First, it’s worth understanding the essence of the concept of “victim psychology.” The natural state familiar to the victim is suffering. The individual is accustomed to feeling like a martyr and experiencing dissatisfaction. From such a state a person feels satisfaction. There are no other ways to get joy.
Determination methods
A distinctive feature is helplessness. The individual shows activity and interest, but when difficulties and problems arise, he becomes helpless.
A characteristic feature is hopelessness. Finding itself in an uncomfortable situation, the victim does not try to look for ways to solve the problem. A person feels powerlessness, weakness, apathy - he feels completely dependent on others, therefore he blames strangers for personal problems. However, he will happily take responsibility for a loved one (mother, husband, child, friend). For example, a woman is responsible for a child’s academic success, but does not feel responsible for work matters.
When sick, an individual will take poor health for granted and will not fight. The victim waits for the bad state to subside.
Is it possible to overcome the syndrome?
To help a friend or colleague with victim syndrome, you should develop behavioral tactics. You cannot show pity or agree with the words of the victim. You need to let the interlocutor speak out, ask questions that contain specifics regarding his condition. Such behavior will help the individual look at the world more realistically, begin to think, and feel his own responsibility. However, it is possible that a turn of events will occur that the victim will begin to avoid conversation and will find a “vest” with which to cry and get support.
A person tries on many roles. The role of the victim is the complete opposite of a happy person who has achieved certain heights, does not give up, and is able to soberly assess the situation. A happy person is the creator of his own life. To become happy, you need to realize the presence of the syndrome and want to get rid of it. This will take a lot of effort.
Karpman's theory
Karpman's theory, called the relationship triangle, involves relationships based on manipulation. This model is adhered to by the participants in Karpman's tragic triangle. The sides of the triangle are the victim, the pursuer, and the rescuer. A striking example is the relationship between wife, husband, and mother-in-law. The situation persists until one side realizes the situation and leaves the dramatic game. In a triangle, the rescuer will definitely fall into a trap, finding himself the culprit. Such a system can last for a long time. The only thing that will change is the roles played by the participants in the triangle, first as manipulators, and then as victims of manipulation.
A role that cannot be envied - the role of a rescuer. The victim is selfish and tries to shift responsibility for personal actions. If the rescuer consciously understands that he is being pulled into a triangle, the only way out is to play along without getting involved completely. Without knowing the way out of the system, you should not try to leave it abruptly. It is important to be gentle, observant, and gradually move away from the role. This way you can find a way out of the protracted triangle.
Causes
People become victims for certain reasons:
How to establish a connection with the victim within yourself?
When a person begins to understand the sadness of his own condition on a subconscious level, he can begin to fight his complexes. .
In psychology, a person with victim syndrome is a magnet of thoughts. It is important to tune in to positive emotions.
The ability to take responsibility for personal actions and words is of no small importance. When problems arise, you should not fall into despair; you should try to soberly assess the situation and look for methods of solution. It will be useful to try to go beyond your own consciousness, try to look at the problem from a detached perspective.
My favorite thing is to constantly complain about work, friends, problems. Pity prevents the manifestation of determination, strength of character, confidence, and perseverance. You need to give up the habit of complaining - then the inner strength to fight problems will appear.
It is important not to run from fears, but to solve them. An individual with victim syndrome is afraid of the new, the unknown: a change of job, the company of new friends. Therefore, it will be useful to start doing things that cause fear. There is no need to start with big things, try to solve small problems that need to be solved.
To cope with sacrifice, you need to learn to love and respect yourself. You should devote more time to personal interests, stop doing things that cause sadness and apathy, and stop communicating with poorly educated friends.
By starting to implement your plans, you can overcome the symptoms of the victim, learn to control your internal state, and feel happy.
Victim in domestic relationships
Initially, this condition may seem different from the usual victim syndrome. However, from the perspective of psychology there is a direct connection. The syndrome is more common in everyday life and in the family. It is called stopped life syndrome. The person moves away from problems. However, delayed life syndrome rarely ends with sad consequences, which cannot be avoided with victim syndrome.
