative emotions.

The practice of meditation and pranayama also provides great support in terms of working on the emotional state. Both practices go hand in hand, so you cannot do one and lose sight of the other. For those who have never meditated before, we can recommend taking a course in Vipasana, because usually moments of silence allow you to establish a connection with your inner Self and become the first step towards awareness.

You can also start doing Hatha Yoga. The yoga system is structured in such a way that when performing this or that asana, you work not only with the physical body, but also engage in the same balancing of the chakra system, and this, in turn, means working to normalize the psychological state. Usually, yoga practitioners notice a surge of physical energy and at the same time a state of calm on an emotional level. This indicates not only that yoga is practiced in the right way, but also that its effects have an extremely beneficial effect on the state of the etheric (emotional) body.

Instead of a conclusion

“Conquer yourself - and you will not need to defeat others.” This Chinese proverb could be paraphrased and said: “Become aware of yourself and you will have no reason to defeat others.” A person who has overcome anger and many other negative emotions becomes much more spiritually advanced and much stronger psychologically. Therefore, he will not even want to defeat others, because knowing himself will bring with him the realization that essentially there is no one to fight with, and therefore, there is no one to defeat, because the greatest opponent you have is you myself.

Psychoanalytically oriented psychologists are sure: our relationship with anger comes from childhood. All adults were once small, they experienced anger and somehow learned to cope with it, and then... However, let's take things in order.

Why we all experience anger, what will happen if we don’t express it, and how we can cope with it - we understand in the article based on materials from Natalia Presler’s lecture

How to help yourself cope with anger?

Where does anger come from?

To fight a tiger or a mammoth, you need to be really angry. Initially, anger was given to man so that he could get excited, go hunting and feed himself, and maybe conquer the world. Anger is the force that motivates a person to act. Now we don’t see mammoths on the streets, but we communicate with other people every day. And we continue to feel angry. So where does it come from?

The first reason is exhaustion.

When the body lacks resources, a person rises to search for them and at the same time tries to save himself by driving away all potential competitors. That's why The cause of anger can easily be lack of sleep, pain, even poor nutrition. In adults, an imbalance of fats in the body increases irritability, and in children, large amounts of sugar increase excitability.

The second reason is frustration of the need to be accepted.

When a person feels that there is no place for his interests, his opinion in the family or at work, that he lacks support and love, he accumulates aggression. Most often, such situations arise with people who do not know how to express it; We will talk about them below.

The third reason is a lack of understanding of why the other person behaves the way he does.

Why is your partner rude whenever you try to find out where he is now? Why doesn't a five-year-old child sit quietly in the theater, but throw his arms and legs over his neighbor? The adult believes that his partner is simply nervous, and the child does not respect other people's boundaries.

In fact, it may turn out that the partner had a controlling mother and he still perceives questions as a violation of his freedom, and an emotionally immature child is so carried away by the performance that he cannot control himself.

The fourth reason is the need for protection.

When a child screams on the street and the mother cannot do anything, she becomes angry. First of all, because she is losing control, and everyone sees it. Protection may be needed from pain, sadness, disappointment - in general, from all difficult emotions that threaten psychological safety.

The fifth reason for anger is a threat to self-esteem.

Sometimes a feeling of guilt arises due to the behavior of a loved one. “I’m a bad mother” if the child screams and falls, if he is silent and plays with a tablet, if he eats a lot, if he eats little... This situation makes you try to be good all the time and do everything right. It is especially difficult for perfectionists, that is, for those who developed the “be good” attitude in childhood in response to parental demands. The result is suppressed aggression, even more guilt and even more anger.

Why don't we remember our childhood feelings?

Psychoanalytically oriented psychologists are confident: our relationship with anger comes from childhood. All adults were once small, they experienced anger and somehow learned to cope with it, and then... However, let's take things in order.

Let's imagine that a baby is born. He is surrounded by love, care and is in symbiosis with his mother. The first six months are the state when he actually considers his mother to be his continuation. A very close bond is necessary for the baby to survive.

Having matured a little, the child is still convinced: the mother exists only to feed, warm, and entertain. But is it? Of course not. Over time, the needs of the mother, who needs to go to the toilet, wash her hair, go to the store, and sometimes just sit with a cup of tea, become more and more apparent. Sometimes a mother is not ready to give her child love and care because she is tired, and this is completely normal.

