Anger management: how to teach yourself to restrain yourself? How to manage anger and irritation How to learn to manage your anger.

Useful tips

Anger and the desire to take your anger out on someone are not the most productive emotions, are they? In addition, they literally suck the remaining energy out of us.

In addition, such negative manifestations can end disastrously for everyone - after all, being under the influence of anger, you can do a lot of bad things, and also say a lot of evil words, which you will later regret.

What can you say about the possible bad consequences for your health? After all, it is negative emotions and stress are often the cause of numerous diseases. As they say, healthy nerves mean a healthy body.

Managing anger is not that easy. But it is quite possible to learn this - if only you have the desire. If you want to avoid stress and always maintain calm and composure, you should listen to these eight simple but extremely useful tips.

How to learn to control yourself in moments of anger

1. Try to let go

Isn’t it true that as soon as you hear such advice in moments of anger, it seems to you that if you do this, the end of the world will happen! Nothing will happen, rest assured! And here you don’t have to be an expert in the works of Dale Carnegie (meaning his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”).

Simply, even in moments of extreme anger, find a piece of strength to realize the following immutable fact: worry and be angry about the situation in which you have gotten yourself into, doesn't make any sense, because you ALREADY got yourself into it. Therefore, try to let go of the situation.

2. Breathe deeply!

The next time you find yourself in a stressful situation where you find it difficult to resist anger, find your willpower to stop for just a minute and do the following useful exercises:

Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should stick out with each breath).
Imagine your stress and anger leaving your body and your mind with each deep exhalation.

Smile. If you find it difficult to do this - let it be a fake smile, but you have to do it. Believe me, it’s quite difficult to continue to feel angry and irritated when you have a rather stupid smile on your face!

If necessary, do not hesitate to return to the exercises described above, wherever you are - at home, at work or anywhere else.

3. Try to relieve stress

After performing the breathing exercises mentioned above, do a kind of self-scanning your body in order to determine those areas of stress that you still have.

For example, pay attention to whether you are playing with your nodules; Is your eye twitching? don’t you roll your shoulders in anger, like that boxer ready to rush into the attack! Perhaps you are just clenching and unclenching your fists?

Gently touch (or massage) a tense area of your body to help it relax. It may also help if you use your imagination, imagining that you are in a place that calms you (on the beach, on a massage table, in a bath, etc.).

How to stop being nervous in a stressful situation

4. Chew more slowly

You don't have to wait until you lose it to master the science of maintaining composure! People prone to anger tend to chew their food quite aggressively when they eat. Take control of this process, starting to chew more slowly (this way you can lose weight!).

In addition, if you swallow food, chewing it furiously and quickly, you will definitely eat more than you need (by the way, heartburn and stomach pain often occur in aggressive people for this very reason).

Become a mindful (or, if you prefer, a contemplative eater) who pays close attention to the taste of food, its texture, the aroma of every bite of food. Chew it slowly trying to feel or guess all the ingredients, from which the dish was prepared.

This tactic will take you one step closer to controlling the rest of your life, including your anger. In addition, you will begin to get enough sleep, since you will not go to bed on a full stomach and will no longer sometimes wake up at night due to hunger.

5. Enjoy the process

Whatever goal you set for yourself (including the desire to learn to maintain composure in any stressful situation), constant focus on the end result will lead to depletion of your physical and mental resources.

Let's say you have a clear, ambitious goal, the achievement of which requires a lot of time and patience from you? Break this global goal into small intermediate tasks. You will immediately have several more reasons to arrange a holiday for yourself when solving each of the problems.

Give yourself a unique opportunity to constantly receive fairly quick positive results that will allow you to be in high spirits, remain patient, remain a purposeful person. And then you will get much more pleasure from any process, much less irritated.

6. Try to put things into perspective

Once again, when the veil of anger begins to cloud your eyes, and the prospect of stress looms very close, take a deep breath and ask yourself the following question: Will this situation still irritate me just as much in a week? A month later? In a year? And in 10 years?

