Strictly speaking, in order for the changes necessary in your life to occur, only two conditions are needed:
- your understanding of the need for change and the circumstances conducive to change
Let's start with the circumstances. Let's divide them into two large groups:
1. suddenly arisen
2. long-term developing
Our goal is to understand how circumstances from each group can contribute to changes in your life.

As can be seen from the above, any type of circumstances can quite effectively contribute to the necessary changes in our lives, but this does not mean at all that these changes will happen. Why? Because your understanding of the need for change is required. To make it clear what I mean, let's look at another diagram.

Look at these statistics. Quite strange, right? Not really! Below are the main reasons why 4 out of 5 people never achieve the “desired changes”

1. Comfort of discomfort

As strange as it may sound, people get used to living in discomfort and are even able to benefit from it. Classic example. A husband who does not receive satisfaction from intimate intimacy with his wife prefers to provoke a quarrel and, under such a pretext (I am offended, we quarreled), to avoid intimacy, rather than muster the courage and discuss the quality of sexual life with his wife. Why is this happening? In the above example, it is more profitable for the husband to be in a state of quarrel, since in this process he is adapted and is well versed in the “quarreled-reconciled” scenario, which allows the problem to be delayed and justifies the inaction of both spouses.

2.Terra Incognita

Whatever the level of current discomfort, it has one undeniable advantage: we already live in it and know its “rules of the game.” Qualitative changes involve “playing by new rules.” And these new rules will affect not only us, but also the people with whom we are connected in one way or another.

3. Difficulties and fears

Fears and difficulties associated with upcoming changes can be divided into several groups. Let's look at the next diagram:

Let us immediately note that all the anxieties, fears and difficulties listed above are not a manifestation of cowardice or weak character. Not at all! All these are absolutely normal thoughts of a person before starting a movement or on the path of changing himself. Let's try to strengthen ourselves in our endeavors and together consider each thesis from the top diagram in more detail.

1. Lack of quick effect( perceived as no effect at all)

It is better not to count on a quick effect at all. Qualitative (not adaptive!) changes occur through awareness. It takes time. The thing is that understanding what exactly needs to be changed and how to do it is also not enough! In order for the changes we need to occur, our consciousness must do work consisting of several stages. Let's look at the picture:

2. Negative assessment of others

Let's immediately agree that we are changing ourselves and for ourselves. Changing in order to earn a “good grade” without understanding the true need for change is not only stupid, but also dangerous. Why? Judge for yourself:

1. Expecting a “good grade” increases your psychological dependence on the “evaluator”

2. The assessment of you by others (even people very close to you), which you place above your own, deprives you of the right to take responsibility for your life and reduces your freedom to “nothing”, since you cannot be both free and dependent at the same time.

3. The assessment of people who are significant to you can be: subjective, mercantile, or simply erroneous.

4. For most people, it takes considerable time to evaluate changes in their loved ones. Let's not forget that in close relationships, quite often changes in the behavior of one of the partners require changes in the behavior of the second (partner), and this is not always comfortable for him.

Advice: if others evaluate you negatively, it is better to make an effort and explain to them the meaning of your changes than to abandon the changes themselves.

3. Feedback problem can reduce motivation

No one will argue that feedback from people is important, but in most cases it is very subjective. And it depends on their mood, beliefs and attitude towards you. That's why

Better to focus on "internal" feedback: your feelings, mood, appetite, sleep, degree of satisfaction with yourself (self-esteem)... It is your personal “positive changes” that are the best resource for continuing your movement. I repeat once again: your personal changes are what happens inside you, benefits you, and only then is assessed by others.

4. Fatigue, often perceived as one’s own disappointment

Fatigue is a normal state during the process of change. I will say more - in many cases this is an indicator that you are really working on yourself. However, it is important to remember that fatigue also varies. Let's look at the table below:

5. Evaluation criteria are not clear (there is no way to evaluate what has already been achieved)
I agree that such sensations can arise (and do occur in 1/5 of cases), but I do not agree that this should stop us. Let's list the criteria we can rely on:

emotional: mood, self-esteem, motivation, optimism, harmony, self-acceptance, calmness

social: contact, activity, responsibility, friendliness, attention to people, care, feedback from others

rational: efficiency, attention, rationality, professionalism...

As you can see, there are plenty of criteria, changing one or more of them will always give you the opportunity to evaluate what has already been achieved.

6. The value of the end goal is questioned. (not sure about the correct choice)

In order to ensure that the value of the final goal does not leave you in doubt, it is appropriate to remember about Descartes’ square, which represents four sequential questions that help you understand your motivation and goal setting.