It happens that a tyrant husband humiliates and beats his wife, who complains to her mother and friends about her unbearable life and the impossibility of existing with her husband. Relatives realize that it is necessary to stop the violence, leave the husband, and start a new relationship. However, the woman does not do this, because she is used to it and feels comfort from the current situation. Her complaints boil down to a desire to hear sympathetic phrases and pity.
The Victim is a popular female role
Often women are dissatisfied with their family life and their husband’s attitude. Such women are divided into several types:
Benefit
Most do not try to fight the negative state because they have certain benefits. The status of a victim has advantages: the ability to manipulate the guilt of others, allows you to shift worries and problems onto loved ones. However, such a role has a drawback - the individual becomes completely powerless, helpless, and begins to feel insignificant.
Representatives of the fair sex often try on the role of the victim. Their benefit is to attract attention, receive sympathy, a desire to help, support... To give up an advantageous position means to start doing things on your own without protection or support.
The victims are forgiven a lot and get away with it. The victim does not have to achieve anything on his own. The bosses will turn a blind eye to work that is not fully completed, or lateness, because the employee has serious problems at home, and the husband forgives an unprepared dinner, or unwashed clothes, because the wife is busy with work. There are many psychological benefits to being a victim.
But you can’t constantly live in the image of a victim; to understand how to change, watch the video:
A female victim is a very common phenomenon. Psychologists talk in detail about the characteristics of this type of people and how to go from a victim to a loving and beloved woman.
The victim woman is a type of woman that can be found everywhere. This psychological state does not depend on age, financial situation, or status. It does not depend on the real state of affairs. "Victim" is a state of mind.
There are women who believe that everything in their lives is bad. They think that their husband doesn’t love them, their children don’t listen, their co-workers don’t understand or respect them, their boss is nagging, and so on. They communicate with the outside world mainly through complaints. Why is this happening? Indeed, very often such complaints do not have serious grounds. When the cause of the misfortune is eliminated, the situation is resolved, then, it would seem, such a woman should breathe a sigh of relief and begin to enjoy life.
But this does not happen, since there is a new reason for all troubles and failures. A distinctive feature of all “victims” is their reluctance to correct the situation and do anything in order to find happiness and harmony with themselves and the world around them. They may not realize it, but they are quite happy with this state of affairs, since they experience a certain moral satisfaction from their constant complaints.
“I became a victim of my love.” - with this statement, women often turn to a specialist and ask him to provide help. However, according to psychologists, everything is not so simple. When starting to analyze her situation, the specialist, as a rule, offers possible solutions to the problem, but the woman does not seem to hear him.
She doesn’t want to change anything in her life at all. She is content with the role of a victim whom everyone pities, and from a specialist she wants to hear words of compassion rather than receive real help. For her, being a victim is beneficial. This role allows her to achieve everyone's attention, sympathy, and pity. To get out of this state is to lose the support of relatives and friends. They will no longer feel sorry for her, which means she will lose certain benefits and indulgences.
By constantly complaining, she allows herself to be late for work, not prepare lunch, and so on. And people forgive her for this, attributing it to a bad mood, problems in the family. The role of the victim is very selfish. It allows a woman not to fulfill her obligations to other people. Naturally, not everyone decides to leave this game. Experts believe that the psychology of the victim is formed at an early age.
There are several possible reasons for this type of behavior. As a rule, the psychology of the victim is formed in those girls whose mothers live according to this scenario. Since childhood, they have watched their mothers endlessly complain about life. The reason for complaints can be anything: a tyrant husband, an evil mother-in-law, a bad boss, and so on. Basically, of course, such women complain about family life.
It happens that complaints turn out to be unfounded, but, as a rule, something is really going wrong in the family. Such women very often come across cruel husbands who subjugate them to their will. Why is this happening? The answer is simple: instead of repelling the tyrant and divorcing him, the “victim” only evokes pity, which gives the man a certain sense of impunity and enrages him even more.
A girl who grows up in such a family learns a similar model of relationships and, most likely, as an adult, will live according to the same scenario. Her mother cannot organize her own life and shows her helplessness. She teaches her daughter this helplessness. There is a high probability that in the future she will be humiliated and pitied in the same way. Often the role of a tyrant and a person who pities the “victim” is played by the same person.