Alas, at this moment the child becomes frustrated. He feels that his needs are not being met the way he is used to and begins to get angry. At the peak of experiences, the child realizes the presence of a third and understands: mother is actually not his, but her own and father’s. The baby is having a hard time not being able to be with his mother entirely. This anger often goes unexpressed because “being angry is bad.”

The opposite situation also happens, but it also gives rise to anger. If the family revolves around a child, he feels incredibly important and very sick at the same time, that is, incapable of taking care of themselves, inept, someone who needs to be monitored, controlled, and helped all the time. This situation also triggers aggression.

All this happens between the ages of 4 and 6 years. Then the child develops fantasies and fears: a monster is hiding under the bed, witches are flying outside the window, darkness is just waiting to pounce from behind the closet door... During this period, the child may begin to masturbate to cope with anxiety, or becomes aggressive in kindergarten.

All his activity is aimed at coping with emotions. This is quite difficult, and as a result, children's feelings are forced into a symbolic “basement”, placed under lock and key by the psyche. This means that in most cases the child stops remembering them: childhood amnesia sets in.

And so a person grows up, builds a family, has his own children - but his own feelings are still repressed, forgotten. However, it is with them that both he and his partner have to deal.

"Red Buttons"

There are situations that make an adult explode. The reaction is not always adequate to the situation - the one who caused the outburst of anger thinks to himself: “What did I say?..” In fact, he, without knowing it, pressed the “red button”. Each person has their own content of these buttons, but globally they are divided into two types.

1. The last straw

Let's say a mother gives all her time to her child. She plays with complete dedication, has lunch in five minutes, doesn’t close the door to the toilet, hardly sleeps... Or, on the contrary, she spends 10 hours a day at work, barely has time to play with her child in the evening, and also cooks soup, mops the floor, reads a book on how to communicate with a child...

And finally the husband says something about an unwashed plate. Can you imagine the reaction? Explosion! The problem, of course, is not in the plate. When a person holds back emotions for a very long time, anything can serve as the last straw.

What to do about it:

2. Sore callus

Let's say a person had a father who kept track of him throughout his childhood. l, what time the child came home, checked whether the light in the bathroom was turned off, whether the closet was tidy, whether the dishes were washed. Or the mother constantly read the diary, interfered in relationships with peers, aggressively interfered with life. Or already in adulthood, the previous partner terrorized with calls. Therefore, past experiences may be included in new relationships.

“Listen, maybe you should leave the meeting earlier than the others because you’ll be walking down a dark street?” - asks the partner. “What are you telling me? Why should I always do everything as you said?” - there is a sudden explosion.

The red button can be an emotionally charged experience from any period in life when a person experienced and suppressed anger.

What to do about it: do not sacrifice everything for one area of life, but do exactly as much as you can; monitor irritation and fatigue at the very beginning; talk about this to your loved ones and carry out prevention (“make the children a happy mother”) before the glass overflows.

Ladder of Anger

Both an adult and a child can find themselves in a situation where sparks are already flying, screaming or even a fight begins. Sometimes it’s unclear how a calm situation turned into this.

What's happening? Anger does not appear immediately, but goes through several stages before reaching its peak. This can be depicted as a ladder. It all starts in the emotional comfort zone, where it is calm and nothing disturbs. This is a different situation for each person.

At the next stage, irritation occurs. Someone said something wrong, did something wrong, everything doesn’t go according to plan - and the person begins to boil. In this state, you can still think and understand what caused the irritation. It is important here to notice the first notes of irritation before they develop into uncontrollable aggression.

At the last stage there is an emotional explosion. There is no control in it: a person is no longer aware of what is happening to him, cannot analyze his behavior, does not want to stop and “winds up” himself.

Remember the slogan:“It’s better to prevent a fire than to put it out”? When you are already at the last stage, only the automatic mechanism for getting out of the current situation will work. For example, run out of the room shouting: “That’s it, I can’t take it anymore,” and take a breath.

But this does not solve the problem globally. Therefore, we recommend developing a mechanism for how to cope with irritation at the previous stage, and then you simply will not reach the peak of uncontrollable anger.

What happens if you don't express anger?

Have you ever met people who have difficulty expressing anger?