What will happen if this happens? Try to find several answers to this question, this will help you strengthen your motivation.
What happens if this doesn't happen? Find advantages in the current state of affairs, what good and valuable will maintaining the status quo give you? Are you sure it's better not to change anything? What will NOT happen if this happens? Here we are talking about what can change from the usual state of affairs. For example: a wife who decides to go to work may lose her usual financial support from her husband.
What will NOT happen if this does NOT happen? Continuing the previous example, if the wife does not decide to go to work, she will not receive the desired independence and the right to spend her own earned money as she wants.

7. Fear of responsibility, perception of oneself as a hostage to one’s own obligations.

What's new in this for you? We really must take responsibility for our own lives, yes, at first it can be scary, but there are only two options: either your life depends on you, or on someone (something).

8. Fear of mistakes and the impossibility of fixing it

Are errors possible? Yes, of course they are possible. But the result depends on how you tend to interpret your mistakes. If it is a way of gaining experience (even a very painful one) - this is one thing, but if it is a collapse (ta-ra-rah) - then this is completely different. Would you say that there are mistakes that cannot be corrected later? Yes, there are. But God never closes some doors without opening others...

There is an English saying: “train insane or remain the same.” Very roughly it can be translated as follows: try your best or remain the same.
The maximum is determined by you yourself.

PS. Instead of an epilogue. All my articles officially posted on the portal are original author's articles. When posting my articles on third-party resources, please save original authorship and an active link to the project
N don't burden your karma)