Another reason for the formation of the image of a “victim” may be the excessive love of her parents for the girl, or her illness at an early age. In such situations, parents take care of their daughter from an early age, feel sorry for her, and do not burden her with homework. Psychologists believe that this behavior of parents is not the norm. By such actions they ruin the child’s entire life, while at the same time they themselves experience a certain psychological comfort.
The “victim” is easier to manage, and it is much easier to find a common language with her. Experts believe that such behavior, when a person feels the need to constantly take pity on someone, is a form of psychological vampirism. Living according to this scenario, people feed off other people’s energy and experience a sense of moral satisfaction from this.
This can be very bad for the child. In addition to the fact that the girl gradually gets used to the image of a victim imposed on her, she also experiences fear of not committing actions that could upset her parents. It is very difficult to get rid of the image of a victim sitting inside. But experts say that everything is possible and this life scenario can and should be broken.
First of all, it is important for a woman or young girl to understand her problem, the reasons for its occurrence and why she has not yet gotten rid of this role. Without realizing your problem, turning to a psychologist in this case is useless, because the “victim” will only expect pity from the specialist, but not real help.
But helping a person who is not internally ready to accept this is not so easy. Moreover, it is practically impossible. Once the woman understands her situation, the specialist will be able to begin working with her. First of all, he will advise the woman to stop feeling sorry for herself and shifting all the blame for the current situation onto other people. She must understand that a person himself is responsible for his actions.
If she believes that her husband, colleagues or other people are treating her inappropriately, most likely she herself is to blame for this attitude. By allowing herself to be humiliated and then regretted, the woman showed those around her that she could be treated this way. It is difficult to reverse this situation, but it is important to act clearly and decisively. There is no need to try to fix anything gradually.
It’s better to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband, colleagues or acquaintances and tell them that such a relationship is unacceptable. People need to make it clear that from now on their communication will develop only according to a scenario that suits both parties. Otherwise, the relationship will be severed. The most important thing is to nip in the bud all manifestations of pity, which at first will be a common occurrence. It is not so easy to break a script that has been formed over the years.
At this moment, a woman may need qualified help. There is no need to be ashamed of your experiences. A competent specialist will always listen and give advice on how to quickly cope with a particular situation. If someone from your inner circle continues to show pity with particular persistence, you need to stop communicating with such a person, or protect yourself from him as much as possible, at least for a while.
In order to finally stop feeling sorry for yourself and feel true happiness and satisfaction from life, it is important to find yourself in creativity, in the profession, in relationships with men. It is important not to focus on your problem. After all, a truly successful person evokes only admiration and this is the height to which one should strive.
It is important to show your independence and ability to maintain dignity in any situation. You need to understand that self-esteem is the most important thing and cannot be lost under any circumstances. After all, having exchanged it for the dubious pleasure of communicating with a tyrant, a person loses himself, his individuality, his true face, and allows another person to invade his own life.
The task of every psychologist is to help representatives of the fair sex go through the difficult path from victim to loving and beloved woman. Experts assure that this is possible, but for this, faith in success is important.
Are you in a relationship? A good relationship will help you grow as a person and find mutual happiness, but sometimes a relationship can be bad and negatively affect both partners. The victim syndrome in relationships occurs specifically among women, because by nature we are inherently sacrificial: we sacrifice part of our freedom for the sake of maintaining a family hearth, our time and health for the sake of our children. But for personal happiness you cannot sacrifice absolutely everything, even for the sake of a loved one.
How not to be a victim in a relationship
To prevent the role of victim in a relationship from becoming your permanent role, you must remember these 10 things that you should never sacrifice for the sake of another person:
1. Your happiness.
Your partner should bring happiness and joy into your life, and not make you suffer. If he makes you feel bad about yourself, or your life, then it's an unhealthy relationship. Of course, your partner doesn't have to be in a great mood all the time, but if he is intentionally hurting you, then you should let him go. Such people must first solve their own problems before they can have healthy relationships with others.
2. Your joy.
Do you laugh until you cry with your loved one? Are you trying to do something new together? While it's normal to have disagreements, your relationship should be mostly happy and fun. It is important to enjoy life together not only as a couple, but also with your friends, and your partner must understand and respect this right.