The problem is that this emotion still arises, but is expressed inadequately: it either explodes a person inappropriately to the situation, or hides and makes itself felt in the form of passive aggression

Unfortunately, this is a very common story: in our culture, open expression of strong emotions is taboo, we are taught from childhood “not to get angry.” People who do not know how to be angry are, as a rule, captive of their childhood conflicts. They cannot talk about their needs and adequately defend their position; they are internally irritated with themselves and others that they cannot do this.

Sometimes they don't even realize they're feeling angry and they can't do anything about it. The problem is that this emotion still arises, but is expressed inadequately: it either blows up the person inappropriately for the situation, or hides and makes itself felt in the form of passive aggression.

Let's say a person gets a job. At first he performs well, but over time he begins to sabotage everything. And his boss is a fool, and his tasks are not up to his standards, and his colleagues do everything wrong. As a result, the person is fired or leaves on his own, and the cycle begins again.

At the same time, he can become a tyrant at home: he can find fault with the dishes not being washed, the slippers are not right, the child is naughty. Emotional and physical rejection between spouses (reluctance to talk, listen, make love) also speaks of passive aggression. In children, it can manifest itself through poor grades or refusal to eat, that is, neglect of what is important to parents.

What's happening? A person cannot express his anger directly, so he begins to do things that will anger others and lead to a break in relationships.

If you see a person who constantly blames others, believes that everyone around them is fools, this is a person with suppressed anger. As a child, he was not allowed to be angry, especially at his parents, and he unconsciously “acts it out” as an adult.

It is worth remembering that anger is an emotion, it will arise in any case. And it depends only on us how it will be expressed in behavior and how it will affect our relationships with others.

How to help yourself deal with anger

It is already clear that it is necessary to express anger, and it is preferable to do it constructively. Such a skill improves life, makes a person a more integral person and allows you to build harmonious relationships with others. So how can you help yourself deal with anger?

1. Learn to recognize irritation in yourself before it turns into anger

First, before looking for the underlying psychosomatic causes of irritation and anger, we recommend checking your hormones, assessing the state of your body and counting how many hours a day you sleep. Remember that the first cause of anger is exhaustion of the body. Allow yourself to rest, arrange a “detox” from the daily routine, and agree with family members to help you with this.

Secondly, analyze past experiences. What makes you angry and angry? If you have already identified your pain points, try noticing them in different situations.

2. Allow yourself to feel

Despite childhood attitudes, there are no good and bad emotions. It's okay to feel and express. Moreover, anger, resentment, sadness and anger are caused by the characteristics of the human body.

If you completely deny negative emotions and try to pretend that you are completely positive, problems arise. As soon as you admit to yourself what you are really experiencing and allow yourself to be with it, the feeling of guilt will go away. This means that anger will not accumulate, risking breaking out at the most unfortunate moment.

It is important to convey to children the right to feelings. They understand how much parents allow themselves and others to express emotions, even if they have never talked about it with them. Access to anger must be open: if an adult learns this first, then a child can follow suit.

3. Take responsibility

Of course, your relationship with anger was formed in childhood, in your parents' family. T when you didn’t yet know how to cope with difficult emotions. But now you are an adult and you can take this into your own hands. Admit it to yourself: you are irritated and angry not because someone else is bad and does everything wrong. You experience this emotion because you yourself wanted to.

Investigating the reasons is important and necessary, but this is not a reason to tell loved ones:“Tolerate my unconstructive anger until I deal with this.” As an adult, you build relationships with others and with yourself.

By accepting this responsibility, you get the opportunity to talk about yourself, about your feelings. Not “you’re not a good person, you don’t pay attention to the child and me,” but “I feel lonely if I don’t spend enough time with you.” The second option sounds different, right?

Don't store anger inside yourself. It is your responsibility to express it and still maintain the relationship.

4. Speak with words

When people first enter into a relationship, they get used to each other, including in everyday life. At this moment, it is important to find out and talk through your pain points that you already know about. As we get to know each other, there will be more and more discoveries, and it is important not to forget to discuss them constructively.

How do you feel about unwashed dishes? Here I am - it’s fine, I can have it in the sink for two days.
- And if I see one dirty spoon, I get very irritated.
- I like to sleep against the wall, can I sleep there all the time?
- No, I also like to sleep against the wall, let’s alternate.
- It annoys me that you throw your socks at the entrance to the house. Why are you doing like that?
- I have long had this habit so as not to forget how many clean ones are left. Is there anything we can do to stop you from being annoyed?
- What if you put a basket with a lid in the hallway where you can put your socks, but I won’t see them?