Today the spring sun appeared later than usual, it seems, and it did not want to wake up the sleeping couple. Forsyth lay on the edge of the sofa, his head buried in Alice's endlessly curly curls, spread out across the pillow. His arms gently hugged her waist, closing around her back. The sofa, by the way, was quite small, and two people could hardly fit on it in complete comfort. But not them. Alice was lying almost with her whole body on Forsythe, her face buried in his neck, and for some reason lightly holding onto the collar of his shirt with one hand. The East is gradually turning pink. The bright light of the majestic sun begins to scatter across Riverdale, looking into each resident's house. Mischievous rays spill throughout the living room of the Cooper couple’s house, not hesitating to shine right into the eyes of the sleeping people, causing both to wince and dodge. It’s hard to say which of this couple woke up first, but each of them simply continued to lie motionless, afraid to dispel the magic of this morning. Finally Forsyth opens his eyes. Alice still lay there, holding onto him with her hand and burying her head in his neck. He pulled his head back a little to see her face, across which the playful glare of the sun immediately ran. Alice began to wince. “Good morning, Eli,” Jones said almost in a whisper, brushing a thin strand of hair from her cheek. Alice smiled without opening her eyes. Forsythe continued to look at her slightly rosy face. In recent times, or whatever, in recent years, none of them have been as happy as they were this morning. No, of course, they experienced joy before this: pride in their children, the victory of their favorite football team, excellent success at work, and so on. But this... This is completely different. They felt real. Real and alive. -Are you going to stare at me for a long time, Jones? - Cooper said still sleepy, but in such a playful voice. “Hah,” Forsythe couldn’t help but grin. Alice slowly opened her eyes and, finally letting go of the collar, smoothly, barely touching, ran along Forsythe's bearded chin. FP pulled her even tighter around her waist. Two crazy looks. There is fire in the eyes, hearts beat at breakneck speed, a burning desire spreads throughout the body. The desire to stay here. Forever. In this room. On this sofa. In these embraces. The sharp roar of a motorcycle breaks the idyll. Cooper and Jones jump up from the couch. “Children!” Alice exclaims in confusion and begins to peer out the window with frightened eyes. - Crap! - Forsyth looks no less confused, but then still collects his thoughts. - It's okay, it's okay. He carefully takes Alice's hand and squeezes it with both hands. “Yes,” Cooper calms down, making a response gesture, “Everything is fine.” Then I’ll go clear the table and prepare breakfast. “Great,” Jones supports, “Where should I put the blanket?” Alice and Forsythe, exchanging childishly shy smiles, quickly began to tidy up the evidence. The whole situation teased both of them terribly. The front door swings open and cheerful and cheerful Betty and Jug enter the house. - Well, why didn’t my daughter spend the night at home again? - comes Alice's question. At this very moment, Forsythe, who was carrying things upstairs, comes down the stairs, and only shaking his head at the teenagers in a parental manner, he goes into the kitchen. - I... - Betty and Jug froze on the threshold from the unexpected picture. Forsyth, taking advantage of the children's slowness, approaches Alice from behind while she is putting the dirty dishes in the sink, presses his whole body against her, greedily grabbing her waist, and hesitantly kisses her tenderly at the very temple. Alice froze. She presses her head even harder to Jones's lips and turns around a little so that their lips are almost touching. Another millimeter and they won't be able to hold back. - I wrote to you yesterday. We were working on an article, it was already late, - the teenagers began to move towards the kitchen. Alice and Forsythe slowly uncouple from each other. The children enter the kitchen. Alice puts down the coffee, Forsythe stands with a casual look, leaning on the cabinet. “Yes, yes, just give you a reason,” Cooper waves it off, “shall we have breakfast?” - Dad, I was waiting for you at home yesterday, where were you? - Jughead could not hide the surprise from his face, but the thought that his father spent the night in this very house did not even occur to him. “I had to leave on business, son,” Forsythe said confidently, “I should have warned you, it’s my fault.” At this time, Betty simply looked at her mother, not hiding her smile. She was sincerely glad that she had finally left her room. - Mom called! - Jughead screams sharply, - They'll be here soon, Dad! She only has two weeks left to work; Jellybean's application to the school for transfer has already been approved. Jones Jr. begins to wave his arms in happiness. - Everything is as you and I planned! Hooray! - Jag continues in a joyful voice. Forsyth, stunned by the news, only nods in amazement in response, opening his mouth and not uttering a sound. “Hurray,” FP finally says, quite hesitantly. Amazed, Alice grabs the cabinet, trying to stay on her feet. - Our family will soon unite again! Great morning news! - Stupefied by his mother’s call, Jag did not calm down. Betty hugs him by the shoulders, sharing his joy. - Great news! - Forsythe says in a more confident voice. FP was as shocked by this news as Alice was, but now he simply could not show his son his dissatisfaction with this information. Forsyth knew how important this was to Jughead. Family reunions are what Jones Jr. wanted most. He wanted his beloved girls to return home. Alice turns away slowly, closing her eyes, as if if she squeezes them as hard as possible, it will all disappear, evaporate, and she will wake up again in his arms. Only nothing disappears, and a satisfied Jughead continues to tap his fingers on the table. “Congratulations, Jones, don’t forget to initiate the little girl into the gang immediately upon arrival,” Alice reads in an extremely sarcastic, arrogant tone, turning back. Her evil gaze rests on Forsythe, who tries his best not to look back at her. “Maaam,” Betty drawls. Alice turns her gaze to Jughead. A happy child who never stopped smiling, she had never seen him like this. “This is wonderful news, Jug, congratulations,” Alice says in a completely different tone. Her voice is no longer so impudent, it is smooth and empathetic, but it sounds with a barely noticeable strain. “Thank you FP for driving up so early and looking at the car,” Alice says without looking at Forsythe. - And now it seems to you all it’s time to go about your business! Lessons are starting soon. I'll leave the breakfast money on the dresser, honey. - Thank you, mom, and... Alice quickly walks away from the kitchen, without listening to her daughter. “What about the car?” Betty asks her mother a question, but seeing that she can no longer hear her, she forwards it to Forsythe. “Yes, nothing serious, just lubricated it with oil,” Mr. Jones comes up with. The upstairs bedroom door slammed loudly. Indignant, Alice leans her back against the closed door and waves her arms, condemning herself for being weak in front of Jones. Forsythe, meanwhile, downstairs, silently puts on his leather jacket and, waving to his son, disappears behind the front door. "Great morning news!"

In fact, it only makes sense to have a long-term relationship when the person next to you becomes truly family.

You know all his intonations, feel his mood, know all the secrets of his character, and in the end you know how to make peace and what to expect from him. All his weaknesses and shortcomings bring a smile and some warmth in his soul. And you can tell him condescendingly “jealous hysterical”, “let off some steam”, “what have you done this time?” You stop trying to impress, and become yourself, you know that it is not your image that they love, but you. And that makes it easy. You're not playing. You live next to him. And the main thing for you is that nothing happens to him.

Permanent relationships are serious, responsible, difficult, but they are worth it because they have a future.

Yesterday I was strict, today I am reckless.
I repent and laugh almost at the same time,
With loved ones - a slave, with lovers - arrogant.
I only trust those who know who I am
Which means no one, to be honest.
I can be funny, mysterious and angry,
To the desired - a stranger, to the unwanted - dear.
And no matter how many pages are spent on a verse,
He won't be far off, he'll be just a touch.
I'm a strange person. It's very difficult for me:
It’s difficult, it’s easy, and it’s simply impossible.