3. Your freedom.
You shouldn't feel guilty about devoting some of your attention to other people. Your partner has no right to be annoyed or worried if you don't spend time together. Jealous behavior is usually an indicator of insecurity, insecurity and personal psychological problems that you are unable to correct. A healthy and stable relationship includes time you spend together and time you spend apart.
4. Your inner peace.
It is important to preserve your inner peace for your own happiness. If your partner makes you feel anxious and nervous, then this could lead to real depression. If you regularly fight with your partner, then ask yourself:
- What is the main and ongoing problem in your relationship?
- Can you make each other happy?
- Can this problem be solved?
5. Your experience.
Life is a fascinating thing. And it will give you many opportunities to gain experiences that will make you more interesting, happier, and perhaps richer. But if your partner does not want to try new things and keeps you from trying to change your life for the better, then I advise you to still not stop and follow your dreams. Remember that an emotionally stable partner will support your ideas and encourage you to grow.
6. Your personality.
Your personality is who you really are. In a happy relationship, neither partner tries to change the other's personality because they love each other for who they are. Of course, compromises are normal, but not with someone who is trying to completely change your personality and adapt you to himself. This may mean that he does not truly love you, but only loves his idea of you.
7. Your connection with other people.
At the beginning of a relationship, many people distance themselves from their loved ones and friends, devoting all their time to their loved one. However, if you've been together for months and still haven't seen your friends and family, then it doesn't seem like a healthy situation. It is very important to maintain friendly relations with friends and relatives. Being too dependent on your partner is bad for each of us. There are different things that happen in life, and if you break up with your partner, you risk being completely alone in the end, because before that you managed to break off relationships with other close people.
Victim syndrome is a personality disorder in which the patient constantly needs an external reason for his failures. In other words, people with this syndrome consider themselves the most unlucky and unhappy. At the same time, patients think that everyone is to blame for all their troubles, but not themselves. And even if nothing bad is happening in life at the moment, patients are sure that some kind of threat will definitely appear in the near future.
Causes of the syndrome
The disease cannot be congenital and is not inherited. It develops only as a person grows older. Moreover, the victim syndrome currently occupies a special place in psychology, since the number of patients increases every year. Mostly the pathology develops in females.
Scientists have not yet identified any single and common trigger mechanism, but have identified a number of the most likely causes of the syndrome, which include:
- Mental trauma. Most often, such an impact occurs at a very young age, since the emotional background at that time is still unstable. For example, in the case when a child received some kind of physical injury or became ill, and relatives show too much concern. The disease goes away over time, but the attitude towards the child remains the same. Hence it turns out that he continues to constantly feel like a victim.
- Overprotectiveness. When parents worry excessively about their child and control his every step, the baby gets used to the imposed image and, like his loved ones, begins to be wary of literally everything. Ultimately, such behavior leads to resentment towards the entire world around us and complete distrust of it.
- Predisposition to mental disorders. The syndrome is not inherited and, accordingly, is not genetically determined. We are talking about a predisposition to any mental disorders in general. It is generally accepted that such a disorder can occur if one of the relatives had a shaky nervous system.
- Family circumstances. This factor mainly applies to women whose husbands are too serious and cruel by nature. Due to frequent conflicts, wives begin to feel like victims of real domestic violence.
- Crucial and significant events. Most people always strive for something and try to achieve what they want by any means. But, unfortunately, fate may decide otherwise. In such cases, the victim of circumstances syndrome appears. At the same time, patients are not able to soberly assess reality.
Symptoms of the disorder
Victim syndrome usually manifests itself not as a single symptom, but as a whole group. Moreover, the first symptoms are almost invisible and appear at a young age. That is why it is important to pay attention to any changes in the child’s behavior, and at the slightest suspicion of the development of a disorder, consult a specialist.
Most often, the disease begins with an obsession with any negative moments that happen to a person. Moreover, the patient pays attention even to those cases when the threat has long passed. The next striking symptom is the appearance of egocentrism, when the patient cannot adequately perceive the opinions of others.