Take a hint: of course not, it won’t! Generally speaking, you can bet that in the vast majority of cases, the stressful situations that are bothering you now will lose their relevance in a week(or even tomorrow). And tormenting yourself over things you can’t control is harmful to your health!

How to avoid stress

7. Stop expecting too much from yourself!

Yes, you are not a perfect person – and that’s quite normal! Remember how Jesus, when the sins of the harlot were pointed out to him, invited those accusers who were without sin to throw the first stone at her?

In the end, no one threw a stone. Because no one is perfect, and neither are you. Demanding perfection from yourself (or from anyone) is giving yourself an extra reason for stress for the simple reason that such perfection is IMPOSSIBLE!

8. Test your patience daily.

Doesn't sound very reasonable, right? You are trying to learn not to stress, but you are advised to test your strength! Meanwhile, it works, because in order to develop something in yourself, you need to train it. Moreover, the more often the better!

How, you ask? We present to your attention several simple ways that will allow you to daily train your ability to maintain composure in the face of various stressful situations:

Next time you go to the supermarket, pick the longest line at the checkout and calmly wait until your turn comes.
Instead of paying receipts via the Internet, go to the bank in your free time and stand in line without negative emotions.
Definitely moving towards the goal, deliberately lengthen the path, which you have to go through (literally and figuratively).

Do these tips sound overwhelming to you? Moreover, do you get annoyed when you read them? Then it's time for you to try them in practice! Ultimately, decide what do you even want. And, if you want to curb your anger, go for it!

We are all familiar with the negative impact that aggression has on our lives. So many people can't stop themselves from saying or doing something stupid just because they can't control their anger. Therefore, let's look at effective steps on how to manage anger.

Best techniques for managing anger and keeping anger at bay

1. Express your desire

You don't have to wait until your next attack to start managing your anger. You must act now.

You are probably familiar with this state: when you are in a state of anger during an argument with another person, you have the need to win, to crush him with your aggression. And it is the other person who must give up, not you.

As you can guess, the same thing happens to the other person. Thus, both try to defeat each other. And when no one gives in, anger issues arise.

You have to make a choice. Conscious choice. Consider two options and decide what is more important to you: doing the right thing or winning this pointless battle? Would you rather be the person who did the right thing in such a situation or followed his emotions?

The answer, as you already know, is to do the right thing. Winning an aggressive battle has no practical benefit. Plus, you'll make the other person feel terrible. And this is wrong, especially when it comes to someone close to you and whom you love.

2. Be aware of your anger

Understand the main idea: you need to learn to listen to your mind when you are angry. Therefore, the next step is to seize control of yourself in this state. This can be difficult at first, especially if you are a person with a weak character. You may need to practice a little.

Always remember what you chose in the first step, keep it in your head. When you are angry, your behavior contradicts the main idea, at this moment you must become aware of your anger.

3. Take a step back and analyze the situation

When you notice that you are aggressive, it is time to try to block this feeling.

As soon as you find yourself in a state of anger, mentally retreat from the current situation. Give up your arguments that support your condition.

Now take this incident that triggered your anger and put it into perspective. Analyze it.

4. Is it really that important?

Do you consider this event important enough that it would negatively affect your mood? Is it really worth it? Most of the time, you realize that you are needlessly angry.

Perhaps you're angry at a friend who forgot to do something you asked them to do. Or it was your mother who forgot to put sugar in her tea. Typically, the situations that might make us angry aren't big enough to affect your mind.

5. Let go

Once you realize that you don't need to be angry, you can simply let the feeling go. You can refuse it right here and now. There's nothing complicated about it.

Even if you have to end the argument suddenly. Even if the other person actually made a mistake. You should not allow negative thoughts to take over your mind.

There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone. It's okay if you didn't like something the other person did. But don't lose your temper over this. You don't have to agree, but you also don't have to go crazy with anger. Don’t let aggression take away your energy; it’s better to just understand how to manage anger in order to avoid unnecessary emotional shock.