Loving cannot be easy or difficult..You just love and that’s it...You love in spite of everything, everyone and yourself! You wait when you’re tired of waiting; you believe when everyone says don’t believe; you endure when you want to run and cry; you are looking for an excuse for something that cannot exist... you just love and that’s all! And no matter what, you’re happy that you have him... You’re afraid of deception, but you still believe and love... When everything else loses its meaning... when it doesn’t matter what happened before... when, even confused and afraid, you continue to love...

It's hard to quit when you don't quit. It's hard to lose when you're not lost. It’s difficult to leave a person’s life when you don’t want to leave at all. It's hard not to see when you know what's in front of your eyes. It's hard not to read when you know it's important. It's hard not to write when you're overwhelmed with emotions. It's hard to believe after being deceived. It's hard to be together knowing that nothing will come of it...

great woman
It's hard to be me. great woman
It's hard to be me. It’s difficult to live when you have dragons in your head next to butterflies, sadism with shyness, and debauchery with good upbringing.
great woman
Every relationship is an experience for its participants. And say goodbye to the relationship... great woman
Every relationship is an experience for its participants. And you need to say goodbye to the relationship with gratitude for this experience and lessons that may be useful in the future.
Women have very strong intuition. And even if it seems to you that she... great woman
Women have very strong intuition. And even if it seems to you that she knows nothing, then you are mistaken. A woman always guesses everything - no matter what you tell her. But she will be silent and smile...
Any relationship is difficult. But if you want to be close even then... great woman
Any relationship is difficult. But if you want to be there even when everything is bad, then this is for real.
You were right when you said I would regret it. So, I regret that... great woman
You were right when you said I would regret it. So, I regret that I didn’t send you earlier.
great woman
great woman
All people are divided into two categories: those with whom it is easy, and just as easy without them, and those with whom it is difficult, but impossible without them. @ Ernest Hemingway
All people are divided into two categories: those with whom it is easy, and also easy... great woman
All people are divided into two categories: those with whom it is easy, and just as easy without them, and those with whom it is difficult, but impossible without them. Hemingway
Who said it would be easy? Any relationship is difficult! ... great woman
Who said it would be easy? Any relationship is difficult! But if you want to be close to her even when everything is bad, then it’s for real.
It's hard to quit when you don't quit. It's hard to leave when you don't want to leave... great woman
It's hard to quit when you don't quit. It's hard to leave when you don't want to leave. It's hard to be together knowing that nothing will work out.
If you weren't there when it was difficult for me, don't count on you... great woman
If you weren't there when I was struggling, don't expect to be there when I succeed.
The girl is easy to find. It's difficult to find a girl worthy of becoming a wife... great woman
The girl is easy to find. It's difficult to find a girl worthy of becoming a wife...
All people are divided into two categories: those with whom it is easy, and also easy... great woman
All people are divided into two categories: those with whom it is easy, and just as easy without them, and those with whom it is difficult, but impossible without them. Ernest Hemingway
And no matter what anyone says, if he wants, he calls, writes, goes. D... great woman
And no matter what anyone says, if he wants, he calls, writes, goes. Even if he has no time at all and is overwhelmed with work, if it is raining, windy, frosty and his friends are waiting for him. If he doesn’t call, doesn’t write or doesn’t go, it means he doesn’t want to! For men, everything is simpler; if there is a desire, there is an action. Don't console yourself with fictitious excuses for his silence. Christy Knight
Relationship. They don't start in bed. They don't start with a sentence... great woman
Relationship. They don't start in bed. They don’t start with a proposal, let’s meet. Or from the first kiss. They start when your hands are intertwined by themselves, and then they are very difficult to separate. From this very second, you are a couple.
It is not true that a person who loves you cannot leave you! Maybe&... great woman
It is not true that a person who loves you cannot leave you! Maybe! Believe me! Maybe! He will do this, sooner or later realizing that his relationship with you does not bring him joy and happiness, that, giving himself all to you, going to any lengths for you and sacrificing a lot in order to be near you, he is not getting anything. receives in return that you disappoint him, that when he put you on a pedestal, you did not shake hands with him and deservedly did not put him on this pedestal next to you... But it is thanks to him that you now stand on this pedestal... He knows that You don’t have to give him anything in return, that you don’t have to raise him to your own level, created by him, that you don’t have to take risks and sacrifice even the smallest things for him, so for him such relationships become unbearable... He will leave you when he understands that he means less to you than you mean to him... He won’t tell you anything, he won’t reproach you for anything, you won’t even suspect anything... After all, demanding or even asking for reciprocity, love or understanding is stupid and absurd... He will leave quietly, silently and, worst of all, suddenly... And what’s even worse is that such people never return. Oscar Wilde

Version for the visually impaired

Who said it would be easy?