Patients also become confident that they are the only ones in the whole world who are so unlucky and unhappy, for example, unlike their friends and work colleagues. It is precisely such thoughts that lead to another attempt to arouse pity from relatives and hear support from them. Over time, complaints become too frequent, and negative events and their consequences are exaggerated.
Finally, the patient with the syndrome begins to blame everyone around him for recent failures and defeats, except himself. At the same time, he becomes overly persistent and stubborn and refuses the offered help. Self-destruction develops.
All this can lead to physical, behavioral and psychological problems. Apathy and anxiety appear, the worldview changes and new phobias arise. Along with them, panic attacks, depression, short temper, irritability, decreased concentration, loss of interest in everything that is happening, and thoughts of suicide arise. A person’s health is also undermined: he loses his appetite, insomnia, migraines, digestive disorders and frequent colds appear.
Portrait of a patient with victim syndrome
Since the pathology is manifested by a whole complex of different signs, it is possible to draw up a general portrait of a patient with victim syndrome. For such a patient it is typical:
- Depressed mood. People with the syndrome are absolute pessimists. They always notice only the bad and are sure that even their relatives want to offend or set them up. Therefore, they have practically no reason to rejoice.
- Egocentrism. For patients there is no other correct opinion than their own. And if someone tries to convince them, they will only receive a storm of indignation and hysterics in response.
- Not accepting your own failures. This phenomenon can also occur in the lives of absolutely healthy people. In case of disorder, the situation repeats itself much more often. At the same time, the patient completely refuses to admit guilt and, on the contrary, only looks for those to blame. But he is unable to express an opinion because of his own timidity and shyness.
- Joy in other people. People with the syndrome react especially vividly to the happiness of colleagues, friends or even relatives. And it’s impossible not to notice. Patients complain of a lack of luck and luck in themselves and, as a result, are very upset by the success of others.
- The need for increased authority. It is important for patients to regularly feel like a significant and important person both at work and in the family. Their every action and decision requires approval and encouragement. If this does not happen for a long enough time, then the patient develops an inferiority complex.
- Frequent complaints. People with victim syndrome love to talk, or rather, complain. All events that happen in their lives necessarily have negative consequences. And it is almost impossible to convince patients.
- Avoidance of responsibility. This symptom can be noticed already in early childhood, when the child does not admit to what he has done and shifts his blame. But if in youth such behavior can still be considered a manifestation of immaturity, then in adults it is a clear sign of victim syndrome. For example, when a person refuses a promotion at work in order to avoid certain obligations.
- Attempts to evoke pity. At first glance, this sign is not special, because any person would be happy, for example, with the help of loved ones and their care during a cold. But in patients with the syndrome, the need for support is constantly present. Every minute they are ready to talk about any difficult moments of their life, but at the same time they are unable to listen to their interlocutor at least once and help him.
- Expecting only negative results. Patients like to exaggerate the consequences of their actions. They believe that any situation will definitely have an exclusively negative ending. This symptom manifests itself especially strongly when the victim commits some not very good deed.
- Excessive independence. Patients with the syndrome can easily help their friends and relatives, but will be categorically against retaliatory actions. It is important for them to feel unhappy, and this is only possible when there is a negative situation. From the outside, this behavior looks like stubborn and stupid persistence.
- Inability to refuse. People with victim syndrome usually cannot refuse others. Therefore, any request, even the most humiliating for the patient, will certainly be fulfilled. This occurs due to the patient’s fear of remaining alone and unnecessary to anyone at all.
All these signs are common to patients with the disorder. But do not forget that each person is individual, so the manifestations of the disease may vary.
What is the benefit for the victim?
Psychologists and psychiatrists have long come to the conclusion that patients with victim syndrome are excellent manipulators. With their complaints and negative attitude towards everything that happens in life, they easily overcome their goals and achieve unprecedented heights. Moreover, their numerous failures and problems can serve as a good excuse in any situation. And shifting one’s own obligations onto other people is also a fairly thoughtful and convenient move.
Classification
Every year, new types appear among the classification of the syndrome. This happens due to the fact that the pathology is only gaining momentum and affecting an increasing number of people. Moreover, each case is individual and deserves special attention. Research by specialists has revealed the most common types of pathology.