Sometimes emotions overwhelm you so much that instead of a thousand necessary phrases, you say a short one: “Words are not enough.” The fact is that the brain does not have time to generate enough images that can be quickly and easily translated into verbal form. Linguists believe that one of the reasons why this happens is the lack of words. Today we’ll talk about how to increase your vocabulary in communication and shine in any dialogue.

General cleaning

To understand the cuisine of quick reading, a few articles are not enough. We recommend turning to books: this is a source of concentrated information, written in chronological order.

Purchase or download:

"The art of reading. How to Understand Books" Thomas Foster. Read before you start speed reading. Using the example of classic works, the author teaches to understand the meaning between the lines and perceive information from a different angle. “Memories, symbols, parallels—that’s what separates the professional reader from the amateur,” says Foster. Adopting a different model of reading books will help you better remember information, which will now be based on associative thinking and connected to experiences.
“Speed reading in practice. How to read quickly and remember what you read well” Pavel Palagin. The book was recognized by millions of book lovers and received good reviews. The methods are simple and understandable, allowing you to master the technique of fast reading in a few weeks. The author harshly criticizes slow readers, thereby motivating them to quickly finish studying the issue. At seminars, Palagin does not hesitate to advise reading only 25% of the book and discarding the rest as unnecessary. This statement fuels the interest of the public, seeking to refute the words of the author.
"The Development of Memory" by Harry Lorraine. An ideal book for training your memory and imagination. After reading, you will begin to better perceive information, remember dates and large numbers, and playfully continue the storyline of any story.

Everyone gets angry sometimes. If you experience crushing rage, it can harm your mental and physical health, as well as damage your relationships with others. Uncontrollable anger may indicate underlying problems, such as anger management problems or mental health problems. It is important to control your emotions and calm down for the sake of your health, as well as everyone around you.

Steps

Anger concept

Watch for physiological signs of anger. Anger is definitely a psychological emotion, but it is also a physiological emotion, that is, it involves chemical reactions in the brain. When you're angry, your amygdala, your emotional processing center, sends a distress signal to your hypothalamus, which in turn sends adrenaline through your autonomic nervous system through your sympathetic nervous system to your adrenal glands, which begin pumping adrenaline throughout your body. Adrenaline prepares your body to face a threat by increasing your heart rate and heightening your senses.

This process serves a biological purpose (preparing you for the fight-or-flight response), but if you have anger issues, your threshold for this physiological response may be too low (for example, if you get angry at a co-worker for that he listens to music loudly).

Take an inventory of your emotions. Anger often masks another emotion; in many cases, anger is a secondary emotion of resentment, sadness, grief, depression or fear. Anger occurs as a defense mechanism because many people find it easier to deal with than other emotions. Consider whether you allow yourself to experience a wide range of emotions, or whether you may be suppressing emotions that you feel you “shouldn’t” feel.
- If you often substitute anger for other emotions that you feel are more difficult to manage, consider seeing a therapist to learn how to manage and accept these emotions.
You must accept that anger can be a normal, healthy emotion. Anger is not always a bad thing. Anger can be useful - to protect against violence and illegal actions. If you recognize that someone is harming you, you are likely to become angry, and anger will lead you to confront the person or the offense in other ways.
- Some people (usually women) are raised to believe that feeling or expressing anger is impolite and indecent. But suppressing natural feelings, like anger, can negatively affect your emotions and relationships with others.
Watch for signs that your anger is getting out of control. Although anger is sometimes beneficial, it can also be harmful to your health. If the following are true, you may need to deal with your anger issues on your own or by seeking professional help:
- Little things make you angry.
- When you are angry, you exhibit aggressive behavior, including yelling, raising your voice, or fighting.
- The problem remains the same; this happens again and again.
- You have an addiction, and when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your mood worsens and your behavior becomes more violent.

Managing anger when this emotion arises

Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, take a break. You can rest by stopping what you're doing, getting away from anything that's irritating you, and/or simply taking a breather. If you walk away from what makes you angry, it will be much easier for you to calm down.