Visiting the newspaper is the director of the Pugachevsky Irrigation and Reclamation College O. N. Semenova

– Olga Nikolaevna, in Krasny Kut you had a good job, a prestigious position. You left everything and went to Pugachev, into the unknown. How did you feel when you left your hometown?

– There was no anxiety, as well as doubts: did I do the right thing, did I do the wrong thing? Career growth matters, but it's not the most important thing. With an established, well-established way of life, life is monotonous. It's not interesting when it's only on the track. Therefore, when the offer came to head the technical school in Pugachev, I immediately agreed. It is my choice.

– Now is the time for change. Reforms are taking place everywhere, including in the field of education. What changes are happening at your educational institution?

- The technical school was lucky. It became a branch of the Saratov Agrarian University, and this is a federal source of funding, improvement of the educational process, and specific assistance from the university in many areas. Three technical schools in the region became branches. The rest are financed from the regional budget. This creates somewhat cramped conditions for their development.

The technical school is part of the university structure. This is trust that needs to be justified. You can't grow at someone else's expense. So, I and the team have a lot of responsibility, and the cart, as they say, is heavy.

Now about optimization. This is a sore subject. You cannot escape the directive, and you will have to cut staff. The main thing is that the process affects human interests as little as possible. “Cutting to the quick” is not my style of work.

– Last school year there was a shortage of students. I had to go from house to house, from apartment to house, to agitate young people, to correct the failed situation. What now? If there are positive changes, what caused them?

– Today the enrollment plan is 150 students. It's done. The career guidance work helped. Our entire team is involved in this, and it is planned and coordinated by a special department for practical training and student employment. Its staff and teachers meet with schoolchildren almost throughout the entire academic year. The problem with recruitment did not arise because the technical school was bad. Vice versa. This is a prestigious educational institution that provides extensive basic knowledge and for many was and is an excellent start in life. The problem with recruitment is mainly due to the demographic crisis of the 90s. The birth rate was very low back then. There are few young people in Pugachev, in villages, in the Volga region and other territories. We need to get through this difficult period, and then everything will be like in the best times for the technical school: admission on a competitive basis.

– Continuing the topic: reorganization of departments. Will the Pugachev College train students in new professions?

– The license for educational activities clearly defines the list of main educational programs (specialties). The license is unlimited, but in modern conditions it is necessary to carry out educational activities in accordance with the constantly changing conditions in the labor market. Work is currently underway to monitor the demand for more in-demand professions, as a result of which proposals will be made for licensing new specialties in agreement with the university by 2015, which will be implemented.

– Paid and free training. Does tuition change the student population?

– Perhaps it does. But now the bulk of students, both full-time and part-time, study on a budgetary basis. Admission of citizens for study is carried out on the basis of admission control numbers (admission plan), which is agreed upon with the University and approved by the Department of Education of the Russian Federation. In this regard, we include at least 95% of budget places.

“You can’t teach something new with the old.” What material and technical base does the technical school have today?

– There is a material and technical base, but, as in many educational institutions, it is outdated. Work is underway to write off 10 units of old agricultural machinery. We are putting laboratories and workshops in order. If they do not meet the new standards, the technical school simply will not pass accreditation. A hydraulics laboratory and a construction workshop have been built in accordance with technical requirements. A million rubles were spent on everything. Another five million is for the reconstruction of the boiler house. All work is financed by the university. Two college dormitories have an unsightly appearance. In the next 2-3 years, it is necessary to ensure that students live in decent conditions. Agree, this is an important factor and incentive to study.

Practical training of students is associated with the production base. The reform carried out in education and the introduction of third generation educational standards place high demands on the organization of practical training. Particular importance is given to information support. We are doing well in this direction. The college has 3 computer classes, interactive and multimedia installations, Internet access, and access to electronic library systems, including the university’s electronic library. The educational farm has about 500 hectares of land. And today this is a problem. The land owned by the technical school with the right of operational management is not cultivated. This year we will start small - we will prepare two hectares for planting vegetable crops. We expect to receive new drip irrigation equipment (again with the support of the university). The educational facility should work primarily so that students can acquire practical skills on site. And if it works out, and benefits in the form of small proceeds from the sale of vegetables, it will be very good!

– Olga Nikolaevna, how have you settled in your new place, do you mean everyday life?

- I like everything. My daughter will go to the seventh grade of the first school. The eldest daughter studies in Moscow and will be a military translator. She's here on vacation now.

– What is the most difficult thing you have had to face at work?

- Everything is difficult. Another city, another team, different traditions. Who said it would be easy?

Questions were asked by G. Aristov

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