Victim of violence
- Victim of sexual violence. In terms of the degree of psychological trauma, psychologists compare this type of pathology with the mental disorder of participants in military operations. The syndrome is usually attributed to a person’s natural response to a threat. In this case, the victim develops a tendency towards self-destruction, self-blame and aggressiveness. All this affects subsequent sexual relationships: fear and nervousness, hostility towards the opposite sex and sexual dysfunction appear. Sometimes, after such violence, a person ceases to perceive himself as a person, self-loathing appears, and thoughts of suicide arise.
- The woman is a victim of violence. This case usually arises when a woman's family is subject to strict patriarchy: wives are regularly subjected to physical violence and do not have the right to vote. Victims of domestic terror are helpless and depressed, but despite this they still try in every possible way to protect their spouse, explaining his behavior with the most stupid excuses. Sometimes the syndrome can lead to psychological paralysis.
- The child is a victim. This type of violence is also quite common. Bullying of a child at school and in the family; frequent conflicts with parents and friends; beating and moral humiliation of a child - all this leads to the development of victim syndrome from an early age. Prolonged violence can lead to the appearance of unreasonable complexes, aggressive behavior, stuttering or hysteria. As a result, learning deteriorates and mental development is disrupted. There are known cases of suicide.
The person is a victim of a narcissist
In most cases, the disorder affects the female gender. It is women who most often turn their attention to narcissistic men. Usually the beginning of a relationship does not predict any trouble, everything proceeds perfectly and safely. But soon serious problems appear that oblige a woman to change herself and her life as a whole. It is not uncommon for victims of narcissists to experience feelings of shame, self-blame, and humiliation; depression, panic attacks, low self-esteem, various phobias or mental disorders appear. At the same time, victims continue to stay close to the narcissistic person, believing that they can change him. As a result, they cannot realize themselves either in the professional sphere or in their personal lives.
Stockholm syndrome
The disorder was first described at the end of the 19th century. During a robbery of one of the banks, a man took several people hostage. Thanks to the actions of the police, everything ended well, but one strange thing happened. During the robbery, the hostages supported the robber, justified all his actions, and after their own release they asked to pardon the offender. Scientists still cannot figure out why such a strange reaction occurred. But it has been noticed that similar behavior has been recorded in almost all similar situations.
Victim syndrome in everyday life
The disorder is directly related to victim syndrome. It occurs most often in family relationships between spouses. For example, we are talking about illness in the case when a despot husband insults his wife every day and causes physical injury to her, and she, at the same time, only complains to her friends and does not leave her husband. The reason for the behavior is simple - the girl feels comfortable feeling like a victim: she likes to feel compassion and support from loved ones.
Treating Victim Syndrome
If you suspect the development of victim syndrome, you should definitely contact a psychotherapist. Only this doctor can really help the patient and return him to his previous life, since any medication or physiotherapy is usually not required. Only in rare cases can a doctor prescribe anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants, but this is far from the main method of treating the disorder.
The doctor must conduct an oral interview with the patient, understand his emotional state and find out the reason that led to the occurrence of the syndrome. In most cases, the prognosis of therapy is favorable, since the disease does not belong to the group of congenital ones.
Usually psychologists advise trying to change your attitude towards the people around you, towards yourself and many situations that happen to a person. We need to stop engaging in our own self-deception and regular self-destruction. The patient should control all his actions; do not try to shift the blame onto others; and in assessing the situation, start not from your momentary emotions, but from reason and logic.
It is also especially important to love yourself, because every person deserves it. In this case, strength will appear not only for new achievements and discoveries, but also for a happy life and destiny in general.
Forecast
The position of the victim is one of the most comfortable, because there is always a “good reason” for one’s own mistakes. Therefore, it is often difficult for a patient to part with this “title”.
It is possible to help a person with the syndrome. If you consult a psychotherapist in a timely manner and follow all his recommendations, the patient can return to a normal, healthy life. But quite often this also requires the help of friends, family, and loved ones. They must stop sympathizing and assenting to the patient's pitiful speeches. Instead, during the conversation, you should ask direct questions that will help the person evaluate all his actions and thoughts adequately. Only in this case will the eternal victim finally turn into a healthy and cheerful person.