Without such dialogues, irritation will accumulate like a snowball and eventually result in a family scandal. So we recommend taking measures in advance and reaching an agreement with each other, but not blaming, but first of all talking about yourself.

By the way, a parent can talk about his anger to his children. True, it is important not to do this too often and take into account age. If you overload a child with your feelings, he may consider himself responsible for the mood and state of the parent.

5. Provide emotional release

Run, squat, lock yourself in a room and paint a sheet of paper with force, hit a pillow, scream in the forest... Any activity related to the body helps to express aggression. In the long term, rest often and vary your activities.

6. Give yourself first aid when you're angry.

When a person is in a serious condition, it is important for him to connect his body, emotions and thoughts. E it helps to pull yourself together and begin to behave constructively.

Ask yourself the question: “What do I feel in my body?” Answer it: trembling in your fingertips, heartbeat, etc. Concentrate your attention on this.

The next question is: “What are my emotions?” I am angry, offended, irritated, my self-esteem is hurt... Track the emotion, name it.

Last question: “What do I think?” For example, I think the situation is terrible, that I keep getting here, this is the 15th time I've exploded this week.

By answering all the questions, you will connect the body, emotions and thoughts. Despite the fact that nothing seems to have changed, you as a person will come to a balance from which it is easier to perform other actions. For example, talk.

7. Help a loved one who cannot cope with his anger

One child once asked: “Why is daddy allowed to yell at us, but I can’t?” If you understand that reproaches and ignorance only make the situation worse, it’s time to help your loved ones.

To a partner who comes home from work and starts yelling at a child, you can, for example, say:

I see you're tired and that's why you're losing your temper. It's hard for you to tolerate imperfections, that the dishes aren't clean enough, or that the child isn't behaving well enough.

This must be said without irony, but sincerely, trying to understand how difficult it really is for a person. For a child observing the situation, this option will also serve as a good example. Your partner may not be able to verbalize his anger right away, but he will feel better.

8. Admit your mistakes

What to do if you lose your temper, get angry with your child, and then feel guilty? Honestly ask for forgiveness:

I'm sorry. Sometimes I can’t control my emotions, I don’t want to do this, it’s unpleasant for me, and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. No one deserves to be yelled at, I ask your forgiveness.

This is a very valuable experience for a child, unless, of course, you repeat the apology five times a day. It is good because, firstly, the child sees: the parent is not God, he can make mistakes, which means the child does not have to be perfect. Secondly, an understanding arises: a person can correct a mistake, apologize and improve relationships. Thirdly, the child understands that the relationship with him is significant for the parent, his feelings are important, and he is ready for dialogue.

By the way, this scheme also works with a partner.

9. Go to psychotherapy

As a rule, you replay emotionally difficult situations from childhood in a circle: find partners who are similar to your parents, change some authoritarian bosses for others, etc. You're doing it to deal with an old problem in a mature way, but you're using old ways.- and again it doesn’t work. Psychotherapy helps to get to the bottom of frustrated emotions and develop new mechanisms that will help you get out of a vicious circle.

Let's summarize

There are no good and bad emotions. Each of them has a specific function, including anger. Healthy aggression helps to protect yourself and defend your interests, while unhealthy aggression destroys relationships.

Our way of dealing with anger begins in childhood, when we do not yet know how to deal with difficult emotions. Many adults then go around in circles, repeating scenarios of communication with parents in the family and at work, and try to replay past experiences. The benefit of being an adult is that we can consciously learn to express anger constructively and teach our children to do the same.

As much as we want to be “positive” all the time, anger sometimes arises and needs to be expressed. Unexpressed anger accumulates and turns into passive aggression.

Each of us has our own “red buttons” that cause outbursts of anger. If you explore them and discuss them with loved ones, you can avoid emotional outbursts.

Because of childhood amnesia, adults do not remember being angry when they were little, and do not recognize the inhibition of anger, if there is one. For some, these feelings are still too difficult. Psychotherapy helps to understand them. Published.

Prepared by Maria Krasheninnikova-Hait based on materials from a lecture by practicing psychologist and psychotherapist Natalia Presler “When parents are angry” especially for “Learning Environment”

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