Let yourself feel the anger. It is considered absolutely normal to experience even emotions such as anger. If you give yourself some time and space to feel your anger, you can accept it and move on. Once you get through this, you will stop returning to the anger and the reason that caused it.
- To let yourself experience your anger, think about where in your body it is located. Do you feel anger in your stomach? Or in clenched fists? Find your anger, let it be, and then let it go.
Breathe deeply. If your heart is pounding with rage, calm it by controlling your breathing. Deep breathing is one of the most important steps in meditation and contributes to managing emotions. Even if you don't "meditate" fully, using deep breathing techniques provides similar benefits.
- Count to three as you inhale, hold your breath in your lungs for another three seconds, and count to three again as you exhale. At the same time, focus only on the numbers.
- Make sure that each breath fills your lungs completely, causing your chest and abdomen to expand. Exhale completely each time and pause between the exhalation and the next inhalation.
- Continue breathing until you feel you have regained control.
Visualize your “happy place.” If you still find it difficult to calm down, imagine yourself in a place where you feel incredibly relaxed. This could be a yard from your childhood, a quiet forest, a deserted island - any place in which you feel calm and at home. Focus and imagine every detail of this place: light, sounds, temperature, weather, smells. Continue to mentally remain in your nook until you feel completely immersed there, and spend a few minutes there (or as long as necessary to calm down).
Try positive self-talk. Changing the way you think about something from negative to positive (known as “cognitive restructuring”) can help you manage your anger in a healthy way. After you've given yourself time to calm down, "discuss" the situation with yourself in a positive and calming tone.
- For example, if you are experiencing road rage, you might try instead of, “That idiot almost killed me! I wish him death! say, “That guy almost hit me on the side, but he might have something urgent to do, and I'll probably never have to see him again. I was lucky that I survived and my car was not damaged. Lucky that I can still lead. I can stay calm and focused when I get back on the road.”
- Set a time limit. Give yourself a certain amount of time to express everything that upsets you, and stick to that limit - when it's over, your angry tirade should end. This will help you move on and not remain endlessly in a problematic situation.
Try to see the funny in what makes you angry. Once you have calmed down and realized that you are ready to come to terms with the situation, try to see the brighter side of it. Seeing a situation in a humorous light can actually change your body's chemical reaction from anger to humor.
- For example, if someone passes you on the road, you might think how stupid it would be to get there 15 seconds early without yielding to you. You can have a good laugh at their priorities in life and move on.

Pay attention to what you say when you're angry. You don't always feel the same way when you calm down and reflect on the situation
Try to listen to soothing songs that bring peace to your mind.
If you get angry easily and have difficulty controlling yourself, find a quiet place away from everyone. Scream into a blanket, pillow, or anything that absorbs noise. If you want, you can even just shout if no one is around. This will help you blow off some steam.
Admit that sometimes anger is justified and needs to be released. However, recognize that there are productive ways to do this instead of attacking those around you.
Ask yourself if the future victim deserves your resentment, to make you angry at them, or if you are simply using them as a punching bag to blow off steam about another person/issue that is bothering you.
Find a creative outlet, such as writing, painting, etc., where you can release your energy. Hobbies lift your spirits and allow you to channel energy that you would otherwise spend obsessing over problems you can't solve. Imagine what you could do with the energy spent on anger if you put it into something else.
Think about how much stress you are putting yourself under. Do you enjoy these sensations? If not, change something.
Meditation is a helpful way to relieve stress and/or anxiety, the precursors to anger.
Avoid all those factors that contribute to the appearance of anger in you until you calm down. Stop everything and everyone, go to a quiet place and breathe deeply until you calm down enough.

Warnings

If you ever consider harming yourself or others, seek help immediately.
If you realize that you are about to let your anger turn into rage or violence, back off immediately.
Anger should never, ever be a reason to attack or abuse (physically or verbally) those around you.